Saturday, December 25, 2010

Dealing With #Change

Life had been going on very smoothly.My mind was at peace and i could not have honestly wished for anything else to add to my cup of joy. I was into a well-accustomed routine. Till one day ,when all of a sudden a major change erupted on the horizon. It shook me to the core. I was in a daze &did not know what to do. The grey matter seemed to have gone for a holiday&confusion had taken over. This went on for a couple of days. Then i decided to take charge.
What the heck! why was i so worked up? A change was a change -not the end of the world.But what does one do regarding a change which is not so pleasant or seems inscrutable to say the least? The question is what can one do? Everything around us is in a constant flux &changes are inevitable. So rather than fighting them it is wiser to try & set our house in order once more.

The shock of a change can be considerably dulled if we keep our antennae finely tuned to the rumblings that precede it.Except the sudden calamities--no change is sudden. An alert observer can see the warning signals beforehand. A couple may begin to have daily fights instead of the occasional bickering, a boss may show his displeasure in various ways,an aged parent slowly becomes weak and frail. If we notice such developments ,take corrective measures or anticipate a probable change, we will not be taken by surprise.

Here i am reminded of the case of Madhu & Anuj. While Madhu was fiercely independent, Anuj was possessive. As their intimacy developed Anuj's stranglehold tightened &Madhu felt suffocated. There were fights galore till one day Madhu decided to call it off. Anuj did not see this coming & took it very badly. Had he been more alert it would not have hurt him so badly.Maybe he could have even averted the break-up.

When faced with a major change which has the potential to impact you in a big way and looks unsavory at the outset,explore the available options.Is it absolutely compulsory to go along with it or can it be rejected or at least shelved till a more convenient time?What do you stand to lose if you accept it?Are there any fringe benefits to offset that loss?And what will you lose if you forestall this development?Of course all this applies only if you have the power to choose,but when faced with a sudden upheaval it pays to not be jittery and think along these lines.

When it becomes clear that this change has come to stay it is best to be friends with it.Changes will happen. It is no use fighting them or negating them by burying your head in the sand.When things change a nebulous fear accompanies it.We worry that it will force us to give up old associations,a comfortable routine & all that we are accustomed to.We are apprehensive of what all it will bring in it's wake.But if we accept it as a necessary evil,we can take charge of the situation and chart our course of action.

Major changes are very stressful for mind,body & soul.Take respite from activities which can be avoided & grasp fully what this turmoil means to you.

In the midst of change the familiar facets of life can be very reassuring,like your own house,your family,your friends & relatives,your familiar city,your job,your fit & able body,or your ability to tackle challenges(it is still there,believe me ).Such thoughts infuse hope, confidence & vigor.A feeling of gratitude about all this lifts the depressive mood.

While it is true that a change could transform our life to a great extent;presuming at the very beginning that this change is going to spoil things for us would be premature.It  has often been seen that what seemed tough & unpleasant in the beginning;actually opened the doors to new vistas of growth & progress.Even if a change is unfortunate,it will leave us stronger & more confident of our ability to cope with disasters.
Events like accident,disease,death,divorce,separation,loss of job or financial losses come under this category.They cause untold misery but it is also a fact that such misfortunes augment our powers of endurance and make us more self confident.Agreed,that no one would choose to evolve thus,but life offers a mixed basket to all.Therefore it is not only futile but also unproductive to fear change.

In the aftermath of a major change it is natural to vent our feelings to sympathetic listeners.But if this habit is carried too far then we shall turn into a habitual grumbler & lose their sympathy.It serves no purpose to ask"Why me?"or "This is not fair,this always happens to me!" etc.

The sooner you accept a change the faster will you progress on the road to recovery& rehabilitation. The heart-burn & damage will be less if you make up your mind that this change is here & you have to rebuild your life according to it.Just assess the present situation & decide your course of action.If you feel at sea in the changed scenario, talk to those who care for you; or take help from a professional,or a support group of your choice.

Once you have accepted a change &decided to take action ,the next step naturally is to adapt to it as well as you can. If you still have any bias against it, look closely for  redeeming features & you will be sure to find them.Nothing is all good or all bad & this applies even to your past.Remember what was not so good before this change?
It is up to you to extract maximum benefit out of this change.Have faith in your own ability to come out in flying colors from this challenge.Believe that it will be good for you. Change your habits &attitudes wherever necessary, so that you fit comfortably into the new situation.Learn the skills which this new situation demands. Admittedly this is the most difficult part. But it becomes easier if you remind yourself that the old arrangement,even if it was way better than this new one,has lived it's life,or maybe it had become defunct & unproductive.Had this not been the case, it would have continued. However cool and comfortable your past might have been; no change means stagnation & stagnation leads to deterioration.A change of job or place will add to your friend list and at the same time,enable you to get rid of old irritants or adversaries.You can make a fresh start now.

In this ever changing world it is impossible to remain in a safe cocoon for ever.Learning the art of synchronizing with changes is essential for growth & happiness.So many times it has been seen that a change which looks devastating at first sight can turn out to be good for us.Rather than fighting a change,we can pray in the words of Dr Reinhold---

God give me the serenity,
To accept the things i cannot change;
The courage to change the things i can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

We all have our own special ways of dealing with changes.What are yours?Please share your views.


  1. it's an absolute delight to read u. we are often apprehensive about change but if we r going through a rough patch, a change cannot be worse than the current situation. logic, right? :D

  2. Oh yes,u shine n absolutely new light on the subject.Thanx.


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