Saturday, November 19, 2011

History repeats it self

I guess we all have numerous complaints against as many agencies.Quite natural !Our expectations are not met fully or promptly & this leaves us disgruntled.So we all have grouses-right?And they relate to various services which are inefficient or insufficient.But some of us have only one single complaint in life.Guess what-are they more organised & better adjusted than us ?I am afraid not ! Quite the opposite!It is more probable that they have severe adjustment problems.You could hear them saying"This always happens to me" or "Bad luck follows me like a shadow"or "This world is so cruel"or"People are very selfish"or"Everybody is jealous of me","Nobody appreciates me",so on & so forth.Mostly it is one refrain which colors their grievances.It is them against the whole world.No wonder, with the burden of such thoughts on their minds;they find the world a rotten place & want to quit.


One is forced to wonder whether they have really  been singled out for such persecution? Is it the truth or a delusion ?Since i don't have first hand knowledge of their lives apart from what they have told me,i would rather not pass any judgement.But this question does need to be answered . Therefore i decided to begin with my own experiences & turned the eye inwards.Did i have any such grouse which had been bothering me for ever?

I was pretty surprised by the answer-yes i did !I was unhappy because people did not befriend me--despite my best efforts & initiatives.What could be the reason ?Do i have a stern countenance ?Perhaps.Am i selfish?No,never.Do i manipulate or humiliate others or make fun of them?Not at all ! I am not rude or offensive.I don't bitch or back-bite.Always ready to cooperate & never prying into others' personal affairs.Then what?What could be the reason for my friend-less state?I could zero in on only one reason-i am somewhat different from those who surround me.They are not comfortable in my presence,do not enjoy chit-chatting with me & do not accept me as one of their own kind.Actually i too do not find any common interests between them & me.Perhaps this fact somehow shimmers through my behavior & they maintain a cordial distance from me.



This honest journey inside was very enlightening.I realized that somewhere i am to blame for what has been denied to me.You get the point ? If i want better results i shall have to bring about changes in my own self.Now i wanted to understand why so many of my clients felt singled out & victimized by the whole world.



A has always had this complaint against his class-fellows that they don't include him in their groups,don't befriend him.He says that he has always been a topper & that is why they are jealous of him.Actually he is inordinately proud of his intelligence.He wants his class-mates to come to him with their problems & to hero-worship him.His arrogance puts them off & they leave him alone.If only he could see through his own behavior he would have been a part of his class & not an outsider.



B feels that the world is very cruel.He has a mammoth Inferiority Complex because, according to him ,he is very dark & ugly.He also stammers.He has no friends because people give more weightage to  appearances rather than the inner qualities of a person.Actually it is he himself,who is more concerned about his looks,than his other attributes.Since he is no Adonis to look at,he thinks he is zilch.He  sees no redeeming feature in his own personality.He avoids people because he thinks that he does not deserve their friendship,or that they will make fun of him.This lack of self esteem reaches out to the friends he has; they make fun of him & call him derogatory names.He grins & bears it ,but it causes him excruciating pain.So much so that he wishes he had the courage to take his own life.He does not realize that he himself is the root cause of his problem.People see an easy target in him.There are many stammerers & ugly persons in this world.Do they all have to face such torture at the hands of their friends ? If only he stiffened his back & confronted them, they would back off.He allows people to trample all over him.No matter where he goes & whom he meets; history repeats itself.


What i want to say can best be illustrated through the following story----
A mendicant was sitting under a tree when a traveler came by.He told the "sadhu" that he was going to the next village & asked him what sort of people inhabited it.The sadhu asked him what he thought of the village he had left behind.The traveler replied that the people of that village were awful--very mean & uncooperative.That's why he had left that village for good.He wanted to know what sort of people he would meet in the next village.At this the sadhu replied that in the next village too, he would meet exactly the same kind of people as he had left behind.

"No matter where you go,there you are!"Confucious.


The message is clear.It is futile and counter productive to the blame for our travails upon others.No matter where we go,what we do & whom we meet;we take our own attitudes,beliefs,prejudices , complexes & reactions along with us.That is why we encounter the same kind of setbacks again & again.In fact such episodes are a clear indication that we have lessons to learn.It is only human nature to put the blame  somewhere else for our misfortunes.But if we are the common denominator in problems that surface time & again;then we could be the trigger here.Unless and until we iron out the wrinkles in our own personality we cannot hope for a better life.



In fact these obstacles should be viewed as opportunities for growth & evolution.It is essential to scrutinize our own attitudes,reactions and choices minutely to find out what is causing these problems.Once we realize this & take remedial measures,we will be pleasantly surprised that those disappointments no longer chase us.Therefore the next time we are exasperated by a familiar irritant, let us pause & consider if we are at fault.Is life giving us a hint that it is time to stop, analyse & modify our own behavior?Some introspection and course correction will give heartening results. 


Jalaluddin Rumi has very rightly said "Be grateful for whoever comes,because each has been sent as a guide from beyond "

17 comments :

  1. We always find faults with everybody but ourselves - wonderfully presented.

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    1. Now look at me Purba--i have only just realized that i did not reply to your comment---sorry for that...and i am glad you liked it .

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    2. Misfortunes come in everyones life but blaming others is imaturity

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    3. Yes,doing this blocks solutions.

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  2. very thought-provoking post and the examples you gave of your own and few others validated your opening two paras very well

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  3. ...a lesson well taught in self improvement!
    I liked it, Indu, thank you!

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  4. ...a lesson well taught in self improvement!
    I liked it, Indu, thank you!

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  5. Lovely indhu . That post made a lot of sense . They say when u point one finger at others the rest point bk at u !

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    1. Yes Jaishree,it always helps to introspect.

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  6. You have rightly pointed out that the journey has to begin within!

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  7. We always think we are perfect and problem is with others.

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  8. we all introspect once in a while but how often we do that honestly? moreover, there are reasons why people behave in a certain manner. so, in most cases, even introspection won't help. 'A' would never change. even if he does, it would be a forced effort and not a genuine one, and wouldn't last for a long time. somewhere deep down 'B' believes that he deserves that treatment. it would be a herculean task for him to come out of that belief. the story of your traveler exemplifies that.

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    1. Deb ,thanks for giving a deep thought to this topic...indeed varying views add so much to our stock of knowledge & beliefs....let me clarify what i meant to say--you see introspection is of no use if it is not honest & if i am aggrieved by a problem accosting me again & again;then it is in my own interest to change myself....i have seen over the years that it is possible to change one's basic nature; but as you have rightly pointed out--it would be a herculean task.

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