Friday, May 4, 2012

Full Circle !

"By the will and grace of God,a tiny seed blossoms into a whole.
A precious package of endless love,
That touches the deepest depth of your soul."

This was a preamble to a guest post by my darling daughter Sucharita.It is her very first blog-post.Here it is-----

Full Circle !
I guess i must have been feeling pretty suicidal that day to initiate a"give and take of views"with my seventeen year old & sure enough ;have it turn into'a post adolescent's tirade against his parents'.Blame it on my strict middle-class upbringing;neigh more on my over-protective maternal instinct;i'd been on pins & needles ever since my first-born had called me over an hour ago to inform me that he was starting for home.The trrring of the doorbell ,his dear face;and all was well in my world.Post the juicy details of his outing with his friends;we were all doing our own thing--my elder one surfing the net,my younger one practicing his diagrams& me getting out of one mental labyrinth after another.How best to approach the issue?A hypothetical approach beckoned me,& taking a deep breath i went for it."Harsh,suppose during your outing,if one of your friends had suggested you try a bit of that white stuff what would have been your take on it?"Aghast,wounded,outraged is the exact sequence of events that passed his face."How can you even think i would do something like that...i don't know why i even bother to toe the line(the line being;no ciggies and no boozing at parties or outings) it gets me nothing but taunts & jeers from friends & peers;& then you reward me by doubting me!"The heart-felt soliloquy was enough to rent a chasm in my heart;the size of the Grand Canyon.Seriously....why do we doubt our kids,when they give us no reason for doing so?

It is much like what we do while driving.While pretty sure that i am a safe driver,i constantly watch my left,right & rear for people whose errors might impact me.Despite all my watchfulness it's not as though i've never been in an accident;but then i've been at the receiving end & certainly not the catalyst.

So how does one get it right sans hard feelings or regrets on either side?Some good advice i've had ,when confronted with pre & post teen problems has been"to exemplify & inculcate sound moral values in them from day one & then watch them & more importantly their company, like a hawk.But this i felt,was a tad incomplete without having first smothered them with all your love.So do that & then carry on with the watching.

However i seem to be jumping the gun a little bit here with the adolescent# talk, without having spoken of the genesis of the "looking out syndrome".It really owes it's existence to the magical moment when you discover you have a life growing inside you ,which in turn birthes a phenomenon likely to continue a lifetime;wherein you will be constantly observing,assessing,evaluating &innovating your parenting skills as per age & disposition.

However,beware!You will not be the only one doing the observing;an adorable pair of eyes is watching you from the crib & you do want your bundle of joy to see,hear,imbibe & eventually speak what is ethically & socially acceptable.Little by little you start setting rules & very soon the need arises to back them up with valid reason.Was it just yesterday that s/he started walking & now suddenly wants to soar up in the sky & you two seem to be up in arms all the time; with you emphasizing that freedom & responsibility go together & answerability to you will never be debated upon.It is imperative also to ingrain the fact that rules pertaining to his/her security are inflexible,as is the fact that you will have healthy arguments without ever loosing respect for each other.

All the talk of rules & guidelines brings to mind a vital thought.While discipline is paramount,bearing no less import is also the quality-time,attention & sympathetic ear you owe to your progeny.The worst blow you can inflict to your child's self-esteem is by replacing the aforesaid with monetary gifts & easing your conscience .Your child is no doubt going to lap up the goodies with great enthusiasm but s/he is not getting fooled for a minute & will not hesitate in sounding you off about it one day.

I am quite with it when people say that 'life & time are the best teachers' but equally vital is the education you receive when you bring a child into your world.It is a two way lane & don't hesitate to learn & share your mundane,extraordinary & even sombre experiences with your kids.Besides giving you some wonderful 'Nikon' moments;their fresh perspective at times gives you a new battery of ideas & also helps you to see things in an entirely new light.

I used to feel my greatest achievement as a mother besides having him/her confide in me was to be able to face-read them when they came from out & foretell what their day had been like (now however i can do so by the way they sound the bell);but my children i am proud to say, beat me to it when they clearly saw through my plastic smiles & queried"What's wrong ma?" "Nothing my sweet" sang my heart as long as i have you read me as well as i read YOU!

23 comments :

  1. Ah! Great family! Lovely portrayal of the tightrope you need to walk between controlling your progeny ( and having them rebel, maybe) and guiding them.

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  2. glad you liked it.You have summed it up very well!

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  3. Thanks Suresh ,for giving such a warm welcome & your approval to Sucharita's first blogpost.

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  4. Life and time may be good teachers, but sometimes the scars are too deep to be erased off completely. When I was a teenager, I used to feel rebellious when my parents would try to control my behavior. However, now at the wrong end of the twneties, I realize why they would try to do that. Its good to be a bit protective sometimes :)

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  5. Puru thanks for your input--adolescence has a way of doing this to most all who enter it's ambit...it shows that the child has grown & has spark...only when we view it from a distance do things become clearer.

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  6. Nice post. Interesting to see that you can face read them-liked your confidence that you can sense from the way they sound the bell!
    Very good for a first post. All the very best for successful blogging.

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  7. Nice post. Interesting to see that you can faceread them- liked your confidence that you can sense from the way they sound the bell.
    Very good for the first post and all the very best for successful blogging.

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    1. Sucharita is right -your comment is very inspiring.

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  8. Thank you sir.Your appreciation and encouragement means a lot as I step into the blogging world.

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  9. i think this is a very good read if i am reading an Indu Chibber thing for the first time, ever since i added you to google reader! yes, a good mom can read things very well and so do the good kids! it happens with me as well! momma can't hide much of the turmoil going in her minds and all i can give is a bunch of good words to comfort her with an optimistic view! :) i like the relation very much so far!

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    1. How nice that you & your momma share this beautiful rapport---it is one of the best things that life can offer to both....thanx for your thumbs up.

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  10. That was beautifully written post...never felt like the first post... :)

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  11. Thanks a lot,Sucharita will be very pleased to read this

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  12. that was nice and touching, though my little one is very small,and yes I can face read him today hope I am able to do when he goes through his tough times :)
    Kids today have much more exposure to right and wrong around him/her!!!

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  13. Hey!welcome to jeteraho,your whole philosophy of life--whatever i have come to know through your posts--signifies that you will be able to face=read him no matter what.

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  14. Oh dear! I see another Indu in the making. A very profound (and relevant) post, Sucharita. I totally agree with the complexity of parents needing to trust the judgment of the next generation. But maybe you will appreciate that the parents of today have to live with the fact that they have not made the best judgments possible in a host of areas. It is only natural for parents to wish to protect the youth from making the same mistakes. Congrats, Sucharita, keep at it. Indu, you must be one proud mom.

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  15. Aha! you gave my day a splendid start by your comment,thanks.The rest of the reply i leave to Sucharita.

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  16. My 18 year complains that I don't listen to her - so busy I am multitasking. I may be her best friend, thankfully she still confides in me but Mommyhood is something you can never take for granted.


    Good post but the blue font was jarring!

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  17. Thanks for your inputs.Motherhood is extremely taxing but worth all the sweat and tears I have put in and still do...wouldnt trade it for anything in the world.

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  18. Treasure this post for Sucharita! And I agree with you in toto to most of the things you said here...You are a lovely Mom :)

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  19. panchali that is a lovely comment,sucharita is currently on a holiday,she will be very pleased when i tell her about this.

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