Wednesday, September 18, 2013

A Marriage on the Rocks-All Facts,no Fiction

Rupa,a young woman of 32 yrs,came to Sahyog for a problem raging in her joint family consisting of her F.I.L,M.I.L,her husband Prakash,she herself,their two children,two younger brothers of her husband and the middle brother Rajesh's wife Sita.Though not very educated,Rupa was highly competent & self assured--one who will take charge of any situation.


The problem concerned Rajesh and Sita, who had been married for three years.Both of them were Hr.Sec.Rupa told me that Sita was a very good girl and things went smoothly for 2 yrs,interspersed with minor disagreements which are common to all couples.They had one child and another was on the way.One fine day Sita came to Rupa and told her that she was going back to her paternal home and she went away without taking anything with her.They tried to get her back but she refused point blank.Her parents supported her fully.Rupa and her family were mystified about this behavior of hers.They could not guess why she had done this and what she wanted.

Sita came from a poor family-all of them used to make paper bags at home to make ends meet.She had four sisters,two of whom were married but living with the parents only.Now Sita too,had joined them, but her parents took no steps to resolve the conflict.They had given Rs 20,000 to the boy's family at the time of marriage.Rupa and co. offered to return this sum in order to ease their situation but they declined the offer.Contrary to the general trend,they did not initiate any legal case against Rajesh or his family for torture or dowry demands.


I was perplexed by the whole scene.Firstly it was very unusual for a D.IL to approach a counselor for a rift between her B.IL and his wife when he himself,his elder brother and his parents-all were available.Looking at their family background and the prevalent culture,this was very off-beat.


Secondly,without any demand from Sita's side,they offered to return the dowry amount .Why?


Sita's behavior,as that of her parents,was no less enigmatic--no violent accusations or attempts at rapprochement.


However i put aside all my doubts and decided to proceed further.Perhaps all answers lay in the womb of the next sessions.The next logical thing was to talk to Rajesh.I asked Rupa to send him over the next day.

To be continued


35 comments :

  1. waiting for the next part Indu ji ---the only reason can be compatibility but in that social strata compatibility is no criteria for a succesful marriage

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    1. Yes Rajni,compatibility is not of paramount importance,some couples live a peaceful life like two rail lines when they are incompatible.

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  2. Interesting....I don't want to crack my head thinking about it..will wait for your post..

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    1. Haha your comment gave a jolly start to my day Latha,thanks!

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  3. waiting for next part..cant think of any reason except that her parents needed her..

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    1. Yes it did occur to me that perhaps they needed additional help for their venture.

      But so far as Rupa is concerned,you know Renu,clients don't come out with the whole truth in the first visit.

      Thanks a ton reading and giving your views.

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  4. Interesting and this has gotten me really curious

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  5. Can't think of the reason :(...will wait for the next post.

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  6. Very strange on Sita's part, but I wouldn't like to come to any conclusions now.

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  7. this is most funniest case study i have ever seen.as a counselor why you din't extract all the details in the first session itself?yes people don't reveal truth coz of their insecurities and ego.counselor should be straight enough to cross question and get all the minute details of clients.if a client is not ready to give exact details,it really doesn't serve purpose of both client and counselor.

    this case study with such minor details gives below possibilities
    1.there must be mistake from both sides so they din't lodge any complaint.this mistake can be two types

    1.extra-marital relationship with consent within family.
    2.not fulfilling dowry commitments promised during marriage.

    joint families are more prone to unethical activities in contemporary society with volatile marital ethics.

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    1. rohan a counselor should never push a client.S/he has the right to gauge if the counselor is deserving of his/her faith or not.If the counselor is hasty and over inquisitive she will only drive the client into his/her shell.A relationship has to be built before the client can trust the counselor and accept her advice,though the advice too,is never direct---we encourage the person to think out the solutions for himself/herself.

      "counselor should be straight enough to cross question and get all the minute details of clients"
      This is the role of a magistrate,not a counselor.

      I must admit,as i did once earlier,you are very astute at nailing the cause of a happening.
      Thanks for giving your views.

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    2. i did expect that you will call me a lawyer for such approach but to solve issues we need to be point blank.being diplomatic in developing a relationship will only hide the facts or truth coz people who come to counseling want to only get relief from their side of story by shielding self and their loved one's actions.to be frank ,sometimes counselors are afraid to speak morally right stuff coz it will drive away client who wants to shed his/her load of emotions which are mostly selfish.

      so counselor mind always fights this dilemma of TRUTH and clients satisfaction.at the end of the day, what solves one's problem forever should be given priority.

      if i am a counselor,i will give a demo about problem solving and morally upright decision making before counseling so that client will get convinced that honest confessions will solve his/her issue.

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    3. i did expect that you will call me a lawyer for such approach but to solve issues we need to be point blank.being diplomatic in developing a relationship will only hide the facts or truth coz people who come to counseling want to only get relief from their side of story by shielding self and their loved one's actions.to be frank ,sometimes counselors are afraid to speak morally right stuff coz it will drive away client who wants to shed his/her load of emotions which are mostly selfish.

      so counselor mind always fights this dilemma of TRUTH and clients satisfaction.at the end of the day, what solves one's problem forever should be given priority.

      if i am a counselor,i will give a demo about problem solving and morally upright decision making before counseling so that client will get convinced that honest confessions will solve his/her issue.

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    4. My dear rohan i did not call you a lawyer,i said that cross examination is the work of a magistrate.
      Unless i establish a trusting relationship with a client she will not confide in me and i will not be able to understand her problem fully.
      Yes counselors do not pass judgments-it is not done to burden a sufferer with further statements of right & wrong.We only guide them to see where they went wrong and how to straighten the situation.Ultimately we help them to choose the correct course of action.It is a joint effort,but we never dictate them what to do.It has to come from their inside.
      Perhaps you may be interested in reading this post http://jeeteraho.blogspot.in/2013/03/a-family-falling-apart-part-three.html

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  8. Hmm..What may the Reason on Sita's Part...Confused...Waiting for the next part Induji..

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  9. Like you pointed it, this is very perplexing. I wonder what the mystery behind the story is.

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  10. Looking forward to next in the series.

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  11. So very interesting, this working of life is indeed mysterious, never fails to amaze. Looking forward to the next part.

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    1. Arti thanks for this,i am glad you found it interesting.
      Love n hugs.

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  12. Interesting story, I hope, I wait for your second part

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    1. Benella welcome to jeeteraho.I am glad you came here and found this post interesting.I shall publish the next part on 25th Sept.

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  13. Every household has its story. Looking forward to understanding what prompted Sita to take that decision.

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    1. Well said Ashwini-every household has a story.

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  14. Life is mysterious....let me read the next part now.:)

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  15. Hi Panchali,very happy to see you here!!!!!!!

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  16. great post ... and a very interesting blog... love to follow it

    regards

    rahul

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  17. Hi Rahul,welcome here and thanks a ton for your appreciation.

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