Wednesday, September 25, 2013

A # Marriage On The Rocks--second & last part

Rajesh came at the appointed time along with his brother Prakash.He also brought a photograph of Sita for me to see.She seemed a nice girl and both of them agreed that this was so.But when i asked Rajesh about the relationship between them,he curtly termed it as 'useless'.At the same time he denied the occurrence of any major fights between them.All the statements uttered by him seemed at odds.He was full of venom for her whole family,which,according to him,was characterless--save Sita of course.
After some more talk he disclosed voluntarily that Sita's uncle had cast aspersions upon his relationship with Rupa.Prakash was quick to deny this-the relationship i mean.He was in fact full of sympathy for his wife because she had been very ill since the last three years.She vomited whatever she took in.The doctors had proclaimed that there was no disease but the problem persisted.It struck me that the span of her illness coincided with Rajesh's married life.Was she trying to purge herself of some guilt?I don't know,maybe a psychiatrist can throw better light on this syndrome.

In any discord it is vital to give a hearing to both sides but Sita's father refused to come.His only stand was that Sita will not go back to Rajesh.When i talked to Sita she told me that Rajesh had tried to kill her and he would do so again.Therfore she will not go back.She clammed up when i asked her why he had done this.Probably she valued her privacy.

After a few days Prakash and Rupa came to Sahyog and i told them what had transpired.They admitted that Rajesh was hot headed and capable of hitting his wife.But he was willing to give in writing that henceforth he would not hit her.I suggested that he should personally go and convince them.

Another two days went by before Prakash told me that his brother was scared of going to his in-laws'place but he would meet Sita at my office.I tried to fix up an appointment but every time i called Sita's, her youngest sister would pick up the phone and tell me that no one was at home.Obviously they had washed their hands of the whole affair.

Rupa rang me up to ask about the progress and i told her the facts.She had heard from somewhere that now Sita was willing to come back.They were thinking of roping in her maternal uncle to be the mediator.Rupa was very anxious to bring Sita back because this whole episode had injured their reputation terribly.

After this exchange Rupa and co.also quieted down.Their phone number had been temporarily suspended so that they were completely cut off.

A few questions loomed up in my mind.Why had they let matters come to this stage?Did they not see any misconduct or maltreatment going on in the house?Was it because Sita was a 'good girl' that her tolerance was tested to the limit?What was the truth in the whole imbroglio?Who all were to be blamed for this whole fracas?Was Sita right in refusing to go back?

Do let me have your views esteemed readers.

24 comments :

  1. The end is not clear, did Sita come back finally?
    I don't think Rajesh will change, such men never change.
    Sita should become independent in my opinion.

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    1. Sita had categorically refused to go back till i was in the picture.After that Rupa's family also receded into their shell-so your guess is as good as mine.

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  2. I always feel that we have a bias towards woman being the only sufferer,..Like here...

    Probably she valued her privacy....here she clammed up and you thought positively, but if boy's side clammed up the instant inference would be that something sinister is being hidden.

    Here without knowing other side I cant think of anything,already your mind has decided to favour the woman...

    In any conflict there are always two parties and both to be blames, percentage may be different.

    If Sita can take a big step of divorce, then she cant hide behind the label of privacy, the other party has a right to know the reasons and when they are ready to mend the fence, why she is not?..

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    1. Renu than you for telling me your POV.
      You will notice that the boy's family had no grouse against Sita,so i am not the one favoring women.
      Prakash admitted that Rajesh had violent tendencies.
      Moreover Rajesh himself talked of an illicit relationship on his part.
      His bhabhi had a psychological problem .
      They were keen to mend the relationship because it was damaging their reputation,was this damage because of the separation or incest;is anybody's guess.
      I have not mentioned this but Sita did not want to divorce him or remarry.
      Regarding the last point-would you advocate sending a girl back to a man who had tried to kill her?

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    2. NO..I wont, but she has to come out and share the facts...
      If one side shows any interest, then other side has to say their opinion clearly and I always say that injured parties should give a statetement instead of bhabhis or parents..

      Secondly the same family who are now sure about not sending her, why didnt they did proper enquiries before marriage. yes sometimes people are duped, but I see that Indian parents marry in haste and repent at leisure, whereas girls always marry obeying their parents because they dont want to spoil their reputation but the same girls become opinionated about each and everything after marriage and have no qualms in a divorce..why not have this enlightenment before marriage?

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    3. Aww Renu there are many cross currents in these matters-it all boils up and a crisis is created.

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  3. well, this is conventional indian bride and parents case where people go in search of more prosperous grooms than their family without having second thought on character of alliance.most of indian bride parents have this obsession of groom who is more wealthier than them.when you get into a household who is more richer than you,there are more chances of being ill-treated.

    when it comes to this case,everyone in this family lack character like i said above.these kinda cases are very common in india at domestic front and people who dream of NRI grooms.
    we can't change mindset of girls parents in india who are into arranged marriages.first thing people will ask you is,how much property do ya have? even though a good guy is doing decent earning job.people would like to marry their daughter to a wealthy bad guy in their caste than a good guy from some other caste.at the end of the day,indians have poor priorities in choosing long term happiness.

    many people argue that there are many happy arranged marriages,its true from past but not for current generation.

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    1. Thank you rohan-see you were correct in your prophecy.

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  4. So I guess Sita is not coming back..but whose mistake it was or who was responsible for all these is not very clear,leaving aside that if they had really wanted to bring Sita back they could have done that but as we all know "Tali kabhi bhi ek haath se nahi bajte"..As far as a relationship is concerned both Husband and Wife is equally responsible for its prosperity not their family member..

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    1. Harsha feedback from all you erudite readers exhorts me to think deeply about the points you raise.
      It is true that it is up to the couple to promote their relationship and under normal circumstances one should forgive and forget.
      But what if one person is violent or adulterous?
      If we go by this maxim that "Tali kabhi bhi ek haath se nahi bajte",then the erring partner---whether male or female---will find any number of excuses to justify his/her act.
      I wonder what others think about this.

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    2. Indu Ji,Excuses are in Human Nature and they move to excuses when certain things don't go the way they wanted..
      And Yes everyone will have different excuses for the same incident,that is human nature...

      And I believe Marriages are beginning of a new life where Two People have to sail through all ups and downs and be together,but it is always sad to see that some Marriages cannot withstand the time and then the blame game begins destroying everything..

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  5. Indu ji

    matters in this case have reached such a stage that Sita cannot afford to reconcile ---because its a relationship between a husband and wife and the family cannot help or advice----and this man Rajesh had a tendency towards violence ----and a tendency --cannot be curbed

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    1. If the couple cannot reconcile then nobody can help.

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  6. Unless one listens to all sides of the story it's tough to judge. Hope the differences get sorted out or they move on with their individual lives with the undesirable tendencies rectified

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    1. Jaishree i have given Sita's version here.
      I too hope they have made a new beginning.

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  7. Indu,
    Disturbing.. !! Such situations arise and betray the trust between the spouses and fracture the union. The only solution to this problem is to take responsibility for the issue and begin to reconnect...
    I just hope they have made a new beginning.

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    1. Panchali that hope seems to be a feeble one.Sita and her family were not in the mood to forgive him.Rest is up to God.

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  8. There are some cases where everyone seems to be pulling in different directions, Indu. Some people are just not meant to be together it would seem - much like not everyone in the world can be your friend though that does not make those who are not bad.

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    1. Yes Suresh they were certainly pulling in different directions.Thanks for coming over.

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  9. Read both the parts in one go! Relations could sometimes be complex but straight thinking helps:)

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  10. And straight behavior----------no?

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