Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Personalities--4 :The deprave's Wife.

Is it possible to ever know a person fully?Even if you have been associated with someone for two decades?This question niggles my mind whenever i think of D's wife.She is an enigma to me.Let me call her E.She was a good many years senior to me.Though not much educated;having moved in society with her husband,she was well versed in all social graces.A perfect housewife.It was hard to pick any defect or deviation in her personality and behavior.Friendly,social and as right-thinking a lady as i have ever seen.

BUT--and this is a tremendous but--there is one thing about her which i cannot synchronize with my assessment of her persona.Was she aware of what her husband was up to?After all, everything happened in her very home,maybe her courtyard.A chance occurrence could have gone unnoticed but if it was repeated many times?How could she not be aware of it?And knowing it,how could she have condoned it?

On the other hand if she did not approve of D's  habit of molesting young children   then surely there ought to have been some signs of discord between the two of them.But none were ever visible.She probably had no one to fall back upon and there was also the future of her kids to consider;so i can well understand her putting up with him.But they got along very well to all appearances.The couple was a picture of harmony and togetherness--she was not subservient to him in any way.

Was she so good at hiding her emotions or was she in cahoots with him?If it was the latter,then WHY?She appeared totally straightforward in all other respects.She was the typical kindly,neighborly lady with whom you could trust your kids if need arose.Therefore she is still an enigma to me.I guess there are certain questions-the answers to which will always hang in the air.

These episodes date back to many years.Today also we come across many instances of wives defending adulterous husbands-especially those who are rich and famous.Do they try to save them so that they can continue their luxurious lifestyles?Even as i write this Leela Maderna the wife of a minister accused of rape & murder ,is defending her husband and fighting elections in his place.

Integrity,ethics,values,humanity,compassion--what are they?????And where??????

37 comments :

  1. Indian wives are stupid, I say stupid because even if its just a discussion I tell my hubby, even after I die I will haunt you. If in future he happens to cheat on me, I would be angry but I would forgive him as I cant think of life without him. Its not for the luxurious lifestyle, its the blind love that we all fall into. This is the reason why even when the guy deserves to be punished and taught a lesson, we women fail. Sometimes its a must to think with our brains and not let emotions come in between. I dont know if she knew it and supported D but all I feel for E is sorry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a very candid comment Sheeba.I understand where it comes from.
      You are welcome to jeeteraho,i am glad you shared your feelings,please come again.

      Delete
  2. I think women find excuses for people they care for. Like 'poor guy, he is actually very good but sometimes he has these uncontrollable urges that he cannot help'! I do not know whether I am guilty of over-generalizing but women do tend to support their husbands and excuse their husbands' (or sons') misdemeanors/crimes rather readily and blame the others including the victims - AND mind you in their own hearts too and not merely for public consumption.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really don't know what to say because i think this sort of perversion cancels out all other qualities even if good.
      It is very rarely that someone will openly denounce a crime committed by his/her kin.

      Delete
  3. There have been cases where women have come out in the open against their husband's behavior. Awareness has to be created and support given to women who come out with such hidden truths. Things will change I am sure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Indrani perhaps this is possible only if the woman is financially independent.
      With the new generation there is more hope for such awareness.

      Delete
  4. In such case what is the use of continuing life with her husband. May be she is hiding her pains or emotions or perhaps it is the only choice left to lead a life with her kids. The bottom line is Indian women are still very dependent on their husbands financially and emotionally as well. Also, society has its own contribution to this. Because, Indian society still has issues with divorced women. Instead of feeling pity or supporting them people make their life more troublesome. So, in both ways in such cases only the women are going to suffer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You said it Bharati-in a nutshell.I don't need to add anything more.
      Thanks.

      Delete
  5. It's a woman's nature to protect and defend but when things get out of hand they are the ones to step up as well.. but Indian women sometimes are an exception, esp. those coming with a traditional mindset. They are blinded by the teachings and expectations they have been living under for years. The beliefs are so entrenched in their minds that nothing you or I do can change it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yes Seeta the traditional mindset asks a lot from us though it lays no restrictions on the men folk----naturally,because they are the ones who laid down the do's and don'ts

    ReplyDelete
  7. across globe,most of women are secure with their successful husbands.they don't like to lose that security they had enjoyed,so they try to defend even bad things done by hubbies unless its an extreme case that takes their comfort.take example of bill clinton,hillary din't leave him coz she has more selfish interests.love is not blind,love is about whole-hearted morally right commitment.

    if we take behavior of women on moral and ethical grounds over generations,they can give up morals for comfort easily. thats the reason why we have so much crime on women and women are treated as inferior to men.men can't dominate women if they are dynamic and morally right.we hardly find such women who has that nature in every aspect of life.

    i don't hate women but its truth about women.its easy to know a person fully coz the real nature of a person can't be duped.to know a person fully ,you should be wise enough to evaluate,to become such wise, one should have led morally right life from childhood coz to classify one's behavior to perfection, you should see flawless life through practise.there are only two kinds of people in this world,who are really good and who act as good based on circumstance.who act as good can't hide their real nature for a long time coz its not their nature.its easy to know whether the person emotions are superficial or whole-hearted only if you are true enough in your personal life.

    i can't write about paedophiles here coz its a larger issue which is based on individual psychology whose behavior is influenced by many factors like parenting,environment around him and its influences.our society is more biased for survival of fittest principle than to perfection or righteous life,so the number of perversions in human nature will keep increasing and will never go down.

    in the end,we should ask a question to ourselves,HOW TRUE ARE WE IN OUR OWN CONSCIOUSNESS? i don't think that most of people will like such question coz its about survival and comfort.so its futile to argue and debate when people are not honest and true in every aspect of life.


    ReplyDelete
  8. across globe,most of women are secure with their successful husbands.they don't like to lose that security they had enjoyed,so they try to defend even bad things done by hubbies unless its an extreme case that takes their comfort.take example of bill clinton,hillary din't leave him coz she has more selfish interests.love is not blind,love is about whole-hearted morally right commitment.

    if we take behavior of women on moral and ethical grounds over generations,they can give up morals for comfort easily. thats the reason why we have so much crime on women and women are treated as inferior to men.men can't dominate women if they are dynamic and morally right.we hardly find such women who has that nature in every aspect of life.

    i don't hate women but its truth about women.its easy to know a person fully coz the real nature of a person can't be duped.to know a person fully ,you should be wise enough to evaluate,to become such wise, one should have led morally right life from childhood coz to classify one's behavior to perfection, you should see flawless life through practise.there are only two kinds of people in this world,who are really good and who act as good based on circumstance.who act as good can't hide their real nature for a long time coz its not their nature.its easy to know whether the person emotions are superficial or whole-hearted only if you are true enough in your personal life.

    i can't write about paedophiles here coz its a larger issue which is based on individual psychology whose behavior is influenced by many factors like parenting,environment around him and its influences.our society is more biased for survival of fittest principle than to perfection or righteous life,so the number of perversions in human nature will keep increasing and will never go down.

    in the end,we should ask a question to ourselves,HOW TRUE ARE WE IN OUR OWN CONSCIOUSNESS? i don't think that most of people will like such question coz its about survival and comfort.so its futile to argue and debate when people are not honest and true in every aspect of life.

    ReplyDelete
  9. rohan thanks for coming over and saying your views.I too believe that love should not be blind.How is it possible to love a person who victimizes small kids?

    ReplyDelete
  10. I read through the post and also the comments. I too agree with Suresh, women have a tendency to create excuses for their loved ones and hence this is very complicated. To really say they have no set of principles might be difficult...

    Richa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Richa for coming and sharing your views.
      Well Richa we all differ in so many ways....what you and Suresh say must apply to many,i guess...for some love is supreme,for others it is principles....some are more emotional while some others are more rational--as many perceptions as there are humans!

      Delete
  11. Indu, I posted a comment here yesterday. Please check your spam folder.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rachna there is no comment in the spam folder.My comments page has been acting queer-came to life just now.
      I would love to know your pov.
      Love.

      Delete
  12. this is usually the trait of mothers. No matter how much vice the child has gotten into she has a kind of blind love that she can never give up. Indian women tend to have this sort of an inexplicable blind love for their husbands i guess.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am rather puzzled by such reactions.
      Love.

      Delete
  13. Look,it's a pity that girls are brought up,with concept of Pati parmashwar.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Priceless comment Chowla ji.
      Three cheers for you!

      Delete
  14. Guess we see many cases where wives blindly backing their husbands. Not just women - lot of people have this tendency to back their own. It is an classic ethical dilemma - between relationships and doing the right thing, starting way back in Mahabharata. Yeah - child abuse is much more grotesque than other things that may be just mere violations of law. If it was just law breaking, possibly I would possibly value my friendships and relations higher.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. TF after thinking a lot about this dilemma--i have concluded that she was trying to make a last ditch effort to save the family honor.She also had to educate her children.But in the process many kids must have been traumatized.

      Delete
  15. Very sad...yes, women are stupid and some are beyond stupid. A woman who can't question her husband's adultery, is so fallen in my view...And I never got this...why abuse kids? What perverted fun in it? Anyone's kids are like your kids..These men have wives at home and plenty of places out side the home..I wish such men realise one day and commit suicide before no one punishes them..shameful souls...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think these demons zero in on kids because they are gullible and it is easy to swindle them....why they don't think of their own kids at such moments is beyond me....the example of T.Tejpal is so recent,she was his daughter's friend.

      Delete
  16. That's human nature Indu ji ---stems from a feeling of insecurity ---and also shame,-- may be she did not want to expose her husband ---but more I think its insecurity----
    these things are so common in society that they do make you feel repulsive BUT and a big BUT is what the world is all about

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes insecurity and shame--but how do they tolerate them?

      Delete
  17. I think it's your latest post. I found your posts very interesting and informative. I have never met a blogger like you. So, I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger award. You can collect your award here.
    http://interestingthingsontheearth.blogspot.com/2013/12/versatile-blogger-award.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bharati;
      Hold me tight,
      i am reaching for the sky!
      Your sweet comment has done this to me!
      Thanks a ton for this awesome award-i am honored.It will take me some time to get through this.And yes this was the latest post,i mostly publish a post on Wednesday.

      Delete
  18. Good to come back from a break to read so many things here, Indu! The deception with which one can portray a false image is intriguing indeed. It is impossible that wife was unaware of the deeds ! Sad that the victims are those who haveno voice!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good to have you back Rahul.
      You are right on both counts.Parents have to be very vigilant nowadays.

      Delete
  19. But this is not adultery, this is abuse. What kind of a conscience allows you to let your husband deprive children of their childhood, emotionally and physically scar them and leave them to fight a lifetime of demons!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. Purba only the last para was about adulterous husbands and wives who defend them -just to show that wives cover up their husbands' vices.
      I agree that child abuse is even more heinous than adultery.

      Delete
  20. Yes there are some actions so evil they should cancel out any sort of loyalty you feel toward someone. I can understand loving someone so deeply that the love itself wouldn't stop but you would be forced to do something about it if you were an honest person. Leave them, turn them in, absolutely deny them access to your life and children...I don't really know. This calls for a very tough love.

    The thing is, she had children? How could she trust him with them?

    :(

    ReplyDelete

I thrive on comments.Will you oblige ?