Tuesday, June 24, 2014

The Quick Retorters :((

I am sure you too must have come across quite a few individuals who excel in quick retorts.One has hardly finished what one wanted to say and wham---they come out with a smart reply,correction or contradiction.No doubt they do it in order to show their brilliance but on the contrary they come out as being shallow and cock-sure.How they do it is beyond my comprehension because I require at least a few seconds to digest,analyse  and reply to what pinged on my ear drums.However they need no such grace period.Perhaps they possess sharp brains and very quick reaction times.

Brainy or cocky, smart retorters can seldom win hearts or impress people.They rub them the wrong way.Since their whole focus is on thinking up a smart comment,they fail to grasp what the other person wanted to communicate.If the other person is in some sort of a fix or wants to convey something subtle then he is knocking at a locked door.Empathy,support,guidance?Forget it!Their agenda is entirely different.

In their zeal to impress the crowd around them,smart alecs in fact tarnish their image.They have to win this game of one up-man-ship every time,even if they have to contradict what they said yesterday or what is a stark staring reality.Naturally this gives them the reputation of being fake,inconsistent and unreliable.

God save you if in a kindly mood you attempt to point out their failing or weakness.You will be sent packing even before you have shut your mouth.They think they are perfect and nobody has brains enough to judge them.This delusion keeps them from evolving.As a result they seldom reform.

Most of those who meet them for the first time are overawed by their sagacity.Pick up any topic and they have an insight into it.But this lusture soon wears off.Long-time acquaintances avoid them like the plague or just hand over the mike to them.What is the point?This tribe will not allow you to express your opinion.If you dare to point out a fallacy in their contention, an ordinary exchange of views can degenerate into an ugly debate.

This has a far reaching effect upon their mental horizons--they fail to imbibe inputs from their fellow beings.For obvious reasons,their friends or peers avoid getting into any serious discussion when they are around.A friendly exchange of news and views-which can be a valuable asset- is denied to them.Rather sad!

Another unfortunate outcome of their brash behavior is an absence of warm relationships.Since their whole action plan is aimed at establishing their supremacy and superiority,those who venture in their orbit are made to feel inferior and belittled.If they do not have any direct connection with them they lose no time in zooming out of their ambit.

But what of those who are related to them or obliged to stay connected?They will tolerate them with a smile on their faces but a deep loving relationship is not possible.When it comes to matrimony, spats and discord are a natural outcome.Anger and rancor  will surface when the spouse's patience wears thin.

All in all it is a sorry saga of misplaced ambitions leading to painful results.What started as a crusade to win over the world ends up as a total loss.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Causes of # Negative Thoughts

Updated on 7-4-15
Having negative thoughts now and then is quite natural but when this becomes a habit it can do untold damage.These thoughts are very selective.We ignore the positive aspects of life and concentrate upon the disturbing elements--be it past failures,present day circumstances or worries about the future.We jump to worst-case scenarios,make mountains out of molehills,minimize our achievements,maximize ordinary obstacles and disregard our  own capabilities to face up to any catastrophe.

Acting on these thoughts our brain signals the release of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol which arm us to fight a crisis.This is a beneficial result of negative thoughts but there is also a harmful spin-off in the form of negative emotions.Psychologists tell us that it is our thoughts which precede and transform into corresponding emotions.As the thoughts,thus the emotions.A preponderance of negative thoughts makes us angry,fearful,jealous,vindictive and sad--which is destructive of health and happiness.

The problem is compounded when we imagine/forecast or anticipate fearfully, disasters and calamities without sufficient grounds.When this becomes a habit,it makes us nervy because incessant feelings of impending danger keep our bodies in a state of constant preparedness.This trio of thoughts,hormones and emotions becomes entrenched in a vicious cycle which is difficult to dislodge.

Nobody likes to imagine doleful scenarios but our thinking patterns begin to form in early childhood and are reinforced by later developments.If the past has been ugly, it is natural to be scared of even a flutter in the wind, but life conditions change and continuing with our negative perspective blocks out the positives.The longer we succumb to negativity,the harder it becomes to dispel it.

If you want to get rid of negative thoughts it is of paramount importance to reorganize your thinking patterns.Here are some doable tips to help you along:--

1--Sometimes you may feel bogged down with dejection even when there is no particular trigger in your milieu.Is it because of your self-talk?Are you constantly belittling yourself,underestimating your caliber and ascribing your successes to luck or outside influences?
Then it is time to change track,to replace each negative thought with a positive one.You must have passed exams,achieved targets and won compliments--treasure them as antidotes to your thoughts of inferiority.

2--Comparisons with those who are better-placed,more prosperous,cleverer or smarter than you also give rise to bitter feelings.No matter how hard you try there will always be many persons above you.When you yearn to be like them you fail to derive satisfaction from your own achievements.In this way despite having much to be thankful for,you end up simmering in discontent.

3--Do your depressive thoughts spring from something you did or failed to do?The very fact that you are now regretting it is proof that you have evolved from that stage.We all commit mistakes,the important thing is to not repeat them.Regrets bog you down and kill your peace of mind.

4--Or was it someone who hit you below the belt?Guarding yourself in future is necessary but do you have to torment yourself by ruminating over it time and again?When you go over a negative experience repeatedly, you blow it out of all proportions-thereby increasing your sorrow.

5--Do not read too much into casual remarks. Oversensitivity is responsible for many avoidable heart-aches.What you have interpreted as your insult might have been aimed at someone else or it may have been said unthinkingly.Very often when we say something we do not know how it will hit the other person and we hurt without meaning to do so.

6--Perfectionism is good at many places but it can also become a hotbed for anxiety.When you want to be perfect in every sense even minor foibles will agonize you.A task you failed to accomplish as you had envisioned will leave you depressed.Even disorder or indiscipline around you will make you restless or hostile to those responsible for it,which is bound to reflect upon your relationships.A dash of humor,a little bit of laxity and a touch of  'what ho!' attitude will help you to adjust more satisfyingly to your own self as well as those around you.

7-Associate with happy souls and their conviviality will rub off on you.And remember to avoid kill-joys.

8--Health problems are a very common cause of negative thoughts.We all feel anxious when laid down with disease but it is of paramount importance to adopt a positive attitude, because negativity obstructs recovery.It is not possible to remain fit and healthy throughout our life,we can only modulate our responses so that we maintain our composure and regain our health as best we can.If we look at the broader picture,concentrate upon the positives which still remain,the negativity will diminish.

9--Change too,is a part of life.Even if an upcoming development looks ominous it might be the precursor of a larger good.Just do your darnedest and hope for the best.If you allow discouraging thoughts to overwhelm you, you will make only halfhearted attempts to cope, and give up too soon--thus fulfilling your doomsday predictions.No loss or tragedy is larger than life.

10--Disappointments and crises cannot be ruled out,therefore we must learn how to cope with them.Meditation and yoga are helpful in gaining peace of mind.In fact any kind of physical exercise helps to augment the flow of feel good chemicals like serotonin,dopamine and endorphins.

Negative thoughts which spew from a real trigger vanish as soon as the difficulty is overcome but it is those which stem from faulty patterns of thinking and behaving which are hard to shake off;and it is these very thoughts which inflict the gravest damage.They make us miserable, sap our energy and affect our health.Remember:--

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