Thursday, December 11, 2014

#Emotional Baggage

Emotional trauma is worse than physical trauma because while the latter heals in due course,the former is sometimes very difficult to shake off.The pain lingers on.Some manage to bury unpleasant memories,but there are also those who find it difficult to forget their hurts.Eventually those memories may be relegated to the subconscious mind but they do impact their thinking and behavior, so that it is difficult for them to thrive and be happy.

Emotional baggage has many constituents.There is extreme anger,hostility,resentment,fear,hatred,disgust,suspicion,shame,self pity and apprehension.These emotions--if allowed to reign supreme,will lead to a melancholic personality,making it even more difficult to find peace and be happy.

A desire,or should I say an obsession,to hurt the other person similarly, could over-ride all other emotions.This could become a consuming passion to the exclusion of all else.It is quite natural to want to take revenge from a person who has wronged us considerably, but it keeps other aspects of our life on hold--so that we end up damaging our own interests and prolonging our misery.

Another kind of baggage is lessons learnt about normative forms of behavior in an unhealthy environment.A child might be forced to adopt unhealthy coping strategies in a dysfunctional family but these could prove to be counter-productive when conditions change and he enters the mainstream.It is best to discard them at the opportune time.

Fearful apprehensions stemming from past experiences or prejudices generated by disastrous encounters are like fetters around feet.Times change but these negative emotions prevent us from making the most of available opportunities.

Emotional baggage can sometimes be so vague that the person may not even be aware of the cause of his melancholic nature.In order to free yourself from this state,it is incumbent to first realize that it is the past which is hampering your growth.Try to pinpoint the events which are unknowingly influencing your thinking and behavior.Evaluate the damage which this emotional baggage has inflicted upon you.

Let your intellect take charge and you will realize that you survived those unpleasant experiences and came out stronger and wiser ;because you shan't allow it to happen again.Yes,unpleasant events cannot be totally avoided but they do provide valuable lessons.They should leave you wiser,not weaker.

While you are in the rational mode,go ahead and decipher your own role in that incident.I don't mean to say you were at fault but for your own sake,determine what you could have done differently in order to ward off what happened.Were you by any chance,partly responsible for the turn of events?A session of honest introspection may point to the changes you need to make in order to avoid emotional setbacks  in future. 

There are many selfish,insensitive persons in this world.Ulterior motives lead them to trample over others' feelings.The stronger tend to oppress the weaker,the cunning deceive the innocent.Sometimes it is sheer chance which positions one at the wrong place at the wrong time.You happened to be the target.It does not in any way diminish your worth.Rather it reflects badly upon the villain.All you can do is,put it out of your mind and be more vigilant in future.

Looking at things from the perpetrator's point of view is another way of getting over what happened.Human frailty is a reality.Give your aggressor some margin for that and forgive.Forgive,not for his sake,but your own.Unless and until you put a closure on the whole thing your mind will not be at peace.Just take care that it should not happen again.

However much your brain may tell you to forgive and forget;it is not easy to forget unpleasant memories.But you can get relief by sharing your anguish with a friend,family,colleague or counselor.This is a form of catharsis.Once your feelings come tumbling out you will feel much lighter.At last you will be relieved of the burden of a long kept secret.

There is no way you can stop disturbing events from happening.What you can do is,build your resilience.

Cutting off all connections with those who harmed you is important.Shun abusive persons.

Do not isolate yourself out of a fear of being hurt again--nurture new relationships.

A common response to emotional trauma is to avoid new challenges and just play safe.This curtails all growth and evolution.Take baby steps towards new horizons.Your confidence will appreciate with each success.

Meditation and yoga can assist you to overcome your negativity and give you peace of mind.

The best way to get out of the rut of past abuse or injury is to remind yourself that this was in the past and things are no longer the same.There must be many redeeming factors in your life; think about them and be grateful for them.Do not allow ghosts from the past to assail your present.

You may also like to read
http://jeeteraho.blogspot.in/2011/03/baggage-from-past-shed-it-fast.html



34 comments :

  1. A worthwhile post as always Induji

    But the problem is many people just don;t want to act rational ---knowing very well that what they are doing is detrimental to their ownself they still continue to be either in depression or wanting to hurt others however much may the erring party try to repair the damage but still these people nurse a wound a little bit too long --hurtng themselves in the process

    Some times I feel this kind of mentality needs to be punished instead of sympathised ---because its not always that only one party is right specially when one can see the other party repenting and apologetic

    this I cite because I have seen my neighbours daughter doing the same ---to herself in the process spoiling her children's life too ---making them emotional wrecks who get angry at the slightest pretext --The problem is we as outsiders cannot say anything and she won't listen to anyone either

    thanks for this one too --all thought provoking posts
    love
    and regards

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    1. That's a very true observation Rajni.When it comes to identifying our own share in an imbroglio we grow blind spots and also refuse to forgive.Such a sad waste of lives.I too have seen this.
      And thanks a ton for this generous praise.
      Love and hugs.

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  2. The toughest thin to do - delve into oneself. But oh so necessary.

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  3. Thought provoking post...but some times I just dont know the right answer.Shunning the people is not always possible, sometimes they are in your immediate family...

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    1. Renu if someone in my immediate family was giving me a lot of stress i would look after his/her care and comfort but i would keep the dialogue at the minimum. After all we need to take care of our mental health,no one else will do it for us.I have seen sad cases of mental patients being neglected/rejected by their families.Very few will look after a depressed person beyond a certain limit.

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  4. Hmm.... I avoid carrying emotional baggage..it does not help but hurt the carrier.

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  5. That's what I do, Indu. I maintain a safe distance from people who hurt. They will never change but we can change the way we deal with such people.

    Loved reading your post.

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    1. That's it Purba.Why spoil our equilibrium for such people?
      And thanks for the compliment.

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  6. What make your posts so authentic are not just the fact that you are a qualified counsellor but also that you walk the talk. As you have pointed out in one comment, it is necessary to pull away from an abuser in whatever form. And sometimes the pulling away has to be emotional when physical pulling away is not possible. And yes, ultimately by forgiving, we only make it easier for ourselves. There is no point in hurting someone who has hurt you as it only prolongs the hurt.

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    1. Thank you Zephyr for this priceless endorsement-it means a lot to me.
      I am very happy you agree with me.
      Love,always :-)

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  7. Hi,I for one keep away from any negatives.....

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    1. I love ur posts! they are really motivating! One of my cousins is a complete emotional baggage and drives everyone crazy with his never ending blabber. We all had to snap ties with him. Sometimes, he seems like a sociopath to me, gawd!

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    2. Welcome Ankita!It pleases me no end that you like my posts--thanks.
      About your cousin--there comes a time when w HAVE TO safeguard our own sanity,no harm in that.

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  8. Wonderful post!

    I specially liked the part where you mentioned than when we look to hurt others intentionally, we are carrying more baggage than we might know. It is always better if we leave things then and there, but as you said some things always stay with us no matter what. But we should try not to be bothered too much by random things from the past and trouble ourselves unnecessarily!

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    1. Thanks Ash for this effusive praise.It is a pleasure to write when i get such comments.

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  9. Profound wisdom is what I get on every visit to your lovely blog, Induji:)

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    1. This lavish praise--you are very kind.

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  10. Sometimes emotions overflow. We loose our grip on ourselves. All we need is a vent-out.

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  11. Great read!
    True building our resilience is what saves us from getting hurt. But in my opinion, good emotions can be reciprocated whether it is past or present (like some words that encouraged you, a hug ,etc) and what you need to let go is the one that puts you down.

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    1. Certainly Uma good emotions have the power to heal.
      Thanks for stopping by.

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  12. Indu, I remember I started this year with a post on forgiveness. Like you said, it is important to forgive for our sakes so that we can move on. Some great pointers there.

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    1. Rachna thanks a lot,i am very happy you agree with me and liked my post.
      Have a nice day :)

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  13. It is very useful post. I feel even when someone is strong and accepts the bad, it still remains in our subconscious. One should learn to keep themselves happy and busy.

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    1. Thank you saru,true,keeping busy dissolves a lot of tension.

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    1. Thanks for this :)
      Have a fabulous year.

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Thanks for reading my post.I hope you liked it :).