Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Characteristics of Happy Persons--see if you pass the test :-)

Is happiness inborn or acquired?No use going into these speculations.Instead just think of the happiest person you ever saw and what s/he was like.Here are some pearls of wisdom coming from my own experience.

Happy persons are mostly nice,warm individuals--with a pleasant smile.They are gregarious and outgoing ; and bond well with others.They share their thoughts and emotions with friends and family--they are not uptight.

That is not all ; they are kind,considerate,helpful and cooperative too.They will not hurt or ignore you willfully.Being honest themselves,they also have faith in others ; not at all the suspicious kind.They are amiable and adjusting--do not hold grudges.They give respect and are accorded respect in return.

They take out time for recreation and relaxation.Since they are happy in their skin,they have no need for others' approval.Thus there is no compulsion to ape someone or fit into a given slot;nor is there any room for jealousy.

They have this ability to see the positive in any given situation or person.Their mind is filled with gratitude.They are not given to cribbing or complaining.They are not very analytical. Certainly not consumed with existential issues.They generally live one day at a time and they don't sweat the small stuff.

You could arraign them for not planning for their future or being shallow but the fact remains that they lead a happy life;which is significant enough to push other factors to the background.

We might have a tough time searching for someone imbued with all these qualities but this can serve as a guideline to help us climb step by step to that state of bliss and joy!

You are welcome to add any other quality which I have missed.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Do You Love Yourself ?

I am not advising you to be a narcissist when I ask this question.I mean, do you love yourself as much as you love the significant persons in your life?Do you have the same empathy,the same largeness of heart when it comes to tolerating your own foibles or incompetence as you have while overlooking their's?If you extend to them a margin for human error or weakness, are you equally gracious to your own self?In short--do you have the required amount of self-love?
"What is self-love? It is love which is directed toward the various aspects of ourselves: our thoughts, emotions, feelings, actions, physical body, images, etc. "

I think these questions deserve consideration because some persons chastise their own self for deeds which would only merit a mild raising of eyebrows when associated with others.Perhaps their formative years made them feel insufficient and therefore they are always trying to improve themselves.But while doing this they fail to appreciate the wonderful qualities which they already possess.As a result they are never satisfied with their conduct or behavior.It makes them edgy and grumpy.This is not at all conducive for health and happiness.

In the hurly burly of life,you may,or may not receive the love and attention you crave from others.As such it is all the more essential for you to build for yourself a strong springboard from which to function.This is not possible if you do not have enough self-worth to be confident of your abilities.Early influences sometimes collude to make a person feel unworthy but this can,and should be overcome.Here are some ways you can achieve this:-- 

How to Love Yourself
  • Do not overstretch yourself.Tone down the myriad expectations which you have from yourself--whether they be about your own accomplishments or what you think you ought to do for others.
  • Likewise,you don't have to fulfill all the expectations which others have from you.
  • Take rest when you feel stressed out or under the weather.No need to drive yourself to the edge of a burnout.
  • If you feel you have too much on your plate,rope in those for whom you have been slogging till now and ask them to shoulder their own share of responsibilities.
  • If you are always trying to obey,serve and please others,please stop.Do what your relationships and your role demands,but don't go overboard because people tend to take advantage of those who are always eager to please.
  • No matter what your role and how onerous your responsibilities,take out some time for yourself;when you are free to do your own thing--whether it be just relaxing with a book, listening to music, gardening,watching a match or taking a walk.
  • Raise your voice if you feel oppressed or exploited.Don't keep quiet when someone is mean or unkind to you.Let people know how you want to be treated.
  • Express your opinions when in company.Make your presence felt.No more a silent spectator.
  • Do not belittle yourself.Never utter negative statements about yourself-even if true.When someone pays you a compliment accept it gracefully,instead of saying things like-'Oh it is nothing,blah blah blah.'
  • Establish reasonable standards for yourself.If you set the bar too high you will again have reason to curse yourself.
  • No matter how intelligent or industrious you are,a failure or a blunder cannot be ruled out.Pardon yourself for those lapses just as you pardon those you love.
  • Feeling guilty about something you did or failed to do?Make a fresh start and consider it as a stepping stone to a better you.
  • Don't aim for perfection in everything you do.When you fix super human standards for yourself,you end up feeling less able,less intelligent,less competent and less everything good and desirable--a definite cue for more self-loathing.
  • Pat your own back after an accomplishment,give yourself  a gift--something you have always yearned for;if no one else has the time to do it.
  • Do not base your self-love on your achievements or external symbols of success.Your worth lies in your virtues and values.
  • Everyone wants to progress and move up in life but the driving force should be what you want and not disheartening comparisons with what others are doing.
Benefits of Self-Love

If you are happy in your skin you will definitely derive more pleasure from life.

You will be rid of feelings of regrets,guilt and remorse.

You will trust your own opinions and decisions.

No one will be able to exploit you.

You will no longer worry about what others are thinking about you.

Self-love will increase your capacity to love others.

It will also promote the love others have for you.

Your relationships will strengthen and your happiness quotient will climb up many notches if you truly love and approve of your self.

Image courtesy google search.
Quote taken from--

Saturday, January 3, 2015

To Concur or Assert ?Keep Quiet or Speak Out?

These days I am feeling very rebellious.Ascribe it to the Arian worm,which I had successfully smothered all these years;raising it's ugly head.You could very well wonder why I had been amiable for so long.The answer is simple--I hate unpleasantness of any kind.Ahem!There was a sneaking desire to be liked as well.

Till some time back,if we friends were having a discussion and I disagreed with a very vociferous mate I would just keep quiet after a certain point because I saw no sense in banging my head against a closed door.Most things are not worth causing a rift about.As a result of this tolerance,sometimes wrong decisions or conclusions gained implied assent and others had to go along with it.

Usually the most strident member of a group has the final say on--well everything.Not everybody,or should I say,few have the gumption to lock horns with such individuals.As a result their assaults keep increasing by the day.Then comes a time when you feel you have had it up to the gills.Either you enter into a face-off with that person or just quietly break up.Is it possible that this infuriating streak could have been muzzled if someone had stood up against it in the very beginning?Hardly.Many might very well have tried but this tendency is very deeply ingrained in some individuals.The moderates choose to overlook many infringements upon their sensibility or individuality.

Coming back to my own predicament,now that I have decided to assert myself what will be the outcome?Will I be left alone?Friendless?Perhaps.But there will be the satisfaction of having stood up for what I believed in.It will certainly add to my self-esteem and confidence.What is the use of friends who do not value others' opinions and stick to a single-point rule that what they say must be adhered to?

I am at an easy place where I can choose to bypass those who offend me.Even when they belong to the inner circle,I do try to keep them at a safe distance.But I realize that it is not possible for all to do so.Suppose it is your boss or a very close kin,what do you do then?

Going down the memory lane,I remember there was a time when I had to put up with offending behavior.Many considerations tied me down.Now I am free.My own master.This is a fringe benefit of growing old and financially secure.What about those who are forced to toe the line?Difficult question.

How do you all tackle such situations?