Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Do You Love Yourself ?

I am not advising you to be a narcissist when I ask this question.I mean, do you love yourself as much as you love the significant persons in your life?Do you have the same empathy,the same largeness of heart when it comes to tolerating your own foibles or incompetence as you have while overlooking their's?If you extend to them a margin for human error or weakness, are you equally gracious to your own self?In short--do you have the required amount of self-love?
"What is self-love? It is love which is directed toward the various aspects of ourselves: our thoughts, emotions, feelings, actions, physical body, images, etc. "

I think these questions deserve consideration because some persons chastise their own self for deeds which would only merit a mild raising of eyebrows when associated with others.Perhaps their formative years made them feel insufficient and therefore they are always trying to improve themselves.But while doing this they fail to appreciate the wonderful qualities which they already possess.As a result they are never satisfied with their conduct or behavior.It makes them edgy and grumpy.This is not at all conducive for health and happiness.

In the hurly burly of life,you may,or may not receive the love and attention you crave from others.As such it is all the more essential for you to build for yourself a strong springboard from which to function.This is not possible if you do not have enough self-worth to be confident of your abilities.Early influences sometimes collude to make a person feel unworthy but this can,and should be overcome.Here are some ways you can achieve this:-- 

How to Love Yourself
  • Do not overstretch yourself.Tone down the myriad expectations which you have from yourself--whether they be about your own accomplishments or what you think you ought to do for others.
  • Likewise,you don't have to fulfill all the expectations which others have from you.
  • Take rest when you feel stressed out or under the weather.No need to drive yourself to the edge of a burnout.
  • If you feel you have too much on your plate,rope in those for whom you have been slogging till now and ask them to shoulder their own share of responsibilities.
  • If you are always trying to obey,serve and please others,please stop.Do what your relationships and your role demands,but don't go overboard because people tend to take advantage of those who are always eager to please.
  • No matter what your role and how onerous your responsibilities,take out some time for yourself;when you are free to do your own thing--whether it be just relaxing with a book, listening to music, gardening,watching a match or taking a walk.
  • Raise your voice if you feel oppressed or exploited.Don't keep quiet when someone is mean or unkind to you.Let people know how you want to be treated.
  • Express your opinions when in company.Make your presence felt.No more a silent spectator.
  • Do not belittle yourself.Never utter negative statements about yourself-even if true.When someone pays you a compliment accept it gracefully,instead of saying things like-'Oh it is nothing,blah blah blah.'
  • Establish reasonable standards for yourself.If you set the bar too high you will again have reason to curse yourself.
  • No matter how intelligent or industrious you are,a failure or a blunder cannot be ruled out.Pardon yourself for those lapses just as you pardon those you love.
  • Feeling guilty about something you did or failed to do?Make a fresh start and consider it as a stepping stone to a better you.
  • Don't aim for perfection in everything you do.When you fix super human standards for yourself,you end up feeling less able,less intelligent,less competent and less everything good and desirable--a definite cue for more self-loathing.
  • Pat your own back after an accomplishment,give yourself  a gift--something you have always yearned for;if no one else has the time to do it.
  • Do not base your self-love on your achievements or external symbols of success.Your worth lies in your virtues and values.
  • Everyone wants to progress and move up in life but the driving force should be what you want and not disheartening comparisons with what others are doing.
Benefits of Self-Love

If you are happy in your skin you will definitely derive more pleasure from life.

You will be rid of feelings of regrets,guilt and remorse.

You will trust your own opinions and decisions.

No one will be able to exploit you.

You will no longer worry about what others are thinking about you.

Self-love will increase your capacity to love others.

It will also promote the love others have for you.

Your relationships will strengthen and your happiness quotient will climb up many notches if you truly love and approve of your self.



Image courtesy google search.
Quote taken from--
http://www.trans4mind.com/jamesharveystout/selflove.htm

26 comments :

  1. Indu ji

    A list I am going to frame and hang in my room ----but then I do know them all only thing is I don't practise ---not that there is any external force that is forcing me to work overtime ----its just that we are brought up like that and a lot of guilt comes in when you try to relax or delegate the work at home .Not that anyone appreciates my attitude they want to share and what's more my daughters complain that i am too egoistic to let things be done in any other way ---where as I think I am being caring LOL

    thanks again
    will try and follow :)

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    1. True Rajni,we are conditioned that way.You are lucky your daughters want to share your load,otherwise the genx i have seen,is rather selfish.
      You must try some day to just relax and delegate the work,see how divine it feels.Even i have problem doing this because my help cannot do some things the way i would like to have them done :(--perfectionism again!
      Happy Lohri Rajni and lots of love.

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    2. Happy Lohri Indu ji

      You know what I have actually tried to follow the rules you have posted and have delegated some work and taken a nap ---please don't think I am trying to please you by writing all this but YOU do know na when someone you adore or trust says something it sort of clicks and one wants to believe in it wants to follow it --that is exactly what has happened today I thought I should give your words a try and am planning to follow them from now onwards and i know it will help . :) no doubt you are a good counsellor

      happy makar sankranti

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    3. You have MADE MY DAY Rajni.I am very happy that i could help you relax.Now YOU have relaxed me-i go to bed with a smiling face.
      Happy Makar Sankranti.
      Good Night!

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  2. Tell you what...We are taught and we tend to teach our children that the world is yours if you sacrifice even if it hurts you.
    That is what has to change before anything else can happen

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    1. I think the new generation is more geared into this way of life--i mean taking care of own interests first.

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  3. This is such a wonderful post.

    I'm not sure how and when it happened, but a few years back I had this introspection of sorts and I was wondering why I was being so difficult on myself and why I was allowing others to set goals for me and lead the life they thought was the best for me.

    I decided that from that day, I'll first need to understand myself, what I can and importantly what I cannot. Only If I understand myself, I will know how to set goals for myself. Only if I understand myself, I can accept myself with all the vice and the virtues. And thats how (though not to the extent of being a narcissist), I always give priority to myself

    I take my me-time seriously. I try to do all that I can and at the same time, I take a break when I can. When someone asks me to do something, I wonder if it is my problem or their problem and act accordingly. As much as I love to help others, sometimes we must know what suits best for all (including us).

    The saddest part if people have too many expectations from themselves and are very hard on themselves when there are failures. They fail to understand that all these are just experiences.

    Loved the post. Thanks for writing and sharing it :-)

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  4. Than you Ash for this encouraging reply,i am happy that my views resonate with YOURS.Yes i have seen you trying out new activities and crossing new frontiers--that's the way to go.
    Love.

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  5. Very well written induji..its important to be kind to ourselves. .happy makar sankrant!

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    1. Lavina thanks a lot,glad you like it.
      Happy Makar Sankranti.

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  6. Leave alone love , I often torture myself ... This was such a wonderful post Indu

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    1. Oh my God,why is that Jaishree?
      Glad you liked it,now implement :)
      Love.

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  7. Hmm - I am practically a narcissist :) Used to beat myself over the head with every minuscule lapse in my childhood. Found no percentage in it and swung wildly to the opposite extreme and stay put there :)

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    1. You reformed very fast Suresh.
      Have a nice weekend :-)

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  8. this is another awesomely motivating post of urs! loved it! loving oneself is the first step towards creating a positive personality :)

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    1. Thank you Ankita,you are bang on-it IS the first step.

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  9. Such a feelgood inspiring post, Indu.
    I feel we should be selfish. Because if we are not happy, there's no way we can make others happy.

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    1. I totally agree with you Purba,no use slogging for all and then feeling pooped out.Nobody cares for such martyrs.

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  10. Loved the post, Indu. It is important to love yourself. Did you read the love letter I wrote to myself on my birthday recently. It felt really nice to acknowledge all that in myself.

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    1. Oh yes i read the letter and loved it--we all need to replenish our self worth.
      Thank you Rachna for this fulsome praise.

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  11. Absolutely true, Indu. I remember this from some video of Peace Piligrim I saw a few years back as well.

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    1. I have not seen that video but i am glad you resonate with me here.

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  12. It's really true. Just like self respect, self caring and grooming is important too. It's not narcissism by a long chalk. I agree with each and every point expounded herein. Thanks a lot, Indu for sharing it!

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    1. Thank you Rakesh.I was happy to see you here :)

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  13. Inspiring post Indu ji.Everything springs from Self Love.It is the unconditional acceptance of who we are.Thanks for sharing Indu ji.

    Cheers,
    Sriram & Krithiga

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    1. Thank you SriKri.I am glad you both agree that we must start from self love and then go on from there.
      Take care.

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Thanks for reading my post.I hope you liked it :).