Saturday, January 3, 2015

To Concur or Assert ?Keep Quiet or Speak Out?

These days I am feeling very rebellious.Ascribe it to the Arian worm,which I had successfully smothered all these years;raising it's ugly head.You could very well wonder why I had been amiable for so long.The answer is simple--I hate unpleasantness of any kind.Ahem!There was a sneaking desire to be liked as well.

Till some time back,if we friends were having a discussion and I disagreed with a very vociferous mate I would just keep quiet after a certain point because I saw no sense in banging my head against a closed door.Most things are not worth causing a rift about.As a result of this tolerance,sometimes wrong decisions or conclusions gained implied assent and others had to go along with it.

Usually the most strident member of a group has the final say on--well everything.Not everybody,or should I say,few have the gumption to lock horns with such individuals.As a result their assaults keep increasing by the day.Then comes a time when you feel you have had it up to the gills.Either you enter into a face-off with that person or just quietly break up.Is it possible that this infuriating streak could have been muzzled if someone had stood up against it in the very beginning?Hardly.Many might very well have tried but this tendency is very deeply ingrained in some individuals.The moderates choose to overlook many infringements upon their sensibility or individuality.

Coming back to my own predicament,now that I have decided to assert myself what will be the outcome?Will I be left alone?Friendless?Perhaps.But there will be the satisfaction of having stood up for what I believed in.It will certainly add to my self-esteem and confidence.What is the use of friends who do not value others' opinions and stick to a single-point rule that what they say must be adhered to?

I am at an easy place where I can choose to bypass those who offend me.Even when they belong to the inner circle,I do try to keep them at a safe distance.But I realize that it is not possible for all to do so.Suppose it is your boss or a very close kin,what do you do then?

Going down the memory lane,I remember there was a time when I had to put up with offending behavior.Many considerations tied me down.Now I am free.My own master.This is a fringe benefit of growing old and financially secure.What about those who are forced to toe the line?Difficult question.

How do you all tackle such situations?

29 comments :

  1. Why Indu, you have expressed the dilemma of most of us. But the troubling question is- are we free and our own masters!

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    1. Uppal welcome aboard and thanks!
      It is true we are tied down by many strings.Sometimes speaking out--even if you are right--can embroil you in a fracas :(

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  2. ME.. how do i handle well I am an idiot and think mainly from my heart so many a times it WAR.

    but everyone is different and although i say i go all out there are situations where i have had t osit and take it all in and let it happen without doing anything .. maybe i was a coward , maybe something else I dont know ..

    But I am one who will speak out for sure and give my piece of mind and say as I see it ..

    Bikram's

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    1. No way are you an idiot--you are genuine.
      It is tough to decide whether to speak out or stay mum--every situation is different but speaking out does lift a load off the heart,specially when we speak out knowing all the consequences.

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    2. Nice to see you again Bikram :)

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  3. If such people get in the way of what u are doing we must put our feet down firmly....on the other hand if it's just a discussion its better to just stay quiet .... Maybe even have a quiet laugh at people and their ways :)

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    1. That is a very very balanced attitude jaish--i like it.Thanks.
      Love n hugs.

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  4. When someone is expressing their opinion, I agree to disagree with them. But when someone is trying to say that only they are right and the others are wrong, I try putting up a good fight. So yes, it;s more of a balance and depends on the situation :-)

    Happy New Year :-)

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    1. It is those who are dogmatic about their opinions who irritate most.
      Happy New Year Ash.

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  5. Its true to some extent financial security gives lot of strength to be free. But still we are tied up. :(

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    1. I think it is our relationships which tie us down,apart from financial security of course.

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  6. how do ya know that what you believe is right?if you came to know later that what you have stood up is wrong?is in't that embarrassing.making judgement is complicated issue coz it involves analysis of one's personality without an error. believing in self or judging others may or may not be right.i came across lots of aggressive behavior,but i had patience to explain things with rationality instead of satisfying ego that what i believe or what i think is right?RATIONALITY is truth and its above individuals or personalities,so one should be wise enough to understand this.if one doesn't understand,it will end up in blind argument or in verbal duel.so one should question self,which is important? individual or truth.having acceptance to truth is solution for everything.

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  7. If it does not matter - as in opinions that do not directly affect me - I normally avoid arguments, though sometimes it so happens that what you thought of as a discussion suddenly turns into an argument and you get sucked in :) If I find a someone very opinionated and incompatible opinions with me, on issues that are likely to crop up frequently, I avoid the person :) After all, it is very painful to be walking a tightrope all your life :)

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    1. Yes it is very painful,as is acquiescing every time.

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  8. It depends on the person.. I do not like the 'I am right, all others are wrong' attitude and usually stay away from such people ...

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    1. Simple girl it is not only a matter of who is wrong or right;but also that all others should follow someone's whims and fancies all the time.

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  9. I dislike confrontations especially the ones that I have to put up with on Twitter. Never underestimate the cockiness of the stupid convinced of his stupidity.

    With my inner circle of friends its different. Loving doesn't mean agreeing with their beliefs.

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    1. I too abhor confrontations which is why i tend to give in.

      Yes loving friends are more understanding and receptive.

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  10. May be thats why I nevr had many friends as I couldnt go with the flow:)..even in relationships also,it becomes very difficult,and I am waiting for the day when I would be my own master..

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    1. I hope that day comes soon Renu.
      As Suresh said ,this is like walking on tight rope.

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  11. Hmm..I can hear you..Well written post..Happy happy new year Indu..:)

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    1. So sweet of you Nagini.Happy New Year to you too.

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  12. I usually engage such people at a more shallow level. I am generally friendly to such people and nod my head to whatever they say but keep them far from my personal decisions.

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    1. Yes Karthik,i too keep them away from my personal decisions,but suppose it is just a matter of where to go for a picnic,which movie to see and you know small matters like that---even there,giving in all the time makes you feel like a nobody.

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  13. How did I miss this post? I didn't get any notification by mail, which I usually do. At some point in all our lives we ask this question of ourselves. And at some point too, we feel trodden over for acquiescing with everything the other person/s say. It is easy to keep away those who don't matter in our lives, including so called friends who bulldoze you with their aggression, but when it comes to close relationships, we have to make the choice. I have a bhabhi who looks docile for all outward appearances, letting my brother throw his weight around. She never disagrees, but quietly does what needs to be done, without any confrontation, without appearing to have hijacked the situation :D It requires tremendous patience and a supreme confidence in oneself to do what she does. Needless to say, she is a role model I am still trying to emulate :D :D You know what? You have her qualities, Indu, from what I know of you from our interactions. So you should go ahead and do it. I am sure you will have the others eating out of your hand as my brother does out of my bhabhi's!

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    1. Thanks for this detailed feedback Zephyr.Yes even i feel trodden all over sometimes--we have to pay this price for maintaining a decorum or of course because of family ties.Your bhabhi definitely has it worked out nicely.I wish i was as smart,i am too mercurial for that.But thanks all the same for this tremendous compliment.
      Love n hugs.

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  14. We are on the same page Indu, my motto is to live and let live. I stay away from arguments and can happily agree to disagree.

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    1. So happy to have your assent Alka.I would rather break off than jump into a controversy.

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Thanks for reading my post.I hope you liked it :).