Friday, February 27, 2015

A Dreary Life-All Facts no Fiction.

Why are some people forced to lead wretched lives?Is it destiny?Or is it because of some wrong choices made by them?Is it because of a skewed up upbringing or is it because of defective genes?When we see a grown up man frittering away his youth we tend to put the onus on him but life is not so clear cut.Many factors join together to make a person what he is.

The life of Narayan,a young man of 41 years planted these thoughts in my mind.He was the eldest of three sons.His grandfather had been an SP.His father's elder brother had shot his own brother.His maternal uncle was a schizophrenic,as was Narayan's younger brother.The latter had been very sick and violent for 10 years after which he was given Electroconvulsive therapy.He improved after this and had been well since the last three years.

His father,a government employee,was an alcoholic.He mostly lived at his postings-away from the family and giving subsistence money to the family was for him,the end of his familial obligations.He dominated everybody,had no social life,and was fond of hunting.Once when Narayan was not even ten years old,his father handed him a gun and asked him to shoot.The gun exploded and the father was hurt.

These are some of the facts which Narayan disclosed to me on his very first sitting.I guess he wanted to ease the burden on his heart.To cut a long story short,this was the environment in which Narayan grew up.

At the age of eighteen years he went to join Indian Navy but he could not adjust to the tough regime and returned home.Moreover he aspired for a better occupation than that.He tried many options after this.First he did a two year degree course in MSW but could not get a job.Then he joined a private firm.He was happy there but that firm closed down.After this he worked for a relative but left this job because it demoralized him.Next,he opened a shop in his ancestral home.This too proved to be a flop.

It is no wonder that his main complaint upon coming to me was his sense of failure.He was depressed.He had a wife and son but could not support his family.There was no motivation.He always hankered for something which was out of his grasp.His biggest regret was that he left Indian Navy.

The one silver lining in this somber life-scape was his wife.She earned a meager income as a teacher but her unwavering support saw him through all his tribulations.

I gave him the necessary advice and asked him to come after fifteen days.He did not come.

After four months i followed up.His wife took the call.She told me that he was well now.He did not take any medicine.His wife's encouragement and his talk with me had helped him stabilize.

Now that you have all the facts,i leave it up to you to judge which factors were responsible for screwing up his life so terribly.Do post your answers.

19 comments :

  1. When Life keeps tossing lemons at you, it is difficult to keep making lemonade. Any negative occurrence in life makes you question yourself and, if there is not much positive to revalidate yourself with, it is tough to believe in yourself.

    That said, the only thing to do is to concentrate on the positives in life. AND, for Narayan, what more validation of his own self did he need other than the fact that his wife liked/loved him enough to stand by him?

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  2. Spoken like a psychologist and a philosopher :-)

    Thank God for that one mercy for him.

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  3. Life is funny I feel, it brings out the most unexpected some times .. I thought life was all cool and sorted around 2012 .. but come january 2013 everything turned upside down.. so start from scratch and by jan 2015 I was back where i was 2 years ago..

    I am not sure what to take it from there but I do feel that ONE DAY.. surly

    nice little story i think end of the day we need just that one person to beleive in you for you to take the strides in life ...

    I am sure I have gone on a tangent writing a comment to your story :)

    Bikram's

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    1. Yes Bikramjit life can change in a split second and then it takes a lot of time to stabilize.I hope it is all rosy for you from now onward.

      I think i could resonate with you--keep well my friend.

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  4. you might be aware of a famous saying.
    INSAAN ACHE YAH BURA NAHIN HOTA.
    YEH WAQT HAI JO ACHCHA YAH BURA HOTA HAI.

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    Replies
    1. Oh yes time can cause havoc,but also people around us.

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  5. Given the circumstances he grew up, no wonder he turned out what he was. And for some people, nothing works out. I have seen many closely in my life. Any business they do, any venture they start or any job everything end up bad...may be their bad karma. But that one person standing by him made all the difference to that guy.

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    1. Yes Latha odds were all against him.But why?

      If it was his genes;even then,why him?

      Maybe it is karma after all.

      Love n hugs.

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  6. May be he lacked practical sense. Good he realized in time better to take moral support from the loved ones.

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  7. Nice to read.Depression now a days has become a serious problem.

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  8. Poor fellow...Feeling sorry for him! BUt he has managed to find a caring wife and that way God bless them both! I think of children born in war ravaged zones, those that are born to beggars etc and feel terrible... Why ? I often wonder ! Karma i guess

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    1. Yes,it helped him to carry on.This was ten years ago.I wonder how he is now.

      Talking of kids how heinously some are murdered to settle scores-it is terrible.Even parents do it.One shudders at the inhumanity of it all.

      Love.

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  9. Lovely that he has such an understanding wife, Induji.
    Sometimes the only thing one needs is a caring hand or voice.
    But, then a lot of what happens to us is due to our own choice...

    Another point is- Should we allow life to happen to us, or should we take charge?
    The latter puts us in control & we take interest as we feel we can make a difference...

    There's a saying "Waqt se pahle kismat se zyada kisiko mila hai na kisiko milega" :)

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    Replies
    1. Anita i agree with the first two points but relying on kismat i think ,is not beneficial at all.

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  10. There are a lot of things which has to be taken care of, the family, the environment in which a person is brought up, the attitudes of the family and the attitude of the individual too. I always feel that it is up to us whether we allow things to influence us or not. But despite that there are people who I know, say they fail in almost everything.

    At least here, he is lucky to have found at least one person who understands him.

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    1. You know Ashwini the worst part in this whole imbroglio is that the parents of young children are very harried and stressed up because of various commitments and they fail to realize how deep an impact their behavior will have on the child.

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  11. One more interesting case. I sometimes wonder if amount of happiness and pain a person faces is constant or do people have power to actively get greater share of happiness.

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    1. I think the latter is more applicable.

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