Tuesday, June 16, 2015

A Teenager's Dilemma--All Facts No Fiction

A sixteen year old boy living in a hostel comes to his room and finds it locked from the inside.When repeated calls elicit no response he breaks open the door and sees his friend hanging from the fan.He goes into shock,crying incessantly and losing all sense of his surroundings.The next ten days are spent in stupor.He boards a train to go home but returns after a week.Back in his hostel,he again loss touch with reality.He cannot recall later on,what he did in the next two weeks.

Then,one month after the tragedy,he again attends his coaching class but he has lost the link due to his long absence, and finds himself in a limbo.Three more months pass but his depression shows no sign of abating.Two nearby shopkeepers refer him to my counseling center.

This is how I meet Sunil,a student of class eleventh,now taking coaching for IIT-Jee in Kota.The sorrow engulfing him gets to me.

It all started when his uncle suggested he go to Kota to attend coaching classes to prepare him for the above exam. Sunil had thought of giving the state Govt. Service exam after graduation but he decided to fall in with his uncle's request.He did well in the first test,then came down and then this tragedy happened.

Now he could not decide what he should do.If he went home without completing his course his uncle would be disappointed,his friends would jeer at him and his mother,who was a teacher in his school;would lose face.

But he was feeling very lonely here.His mother asked him to carry on for five more months and then she would come and stay with him.Sunil was not happy at this prospect.He did not care much for her,since she had gone to live in a hostel for further studies when he was very young.

When Sunil met me his parents too were present in Kota.They came to meet me the next day and asked me what they should do.I advised them to let him rest for one year as he was very jittery.He was still in eleventh class.He could return after completing his twelfth board.His mother was not amenable to this suggestion.

I requested them to let me know what they decided and also asked Sunil to meet me if he stayed back.However there was no response from their side and there the matter rested.I do not know what transpired after this,but I was astonished at the mother's apathy for her son's  happiness and well-being.

19 comments :

  1. Parents are so blinded by their own ambition that they cease seeing the child as a human being. He/she just becomes a tool to satisfy their ambitions. I have nothing but contempt for such parents. Perhaps, they need to be jolted to a reality where they will not have the child around at all. Reading about student suicides really dismays me. Some cave in under excessive pressure while there are others who are so fragile because they have never learned to fail. Either way, it is a tragic loss of young lives. So futile.

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    1. It has become an obsession for some parents to shine through their kids' success.The tragedy is that they are jolted when the damage has been done.

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  2. I may be selfish but I do not support to send kids to hostel..

    http://zigzacmania.blogspot.in/

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  3. What sort of society are we living in when your reputation in the eyes of the people around you takes precedence over your child's well-being? I cannot say I am shocked since I have become cynical about people and their sense of priorities. It is totally depressing.

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    1. It is very strange indeed--giving more importance to your own whims over your child's well'being.

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  4. very frustrating to see the state of families today...All parents say that they want the happiness of their children, but nobody wants to know what makes them happy.parents want their dream fulfilled thru children.
    My mother always tells my siblings...khud to padhe nahi baccho ko pressurise karte ho.itna tha to khud kyon nahi top kiya....

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    Replies
    1. Very true, status,success and importance over-ride all else.

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  5. parents mind is influenced by many factors like THE WAY THEY WERE TREATED BY THEIR PARENTS WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG AND THEY FOLLOW SAME PROCEDURES UNABLE TO COME OUT OF THAT LOOP.SOMETIMES THEY ARE INFLUENCED BY COLLEAGUES,NEIGHBOURS,RELATIVES WHO CONSTANTLY KEEP CHECK ON THEIR KIDS,HOW THEY ARE DOING AT STUDIES.if parents can avoid these influences,they can allow kids to grow according to their wish.but parents are nothing but individuals,as a individual how strong you are intellectually and morally always matters.people who lack intellect will always end up hurting others through their actions.

    its difficult to educate parents coz they live in their own world and for some parents one need not tell how to do parenting coz they are really educated.there is difference between being educated and really educated ,in former one they study for livelihood and money and latter one is about applying whatever they have read in day to day life.

    in india,case that has come to you happens in most of households,we can't change mindsets coz indian society and its basic education system is faulty.there is a saying in telugu, we can't bend a grown up tree,it can happen only when its a sapling.same applies to parents,we can't change mindsets of parents.

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    1. Yes Rohan,parents have their own agendas.They can't look beyond their own desires.

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  6. So very sad! Over ambitiousness?

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  7. Sometimes its the parents who are their child's biggest enemy.

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    1. Parents can't visualize how their decisions will affect their children,till it is too late.

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  8. A social dilemna without any visible solution
    all that we can do is keep writing such posts so that may be one out of a thousand will take notice of the remedies suggested and some good will come out of it .

    thanks
    Indu ji

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  9. A social dilemna without any visible solution
    all that we can do is keep writing such posts so that may be one out of a thousand will take notice of the remedies suggested and some good will come out of it .

    thanks
    Indu ji

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes Rajni that is my aim.Aniother one coming next Tuesday.
      Love n hugs.

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  10. Are they blind to the trauma the child is undergoing ? They need to be held by the shoulder s and given a rough shake till reality gets into their ambition loaded heads .... Hmmm....sad !!

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