Moving On

Shit happens!No matter how careful we are,someone somewhere,will cross our path in such a way that ugliness results.It could happen because our interests clash or because our personalities conflict.Maybe the other person has a grouse against us & he has chosen this moment to bring it out into the open.Or there could be a gap in communication & the two of us might be working at cross purposes.Whatever be the reason;the result is the same--there is anger,a feeling of being victimized,not having been understood or having been humiliated,on both sides.Naturally both of us think that we have been wronged and the other person  is being hurtful,mean or at best cranky.

We all do what we think is right .In fact we always think that we are right.Therefore it is difficult to arrive at an objective appraisal.We may expect the other person to apologize and be willing to forget the event but the other person too,might be going through the same emotions.Chances are,that a decent closure will not happen.How can it,when both parties are waiting for their opponent to redress the wrong? 

The result is that there is anger & unpleasantness on both sides.It is futile to go into who is wrong,or who started it.This is best left to the judiciary.Let us presume that there is no initiative from either side to make amends.What do we do then?Do we allow this matter to scar our happiness?Or should we just forgive,forget, and look ahead?There can be no clear cut answers to this.If our opponent happens to be a close relation we may not like to break that tie for ever.It would not be pragmatic to do so too.If it is a friend or a colleague whom we cannot avoid,we could just skirt by him till our anger subsides.There is a third category--persons who have no active role in our lives at any level;it would hardly matter if we cut all connections with them.In such cases unfriending the person could be a viable option.In fact we might feel more relaxed if we did so.

When we pick either of the three options,we take a constructive step forward.It could erase the stress which had been rankling us.But this will happen only if we refuse to go back to that situation again.Forgiveness eases the pain sustains relationships.

But sometimes we are so enraged by an incident that we are overcome by anger,hatred and animosity.We may even think up ways of retaliating.But as the quote below states :


"Between stimulus and response there is a space.In that space is our power to choose our response.In our response lies our growth and our freedom."Viktor E. Frankl

So if you find yourself in a mood to take revenge, ask yourself :

*Am I sure that the other person was 100% at fault?

*Did I not do anything to provoke him?


*While I plan to get even with him,am I not neglecting other pressing matters?

*Will my vengeance assuage my hurt sans any negative fallout?

*If by chance,I discover that my adversary was not really at fault will I not experience further humiliation?

*Will I ever repent having spoiled that relationship?

*How is this helping me?

*Suppose I relinquish this whole episode as an unsavory one time incident, will I not be more at peace?

*What is more important for me--getting even with him or conserving my serenity?

I do hope the answers to these questions will point to the path forward.All of us are imperfect humans.Sometimes we too hurt others by our words,actions or even our silence.It may be willful or unintentional.If we can give the same margin of error to the other person, the ambiance around us will be more tranquil and we will be more at peace with life !!!!!