Using #Memories to Heal Hurts

Yesterday I was in a very foul mood.I felt neglected & uncared for.By whom?By my BH of course--who else?I was literally smoldering with anger & my thoughts went like--he is so inconsiderate,selfish & stubborn ,blah blah blah.I was annoyed with him for not participating in activities which appealed to me.I felt as if my whole life had gone by without any fun or amusement.These thoughts were going on in my mind like a chainsaw.I had painted a very black picture of him in my head & I was in no mood to exit this state of mind.

Just then the phone rang.Now who was this,to add to my woes,I thought.It was Sweety,a dear friend,now removed in space,but not  far from my heart.So we began yapping as if we had never parted.She was feeling very nostalgic about the good times we had shared-she,her husband & we two-all four of us.She recounted many instances when we had enjoyed ourselves to the hilt.Past memories came flooding my mind.As soon as she had rung off I began to ponder.

Did we really experience those joyous times?Yes we did.It meant that BH was not so selfish,staid or dull as I had just now decided he was.Ah,what a realization!I felt as if a whole new chapter had opened in front of me.How wrong & unkind I had been to him in my thoughts.

A new picture began to take shape in my mind.He was not so bad after all.Maybe he did not feel energetic enough to go gallivanting along with me.The pall of gloom lifted.I realized that it was I who was being unreasonable & selfish.

I vowed henceforth to not give in to my vile temper at the drop of a hat.If irked by someone's behavior,i would first look back to judge  if it was the norm or an exception on part of that person.So often we jump to conclusions & take offence without sufficient grounds.Then we go on to pass judgments like'You always do this','You never cooperate' etc. etc.At such times a recapitulation of the other person's past behavior can introduce an element of sanity to an otherwise volatile situation.

If that person has been a habitual offender we can just say Good Bye and walk away;but if not,then this pause gives us an opportunity to cool down.As we recollect how helpful,friendly,positive or kind s/he has been to us in the days gone by,we cannot but come down a rung or two & upload a sincere smile to show that there is no bitterness in our hearts.This will avert a nasty conflagration,sustain the relationship & save us unnecessary rancor as well as heart-ache.

If handled correctly, our memories help to build bridges and heal hurts.I add this caveat because going back to my own experience;I could also have gone into depression, complaining how drastically BH had changed.Then I would have begun to speculate at the reason behind this transformation,did he not love me any more? 

It all depends upon how we use our memories.When an aged couple flips through the photographs of it's kids who have long flown the nest;it can either feel grateful for the precious times they spent together,or it can lament why they had to move away.If we are given to negative thinking then even mementoes of love & affection can sadden us.

Like Haruki Murakami said:
"Memories warm you up from the inside.But they also tear you apart."
Picture from google.