Adultery,Safeguard Your Marriage---2

Nothing happens all of a sudden and before adultery too, there are signs of discord and dissatisfaction.If and when a couple feels that their marriage is tottering it is time to have a heart-to-heart talk;the focus being,not on incrimination,but an endeavour to find out where things went wrong and what should be done about it.Ask your partner what s/he would like you to change and also say what displeases you --but in even tones.This is more effective than banging stuff and shouting.

No one likes anybody to attempt their make-over but when it is done voluntarily it is more effective and permanent.Therefore listen to your partner's stray,indirect comments,perceive what he likes or dislikes,and adjust accordingly.You may dislike certain traits in your spouse but don't expect a drastic makeover.Also,do not humiliate him/her because of it.Give more,expect less if you want a long lasting marriage.

A lot of adjustment may be needed in the sphere of sex.Unless your spouse demands something which is abhorrent to you,try and take care of his/her needs.Also say what you desire and enjoy.

In some marriages love grows with time,but respect for the partner should be there from the beginning.If you do not respect your mate you are ,in fact,driving him/her in the arms of someone who does.

Man or woman,both stray because the third person appreciates them,makes them feel good,likable and attractive.In order to avoid this happening,fulfill this need of your spouse.When s/he gets it at home s/he will not look outside.Just a small example to illustrate my point--suppose you both have decked up for a party.Your significant other is looking ravishing,smart or debonair.You notice this but keep quiet.At the party if you meet a well dressed friend you will surely compliment him/her.Why not your spouse?

Everybody is in hot pursuit of a flourishing career today.Some have no compunctions about using sex to further their ends.Beware of such persons--they will use you as a ladder, not caring if your family has been ravaged in the process.

After a few years of marriage the charm wears off and monotony sets in.Obviate this by springing a surprise now and then;expressing your love for your partner and exploring new fields which will enthuse both of you.

Surprises (when they are pleasant of course!) are good but it is equally important to have well-established routines--somewhat like the trade mark of your family.Build up a life which satisfies your family's needs and which they would not like to live without.Establish certain traditions which they anticipate and enjoy-whether it is a weekly outing,dining out,holidaying,or playing,praying and exercising together.If you are unable to take a vacation from work explore the interesting places in your own city on a Sunday, as if you are a tourist there.Common recreational activities hold a family together and bestow lasting happy memories which come to aid when one feels lonely or despondent.Also form core groups with common friends.

The whole motive is to increase together-times and decrease time spent alone.Individual activities in spare time-like both doing their own thing in separate rooms,using their gadgets in privacy tend to create a distance between the two so that when the need arises to share thoughts,express emotions and ask advice,an invisible wall looms up.The gap widens and finally one of them looks for empathy and companionship outside marriage.

Mutual bonding of the couple as well as with the children helps to cement family ties.If there is respect for other members of the extended families--ahem,the in-laws-- that too checks a person from straying.

After all adaptations have been attempted,and some attained,a few or more abrasive elements could still mar a conjugal relationship.A habitually reticent or hassled wife or husband may fail to boost a partner's ego while a colleague does it amazingly.But before crossing the line s/he ought to recognise all other things which the other person is doing right.S/he could very well lose all that, plus the peace of his/her heart and home if s/he transgresses the agreed boundaries.The shame and guilt when his kids come to know of it as well as the adverse effects this could have on them should be enough to deter him.

The sensations emanating from an illicit relationship may be very satisfying for a narcissist but wait till the newness wears off and complications set in.Therefore it is best to conserve what you have and spend your energies in perpetuating that rather than giving in to carnal impulses.