Adultery,When The Damage Has Been Done--3

This post is the last of the series.If you have not read the two previous post you may like to start from here.
The old definition of adultery has become defunct since the advent of telephone sex,sexting,facebook romance and porn.It now boils down to how much you both think is morally right and how much is admissible to your spouse.Even open marriages have invaded the scene but this does not discount the fact that when a mate cheats the results can be disastrous.The day this perfidy is revealed is no less explosive than the eruption of a volcano.Accusations,denials,excuses,threats and angry retorts are flung back and forth.

After all has been said and heard the cheated mate sits down to decide-what next?If the villain of the piece refuses to reform and if the aggrieved person has a support system to fall back upon;there may be only two options open--to either show her/him the door or walk out the door.

But what if the libertine promises to not repeat his/her mistakes?Then the spouse has to decide whether s/he can forgive and make a fresh beginning.So many variables influence this decision--whether adultery was a one off mistake or a habit,whether they have kids,how long they have been married,what was the rapport like before this happened,how much love & respect still remains between the two and if this is the only fly in the ointment.

A cheated spouse should remember that the pain is at it's peak at the time of disclosure but it will come down eventually and slowly things will begin to settle down.On the other hand if you are thinking of separation or divorce, make sure that the new life you choose will be better than this one.

You should not jump from the frying pan into the fire.

Initially of course you can be forgiven for calling your spouse the worst possible worm in the g****r,but if you decide to swallow this episode as a bitter pill and save your home from breaking,then take care to suppress your vocabulary of derogatory terms.The culprit must already be feeling sheepish, don't humiliate him/her any further.You are in pain because your trust has been  trampled upon,but s/he too must be feeling guilty.It is better to bury the past and focus upon mending your relations.Give it time because there will be many glitches in reconnecting once again.Both of you will be reminded of what had come in between you but as time passes this deceit will be overshadowed by other,pleasanter experiences and you will hopefully recapture the old magic.

Forgiving is not easy but nursing your blisters,keeping them raw is painful and futile.Of course you would want to know with whom and how many times your partner two-timed you but beyond this,avoid going into the gory details.The less you know,the better for your sanity.If you decide to resume your married life once again it will be wise to lay down certain conditions:----

* You have the right to check his/her cell phone and emails.
* Your spouse will not rave or rant when you ask where s/he went and why   s/he is so late.
* All financial dealings will be transparent and above board.
* Both of you can decide upon a course of action if this should    happen  again.
* While the cheat was in an illicit relationship s/he must have        withdrawn many rights,privileges and facilities from you,these  should be returned forthwith.
* S/he will not take out his frustration at having to tow the line by picking up other issues in order to put you down.  

It depends upon the individual involved whether all these efforts will keep him in check or not but if honest efforts can save a family from breaking it is worth a trial.

Image courtesy google.