What propels a youngster to run away from home or attempt suicide ?Whenever we come across such news in the media we feel sorry for the boy (or girl),and wonder what led to it.One such boy was brought to 'Sahyog' some years ago.
Jagan,an eighteen year old student of twelfth standard was literally dragged into my office by a furious looking father.'Look at this boy',he said.'He has run away from home twice and twice he has cut his wrists.He has fallen in love with a girl,does not listen to anybody,is doing poorly in school and his life is all but ruined.'So saying,he plonked him before me and stormed out of the room.
This dramatic start to an interview was quite earth-shaking.Though Jagan had been dragged forcibly into my office and derided in the strongest possible language,he was not at all reluctant to talk to me.Perhaps he too wanted to put a closure to this sad chapter in his life.
He told me that he had taken Rs 500 from home and taken off for Mumbai after a tiff with his parents.But half way down,he realized the futility of this step and returned. Instead of coming back to his home he went to his paternal grandmother's house.There he met a girl with whom he fell in love.His uncle-of whom he is very fond-talked him out of this and persuaded him to return home.
He intended to catch up with his studies.But according to him,the atmosphere in his home was very tense and hostile towards him.Every 8-10 days something or the other happened to distress him and his parents,instead of trying to understand him,got angry; and then he would feel like ending it all.He craved their sympathy and trust.
All this took a lot of time because I allowed him to pour his heart out.This session was mainly aimed at giving him catharsis and winning his trust.There was very little counseling involved.I told him I would help him to put his life back on track provided he cooperated and did not attempt suicide again.
Then I called his father in and asked him to return the next day with his wife and daughter.
To be continued
Jagan,an eighteen year old student of twelfth standard was literally dragged into my office by a furious looking father.'Look at this boy',he said.'He has run away from home twice and twice he has cut his wrists.He has fallen in love with a girl,does not listen to anybody,is doing poorly in school and his life is all but ruined.'So saying,he plonked him before me and stormed out of the room.
This dramatic start to an interview was quite earth-shaking.Though Jagan had been dragged forcibly into my office and derided in the strongest possible language,he was not at all reluctant to talk to me.Perhaps he too wanted to put a closure to this sad chapter in his life.
He told me that he had taken Rs 500 from home and taken off for Mumbai after a tiff with his parents.But half way down,he realized the futility of this step and returned. Instead of coming back to his home he went to his paternal grandmother's house.There he met a girl with whom he fell in love.His uncle-of whom he is very fond-talked him out of this and persuaded him to return home.
He intended to catch up with his studies.But according to him,the atmosphere in his home was very tense and hostile towards him.Every 8-10 days something or the other happened to distress him and his parents,instead of trying to understand him,got angry; and then he would feel like ending it all.He craved their sympathy and trust.
All this took a lot of time because I allowed him to pour his heart out.This session was mainly aimed at giving him catharsis and winning his trust.There was very little counseling involved.I told him I would help him to put his life back on track provided he cooperated and did not attempt suicide again.
Then I called his father in and asked him to return the next day with his wife and daughter.
To be continued
Hmmm-looks to me like a victim of judgmental instead of empathetic parenting.
ReplyDeleteRight you are Suresh.
DeleteI feel so happy to know that there are people like you also who are helping them..
ReplyDeleteRenu i feel like i am not doing enough--people avoid consulting counselors.
DeleteWaiting for the next part...
ReplyDeleteAmit ji thanx for reading--next part in a while :( .
DeleteAll a child wants is someone to hear him out and be by his side. Parents, in spite of their concern often end up being judgmental and their harsh reaction forces kids to take such drastic steps. Trust and patience is the key to a good parent child relationship. U r doing a great job...hope life gets back on track for the kid.
ReplyDeleteYou are right Shaivi.Somehow when it happens under one's nose, reactions become extreme and counter productive.
DeleteAnd thanks for the compliment :}
Ouch. It hurts me when I see children go through trauma. Sometimes the adults are so caught in their own struggles and battles that they can barely see how the children are going to pieces. At the same time, it is so difficult to know how to handle people who look overtly sensible. I for one find it hard to deal with melodramatic and loud individuals. Looking forward to the next part, Indu.
ReplyDeleteYou said it Rachna ! Looked beyond the superficial.Anyone would be aghast at the father's behavior but who knows what HE is going through and how far the boy is at fault.
DeleteThat is why i had to listen to other family members.While i could not be judgmental,i also restrained my self from being overly sympathetic.
As a parent one is supposed to be more patient to hear the child out before drawing conclusions. Await to read the next part, Induji!
ReplyDeleteThat's true Rahul,thanks for reading & commenting.
DeleteThis is really sad. I know way to many kids who are sad. I thankfully know only one person wanting to take her life due to childhood trauma. We need to do as much as we can to help the kids.
ReplyDeleteNo doubt LL, kids lead a tough life nowadays-if parents don't understand them then it becomes doubly strenuous.
DeleteI really wish no kid goes through this. It's a turmoil for them and even worse for the parents. The parents do no have any clue on what is going on in their minds and when the damage happens, they are in even helpless position not knowing what to do about it. I have seen parents like that...I know what that pain is.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up is a painful process for some--esp.when there is a glaring generation gap.
DeleteI'll wait for the concluding part.
ReplyDeleteThere are two more coming Purba.
Deleteso typical ofIndian parents
ReplyDeleteI clicked the publish button by mistake but Indu ji don't you agree with me ?Indian parents now a days fall in two extreme categories they either blame the child for all failures or there are those who pamper them to destruction ---both cases are in order to shirk their responsibilities ---no one wants take the trouble of 'working at ''bringing up ''
ReplyDeleteThat's a very astute analysis Rajni.Maybe they are too busy, have many responsibilities or distractions.And to be fair the children too are becoming more n more defiant.
DeleteLove n hugs.
Yes rohan there is a limit to how far we can intercede and the other person has to be receptive and also trust us in order to follow counsel.
ReplyDeleteI really love readin about your cases and how you resolve them with empathy and thoughtfulness. My busy work schedule has keep me away from reading blog past few months. Today I decided to consciously take some time out and peruse the blogs I used to follow.
ReplyDeleteThank you Karthik for taking out time for my posts,i know you are busy bcoz you very seldom write on your blog.So happy to read your praise.
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