The Good,Bad,Better and Best Half !

The Good Times

The first flush of marriage is good.For most

everybody.Both are at their rosy,syrupy best.Even the extended families can be recognized by the overflowing milk of human kindness.Best clothes,best manners,best behavior;what more could a couple want?Each vies with the other to please and be pleasant.

The Bad Half

Like all good things,this phase comes to an end.The polish begins to wear off.Hidden kinks emerge.They see each other in their true colors.Why do you climb the bed with dirty feet?Change your socks PLEASE!Hang out your towel to dry.You have burnt the vegetable today and yesterday you burnt my toast.Your chapaties are so stiff.My mom is such a fantastic cook,you should learn from her.You can go back to HER !

This is the general refrain after the incubation period ends.The disease is at it's vilest.Expectations crash down to the Down Under.Dreams wither and tempers flicker.A power struggle ensues.Each tries to gain control by playing the blame card.And then there are attempts to fashion the other person according to one's own specifications.If you can live through this phase,your ties are as good as cemented.

The Better Half

Ting tong!The apple of your eye arrives.There is a lot of flurry.A new bond is created.Self obsession gives way to a common obsession.Both sides give in a bit.Can't scream or bang doors when the baby is sleeping--can you?There are more important issues to be taken care of.The childish games of one-up-man-ship are relegated to the background or deferred to a more convenient time(which never arrives).A slip here or a lapse there is ignored.Good old adaptation has made it's entry.Both can truthfully refer to the hitherto ogre as their better half.

The Best Half

Ting tong!Another baby?After twenty years?Nah,this is middle age knocking at your door.The birdie has flown the nest.The original combatants are again face to face.Now what?More sparks?Nah!The heart is heavy with a hollow feeling.There is no inclination to fight.Both try to reorganize their lives once again around each other.

Soon one or both of them retire.Even more of togetherness.Will we see some fireworks now?It has been so long.But no,there is little energy left for a proper ding-dong.I think both have resigned themselves to their differences.And some of them have even been erased to meet at the equator.There is very little impetus to gain the upper hand.

Meanwhile old age slips in without knocking.Infirmity

or disease of one rattles the other.There is a lot of concern,empathy,caring and finally,genuine,unadulterated love.But unfortunately,this is not the proper age to say 'I love you.'