Dealing With Change

If we can be sure of one thing,it is this-that changes will happen.Whether we like it or not!The changes can be of any kind-good and inspiring or bad and depressing.The good ones require no elucidation,we all imbibe them willingly.But the bad ones need more consideration.

• Fear Of Change-If we confront a change which is not pleasant,or inscrutable to say the least-it leaves us perplexed.We do not like it because it portends something unknown whereas we are comfortable with the way things are at present.We don't want to leave old associations,a comfortable routine and all that we are accustomed to.We lose sleep and spend hours worrying about the future.We are afraid of  all that it might bring in it's wake.Yes,but it  is a falacy to presume that it could be detrimental to our health and happiness.We should keep an open mind about it's repercussions.Because of this fear we  delay coming to terms with that change.
• Accepting a Change- Everything around us is in a constant flux and changes are inevitable.It is no use negating them by burying our heads in sand.When faced with a drastic change think carefully if it is compulsory to accept it.Can we reject or shelve it till a more convenient time?If the circumstances indicate that we should accept it,then we should treat it as a necessary evil so that we can take charge of the situation and chart our course of action.While it is true that a  change  lodges us into an unknown territory,it has often been seen that a change which appears devastating at first turns out to be good for us.
• The Benefits Of Accepting A Change-When it becomes clear that this change has come to stay it is best to become friends with it.Changes usher progress and growth.Indeed even if we face some ill-effects in the short run,it  could be the gateway to a better future.Changes compel us to re-evaluate our goals and aspirations,learn new skills,make new associations and in this way they enlarge our scope.We can then determine the steps to be taken for fulfilling our needs.In this ever-changing world it is impossible to stay in a safe cocoon for ever.That is impossible.It is wiser to try and set our own house in order.Prompt action cuts losses.
• Negative Changes-An ominous change-whether in the sphere of our health,relationships,job or domicile-can turn out to be unsavory.It could shake us to the core,but what can we do?By fighting what has come to stay we will  only exhaust our energy.The sooner we accept it the faster will we progress on the road to recovery and resettlement.The heartburn and damage will be less if we rebuild our life according to it.Even if this change comes with some ill-effects,there could be a few fringe benefits too.Sometimes one has to go with the flow.A change in job or place will add to our friend-list and also enable us to get rid of old irritants and advrsaries.Changes in health are difficult to gulp but once we accept this fact we can start remedial action.A change in relationships is harder to   embrace but it happens precisely because the old relationship had begun to jar.Who knows better luck might be on the way?
• Be Alert To Subtle Changes-The shock due to major changes can be considerably dulled if we keep our antennae finely tuned to the rumblings which precede it.Leaving aside the sudden calamities no change is sudden.An alert observer will see the signals beforehand.A couple may begin to have daily fights instead of occasional bickering,a boss may show his displeasure in various ways.If we notice these changes then we will not be taken by surprise. 
• Adapt To The Change-Once we have made up our mind to live with a new development the next step naturally is to adapt to it as well as possible.Alter your habits,priorities and attitudes wherever necessary.Admittedly this is the most taxing part but it becomes easy if you learn new skills and converse with those who are already there.Build a new chapter of life around this new event.You will then fit comfortably in the new scenario.If there is still any bias about this new happening counteract it with hope and action..

If we wish to prosper and be happy we shall have to synchronize with the changes which are taking place in our life and around us.When circumstances change we too have to change.Otherwise we shall remain a misfit--incompetent and unhappy.

This post is only about the mundane life and related issues.The changes brought about by science and technology are not in my field.

Memories

A nebulous entity inside our mind-or maybe our brain-is mighty powerful.It controls so many fascets of our life which we think are happening due to our own volition,but at the stem is that same entity.All this-without even our knowing it.To cut a long story short-it is nothing but our own memory.As we all know,memory is the ability to retain and recall information.It plays a major role in our lives.It comes unannounced,uninvited,and then spreads it's net over us.

We may not realize,but it does decide whom we like and whom we keep at a distance.In this way it circuscribes our friendships and communities.It also circumscribes our comfort-zones as a result of our past activities,their outcomes and related experiences.Our memory of those experiences decides what to attempt and what to shun.

Another major function of memory is to help us pass time when we are lonely and have nothing to do.At such moments long forgotten/suppressed events or individuals come to the fore.If we recall happy incidents we shall be cheerful,rearing to go,repeat a simiar incident or connect with someone who was a part of that experience.On the other hand if we think about our failures,shocks,traumas or tragedies we shal be morose and woebegone.We must try to conjure those happenings which make us upbeat and positive.I wrote about a similar incident in "Association of Ideas" which signifies the actions of memories.In this way our memory constructs our moods and mind-set.Naturally this also shapes our personality.

Another way in which our memory functions is to help us plan our  future actions-naturally,since we would not like to repeat an error or a failure.That is not all-it also protects us from prospective dangers or mishaps.

Any talk of memory cannot but touch the factor of forgetfulness.Does our brain age as we grow old?Is Dementia inevitable?From a layman's point of view it is not so.The more we use our memory the sharper will it become.Use it as in--learning new skills,connecting with others,talking to them,solving puzzles,reading new articles etc etc.Try what appeals to you and improve your memory.

Here's wishing you good luck!

The Tentacles Of Depression

 Anxiety is like a dark cloud.It shadows everything.No harm!Because it often helps us to face challenges and achieve targets too.But it becomes an enemy when it lingers on in the absence of any real danger.That should be discerned because it can shove you into the pit of Depression.Hence it is imperative to recognize the red signals.If you have become asocial,incommunicative,inactive and melancholic,then it should be a wake-up call for you.

Do something about it.Resolve to arrest further detirioration in your mental health.Given below are a few simple tips to help you do this-

1. Do you tend to sleep or lie down long after your usual waking time?Throw off your duvet and get up.
2. Compel yourself to leave the bed and freshen up.
3. Begin the routine which you had before this affliction shackled you.
4. Make a cup of your favorite beverage.Sit down and enjoy it with a biscuit or two.If you live with your family then enjoy it in their company.
5. Put on a smart dress.Go to the mirror,smile and see how much better you look with a smile on your face.
6. Walk out of your home and visit a park.
7. Accost those you meet.
8. Take a brisk walk.
9. Sit down on a bench to relax.Watch the world around you-the people,the trees,the birds,the flowers and the sky.
10. Return home if you feel tired.
11. Lie down or sprawl on an easy-chair.
12. Consider-was it that difficult?Don't you feel better after having done all this?Hasn't the negativity in your mind decreased?
13. If your answer is negative then consider how you can further improve this session tomorrow.What else should you have done?
14. If the answer is positive then resolve to repeat it tomorrow and every day.

This is a  common early morning walk but it has the power to kill the hormones which cause depression and energise you for constructive actions.Be happy,you have taken the first step that distances you from a bout of depression.Keep it up and you will soon be your own healthy, positive self again!

Inoculation Against Mental Disorders?

We all take inoculations against various diseases and they do protect us also.I wish there was  an inocultion against mental disorders too.Then we would be free of anxiety,depression,suicidal thoughts and other such anomalies.But there isn't any such preventive mechanism.Psychiatrists,psychologists and counsellors arrive only after the bug has bitten.

So I began to think how do I protect myself from these evils?Let me share my thoughts with you all-

1. It is not as if God has been especially kind to me.I too have gone through many difficulties,traumas and trgedies.But my best-and most dependable-companion through all those phases has been rationality.If I find myself against a tough situation I automatically begin to speculate how it transpired ,whether I did something wrong or whether it is the doing of an opponent or whether it is merely my luck at work.Am I reading too much into a chance happening or should I take steps to protect myself, what should my rection be?Rational thinking guides me about my response and behaviour.
2. Acceptance-I might be saddled with a relative,neighbour or colleague whom I dislike,or just cannot stand.Or an annoying event may have shed a dark shadow on my personality.I can't oust these people or that event out of my life,so what should I do?I merely accept such factors as a part of life and concentrate on how to make the best of a bad situation.Yeah,I am learning new skills!
3. Gratitude-All is never lost.It is lost only when we take our last breath.If there has been a major climax in my life,I would be disturbed,no doubt, but I would also thank God that so many other factors are still as they were.Ups & downs are a part of life.Even lord Ram had to spend 14 year in woods-taht too after a royal birth.Am I someone special that my life should always follow my dictates?
4. Diversion-We humans are blessed with a special quality-our brains can only function on one particular track at a time.If I am depressed because my boss ignored me while handing out promotions to others,many other similar episodeswill come to the fore.But if I begin to straighten my desk,sort out important documents,throw out the trash then I would have shoved my depression to the background.You can also solve puzzles  or read a book to provide new channels to your brain.Diversion is the best answer.
5. Exercise-No matter how hard we try,tensions will come.Along with them come insomnia,body stiffness and different aches and pains.Anxiety readies the body to fight an enemy,increases the flow of harmful chemicals which play havoc with our body and it's systems.If we do exercise,Yoga or brisk walking then these pernicious chemicals are used up,leavind us calm.Try it.

The above habits have always helped me to handle the problems of life.I hope they will benefit you too!

There Is Hope Only If There Is Life!

 Just like a rainbow,our life too has many shades;radiant and joyous at one time,or gloomy and desolate at another.We try to do our best as far as possible but sometimes it becomes very difficult.Our plans go awry,relationships break,loved ones depart and we are left hurt or disillusioned.

Some people take it in their stride,some others carry on hopefully but there are also those who just wish to throw in the towel and end it all.There has been an alarming increase in the incidents of suicide and also a decrease in the age of suiciders lately.A peson who does this feels that there is no charm left in life.His reservoir of pain tolerance is full to the brim and he cannot live with it any longer-hence the suicide.But what if the pain decreased?Wouldn't life be worth living again?

Therefore the first thing to do is to lessen the pain.It can be done only if that person shares his tormenting thoughts with someone;gives an outlet to that volcano.He should talk to someone who will give him full attention and also respect his privacy-a friend,a relative,a teacher or a colleague.

If there is no such person on his radar then it is time to look for a professional-a counsellor,a psychologist or a psychiatrist.He should not hesitate to ask for help.It does not indicate that he is a weakling or a failure.In fact it indicates that he is wise enough to take a good step at the right time.The spark is there in him yet. 

1. The first thing he should do is,sit at a quiet place and think with his head  rather  than his heart.Which is the most depressing part of the situation?What can he  do about it?
2. If he is too bewildered to arrive at any decision then he should find a good counsellor.
3. He should explain his problem relating all the relevant incidents in detail.
4. He should follow the counsellor's advice fully.
5. Another beneficial activity is starting the day with a healthy routine of Yoga,exercise,walking or jogging.Exercise increases the flow of feel-good chemicals like serotonin,dopamine & endorphins --the last are natural pain killers & mood elevators.This also uses up the excessive stress hormones like adrenaline & cortisol.
6. Along with this he should also chart a scedule of his daily activities,like when to sleep and wake up,when to eat and when to finish his pending chores.Cleaning his cupboard and straightening his room will enable him to forget his troubles.
7. It is also therapeutic to spend time with family &friends .He will be glad to realize that they all care for him.Even if he was somewhat disillusioned with them,he should give them a second chance.Perhaps he misjudged them or they may be regretting their callousness towards him & this initiative will give his family ties  a new lease of life.
8. He should take up a pastime that gives him pleasure.If he recalls what gave him joy  before all this happened he will find happiness & peace of mind again.Unless he tries really hard he will not get out of this rut.
   
9. He should also find out how others cope in similar situations.
10. It is essential to continue his liaison with his counselor /doctor.
    

He should let the closest member of his family know that he was on the brink of suicide so that they will be on guard for him.Remember life is much larger than any misfortune,failure or emotional set-back.Time does heal.The pain will lessen and the sun will shine again.If one door has closed look for other options.Don't be dogmatic about wanting only that which has been denied to you.Be flexible.Look forward,not backwards.

If he does all this he will be fine !!!!!

Coaching Institutes of Kota

I have been a resident of Kota since decades.It used to be a quiet city till 1990 but the advent of coaching institutes after that brought in many changes.It now bustles with the activities of tutors,students and their guardians.I see many students and their guardians walking on the road in front of my home.It is easy to make out from their looks and conversations that they have come here from many other states

Some exude vigour and vitality while some others appear rather serious and worried.Naturally,because the regime is very,very taxing-not everybody can bear it smilingly.There is also a lot of competitiveness which keeps students on edge.

But the saddest part of this whole system is that some of those who find it unbearable,do not return home,but commit suicide.

Another NEET student dies by suicide in Kota, 6th in 2024.According to Hindustan Times Aug 3 

A vital question raises it's head-why do children choose death or self-inflicted torture,instead of returning home?Different answers come to mind-

1-Some join these institutes because their parents were very keen on them doing this course but they have no interest in the subjects being taught.

2-Some others know that their parents have managed with great difficulty ao get hold of the large amount of money needed for their stay in Kota.They cannot face them after their failure to qualify.

3-Their peers and relatives back home will look down upon them if they return without achieving anything.

4-A budding relationship breaks-leaviing them depressed.

The causes might be many more but no matter what the cause-the fact remains that a child's home,however big or small it may be-is like a nest for him.He feels secure and happy there.In Kota he might be confined to a limited space and a different ambiance.The people around him may be friendly,indifferent or even hostile.What sort of a memory-bank will he accumulate during his stay here?Will these years become a benign part of his memories or will it be too torturous to live with?

I think the aspiring doctors and engineers as well as their parents ought to give a second thought to  their plans if they find anythig amiss.There are numerous trades to choose from,if one option fails then another should be tried.Sui cide is no answer!

My readers are welcome to state their views on this subject,it will bebeneficial.

@Anxiety-It's Cause And Elimination

Life is never a straight road.It often takes an unexpected turn or presents unforeseen upheavals.This happens to all of us but while some roll on confidently,a few others become morose and anxious.This can continue for a long spell even if there is no immediate danger ahead.

Anxiety is a feeling of fear,apprehension and worry;out of proportion with actual danger.It is not always toxic.It often precipitates a decision to remove the obstacle which bars our progress.We decide how to overcome that obstacle and lay down a roadmap accordingly.Generally  the tentacles of anxiety dissolve after this decision has been taken.But what if they do not?

Mulling indefinitely and often,over distressing circumstances indicates that the problem lies deeper-in our own psyche-to be exact. Perhaps our way of viewing reality and reaching conclusions is at fault.We might be magnifying the repercussions of an ordinary event or belittling our own ability to deal with it. Such judgements are known as Cognitive Distortions i.e. arriving at wrong surmises about exteral circumstances.They breed uncalled-for stress which could have been avoided if we had rechecked our viewpoints about our life conditions and prospects.

Another cause of undue anxiety is Excessive Emotionalism and lesser use of logic.A bad patch or a downturn will distress anybody,but if we give in to our emotions in the presence of a challenge,then we also muddle our thinking process.Emotions biase us.We fail to find a correct solution to our problem and thus prolong our stress. 

Overthinking is another culprit which can intensify anxiety.It consists of an unending stream of negative,futile thoughts which deter us from taking action against the problem which is giving us the jitters.Overthinking seldom ends on a happy note.

 Introversion too can cause anxiety.If we don't share our worries with anybody,don't go out and meet people,then we store a mamoth amount of fears and worries.Talking releases a lot of stress.In psychology it is known as Catharsis.

"verywellmind" states "Catharsis is a powerful emotional release that, when successful, is accompanied by cognitive insight and positive change."

Then there is Pessimistic thinking which adds to our fears and worries.No matter what the situation,any new event makes us fear that it will end  unfavorably for us.If we were to pay more attention to how to salvage that situation we would be saved a lot of agony.

These are some tendencies whch aggravate anxiety.Knowing them and being on guard against them will certainly help us to become less tense and stressful.

Compassion,Care and Consideration

 We all send felicitations and happy messages to our known ones on special occasions.The senders and receivers,both experince a rush of joy.But after a while this bubbles down like water poured from a height.The challenges,responsibilities and worries of daily life monopolise our time and efforts.This pushes many people back to their solitary,less cared for quarters.Anxiety and loneliness take over.It is difficult for them to take the initiatve to come forward because of a fear that they might be tagged as cumbersome time-wasters.

Can we-those who are not inhibited by such compunctions-take a step forward and help them join the mainstream once more?If we are more concerned about the people around us;those who are not seen at places they used to haunt earlier,a genuine smile,a cogent remark or a concerned query could give them the impetus to get out of their  refuge and talk to us.

If your neighbour is less active than he always was,don't just wonder.Go a step forward and ask if he was well.Or an unusual lack of greeting from someone you are pally  with could be a signal that all was not well in his life.Your concern could give him the fillip to come out with his worries and thus lighten the load on his heart.If you can offer a viable solution to his problems,so much the better.What are friends for?

Sometimes asking a friend about his problem could be regarded as intrusive or derogatory.But his facial expressions,his gait and his general demeanour can reveal whether or not all is well in his life.A couple of positive remarks from your side though,could uplift his mood.

Life,as we all know,is full of ups and downs,achievements and failures,happiness and misery,hope and despair.There are moments in everyone's life when s/he could do with a real hug or a shoulder to cry on.Social media can give theoretical advice but where is that hug or a shoulder?Blessed are those who are surrounded by loving friends and relatives but not everybody has a support-system he or she can rely upon.Under the circumstances those on the periphery or fringe too can be of immense help.

If we see someone lost in his thoughts,unaware of his surroundings, a step forward from our side could uplift his mood.Even a small support from our side could dredge someone from #anxiety.His hope will increase,leading to a new resilience and stamina.

The benefits of your initiative will spread both ways-you too will feel nice after having done your duty as a fellow human being.

The Return of #Anxxiety and #Depression

Personality Traits Which Are a Risk Factor For #Anxiety or #Depressionhttps://jeeteraho.blogspot.com/2022/02/personality-traits-which-are-risk.html

Self-help For Anxiety And Depression

 Experts tell us that Mental Disorders are on the rise.Everyone experiences anxiety at some time or the other but sometimes it deepens into depression or a host of other Mental Disorders.The stigma attached to such maladies prevents people from consulting a professional or even admitting that they too are victims.

Hence they try to tackle it according to their own acumen and will-power.Most people know about aids like exercise,meditation,pranayam and positive thinking which can and do mitigate anxiety.A lesser known asset which can also pitch them on the path to recovery is writing a daily journal-that is recording their thoughts,emotions and activities every day.

Anxietry or depression spin from negative thoughts which lead us to conclude that our life,personality,future prospects and relationships are dismal and nothing can improve them.But writing a diary gives us the space to evaluate our behaviour and thought processes once again,so that we can rectify them if  necessary.

When you write your diary pay special attention to your moods.Also what you did to improve your mood if it was woebegone to begin with.At the end of the day or on the next day,recapitulate whether whatever you did after getting up,dissipated your worries or aggravated them.Mark that which helped you to overcome negative thoughts and vow to do it daily.

Overcoming anxiety is an important part of one's health and wellness but there are so many other responsibilities-which,if attended-will give you a happy,healthy and full life.For example you may be hiding in your room,unnecessarily snubbing your acqaintances or shirking your duties.There are many fronts on which a tense person can go wrong.Naturally this can create negativity or lead to nsavory consequences.Evaluate your performance on such fronts when you write your diary.If you are failing in an important facet  then try to do better the next day.Set your targets and and attempt to remove the hurdles which bar you from doing this.

Despite best efforts crises and calamities do occur.The journal is always there to write about such events and avail catharsis.This will lessen your agony.You can then analyse what went wrong and how to rectify it.Your journal is also a good place to ponder about oncoming challenges and how you should tackle them.

Thus we see that keeping a diary enables clear thinking,reduces anxiety or depression,helps you to overcome your faults,endows  resilience and boosts stamina,resulting in a new ,better you.What a wonderfull gadget to stay well and move forward.

You may also like my blog posts - 

Personality Traits which are Risk

Your self help guide for Eliminating

Cognitive Distortions,Magnification and Maximisation

A Tear-Straight From The Heart

 It would be worth my while to die,

If I could see a tear in your eye.

A token of love fom you at last,

To smoothen all the hurts of past.

 

A touch of sigh,for the days gone by,

A tinge of sorrow,for a different tomorrow.

A bit of regret, to make you fret.

A heartfelt pain?No I hope in vain.

You so cold,so aloof, so serene;

could there be a current of warmth unseen?

Was there a glance which pierced your armour?

And then forever usurped your ardour?

You do well to remain in  supreme disdain,

Of feelings humane,pleasure or pain.

Slowly I find I become one of your kind,

Though embers do glow underneath the rime.

This grip of melancholy now holds me like a vice,

And the vigour of life slowly turns to ice.

This is a crossroad-I have to decide,

Was I born to live or cast like a dice?

Though the swell is past and waters abate,

Why emulate what I fervently hate?

This would surely be the worst kind of treason,

To desert myself in the fall of the season?

Oh God forbid that there should be a day,

When my own tranquility should cause me dismay.

When love's gentle call would no more enthrall

Cause if I gave all I would also loose all?

When timid overtures would no more reach.

The inner space all gone to seed.

Therefore I say God let me die,

PERHAPS I could see a tear in his eye.