Are You Looking After A #Depressed Family Member ?

This is not about how to care for a mental patient,which I covered comprehensively in an earlier post.It is about you who are caring for one such family member.Only those who look after a depressed kin,know how very taxing it can be.To make matters worse,the improvements are often slow and erratic in coming.You need to pool all your physical,mental and emotional resources to continue this crusade of pulling your dear one out of this morass.

What's more,even though you must be doing a lot to take care of his basic and emotional needs,you may not get any thanks in return.It is common.He is engrossed in a jungle of his own worries and fears;least mindful of the common codes of conduct.He may even accuse you of doing things you could not have dreamt of doing.Don't complain or snap at him.Just say you are sorry and will be more careful in future.He needs compassion,not rebukes or judgments.

He also needs the understanding of others who live with him or come in contact with him.

You will have to act as a buffer between him and those other people.The key to maintaining a harmonious atmosphere in the home and shielding him from abuse or humiliation is in your hands.Convey his limitations to those who are not adequately attuned.It requires a lot of sagacity,patience and tolerance.The love and support of family  are like lifeboats for someone floundering in tempestuous waters.

Your main task is to pull him out of depression.Research informs us that exercise is the best way to combat mental ailments.Exercise,and following a modicum of daily routine every day are excellent antidotes to anxiety and depression.Depression can drain out physical as well as emotional energy therefore you will have to be persuasive and innovative in order to have him moving about again.Cajole him to start with tiny baby steps.Motivate him to introduce a small change in his routine which must have gone haywire after he succumbed to depression.

It could be anything like sitting with the family when they are relaxing and chatting,having meals with them,getting up at a given time,bathing regularly,changing into fresh clothes,straightening his bed etcetera,etcetera. Let him choose at least one action which he can do daily and easily.Once he picks up that habit he can graduate to more difficult tasks.This will increase his self confidence.Goad him to join the mainstream once again,encouraging and praising all the way.Since emotional problems tend to isolate a person,calling over friends and arranging casual get togethers  will provide a refreshing change to both of you.

Doing all this without an iota of thanks in return is not easy.At times you may wonder what you had done to deserve this life but just consider,he is at a much,much worse place than you.You will have to guard against anger,frustration and defeatism in your own self too.So gather all your emotional reserves and carry on.Only you can draw him out of this hole.Forget thanks and gratitude for now.Your rewards will come when you see an improvement in him-no matter how slight.

You are human.Along with emotional forbearance you also need plenty of strength to shuttle between looking after him and tending to other responsibilities.Look after your own health and happiness.Take proper nourishment and enough sleep to conserve your energy.You can synchronize your own siesta with that of the patient.If you feel too tired,consider out-sourcing the tasks which you find too demanding.Take time out to do what you like doing.

Doing all this should hopefully improve his condition but if this does not happen then you will at least have no reason to chastise yourself that you did not do your duty.

It is only for convenience that I have used the male gender.It does not signify anything.

Image taken from google search.

The Return Of #Anxiety Or #Depression

Recovery from anxiety or depression comes after sustained efforts.The road may be tortuous but the rewards are truly worth the toil.You are finally free of that feeling of foreboding and melancholy.Unfortunately recovery from depression or anxiety is sometimes not permanent.About 50% of the depressed persons achieve permanent cure while others may suffer a relapse or one more recurrences.

"Depression relapse" happens when a person slides back into depression during recovery from an earlier episode. Relapse is most likely to occur within 2 months of stopping treatment for a previous episode.

"Depression recurrence" happens when symptoms return months or years after a person has recovered from the last episode. This is most common within the first 6 months. Around 20 percent of people will experience a recurrence, but this can rise when depression is very severe.
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320269.php

Why this happens is worth examining:

1-Temperament:Recovery from a mental disorder signals that the sufferer must have incorporated  certain effective changes in his lifestyle along with medicine or psychotherapy-as the case may be-,which gave him relief.Whether it was the matter of confiding his worries to someone,discarding pessimism and negative self-talk,junking Cognitive Distortions,not overthinking about anything or adapting to and accepting the changed circumstances-something did click.

We are creatures of habit.We modify our behavior when our health is at stake but when life begins to run on an even keel we tend to slip into old habits.We discard the remedial measures which do not appeal to us but had been taken up under duress.A lethargic person will give up physical activity,exercise or meditation once he thinks he is cured,a workaholic may again ignore his personal life,while a person who tends to ruminate excessively will magnify even paltry problems. 

If someone sinks into the mold of behavior patterns which had earlier ignited the whole imbroglio,problems are bound to surface.The consequences are not apparent in the beginning but slowly the old symptoms return.In short,the changes which were adopted when the outlook was bleak are sometimes discarded after cure,thereby triggering a relapse or a recurrence. 

2-Premature cessation of treatment:Psychiatric medicines often have disagreeable side effects and some people discontinue the treatment before full remission.Even psychotherapy is sometimes junked as being too costly,time consuming or of little use.This too can cause a relapse of the disease.
It is necessary to differentiate between withdrawal symptoms due to abrupt cessation of medicine or a recurrence of the disorder.Psychiatric medicines should not be discontinued abruptly-this can give rise to withdrawal symptoms.It is best to phase them off under a doctor's guidance.

3-Hormonal changes in body:Hormonal changes because of puberty,pregnancy,child-birth,menopause,thyroid or some other condition sometimes precipitate the return of a mental disorder.

4-A major traumatic event:Any tragedy like death,disease,sudden loss of job or a painful breakup can also cause the recurrence of a mental ailment.But it is also possible that a person's sorrow after such an event may merely be a reflection of that event and may subside after a period of grieving which necessarily follows a major trauma.If that is the case then you only need some time and emotional support to reorient yourself. 

                  Remedy
Whatever be the cause,it is important to be aware and accept that your mental health has deteriorated.Only then will you be ready to take remedial measures.Identify the red flags at the earliest so that the disease can be tackled before it digs deep roots.Remove the most glaring cause of your stress and also pinpoint that element in your behavior which is aggravating your depressive emotions.Scrutinize your lifestyle and identify what you are doing wrong.Easier said than done?Yes!But it will save you a lot of anguish if you can stem the progress of a mental disorder at the very beginning.

*Think back to the first episode.
*How did it start?
*What triggered it?
*Are the conditions similar today?
*What helped you shake off the symptoms then?*Take it up again.
*Assess your circumstances rationally.
*Close the door through which anxiety is trying to barge in.
*Maintain a healthy lifestyle comprising of a wholesome diet,regular exercise,enough sleep,a stable routine consisting of enough activity and connectivity with your family and friends.
*Take up again,the activities which you used to  enjoy.
*Steer clear of alcohol or illegal drugs.
*Go in for professional help if these self-help measures do not give you relief but don't just let the water flow beneath the bridge due to apathy or lethargy.

These are simple initiatives which can easily be adopted.Mental disorders have to be tackled proactively in order to obtain relief.A depressed mind itself sends contrary signals that this cannot be done but you have to choose judiciously between what is good for you and what is not.Rational choices will help you along and you will be home free.

Playing The Victim

Being a victim is no fun.We all know that.Yet some people do self-victimize.They blame external factors for their troubles and failures,proclaim to all that they are victims of circumstances or others' machinations and refuse to take responsibility for the way their life is going.

We can divide them into two categories.First we have genuine victims who have low self worth and a weak fighting spirit.Perhaps their early experiences or their genetic make up are responsible for this,but it does make them easy targets of predators.You will find them whining but making no attempts to fight against those who victimize them.They firmly believe that they are destined to live like this for ever.They may repeatedly get into abusive relationships and do nothing to protect themselves,whereas they should be setting boundaries and asserting themselves. The truth is,they enjoy the care and sympathy which is bestowed upon them because of their sorry state.They tend to go overboard with self pity.

The second kind should better be known as manipulators who will use their sob stories to influence others' thoughts,feelings and actions.In fact they are out to manipulate others in the garb of a victim.They bank on others' altruistic feelings to get what they want.

Or they may play the victim to justify their abuse of others.Some shirks project a picture of "poor old me" so that the most cumbersome tasks are shouldered by others while they enjoy an easy life.But these tactics have a short life.Eventually people see through them and leave them to their own devices-or to pick up other gullible souls.     

In fact playing the victim is not productive for anyone.Even if you are the first kind you cannot advance in life if you are always harping upon your bad luck.Your public image will be that of a weakling who is for ever lamenting about this or that.You will lead a substandard,lonely life,your potential undiscovered.

And as far as the second kind is concerned, this kind of manipulation is detected very soon.It is enough to push away friends and family and you are on your own after that.What's more,you will also be labeled as a selfish,conniving exploiter.

How to deal with the self-victimizers?On one hand it is inhuman to ignore someone who is going through a bad phase,on the other hand, that someone could be faking it to con you.Besides,giving empathetic support has a shelf life.It can be very draining.You cannot interminably listen to some one's complaints without neglecting your own schedules or being distressed yourself.A better approach is to guide the real victims to see how they are neglecting their own safety and welfare,and support them while they fight their demons.

Self-victimization is antithetical to a  rich fulfilling life.It deprives the 'victims' of the joy of victory,of overcoming hurdles and making progress.It only gives them temporary solace,self pity,stagnation and derision in return.Ultimately it boils down to this:-

Why play it then?