Tuesday, September 1, 2015

What Went Wrong?All Facts,No Fiction.

She was a model child--quiet,obedient and well behaved.Highly intelligent and pretty to look at.Everybody praised her gentle mannerisms.She did well in school,though not fantastically so.She had a narcissistic streak from the very beginning and was a a perfectionist by nature.

Then the time came for her to get married.She rejected many proposals,finding some fault or the other in the boys.Ultimately she settled for one.The boy was enamored by her and they started their married life on a happy note.But her husband turned out to be a Casanova.There were ugly spats.

Ultimately she returned to her parental home with her kids.Her parents were very fond of her and took the necessary steps to make them comfortable.But contrary to everybody's expectations she was not happy.She became paranoid,suspected others' motives and made unreasonable accusations.This was followed by violent fits of anger.She also began to suffer from #Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.She would spend hours washing her hands and taking bath.Her kids cajoled her to consult a psychiatrist who prescribed #Psychiatric medicines.

These medicines did subdue her symptoms but she could not return to her original,normal self.Now,after having taken them for many years,she has become a caricature of her old self.She is prim,proper,formal and cordial;but the spark is missing.Certainly her condition prior to taking the medicines was unbearable but now she has become absolutely wooden in her responses.It is as if she is living in a mist.Her doctor says she would have gotten much worse if she had not been treated;but this too,is no life.

Why do psychiatric medicines have such disastrous side effects?Very often the poor patients don't have a say in whether they want to ingest them or not.It is easy to manipulate them--for their own comfort and also for the family's convenience.Till better medicines are invented many will be forced to live a blighted life.

But I wonder,where did she go wrong?A promising life was all but extinguished in the prime of youth.Was it her narcissism which caused her to make unreasonable demands from others?Or did her perfectionism make her difficult to live with?Did her parents' cosseting render her unfit to face the ups and downs of life?

There is no doubt that her husband was a philanderer but after she separated from him what slashed her chances of leading a normal life?Her mental disease surely,but it could have been the consequence of what transpired between husband and wife.Who is at fault?Many factors coalesce to make us what we are.One never knows how they will pan out in adult life.

37 comments :

  1. like i said am on alaprazolam for long,it has some effect on your cns physically and it din't change my behavior pattern or my normal personality.am the same guy as i was 2yr old kid.i din't find deviation in behavior pattern.most of anti-psychotics and anti-depressants act physically and behavior pattern gets affected when you are on overdose.

    there is always chance for behavior deviation when you have conflict in personal life that results in mental trauma .but spending time alone and realising self will cut down this deviation completely.again it varies how strong are you as individual or as a personality. i think people who believe in perfection or morally right behavior can't take it things easily when they are going wrong.this will lead to lots of stress and aggressive defending. if people are really good,you don't find billion dollar psychiatry molecules or anything related to psychology or psychiatry.its just a rotten society that can infect anyone who is healthy.

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    1. Rohan thanks for these insights--you being a specialist,know more about these meds than i do.Sometimes if one medicine does not agree with a patient another one ought to be tried--no?
      You are right about perfectionists not being able to tolerate irregularities in their lives.Alas,they have to pay the price for others' misconduct.

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    2. ok ,i will ask you a funny question.so what happens if LORD RAM is born in contemporary society.will he run away to himalayas or will he fight everyday for his rights and morals and end up with insomnia. what will he do if he is denied cunning krishna avatar to survive in this society.

      lord ram too suffered from depression and insomnia by the end of ramayan unable to bear his society and to keep his high moral values.

      ramayana depicts human state of mind that is more influenced by morals and ethics.mahabharata depicts the corrupt human state of mind that evolves to master the SURVIVAL OF FITTEST.

      both ramayana and mahabharata are fiction ,they give us choice to choose perfection of goodness and perfection of survival by any means.its up to people to choose their path.in the end,mahabharata,ramayana and bhagavadgita too have its flaws in ideologies coz human mind din’t attain complete perfection in thinking when these scriptures were written and the writers of these scriptures had limited number of perceptions based on limited population they had those days.with growing population,one can find steep deviation in society behavior.

      i think people complicated life too much which was really simple for their comforts.i wrote this for fun coz people are just like that, i dunno why someone or life has to be that complicated.its really funny.

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  2. Pondering on such issues raises the questions that you have raised
    - Was it her narcissism which caused her to make unreasonable demands?
    - Did her perfectionism make her difficult to live with?
    - Did her parents' cosseting render her unfit to face the ups and downs of life?
    I think it could be all the three. Narcissism, over a certain limit, makes it difficult for others to tolerate a person for a prolonged period. For how long can anybody listen to self praise of another person? That can lead to emotional gaps in a relationship. Too much of perfectionism tires up a person. The combination of perfectionism + narcissism can be pretty hard for others to deal with. Parents may accept it out of love but chances are that few others would.

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    1. Your synopses sums it up Somali.I would just like to add that when one of a couple acts arrogant the other naturally feels inferior ,or belittled.Maybe that led to adultery,maybe not.Who can say?

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  3. Oh no I just made a long comment and accidentally deleted it!! I will try again...

    I really enjoyed reading this case study. It's fascinating to think about what all the factors that go into making a person what they are. Do people have a predisposition toward certain psychological disorders that their difficult life circumstances bring to the forefront for them in a way they may not for another person? How does one become paranoid? This really interests me. Do they begin normally, with maybe just a few thoughts that boarder on paranoia and then build over time or is it sudden?

    You point about the medication really touched me. I think it's so sad that medication often changes people so much...yes on one hand their symptoms are lessened and their behaviour maybe more socially acceptable but like you say, something is missing. Duller.

    I find these topics really interesting! I hope you write more like this, I will read them eagerly!

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    1. I am glad you typed it again Colleen.I love to read your feedback.
      I too sometimes wonder if it is destiny-read genetics-or that person's own doing.I believe there are certain latent tendencies which flare up in trying times.
      You can find more of such case histories in the page-All facts,no fiction given below the header.
      Thanks for stopping by :)

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  4. Our scriptures all talk of the need to ride the wild horse that you call your mind. Absolutely essential for spiritual enlightenment but, probably, even more essential for a happy life. Perfectionism, Narcissism and all that are inclinations of the mind but the mind, itself, can be subjected to your control. After all, the extent of stress you take on yourself when your neighbor's kid is not perfect is not the same as when your kid is not perfect. Which means that it is not the imperfection in isolation - it is the imperfection in tandem with the importance that you give it - that leads to stress. Which, in turn, means that the importance you give things AND the consequent stress is under your control. Difficult...but not impossible. More often than not, it is not the sorrow of anything that debilitates the person - it is the wallowing in sorrow that does.

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    1. If only it was so easy to control the mind!As you say,it is difficult.Or else we would have fewer mental patients.And yes,wallowing in misery only intensifies it.

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    2. very good post, hit some real target issues with our mental health services pertaining to medication. If a said consumer does not have a support system or care giver to oversee what's going on in order to navigate the viscous cycle advocacy is definitely needed
      to help Ur family member get caught every day,

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    3. very good post, hit some real target issues with our mental health services pertaining to medication. If a said consumer does not have a support system or care giver to oversee what's going on in order to navigate the viscous cycle advocacy is definitely needed
      to help Ur family member get caught every day,

      Delete
    4. very good post, hit some real target issues with our mental health services pertaining to medication. If a said consumer does not have a support system or care giver to oversee what's going on in order to navigate the viscous cycle advocacy is definitely needed
      to help Ur family member get caught every day,

      Delete
    5. Sista you bring a very important issue to notice with your comment.Indeed support systems and caregivers are of vital importance for a mental patient without which s/he can be vandalized,exploited maltreated without any checks.I shudder to think of such persons.

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  5. I have seen exact same behavior that you have narrated here.

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  6. Psychiatric drugs can alter behaviour. Those who are on anti-depressants develop mood patterns over a prolonged period of use. That said, some people are more tolerant to strong medication and so tide over the side effects better than others. I have experienced this time and again over the years while undergoing treatments that have left others unscathed but caused irreverisble damage in my organs.

    Suresh has explained a complex phenomenon so simply, We indeed have to learn to give the right kind of response to things in our lives and for that we need to control our impulsive mind. It is an ongoing process of human life and the sooner one learns the control, the better one can live one's life.

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    1. Zephyr psychiatric medicines belong to a special category-they not only affect moods or behavior,but have also been seen to generate suicidal thoughts.Then there is the increased danger of being afflicted with physical diseases.This site can tell you a lot more about them
      http://www.cchr.org/quick-facts/psychiatric-drugs-side-effects.html

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    2. Fortunately there is no one in my immediate circle who is on such drugs :)

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  7. All this is so scary.
    But awareness is must otherwise the patients are often misunderstood.

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  8. The previous generation s went through tough times as they grew and hence are more receptive to failures in life .... Today's less than 40 folks have lead rosy lives and don't have the required inner strength to face challenging times .... There is a need forbuilding mental strength in each and everyone

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  9. The previous generation s went through tough times as they grew and hence are more receptive to failures in life .... Today's less than 40 folks have lead rosy lives and don't have the required inner strength to face challenging times .... There is a need forbuilding mental strength in each and everyone

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    1. Astute analyses jaishree.No wonder mental diseases are more common today.

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  10. I, too, believe that mental illnesses are treated these days with drugs that are too strong and maybe unnecessary. Counselling should be tried first. A great deal depends on how well families understand a particular condition and if the doctors spend enough time counselling the family as well on how to work with patients

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    1. Lata there is a segment of pharma industry which pushes drugs in unethical ways and the doctors--they are often hard pressed for time to do much of counselling.That is why we have social workers and psychologists to take up this aspect.

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  11. About the side effects of psychiatric drugs I agree with you Indu ji because I have seen people's personality change ---but about the rest of the blog its so difficult to say anything , to analyse ---I think I agree with what Somali K Chakrabarti has said . and to what you have said in your counter comment .

    nice post Indu ji but then human behaviour is so difficult to analyse ---specially when its a case of compatibility in a marriage

    warm regards
    Indu ji

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    1. I know what you mean Rajni.Even with hindsight,it is difficult to pin down where the cause of this unfortunate relationship lies.
      Lots of love.

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  12. Gone are the days when these problems were rare..we can find a number of people with OCD etc. around us..and sympathy is the only thing one can offer..it is very sad that those suffering with psychiatric ailments are considered a stigma even to the families they belong to..and the medication only serves to hush up the symptoms..it doesn't treat:(

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    1. Yes Amit ji it is very sad.Many schizophrenics are even disowned,admitted to institutions.The treatment leaves much to be desired :(

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  13. I think the obsession for being perfect is becoming common today. People forget that we are all human beings, and no two human beings can be the same. With this comes flexibility, adjusting with others and trying to get along well with others. What can be a better medicine that someone who offers a shoulder to cry and a ear to listen?

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    1. I get your point.If her husband had been flexible and supportive she could even have improved.
      Nice thought Ashwini :)

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  14. I am choked Indu....I have never believed in destiny, felt that our decisions make our deeds and thus our happiness but when I read such cases i freeze to think what is her fault, just a thought of loss of faith in goodness and hope Indu. Every human is made different some are perfectionists and some are not it necessarily is not a bad thing to be either. What I think is that when a certain expectation on life goes wrong one feel dejected more within that outwardly and thus the outbursts all such people need is love and only love.

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    1. It is true that her expectations from her marriage failed her.
      She did receive plenty of love at her parental home but by then the disease had set in-she could not shed her past and move on.

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  15. Good morning from Norway, sorry to write something so unrelated to your post in the comments but I nominated you for the Sunshine Award and I do you'll accept it!:)

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    1. Hi Colleen,
      Thanks for this gesture,I am honored.I will look it up soon :)

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  16. who is at fault.. god.. if only ..

    Dont know what to say

    Bikram's

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    1. Yes it is difficult to say who is at fault.

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Thanks for reading my post.I hope you liked it :).