Tuesday, August 30, 2016

The Drawbacks of Being # Highly Sensitive.

Life is stressful enough these days without adding an unwarranted burden to our minds. But we do exactly that when we react excessively to external stimuli,ponder reflectively over everything,experience emotions strongly,and take little things to heart.

Those who fit this description have been termed as highly Sensitive People or HSP by Dr.Elaine Aron who has been researching this trait since 1991.This is not a disorder but an innate tendency found in 15 to 20% people according to her.She says they are born,not made.You can check her site to judge for yourself whether or not you too,are highly sensitive.

The HSP have many admirable qualities.They are empathetic,caring,conscientious,creative and methodical,but being highly sensitive can sometimes also be detrimental.

*It is a given that now and then our plans will be foiled,we shall be defeated,and we may also suffer mishaps or setbacks. Such things sadden everyone,but if we accept them and move forward  it is one problem left behind. On the other hand,if we give undue importance to a negative event then we carry that negativity along with us,much longer than is good for us.

*In this way we accumulate more stress than is mandated by the circumstances. It not only affects our composure but could also morph into an anxiety disorder.

*When we pay excessive attention to a negative element in our lives,we lose sight of other positive aspects.Life appears dark and dreary and we become unduly morose.

*Moreover,when we allow run-of-the-mill instances to overwhelm us,it is possible to lose sight of other pressing matters which might really be important.

*Emotions cloud our reasoning faculties and distort perceptions. Naturally,this obviates problem-solving and leads to more stress in our lives.

*Too much sensitivity can cause loneliness.It is not uncommon to be rejected, cheated,betrayed or humiliated by someone.If we obsess about such episodes and retreat into our shells,we will cut ourselves off from many people.Others too will be wary of stepping on our toes and steer clear of us.

*The greatest danger in reacting strongly or experiencing emotions too deeply lies in the realm of relationships.A chance utterance,criticism,or an angry retort can mark the end of a relationship for those who hurt easily.It is best to give some margin to those who really matter,who could lighten our burden,who want to be with us,and without whom we too would be unhappy,otherwise that relationship could come to a sorry end,and then we would really have something to worry about.

In order to be happy,it is essential to view everything in its proper perspective.Difficulties,obstacles or unsavory incidents cannot be ruled out,but by allowing even negligible events to influence us hugely,we perpetuate tension and preclude serenity.

A related post:--

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

The Far-reaching Consequences of a Dysfunctional Family.

Parul was a twenty-two-year-old,well employed unmarried,graduate girl when she came to me for counseling.She had various problems.Her personal life was a mess and her past too had been no better.Her parents divorced when she was in the sixth standard.Both mother and father lived in other cities.Her elder sister belonged to low middle class.Only her brother,who lived in a metro,was doing well.

When she was still a child,a man with whom her mother lived tried to molest her.She left that city as soon as she got a job in Kota.So far,so good.

Here,she got entangled with a boy who was doing a small time job-nothing much to speak of.She developed an intimate relationship with him and went twice for an abortion.

He used to   fleece her for money and gifts.Hungry as she was,for a sense of belonging and recognition;she used to give in to his demands.Then he began to two-time her.So she asked him to return her money and stuff.In response,he became violent,as did his brother and cohorts.Overcome by despair,she took sleeping pills and Celphos.Her friend took her to the hospital and she recovered.

It was after this episode,that she came to me.Despite all this,she wanted to marry him because one,she believed that no one would marry her because of her parents' divorce;and two,because he belonged to her caste.She was determined to marry him even if it meant hell for her,such was her desperation to get married.Her parents were not at all bothered about what was happening in her life.

Her boyfriend too had a murky background.His mother had committed suicide and his father had two wives.Both he and his brother were henchmen of small-time politicians.

I tried to make her see the fallacy of her decision and the logic behind it but she was unmoved.It appeared that her questionable lifestyle had left her with little self-respect.She was convinced that she would not get a better option than what she now had.After a few days,she told me that she had patched up with him again.

Light Shining Out of Darkness--- by William Cowper

William Cowper was an English poet and hymnodist.His life was scarred by misfortune and sorrow.He suffered bouts of  depression and insanity, and thrice,he attempted suicide.He was even admitted to an asylum.

Yet,consider this poem below and you cannot but marvel at his positivity and of course,his literary prowess.

Light Shining Out of Darkness

God moves in a mysterious way
    His wonders to perform;
    He plants His footsteps in the sea
    And rides upon the storm.

    Deep in unfathomable mines
    Of never failing skill
    He treasures up His bright designs
    And works His sov’reign will.

    Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
    The clouds ye so much dread
    Are big with mercy and shall break
    In blessings on your head.

    Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
    But trust Him for His grace;
    Behind a frowning providence
    He hides a smiling face.

    His purposes will ripen fast,
    Unfolding every hour;
    The bud may have a bitter taste,
    But sweet will be the flow’r.

    Blind unbelief is sure to err
    And scan His work in vain;
    God is His own interpreter,
    And He will make it plain.

Source-google search.