Thursday, December 5, 2019

A Beautiful Poem By A H Clough:Read and be inspired

Say not the Struggle nought Availeth

Say not the struggle nought availeth, 
     The labour and the wounds are vain, 
The enemy faints not, nor faileth, 
     And as things have been they remain. 

If hopes were dupes, fears may be liars; 
     It may be, in yon smoke concealed, 
Your comrades chase e'en now the fliers,
     And, but for you, possess the field. 

For while the tired waves, vainly breaking 
     Seem here no painful inch to gain, 
Far back through creeks and inlets making, 
     Comes silent, flooding in, the main. 

And not by eastern windows only, 
     When daylight comes, comes in the light, 
In front the sun climbs slow, how slowly, 
     But westward, look, the land is bright.

Poem taken from google search,thanks.

Friday, November 22, 2019

Are You Looking After A #Depressed Family Member ?

This is not about how to care for a mental patient,which I covered comprehensively in an earlier post.It is about you who are caring for one such family member.Only those who look after a depressed kin,know how very taxing it can be.To make matters worse,the improvements are often slow and erratic in coming.You need to pool all your physical,mental and emotional resources to continue this crusade of pulling your dear one out of this morass.

What's more,even though you must be doing a lot to take care of his basic and emotional needs,you may not get any thanks in return.It is common.He is engrossed in a jungle of his own worries and fears;least mindful of the common codes of conduct.He may even accuse you of doing things you could not have dreamt of doing.Don't complain or snap at him.Just say you are sorry and will be more careful in future.He needs compassion,not rebukes or judgments.

He also needs the understanding of others who live with him or come in contact with him.
You will have to act as a buffer between him and those other people.The key to maintaining a harmonious atmosphere in the home and shielding him from abuse or humiliation is in your hands.Convey his limitations to those who are not adequately attuned.It requires a lot of sagacity,patience and tolerance.The love and support of family  are like lifeboats for someone floundering in tempestuous waters.

Your main task is to pull him out of depression.Research informs us that exercise is the best way to combat mental ailments.Exercise,and following a modicum of daily routine every day are excellent antidotes to anxiety and depression.Depression can drain out physical as well as emotional energy therefore you will have to be persuasive and innovative in order to have him moving about again.Cajole him to start with tiny baby steps.Motivate him to introduce a small change in his routine which must have gone haywire after he succumbed to depression.

It could be anything like sitting with the family when they are relaxing and chatting,having meals with them,getting up at a given time,bathing regularly,changing into fresh clothes,straightening his bed etcetera,etcetera. Let him choose at least one action which he can do daily and easily.Once he picks up that habit he can graduate to more difficult tasks.This will increase his self confidence.Goad him to join the mainstream once again,encouraging and praising all the way.Since emotional problems tend to isolate a person,calling over friends and arranging casual get togethers  will provide a refreshing change to both of you.

Doing all this without an iota of thanks in return is not easy.At times you may wonder what you had done to deserve this life but just consider,he is at a much,much worse place than you.You will have to guard against anger,frustration and defeatism in your own self too.So gather all your emotional reserves and carry on.Only you can draw him out of this hole.Forget thanks and gratitude for now.Your rewards will come when you see an improvement in him-no matter how slight.

You are human.Along with emotional forbearance you also need plenty of strength to shuttle between looking after him and tending to other responsibilities.Look after your own health and happiness.Take proper nourishment and enough sleep to conserve your energy.You can synchronize your own siesta with that of the patient.If you feel too tired,consider out-sourcing the tasks which you find too demanding.Take time out to do what you like doing.

Doing all this should hopefully improve his condition but if this does not happen then you will at least have no reason to chastise yourself that you did not do your duty.

It is only for convenience that I have used the male gender.It does not signify anything.

Image taken from google search.


Saturday, October 12, 2019

Changing Times Need A Fresh Approach

Those were the days when life was simple,families large,bum-chums nearby and domiciles almost permanent.If one was worried about something there was always help at hand :if not in the form of parents,then friends and associates.But all this has been swept away with the sands of time.

Migration to new cities is the norm,aspirations are sky high and competition grim.Real time companions-especially the old tried and tested ones-are fewer,and loneliness is the last straw that sometimes breaks the camel's back.While tensions have rocketed enormously,those who could assuage our perturbed minds are few or far away.

No wonder #mentaldisorders are galloping all over.There is a greater need for support systems than there ever was.Since traditional support systems have dwindled we need to look at alternative sources of help-these are available in the form of psychologists,counselors,psychiatrists and on-line help.But how many of those who suffer from emotional or psychological problems make use of these services?

National Mental Health Survey of India 2018 affirms:
"nearly 150 million Indians need mental health care services,less than 30 million are seeking care".
A major obstacle in the way of doing this of course is,stigma,the impression that mental patients are weak and incompetent,and they don't do enough to solve their problems.Since very few people talk of their psychological problems,every sufferer thinks that he or she is the rotten apple and they must not divulge it.This is how the stigma is born and perpetuated.

This kind of thinking prevents people from admitting to a mental disorder and seeking help.If their self help measures do not work, their condition worsens till psychiatric medicines are the only answer.I am not competent to discuss the efficacy or desirability of these medicines but I do believe that it is far better to seek help in the initial stages rather than having to depend upon medicines.This raises an important question-
When to seek help?
This is no doubt a difficult question.Transitory disappointments or griefs sometimes hit hard  but we manage to bounce up again after a certain period.The field of mental health is nebulous and ever changing-especially for mental patients.No two persons suffering from anxiety will have similar worries or fears.They may experience various levels of stress or tranquility even in the same day.
The thumb rule is to check yourself against the following parameters:--

  1. Have you become quiet and asocial?
  2. Do you feel sad and disinterested most of the time?
  3. Do you neglect your daily routine?
  4. Do you find it difficult to take decisions?
  5. Are even simple tasks too laborious for you?
  6. Do you have suicidal thoughts?
  7. Do you have poor sleep or sleep too much?
  8. Do you have poor appetite or eat too much?
  9. Do you have gastric problems and sundry aches and pains?
  10. Have you become angry and irritable?
If the answers to most of these questions are 'yes' and this has been going on for more than two months then it is time you took the help of a mental health professional.The choice is between a psychologist,counselor,general practitioner or a psychiatrist.The first two will assist you to think rationally about your problem and delve into to the causes of this imbroglio.You can open your heart to them.They will extend emotional support and also respect your privacy.If they think you need medicines to help you along,they will refer you to a doctor.If you are hesitant about consulting a psychiatrist then even a GP or a family doctor can be of immense help-as he was in my own case.

Suffice it to say that once you observe your daily life has changed drastically because of your mood swings,take immediate steps to improve your mental health and reclaim your life.There can be no health without mental health.



https://www.cchr.org/quick-facts/psychiatric-drugs-side-effects.html

Saturday, August 31, 2019

The Return Of #Anxiety Or #Depression

Recovery from anxiety or depression comes after sustained efforts.The road may be tortuous but the rewards are truly worth the toil.You are finally free of that feeling of foreboding and melancholy.Unfortunately recovery from depression or anxiety is sometimes not permanent.About 50% of the depressed persons achieve permanent cure while others may suffer a relapse or one more recurrences.


"Depression relapse" happens when a person slides back into depression during recovery from an earlier episode. Relapse is most likely to occur within 2 months of stopping treatment for a previous episode.
"Depression recurrence" happens when symptoms return months or years after a person has recovered from the last episode. This is most common within the first 6 months. Around 20 percent of people will experience a recurrence, but this can rise when depression is very severe.
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320269.php

Why this happens is worth examining:

1-Temperament:Recovery from a mental disorder signals that the sufferer must have incorporated  certain effective changes in his lifestyle along with medicine or psychotherapy-as the case may be-,which gave him relief.Whether it was the matter of confiding his worries to someone,discarding pessimism and negative self-talk,junking Cognitive Distortions,not overthinking about anything or adapting to and accepting the changed circumstances-something did click.

We are creatures of habit.We modify our behavior when our health is at stake but when life begins to run on an even keel we tend to slip into old habits.We discard the remedial measures which do not appeal to us but had been taken up under duress.A lethargic person will give up physical activity,exercise or meditation once he thinks he is cured,a workaholic may again ignore his personal life,while a person who tends to ruminate excessively will magnify even paltry problems. 

If someone sinks into the mold of behavior patterns which had earlier ignited the whole imbroglio,problems are bound to surface.The consequences are not apparent in the beginning but slowly the old symptoms return.In short,the changes which were adopted when the outlook was bleak are sometimes discarded after cure,thereby triggering a relapse or a recurrence. 

2-Premature cessation of treatment:Psychiatric medicines often have disagreeable side effects and some people discontinue the treatment before full remission.Even psychotherapy is sometimes junked as being too costly,time consuming or of little use.This too can cause a relapse of the disease.
It is necessary to differentiate between withdrawal symptoms due to abrupt cessation of medicine or a recurrence of the disorder.Psychiatric medicines should not be discontinued abruptly-this can give rise to withdrawal symptoms.It is best to phase them off under a doctor's guidance.

3-Hormonal changes in body:Hormonal changes because of puberty,pregnancy,child-birth,menopause,thyroid or some other condition sometimes precipitate the return of a mental disorder.

4-A major traumatic event:Any tragedy like death,disease,sudden loss of job or a painful breakup can also cause the recurrence of a mental ailment.But it is also possible that a person's sorrow after such an event may merely be a reflection of that event and may subside after a period of grieving which necessarily follows a major trauma.If that is the case then you only need some time and emotional support to reorient yourself. 

                  Remedy
Whatever be the cause,it is important to be aware and accept that your mental health has deteriorated.Only then will you be ready to take remedial measures.Identify the red flags at the earliest so that the disease can be tackled before it digs deep roots.Remove the most glaring cause of your stress and also pinpoint that element in your behavior which is aggravating your depressive emotions.Scrutinize your lifestyle and identify what you are doing wrong.Easier said than done?Yes!But it will save you a lot of anguish if you can stem the progress of a mental disorder at the very beginning.

*Think back to the first episode.
*How did it start?
*What triggered it?
*Are the conditions similar today?
*What helped you shake off the symptoms then?*Take it up again.
*Assess your circumstances rationally.
*Close the door through which anxiety is trying to barge in.
*Maintain a healthy lifestyle comprising of a wholesome diet,regular exercise,enough sleep,a stable routine consisting of enough activity and connectivity with your family and friends.
*Take up again,the activities which you used to  enjoy.
*Steer clear of alcohol or illegal drugs.
*Go in for professional help if these self-help measures do not give you relief but don't just let the water flow beneath the bridge due to apathy or lethargy.

These are simple initiatives which can easily be adopted.Mental disorders have to be tackled proactively in order to obtain relief.A depressed mind itself sends contrary signals that this cannot be done but you have to choose judiciously between what is good for you and what is not.Rational choices will help you along and you will be home free.

Saturday, June 15, 2019

Playing The Victim

Being a victim is no fun.We all know that.Yet some people do self-victimize.They blame external factors for their troubles and failures,proclaim to all that they are victims of circumstances or others' machinations and refuse to take responsibility for the way their life is going.

We can divide them into two categories.First we have genuine victims who have low self worth and a weak fighting spirit.Perhaps their early experiences or their genetic make up are responsible for this,but it does make them easy targets of predators.You will find them whining but making no attempts to fight against those who victimize them.They firmly believe that they are destined to live like this for ever.They may repeatedly get into abusive relationships and do nothing to protect themselves,whereas they should be setting boundaries and asserting themselves. The truth is,they enjoy the care and sympathy which is bestowed upon them because of their sorry state.They tend to go overboard with self pity.

The second kind should better be known as manipulators who will use their sob stories to influence others' thoughts,feelings and actions.In fact they are out to manipulate others in the garb of a victim.They bank on others' altruistic feelings to get what they want.

Or they may play the victim to justify their abuse of others.Some shirks project a picture of "poor old me" so that the most cumbersome tasks are shouldered by others while they enjoy an easy life.But these tactics have a short life.Eventually people see through them and leave them to their own devices-or to pick up other gullible souls.     

In fact playing the victim is not productive for anyone.Even if you are the first kind you cannot advance in life if you are always harping upon your bad luck.Your public image will be that of a weakling who is for ever lamenting about this or that.You will lead a substandard,lonely life,your potential undiscovered.

And as far as the second kind is concerned, this kind of manipulation is detected very soon.It is enough to push away friends and family and you are on your own after that.What's more,you will also be labeled as a selfish,conniving exploiter.

How to deal with the self-victimizers?On one hand it is inhuman to ignore someone who is going through a bad phase,on the other hand, that someone could be faking it to con you.Besides,giving empathetic support has a shelf life.It can be very draining.You cannot interminably listen to some one's complaints without neglecting your own schedules or being distressed yourself.A better approach is to guide the real victims to see how they are neglecting their own safety and welfare,and support them while they fight their demons.

Self-victimization is antithetical to a  rich fulfilling life.It deprives the 'victims' of the joy of victory,of overcoming hurdles and making progress.It only gives them temporary solace,self pity,stagnation and derision in return.Ultimately it boils down to this:-
Why play it then?






Saturday, May 18, 2019

Seven #Mantras Which Drive Me

We imbibe certain ideas of right and wrong through watching our parents since the day we are born.As we grow up the extended family,teachers and peer group add to that list.Subsequent experiences prompt us to refresh this list according to our own judgement and requirements.We discard the principles which we think are spurious or won't help us advance in life and continue to deploy those which hold value or utility for us.These become our life mantras.They hold us together.Abiding by them adds to our sense of self-worth,a satisfaction of having done the right thing.

Let me share a few of my life mantras:--
Honesty is the best policy
I imbibed this from my father,he did not have to say it in so many words.I saw how upright he was and how it fetched him respect and insulated him from unnecessary complications and decided that it was the best policy indeed.It also obviates the necessity of having to lie left,right and center,which incidentally,is something I dislike immensely.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be
This too was my father's dictum.It included not only borrowing from friends or family but also taking loans from banks.I know the latter is totally against the current ethos but it is what I believe in.When we desist from taking loans we try to live within our means.We learn to curb reckless consumerism.This also entails saving and neither wasting nor splurging.As far as lending is concerned I prefer giving charity to needy persons.Lending money to friends or family can spoil the relationships.
Respect all humans
When we do well in life,attain a notable status,a kind of superiority permeats our thinking.We look down upon those who are below us.It boosts our ego but it hurts those whom we disparage.If ever I am tempted to spurn someone I remind myself that "There,but for the grace of God,go I." Those who are low in hierarchy have to put up with enough ignominy without us adding to it.The true test of anyone's character is how s/he treats those who are below them.
Duty first
This principle is important for me because as I see it,I enjoy many rights and privileges for which I should be thankful to individuals far and near;consequently I too must fulfill my responsibilities and do what is expected of me.If everyone did this,relationships would bloom and ease of living too,would improve.In the context of family of course this principle is of inestimable value.
The law of karma
This dictum has religious sanctity as we all know,but it also makes sense from a practical point of view.The fear of having to reap the consequences of our actions,impels most of us to refrain from committing willful misdeeds.It is an inbuilt mechanism which promotes good behavior.
Superstitions and elaborate rituals
I lean towards logic therefore if any superstition crosses my mind I scrap it then and there.As far as elaborate rituals and external symbols of faith are concerned I don't consider them important.Going to temples and holy places too does not enthuse me.God is omnipresent,I can connect with him at any time and place.I care more about ethics and morality.
Whatever happens,happens for the best
Any setback,catastrophe,disaster or misfortune naturally causes a lot of distress and turmoil.But such events do have some hidden benefits.They help us to evolve,which I believe is the sole purpose of life.We analyse what went wrong,where we erred,and remove our shortcomings.Adverse circumstances promote stoicism and teach us how to overcome our difficulties.This is how we become strong,skillful and resilient.There is lesser frustration and more of action.

These seven principles have become an inseparable part of my thinking.Early experiences plus existential needs have a huge impact on what we believe in and your mantras might be different from mine.I would love to know them.Do share.

Saturday, May 4, 2019

This Long Road

Step by step,how far we go!
This long road
away from home
did I know
when I first stepped out
what it was
going to be like?

smooth or rough
or strewn with stones
gentle curves 
or twists and turns
hot and dusty
or cool and shady
steep uphill climb
or a slip down ravine?

and the companions-
friends or opponents
kind and encouraging
or sharp and stinging
empathetic and true
or vile through and through?

no,nothing of this kind
crossed my mind
I just stepped out
and plunged headlong
as the day advanced
reality dawned
this was no dance
nor a walk in the park

a mixed platter
had been served to me
and the making or breaking
now rested on me
it was a test
to do my best
for this exam
and also my nest
so much the better
without a flutter

from where I stand
what used to be home 
is  nowhere in sight
only the road ahead
and this fading light
step by step
breath by breath
how far I have come
from my sweet old home.





Saturday, April 20, 2019

How To Feel Important

So you want to feel more important?Here are some tricks-culled from my own experience.Put them in practice and you will be the guiding star of your group and the rage of any party.

*If you have been invited to a birthday party,kitty party or a marriage ceremony-be late.Late enough for people to start wondering"Where is Indu?What happened?Hope she is O.K."And then you sashay in."Sorry,sorry.Extremely sorry.A friend came up with a problem and I just had to help her out." 

*Alternatively,prepare to leave a gathering while all else are present and explain in loud terms that you have been invited to another 'do' and they will be highly disappointed if you don't make an appearance.

*Another savvy tip:If an acquaintance is having trouble getting something done from the local administration or a politician promise to help him out.Now he begins to chase you.Extend sweet honey dipped excuses and keep the hope (as well as )the chase alive.

*The surest way of gathering people around you is to fall sick-no,not very seriously but enough to have them asking about your welfare,giving advice and doing small jobs for you.What is slight exaggeration and a dose of histrionics to be fussed over and talked about? 

*Talk,talk,talk.About your connections,your achievements,your skills and your likes and dislikes.

*Facebook friends are far more numerous than real ones and it imperative to shine in that galaxy if you wish to feel important.Show off a trendy dress as soon as you buy it.Don't forget to post a selfie if you are travelling by air or snacking at a high end eatery.And what about the sumptuous dishes which you cook?Show them those too.Every little bit counts.And yes,you cannot become a VIP without liking every update and being liked in return-in astronomical figures.

Come to think of it-why am I doling out these nuggets?I hardly get any likes.Mine is a gone case-damaged beyond repair.What the heck!I too want to feel important.So please like and respond.

Saturday, April 6, 2019

A Gazal In Which You May Find Shades Of Your Own Sentiments

आज मैं आपके साथ एक ग़ज़ल शेयर करना चाहती हूं  जो मैंने २,३ साल पहले पढ़ी  थी.शायर हैं शकील उद्दीन. तो लीजिये आप भी इसका आनंद उठाइये:--

गमे  हयात उठाना हंसी मज़ाक नहीं.'
फिर उसपे हंस के दिखाना हंसी मज़ाक नहीं.

बदलते देखी है तकदीर  हमने शाहों की,
किसी के दिल को दुखाना हंसी मज़ाक नहीं.

मैं अपने हाल पे खुद कहकहे लगता हूँ,
मज़ाक खुद का उड़ाना हंसी मज़ाक नहीं.

खुद अपने ख्वाब बिखरने का खौफ रहता है,
किसी को ख्वाब दिखाना हंसी मज़ाक नहीं.

तस्सुरात वो चेहरे के पढ़ने लगता है,
बहाना उससे बनाना हंसी मज़ाक नहीं.

न जाने कितने मराहिल किये हैं तय लेकिन,
तुम्हारी बज़्म में आना हंसी मज़ाक  नहीं.

This gazal was penned by Shakeel Uddien.

Saturday, March 23, 2019

My Favorite Quote

This quote I think,is the best advice anyone could give anyone.None of us is perfect.We have many flaws and weaknesses.We also face many problems-whether in our home or work life.So what do we do?We change jobs,domiciles,friends and life partners.When we are depressed or experience a burnout we are advised to take a break,go on a holiday.

Does any of this give succor?Hardly.What does give relief is when we look inside,see what we are doing wrong and fix it.If our attitudes,expectations,behavior and way of working or relating are the cause of our problems how will changing the externals help us?History will repeat itself.

Suppose I am sick to death of my neighbors.I change my residence but there again I am dissatisfied.Now I need to consider if I am doing something wrong?Does my attitude up their antennae?Am I so feeble that I cannot lay down their boundaries?Or do I take normal friendliness as an intrusion?Whatever my shortcoming,when I fix that,then I will be happy;not only in my home life but also at my work and in my relationships.

So,whenever we are at loggerheads with life it is best to search inside and find the way out.Confucius gave us a golden rule,applicable to each one of us.Amen!!!!!!

image from google search

Saturday, March 9, 2019

Calamity-Worse Confounded

Sanjay was a tall,well built 16 yr old boy when he visited me a few years back.He was referred by two shopkeepers from whom he used to purchase some items because he looked depressed.Mark,neither his course mates nor his teachers noticed this fact.

He certainly looked very depressed.He had passed the 10th board exams from another state in vernacular medium with good marks.He planned to compete for state government jobs after graduation.But his uncle motivated him to come to Kota,join a coaching institute and do B.Tech from an IIT.So he brushed up his English and came here.

He was a bright student and started with a good rank.After a couple of months the boy with whom he shared his room in a hostel hung himself from the fan.It was Sanjay who broke open the door and found him.Naturally he was devastated.As if this was not enough to numb him,his paternal grandfather expired after one week.

He went home and returned after a week.He was in a state of severe shock even after returning.He divulged that he was crying continuously for two weeks.Then one day he opened his note books and found that they were totally blank.He tried to catch up with others but the link had broken and his rank kept slipping.

It was four months after the double tragedies that the shopkeepers had sent him to me.His initial complaint was that his rank at the institute was slipping.Actually,he was in doldrums about his future.He could not decide what to do.He felt lonely and home sick over here;but he feared that if he went back he would be jeered at,his mother would become a laughing stock and his uncle too would be disappointed.At the same time,he did not want to stay on in Kota.

I asked him to tell me about his life before coming to Kota. He told me that his parents were teachers in his home state.His mother taught in the very school from which he had passed out.Earlier,while he was growing up,she had shifted to a hostel to do M.Ed.He was not much attached to her.He loved his father dearly.

His parents were in town when I interviewed Sanjay. His mother wanted him to stay on for five more months after which she would take leave and come to stay with him. Sanjay was not at all keen at this prospect.I advised his parents to allow him some rest,take him back,and decide about his future after the 12th board exams.The mother was not in favor of this even after oblique counselling.In fact even this was spurious because she had seen her son's condition.The father was mostly quiet.

I asked Sanjay to tell me what they had decided and contact me if he stayed back.His parents were to leave Kota on the next day.There was no communication from him after this.Later on,when I tried to follow it up his mo.number was declared as invalid.I hope he is fit and doing well in whichever field he chose. 

Saturday, February 23, 2019

12 Tips to nix #Overthinking

Our thoughts decide how we lead our lives.Every action or reaction stems from a thought.And inaction stems from many thoughts-or overthinking-which implies thinking too much for too long about any problem,event or person.Urban Dictionary describes it as "The art of creating problems that weren't even there."This seems tangy but it is quite true.Overthinking can certainly cause many problems.

When your mind goes round and round in circles about one single factor considering it's various variants,it receives multiple answers.Processing all that information,segregating the truth from chaff,the relevant from the irrelevant and the helpful from the harmful can be very trying.

Naturally this creates a lot of confusion.You swim in a sea of doubts and worries.As you straggle the pinwheel of your thoughts you lose sense of time and may neglect other,pressing matters.Overthinking blocks action,you cannot lead a decisive,progressive life if you are prone to overthinking. 

It also alienates you from others.The tangle of worries makes you irritable and reclusive.You are so immersed in your thoughts that you neglect the people around you.If you think too much about what somebody said or did,you may suspect hidden motives where none existed,and harbor baseless biases in your mind.The more you keep to yourself the more you will be with your thoughts;and the lonelier too.

This is not good for your mental health.You have no peace of mind and your sleep too is disturbed because overthinking is not adulatory in nature.It generates anxiety of course,but it can also devolve into depression or phobias.

There is no doubt overthinking is more destructive than constructive.It's genesis lies in insecurity and lack of confidence.Boosting your confidence  is therefore the best way to nix it.A few practical tips given below will assist you to be more decisive and less hesitant.
Discipline your thoughts
Thinking once,twice or thrice about anything is enough.Overthinking clogs the brain and decreases clarity of thought.
1)Decide how much time you need to come to a decision: 5 minutes,10 minutes or 15 minutes.
2)Don't breach that limit when you have to take a decision.
3)Apply the same rule even when you are merely going over the day's events.
Be active instead of ruminative
4)Our thoughts run wild when we are idle.Choose leisure time activities which interest you so that you do not just sit and think.
5)If you dislike something or do not agree with it,say so at that very time,instead of mulling over it later on.
Avoid second thoughts
6)Since you are an over thinker you are not likely to take a decision without due deliberation,but once you have reached a decision,stick to it.
7)Don't speculate whether it is in your best interest or not,because you have already considered all the pros and cons.
8)And don't worry what others will say about your endeavors either.Have the confidence to do what you believe in.
9)Pay no heed to the naysayers,there are plenty of them.
Live in the present
The present demands your full focus.Thinking of the past or worrying about the future is very often the cause of over thinking.
10)Don't go back to what happened yesterday,day before or even much earlier.
11)Cultivate the habit of putting quick closure to things,things which are likely to haunt you.
12)And don't envisage grey happenings in the future.

These are very small changes but they will take you far.You will be able to scrap over thinking and the associated tensions.Your anxiety will subside and you will progress in life.Even your relationships will improve as people spot the changes in you.In short,scrapping over thinking will prove to be a big game changer for you.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Overthinking

Saturday, February 9, 2019

Your Self-help Guide For Eliminating #Anxiety

"Anxiety is a feeling of nervousness,unease or worry that typically occurs in the absence of imminent threat.It differs from fear,which is the body's natural response to immediate danger."
The wide tentacles of anxiety engulf all else.Even the activities which earlier pleased you are now ignored.In order to get rid of it you must first understand how it caught hold of you.

The brain learns from repetition.When you think fearful,worrisome,disturbing thoughts repeatedly,these thought engrave a pathway in the brain and the mind automatically latches on to that path whenever there is a ripple in the wind.Apprehension and worry become a way of reacting to every situation.These emotions trigger the release of stress hormones like Cortisol and Adrenalin which further aggravate your anxiety.

Living with anxiety is tough.You can try the tips given below to get rid of it and live a more enjoyable life:--
Understand your thoughts
Anxiety is the outcome of faulty thought processes.If you scrutinize your thoughts you may find that they are not a true reflection of reality.They are mostly marred by cognitive distortions.

For example you may be making a mountain of a molehill or jumping to the conclusion that an imminent change is going to be disastrous for you.In this way you maximize your difficulty and filter out your problem solving skills which have served you till now,thereby minimizing your own capability to solve your problem.Naturally,the outlook appears bleak.
Inculcate rational thinking
Try to be more rational while assessing situations and forming opinions.Inculcating rational thinking requires sustained efforts because you have to change an established habit which automatically butts in whenever you are in a thinking mode.If the thought of any contingency perturbs you repeatedly,evaluate it on the metric of logic and probability.Push it to the background with a stricture that you shall deal with it when it happens-if it does.Tell yourself that you have managed your affairs till now and shall do even better when the need arises.
Provide new pathways to your thoughts
Whenever you are at a loose end or tense about something,take up an activity which interests you very much and requires total concentration,so that a different line of thinking replaces your negative thoughts.

For example,those who are the intellectual type will forget all else when they play a brain game or solve a puzzle.

For the artistic folks nothing can be more absorbing than dabbling with paints and brushes.

I myself take up stitching when I want to forget my worries.It works like magic.

The spiritual kind experience peace when they listen to devotional songs and reinforce their faith in a supreme being.My own husband benefits immensely from this.

The sporty guys will forget their worries when they play a vigorous game or take up activities which make them sweat.This will have the double benefit of using up surplus stress hormones.

Take up the diversion which interests you to block distressing emotions.It is essential to prevent the mind from going into wrong channels.
Use up the stress hormones
The most effective cure for anxiety is to use up the surplus energy which is running in your blood stream through regular exercise,because it is this energy which robs you of restful sleep and keeps you on tenterhooks.There are so many activities to choose from: running,jogging,gymming,aerobics,dancing,swimming,gardening or yoga.Choose the one which appeals to you so that you will not shirk it.
Do what you feel you cannot do
Anxiety lies.It will tell you that you can't do so many things which you have been doing till now-like driving a vehicle,going to the market,attending a meeting,enjoying a party and talking to your neighbors.If you obey these diktats you will end up feeling morose and inadequate.Defy these directives.Catch the bull by the horns and do what you are scared of doing.This will help to reduce your anxiety.You will experience a wave of joy at having defeated anxiety. 
Stick to your routine
When you are in the grip of anxious thoughts you may not feel like leaving the bed,but if you continue to lie down and keep thinking of all that is going wrong in your life you will feel even worse.On the other hand if you force yourself to rise at the usual time,spruce up yourself and follow your daily routine,you will feel much more confident,optimistic,energetic and in control of your life.This is no mean achievement;considering how anxious thoughts are always rearing to pull you down.
Stay active
Since your mind is tilted towards negativity,such thoughts will come rushing in when your body is idle.Staying active is an effective way of curbing them.However,slogging from morning to night is not a good option too,because anxiety can certainly be very tiring.When your day's work is done pick up an engrossing activity or an old hobby.Meet friends,chat with family,organize your belongings,do whatever soothes your mind and body.
Go out,meet people
Anxiety isolates.Perhaps you think that if you go out and meet people they will spot you have changed.Well,they may or may not,but the longer you hole up in your house the more inept you will become at relating to others.So,put your chin up and saunter out.If you meet people,talk to them,ask about their welfare,take an interest in what is happening around you,you will forget your own problems for some time at least.
Find the root cause of your distress
There are many ways of diverting your attention from disturbing thoughts but the bottom line is to pinpoint where they come from:Is it your attitude which is basically pessimistic?Has your past been such that you do not expect anything good to happen to you?Are you short on confidence or self esteem?Is it your health or a relationship which is making you tense?

Try to strengthen the element which is the probable cause of your problems.And don't bash yourself for being this way.Be kind.Circumstances make us who we are and evolution is an ongoing process.Everybody has some weak point or the other.

Problems will come and you will have to solve them,but you will be better able to do this if the burden of distressing thoughts does not sap your energy.
Live in the present
The mind has no barriers of time or space.Sometimes we agonize about what we did or failed to do in the past or fret about what the future has in store for us.This can neither change what happened in the past nor alter the future in any way.It only destroys our peace of mind.That is why psychologists advise us to live in the moment,be mindful of what is around us.If we focus our thoughts on what needs to be done today,how we can improve our present and be mindfully aware of our surroundings we shall feel more at ease.

In case guilt or remorse are your arch-enemy this post will help you find peace.
Release the pressure
Anxiety overwhelms the mind and it is imperative to silence all that noise.Talk about your problems to someone who cares for you or a professional.Merely talking about it will confer enormous relief.

Life is never a bed of roses for anyone.The bad times too,have a utility.They make you stronger and enable you to learn new coping skills.

Secondly,even during the most traumatic times you will still be left with many things to be grateful for:people who care for you,the resources available to you and your own qualities which have always helped you to overcome your difficulties.

Thirdly,life is a dappled path,if you keep looking at the dark spots you shall miss the brighter hues of life.Don't allow one dark spot to darken your sky.

Rationality,positivity,hope and gratitude-these four are infallible companions on this dappled path.Keep a tight hold on them.

Finally,something for you to think about and remember :-
Rule number one is, don’t sweat the small stuff. Rule number two is, it’s all small stuff.
– Robert Eliot 
Quotes from:https://www.everydayhealth.com/anxiety/guide/
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