There Is Hope Only If There Is Life!

 Just like a rainbow,our life too has many shades;radiant and joyous at one time,or gloomy and desolate at another.We try to do our best as far as possible but sometimes it becomes very difficult.Our plans go awry,relationships break,loved ones depart and we are left hurt or disillusioned.

Some people take it in their stride,some others carry on hopefully but there are also those who just wish to throw in the towel and end it all.There has been an alarming increase in the incidents of suicide and also a decrease in the age of suiciders lately.A peson who does this feels that there is no charm left in life.His reservoir of pain tolerance is full to the brim and he cannot live with it any longer-hence the suicide.But what if the pain decreased?Wouldn't life be worth living again?

Therefore the first thing to do is to lessen the pain.It can be done only if that person shares his tormenting thoughts with someone;gives an outlet to that volcano.He should talk to someone who will give him full attention and also respect his privacy-a friend,a relative,a teacher or a colleague.

If there is no such person on his radar then it is time to look for a professional-a counsellor,a psychologist or a psychiatrist.He should not hesitate to ask for help.It does not indicate that he is a weakling or a failure.In fact it indicates that he is wise enough to take a good step at the right time.The spark is there in him yet. 

1. The first thing he should do is,sit at a quiet place and think with his head  rather  than his heart.Which is the most depressing part of the situation?What can he  do about it?
2. If he is too bewildered to arrive at any decision then he should find a good counsellor.
3. He should explain his problem relating all the relevant incidents in detail.
4. He should follow the counsellor's advice fully.
5. Another beneficial activity is starting the day with a healthy routine of Yoga,exercise,walking or jogging.Exercise increases the flow of feel-good chemicals like serotonin,dopamine & endorphins --the last are natural pain killers & mood elevators.This also uses up the excessive stress hormones like adrenaline & cortisol.
6. Along with this he should also chart a scedule of his daily activities,like when to sleep and wake up,when to eat and when to finish his pending chores.Cleaning his cupboard and straightening his room will enable him to forget his troubles.
7. It is also therapeutic to spend time with family &friends .He will be glad to realize that they all care for him.Even if he was somewhat disillusioned with them,he should give them a second chance.Perhaps he misjudged them or they may be regretting their callousness towards him & this initiative will give his family ties  a new lease of life.
8. He should take up a pastime that gives him pleasure.If he recalls what gave him joy  before all this happened he will find happiness & peace of mind again.Unless he tries really hard he will not get out of this rut.
   
9. He should also find out how others cope in similar situations.
10. It is essential to continue his liaison with his counselor /doctor.
    

He should let the closest member of his family know that he was on the brink of suicide so that they will be on guard for him.Remember life is much larger than any misfortune,failure or emotional set-back.Time does heal.The pain will lessen and the sun will shine again.If one door has closed look for other options.Don't be dogmatic about wanting only that which has been denied to you.Be flexible.Look forward,not backwards.

If he does all this he will be fine !!!!!

Coaching Institutes of Kota

I have been a resident of Kota since decades.It used to be a quiet city till 1990 but the advent of coaching institutes after that brought in many changes.It now bustles with the activities of tutors,students and their guardians.I see many students and their guardians walking on the road in front of my home.It is easy to make out from their looks and conversations that they have come here from many other states

Some exude vigour and vitality while some others appear rather serious and worried.Naturally,because the regime is very,very taxing-not everybody can bear it smilingly.There is also a lot of competitiveness which keeps students on edge.

But the saddest part of this whole system is that some of those who find it unbearable,do not return home,but commit suicide.

Another NEET student dies by suicide in Kota, 6th in 2024.According to Hindustan Times Aug 3 

A vital question raises it's head-why do children choose death or self-inflicted torture,instead of returning home?Different answers come to mind-

1-Some join these institutes because their parents were very keen on them doing this course but they have no interest in the subjects being taught.

2-Some others know that their parents have managed with great difficulty ao get hold of the large amount of money needed for their stay in Kota.They cannot face them after their failure to qualify.

3-Their peers and relatives back home will look down upon them if they return without achieving anything.

4-A budding relationship breaks-leaviing them depressed.

The causes might be many more but no matter what the cause-the fact remains that a child's home,however big or small it may be-is like a nest for him.He feels secure and happy there.In Kota he might be confined to a limited space and a different ambiance.The people around him may be friendly,indifferent or even hostile.What sort of a memory-bank will he accumulate during his stay here?Will these years become a benign part of his memories or will it be too torturous to live with?

I think the aspiring doctors and engineers as well as their parents ought to give a second thought to  their plans if they find anythig amiss.There are numerous trades to choose from,if one option fails then another should be tried.Sui cide is no answer!

My readers are welcome to state their views on this subject,it will bebeneficial.

This Surge in Mental Disorders, And How To Safeguard Yourself

Those were the days when life was simple,families large,bum-chums nearby and domiciles almost permanent.If one was worried about something there was always help at hand :if not in the form of parents,then friends and associates.But all this has been swept away with the sands of time.

Migration to new cities is the norm,aspirations are sky high and competition grim.Real time companions-especially the old tried and tested ones-are fewer,and loneliness is the last straw that sometimes breaks the camel's back.While tensions have rocketed enormously,those who could assuage our perturbed minds are few or far away.

No wonder #mentaldisorders are galloping all over.There is a greater need for support systems than there ever was.Since traditional support systems have dwindled we need to look at alternative sources of help-these are available in the form of psychologists,counselors,psychiatrists and on-line help.But how many of those who suffer from emotional or psychological problems make use of these services?

"NMHS 2015-16 reveals that nearly 15% of Indian adults (those above 18 years) are in need of active interventions for one or more mental health issues;".But few seek professional help if self-help measures fail to give respite.A major obstacle in the way of doing this of course is,stigma,the impression that mental patients are weak and incompetent,and they don't do enough to solve their problems.Since very few people talk of their psychological problems,every sufferer thinks that he or she is the rotten apple and they must not divulge it.This is how the stigma is born and perpetuated.

This kind of thinking prevents people from admitting to a mental disorder and seeking help.If their self help measures do not work, their condition worsens till psychiatric medicines are the only answer.I am not competent to discuss the efficacy or desirability of these medicines but I do believe that it is far better to seek help in the initial stages rather than having to depend upon medicines.This raises an important question-
When to seek help?
This is no doubt a difficult question.Transitory disappointments or griefs sometimes hit hard  but we manage to bounce up again after a certain period.The field of mental health is nebulous and ever changing-especially for mental patients.No two persons suffering from anxiety will have similar worries or fears.They may experience various levels of stress or tranquility even in the same day.
The thumb rule is to check yourself against the following parameters:--

1. Have you become quiet and asocial?
2. Do you feel sad and disinterested most of the time?
3. Do you neglect your daily routine?
4. Do you find it difficult to take decisions?
5. Are even simple tasks too laborious for you?
6. Do you have suicidal thoughts?
7. Do you have poor sleep or sleep too much?
8. Do you have poor appetite or eat too much?
9. Do you have gastric problems and sundry aches and pains?
10. Have you become angry and irritable?

If the answers to most of these questions are 'yes' and this has been going on for more than two months then it is time you took the help of a mental health professional.The choice is between a psychologist,counselor,general practitioner or a psychiatrist.The first two will assist you to think rationally about your problem and delve into to the causes of this imbroglio.You can open your heart to them.They will extend emotional support and also respect your privacy.If they think you need medicines to help you along,they will refer you to a doctor.If you are hesitant about consulting a psychiatrist then even a GP or a family doctor can be of immense help-as he was in my own case.

Suffice it to say that once you observe your daily life has changed drastically because of your mood swings,take immediate steps to improve your mental health and reclaim your life.There can be no health without mental health.

You may also like https://jeeteraho.blogspot.com/2019/02/your-self-help-guide-for-eliminating.html.

https://www.cchr.org/quick-facts/psychiatric-drugs-side-effects.html

Calamity-Worse Confounded

Sanjay was a tall,well built 16 yr old boy when he visited me a few years back.He was referred by two shopkeepers from whom he used to purchase some items because he looked depressed.Mark,neither his course mates nor his teachers noticed this fact.

He certainly looked very depressed.He had passed the 10th board exams from another state in vernacular medium with good marks.He planned to compete for state government jobs after graduation.But his uncle motivated him to come to Kota,join a coaching institute and do B.Tech from an IIT.So he brushed up his English and came here.

He was a bright student and started with a good rank.After a couple of months the boy with whom he shared his room in a hostel hung himself from the fan.It was Sanjay who broke open the door and found him.Naturally he was devastated.As if this was not enough to numb him,his paternal grandfather expired after one week.

He went home and returned after a week.He was in a state of severe shock even after returning.He divulged that he was crying continuously for two weeks.Then one day he opened his note books and found that they were totally blank.He tried to catch up with others but the link had broken and his rank kept slipping.

It was four months after the double tragedies that the shopkeepers had sent him to me.His initial complaint was that his rank at the institute was slipping.Actually,he was in doldrums about his future.He could not decide what to do.He felt lonely and home sick over here;but he feared that if he went back he would be jeered at,his mother would become a laughing stock and his uncle too would be disappointed.At the same time,he did not want to stay on in Kota.

I asked him to tell me about his life before coming to Kota. He told me that his parents were teachers in his home state.His mother taught in the very school from which he had passed out.Earlier,while he was growing up,she had shifted to a hostel to do M.Ed.He was not much attached to her.He loved his father dearly.

His parents were in town when I interviewed Sanjay. His mother wanted him to stay on for five more months after which she would take leave and come to stay with him. Sanjay was not at all keen at this prospect.I advised his parents to allow him some rest,take him back,and decide about his future after the 12th board exams.The mother was not in favor of this even after oblique counselling.In fact even this was spurious because she had seen her son's condition.The father was mostly quiet.

I asked Sanjay to tell me what they had decided and contact me if he stayed back.His parents were to leave Kota on the next day.There was no communication from him after this.Later on,when I tried to follow it up his mo.number was declared as invalid.I hope he is fit and doing well in whichever field he chose. 

#Cognitive Distortion-- #Black and White Thinking

Cognitive distortions are inaccurate,biased thought patterns which mostly spawn negative emotions about ourselves or the world around us.These negative emotions influence our beliefs as well as our behavior,and foment relationship conflicts,anxiety or depression.If we become habituated to distorted thinking,we fail to realize that our views about our own self or those around us are totally misplaced.The resultant agony can be averted by nailing the irrational/exaggerated/faulty thought patterns and getting rid of them.

One such cognitive distortion is Black and White Thinking-the belief that things are either right or wrong, good or bad.Those who fall prey to such thinking totally miss  that there are many more shades in between,which are much more common and reasonable.

How often do you utter polar words like awful-awesome,disgusting-heavenly,scoundrel-saint,imbecile-genius,detestable-lovable?These extreme terms certainly embellish our language with color and intensity,but do they portray the said person or situation accurately?Seldom can any individual or circumstance be pinned at one end of the spectrum.

Many of our problems start when we begin to think of life conditions or our own image in such extremes.Suppose I fail to finish a project in time and then curse myself that this always happens with me,I am good for nothing.Finishing it on the dot was what counted with me and since this did not happen,I felt that I had failed--totally!I did not consider how near completion my work was,and how good its quality.If I always gloss over the finer/better aspects of any situation then my vision of the world,or my life,will always be dark and murky.

Suppose I expect a friend to support me in an ongoing altercation but she chooses to take the other side.Upon going home I rave and rant about her,using epithets like mean,horrible,good for nothing;forgetting her other sterling qualities.I may even break off with her,and then repent all my life.The correct thought should have been that she had disappointed me this time.No one is all good or all bad,and expecting people to conform to your specifications can mar relationships.

It can even become worse.Think of the various instances of young students killing themselves simply because they could not gain admission in an institute of their choice.Why couldn't they have settled for the second best and continued to live?The same thing happens when a lover's advances are spurned by his/her heartthrob.So many people sink into depression or contemplate suicide because of such setbacks,overlooking the positive aspects of their lives.It is all or nothing for them--another name for Black and white thinking.

This kind of thinking wipes out the whites and leaves only dismal,depressing blacks.Therefore,if you catch yourself slipping into this mode,pause.Do a reality check.How close to truth are you?What are the facts which point to the opposite direction?Introspect --what is it in you which prompted you to use that term?Is it a bias,vindictiveness,jealousy,lack of confidence,poor self esteem,past experience,or habitual despondence?

Once you begin to view reality in a rational,objective manner, a lot of your anxiety will dissolve,leaving a more amicable and peaceful you behind.

Next--Fortune Telling

Image,courtesy google.

Why Conceal Anxiety,Depression,or Any Other Mental Disorder?

Living with anxiety,depression,O.C.D or any other mental disorder is an excruciating experience.It sets you apart from the rest of mankind.You feel worthless,weak and inferior.No wonder you try to hide this condition from others.In fact you may take time to even acknowledge it to your own self.But this secrecy,the attempt to project that everything is fine,has dire repercussions.So many things can go wrong if you do not open up about what is ailing you.

1. Firstly,mental turmoil can make you absent minded,forgetful,unreasonable,irritable and easily provoked.These characteristics have the potential to sour relations.Others do not know what you are going through and therefore they may hold it against you.
2. Secondly,when you keep your feelings bottled up,your tensions mount and this can worsen your condition.
3. When you disclose your illness you are likely to get more emotional support from those who know.
4. They can make life easy for you by sharing your burden in everyday chores or helping you with your visits to the doctor and subsequent treatment.
5. Long term stress is sometimes responsible for the onset of diseases like hypertension,skin eruptions,gastric ulcers,thyroid disease,diabetes and even cancer.It is best to nip this possibility in the bud by seeking treatment.
6. By admitting that you suffer from a mental disorder you will be piercing the veil of stigma which is responsible for so many like you suffering for long periods without any treatment and going downhill to a state beyond redemption.
7. Once you have revealed what ails you--you don't have to shout it from the rooftops,but only let it be known on 'need to know basis'--you will be relieved from the stress of having to put up a brave front at all times.

I cannot sign off without saying a few words in defence of those who conceal a mental disorder.When someone realizes that he is losing control over his emotions and reactions he feels very inadequate and unworthy.He fears that if he were to divulge the state of his mental health he would be branded as abnormal or a mental patient--both of which are synonymous in general perception.

It is possible that some,who are not genuinely attached to you may fade away from your life after disclosure,because they do not know how to handle this situation;but it is also likely that you may get more emotional support from the people around you.

A disclosure at the workplace can be dicey,it can cut both ways.You might benefit from reasonable adjustments being made to suit your condition,but an ambience of gossip or stigma too,cannot be ruled out.It is also a fact that the unemployment rate in mental patients is higher than average.

On the whole this is a very personal decision which ought to be preceded by a serious evaluation of the pros and cons of revealing or concealing.

But what cannot be pushed under the table is,the caution that when you realize your efforts to cure yourself are not bearing fruit,when your whole schedule goes haywire,you lose interest in things which earlier engaged you,it is time to seek treatment.Do not prolong your self-imposed isolation.The earlier you come out,the quicker will be your recovery.Choose the professional with whom you are comfortable,but begin to live.Life will be rosy once again.

Cudgelled into Obedience--All facts no Fiction.

What could be the reason behind a decent 27 year old B.Tech boy smashing mobiles ,breaking his watch and even taking a swipe at his wife-though instantly regretting it?This is what brought him to my counselling centre.He was at the end of his tether.Anger and agitation were written all over his face.

No prodding was needed.He blurted out instantly'My father and his elder brother have destroyed my life.'He had planned to take the GMAT test but his elders conned him into getting engaged to a girl three years ago.He was even beaten up to comply.But he managed to break that tie after a few months.The girl in question attempted suicide.This plunged him into depression and he was treated for it by a psychiatrist who warned his father to not thrust any major decision upon him.

Despite this,the duo got him engaged to another girl after one year.He broke off that engagement too but six months later he was forced to marry a girl citing his grandfather's illness.The girl was not his equal intellectually or culturally--she had a village background,although she was a post graduate.So they were not happy.

After he had narrated all that was boiling inside him,I gave him suitable advice.When I followed up after a few months I came to know that he had gone to Delhi to prepare for his exam.

I hope they are better adjusted now.But his father and uncle did their best to mess up the lives of their son and three other girls.Obedience,children's compliance-at this cost?

Image courtesy shutterstock

The Shriveling of The Extended Family

I remember when I was young we used to have a fixed two months' summer vacation and every year without fail,we would visit my mother's brothers in those vacations.My father did not have any sibling or living parent.There was never a doubt that my uncles' families may not be at home or it may not be convenient for them to have us.

We would halt at Ambala,where my elder uncle lived and then proceed to Nahan where my second uncle and grandfather lived.We were always welcomed with open arms and had great fun with our cousins.During the rest of the year our home was a focal point for our cousins to visit.These meetings fostered affectionate bonds between us.

I wonder how many of us mingle as frequently and informally as we used to,then.Our lives have changed phenomenally.The idea of an extended family might seem incongruous to the millennium kids but a need for togetherness and belonging is ever present in the human heart.Today this hunger is being satiated by social networking sites and countless gadgets.But even a hundred facebook friends or a thousand 'likes' cannot take the place of genuine human warmth.

No wonder,despite 24x7 connectivity this age is being termed as the age of loneliness.This is partly responsible for the hike in mental disorders.Our support systems have dwindled.From an extended family to a nuclear family to one-child-norm to broken homes to live-in relationships;how many loving persons will there be in a child's ambit tomorrow when s/he feels lonely and confused?

But even as I say this I know that the clock cannot be turned back.This is a natural progression of events--no body's fault but everybody's lot.

The Teens' Tribulations--All Facts,No Fiction

I simply cannot wind up this series without sharing with you the plight of a few more students who caved in under the pressure of hard work,tough competition,high expectations and loneliness.Those who lack the stamina or caliber to hit the target they want to achieve,sometimes come out a lot poorer in terms of mental health and morale when they fail at it.

Take the instance of fifteen year old Manoj who was referred to me by his teacher.He was a student of class tenth.A few months back,wanting to run for the IIT-Jee exam,he had begun to cram all his waking hours with study,study,and more study.The strain was too much,he became depressed,could not recall what he had read,and finally consulted a psychiatrist.The medicines given by the doctor made him very sleepy,so he left them.

Despite warning signs he continued to prepare for the big exam and the cracks began to widen.He would surf the net for hours and dabble in paranormal and other arcane subjects.He began to have delusions too.I was scared for his mental health and tried to dissuade him from attempting such a tough test but he replied that his 'coaching sir' had told him that he was intelligent and will be successful.

There was a long gap after this and then I was told that he had failed class eleventh exam and had given up his dream of joining IIT--but at what cost!Fortunately his father himself was a teacher and he did not lambaste him for having wasted such a lot of time and money for a capricious whim. 

Eighteen year old Anand had come to Kota to take a second shot at IIT-Jee because his uncle and cousins were IIT-tians.When he found himself lagging behind he attempted suicide.His friend Vikrant brought him over to me.

The boy was pained by the thought that if others had passed this test why couldn't he?His parents had spent a lot of money on him and he said that if he failed he would not be able to show his face to them.Moreover he was convinced that his father would refuse to support him in case of failure.

Even after a lot of counseling, he maintained that suicide was the only way out for him.He had given wrong contact details so I could not connect with him after that.

Vikrant also believed that his father would not support him if he failed,but he ruled out suicide.This thought that their parents would ditch them in the event of failure might have been a misconception on their part,but it was deeply ingrained in them.Parents often put up a stern facade to motivate their children but it is important at the same time to assure them of their love and support,no matter what.

There have been many instances of students who developed a mental disorder due to severe stress but I came across only one boy-merely fifteen years old,who was wise enough to know what he could,or could not do.On the very first day of his coaching session,when the instructor told them they would have to study for xyz number of hours and leave off movies TV etc,he told his father he did not wish to take those classes.His father was a businessman and the boy knew that he would eventually join his business;therefore he saw no point in going through such a grueling regime.

You will be surprised that his father and local guardians all wanted me to convince him otherwise,but I supported his decision and he went away a happy boy.I wish all wrong choices had a similar ending !

A Teenager's Dilemma--All Facts No Fiction

A sixteen year old boy living in a hostel comes to his room and finds it locked from the inside.When repeated calls elicit no response he breaks open the door and sees his friend hanging from the fan.He goes into shock,crying incessantly and losing all sense of his surroundings.The next ten days are spent in stupor.He boards a train to go home but returns after a week.Back in his hostel,he again loss touch with reality.He cannot recall later on,what he did in the next two weeks.

Then,one month after the tragedy,he again attends his coaching class but he has lost the link due to his long absence, and finds himself in a limbo.Three more months pass but his depression shows no sign of abating.Two nearby shopkeepers refer him to my counseling center.

This is how I meet Sunil,a student of class eleventh,now taking coaching for IIT-Jee in Kota.The sorrow engulfing him gets to me.

It all started when his uncle suggested he go to Kota to attend coaching classes to prepare him for the above exam. Sunil had thought of giving the state Govt. Service exam after graduation but he decided to fall in with his uncle's request.He did well in the first test,then came down and then this tragedy happened.

Now he could not decide what he should do.If he went home without completing his course his uncle would be disappointed,his friends would jeer at him and his mother,who was a teacher in his school;would lose face.

But he was feeling very lonely here.His mother asked him to carry on for five more months and then she would come and stay with him.Sunil was not happy at this prospect.He did not care much for her,since she had gone to live in a hostel for further studies when he was very young.

When Sunil met me his parents too were present in Kota.They came to meet me the next day and asked me what they should do.I advised them to let him rest for one year as he was very jittery.He was still in eleventh class.He could return after completing his twelfth board.His mother was not amenable to this suggestion.

I requested them to let me know what they decided and also asked Sunil to meet me if he stayed back.However there was no response from their side and there the matter rested.I do not know what transpired after this,but I was astonished at the mother's apathy for her son's  happiness and well-being.

How Many More Suicides ?

How many more suicides till we finally awaken?In the last four days three students who had come to Kota  to build up their careers, succumbed to pressure and met an untimely end.Two committed suicide while one girl who had been brought here by her father to join coaching classes was allegedly strangulated by him because of financial constraints,before he too committed suicide.Today's Rajasthan Patrika informs that Sarthak,in the news item above, had come to Kota of his own volition but he was under so much of stress that he hung himself even before giving the very first test.

These days there is a mad rush of girls and boys who have passed Secondary or Sr.Secondary Board examination to attend coaching institutes which  prep them for entrance examinations to prestigious institutions, like IIT-Jee,AIPMT,AIEEE,PMT etc.Some come even before passing tenth.Young children,barely sixteen years of age leave the warmth of their family and known surroundings and jump into a seething cauldron of cut-throat competition.

Some have a burning ambition to join an IIT or a medical college and they are well prepared to slog for all they are worth.Some others come to Kota egged on by The Bandwagon Effect.The third category is of students whose parents have this obsession that their child must study at a top-notch college and have an outstanding career.

The regime at the coaching Institutes is very tough.There are long study hours and no means of relaxation or entertainment.Students are placed in batches according to their performance.There will be at least 8-10 batches in any reputed institute and 150-250 students in every batch.Periodical Sunday tests determine their ranking.A slip in rank can push a student down into a lower batch.

This grading system is a cause of severe stress to students because everybody knows that all selections are from the top two batches only.Students are under unimaginable pressure to improve their grades.A tiny slip and they begin to  fret that they will not be able to join any reputed college,their parents will be disappointed and they would be responsible for a sizable drain in the  family's funds.Yet they chug on,hoping and toiling harder still.When the pressure becomes too much and they see no signs of the tide turning,they quietly leave this hostile world.

The crux of the whole matter is,why should those who have no aptitude for this sort of grueling regime opt for it in the first place?Sixteen year olds can barely judge what is good for them,what they are best suited for.They need guidance.But the current craze for elite universities followed by high-paying jobs has a different focus altogether.

The students as well as their parents dream of blue-ribbon careers and will not relent even if a void looms ahead.Only recently two students killed themselves after coming back from a trip home.You can guess what must have firmed their resolve to commit suicide.

Is it money,glamour,competition,rivalry or one-up-man-ship which drives such people?Can parents not feel proud of children who have the right values,earn an honest salary,and lead a wholesome life with work,relaxation and relationships-all in place?Why this craze to be more,do more and have more?

Ambition is fine,we all strive to upgrade ourselves but money alone should not be the benchmark.Even lots of it,cannot buy happiness.Nor can it revive health once lost.

The stress that youngsters undergo for the sake of bettering their image and status is damaging their mental and physical health.

I have met and counseled many medical ,engineering aspirants but more about them in my next post.

Do you agree with what I have put forth?

Illness Anxiety Disorder or Hypochondriasis

Have you ever met anyone who is generally bogged down by a deep concern over his health?He suspects he is suffering from a terrible--or not so terrible--disease.There is a grim look on his face as he goes around from one doctor to another and undergoes various investigations.Even when the results declare him to be totally fit,or at least not seriously ill,he is not satisfied;and the cycle is repeated again and again.

This tendency is known as Hypochondriasis.It is estimated that around 10% of all those who consult a general practitioner suffer from it.Drugs.com has defined it thus:-- 
 Hypochondriasis is a persistent fear of having a serious medical illness. A person with this disorder tends to interpret normal sensations, bodily functions and mild symptoms as a sign of an illness with a grim outcome. For example, a person may fear that the normal sounds of digestion, sweating or a mark on the skin may be a sign of a serious disease.
A hypochondriac lives in constant fear of deteriorating health.Doctors' assurances and negative test results may give temporary relief but before long he is again overcome by worries about his health.He consults many doctors and undergoes various investigations.He may even hunt for a doctor who will confirm his suspicion that he suffers from a  serious disease.There is a tendency to check his body for signs of disease like lesions,lumps or eruptions;and repeatedly check his B.P,pulse and blood sugar.He talks,only about his disease, symptoms and discomfort.The symptoms are vague and keep shifting,because there is no underlying disease.But he is not a malingerer.The discomfort he feels is very real.
This constant foreboding of suffering from a life threatening disease often causes mental disorders like Anxiety,Depression or O.C.D;which in turn,produce physical symptoms like headache,dizziness,nausea,insomnia,stomach discomfort,muscle tensions,rapid heart beat,palpitations and numbness or pain in various parts of the body.The worst part is,that these symptoms are misconstrued as rumblings of a serious disease.Naturally this accentuates his illness anxiety,which again causes further physical symptoms.It is a vicious cycle.

It is easy to see why Hypochondria is difficult to shake off.If these conditions last for six months and negatively impact a person's personal,social or occupational life then he can be said to be suffering from Hypochondria. 

Causes

The causes of hypochondria are hard to pinpoint.

1--Caregivers who are excessively concerned about minor ailments or bodily harm of a child could be sowing the seeds of this disorder.

2--A serious illness in childhood can also predispose a person to Hypochondria.

3--Serious disease or premature death of a loved one can also cause this disease.

4--Sometimes media is also responsible for triggering this disease in vulnerable individuals.Discussions about serious diseases on TV or print media,or the news of the outbreak of an epidemic also have an adverse effect upon such persons.

5--Cyberchondria-a new offshoot of this disease affects those who conduct extensive research about diseases on the Internet.

6--General Anxiety Disorder can also result in hypochondria.

7--Negligent / abusive parents.

Treatment

Psychotherapy and medications are two options for treating this disorder.Both can run side by side.In fact they are both complementary because a person weighed down by misgivings about his health requires the assurance that the medicines prescribed by a doctor will cure him.

A strong will power and family support can hasten his recovery.It is essential to make determined efforts to maintain the pre-hypochondriac life style as far as possible.Paying undue attention to the symptoms worsens the condition.

The patient should recognize the triggers which worsen his condition and learn to counter-act them.

Complications

1--A hypochondriac should stick to one doctor--which he usually does not do.Consulting various doctors can expose him to unnecessary,repetitive tests and risky,invasive or painful procedures which will only inflict damage.

2--There is also the danger of over-medication which could precipitate adverse reactions.Constant fear and anxiety can make the person forgetful,with the result that he may take double doses of his medicines or miss them completely.

3--A pervasive feeling of impending doom can generate anxiety,depression,anger and frustration,leading to thoughts of suicide.

4--Some persons may latch on to substance abuse to generate a feeling of well-being.

5--Bogus or fraudulent healers should be avoided.They will not hesitate to pounce upon susceptible targets.

6--Repeated consultations with doctors can inflate the patient's bills sky-high.

7--A prolonged history of negative test results-coupled with the patient's tendency to magnify his ailments can result in him not being taken seriously when he actually does catch a disease.This ought to be guarded against.

                                 Prognosis

Recovery from Hypochondria is slow.This is a long term condition.Approximately 30% of hypochondria patients may improve significantly.Recovery is better in well to do persons whose anxiety responds well to treatment and who do not have any personality disorder.Tackling the patient's anxiety should be the first concern.If that is removed then the battle is won.

The agony of a # transexual--All Facts,no Fiction

Nature's cruelty is indecipherable.Why does it install a girl's psyche in a boy's body?The tormented soul is torn between two opposing forces.It is not the individual's fault that he was born with certain atypical characteristics but he has to face the disadvantages nevertheless.

This is what happened to Rohan,a 27 year old boy who was the youngest of four siblings--two boys and two girls.His father,an employee of Indian Railways was seldom at home and the mother,according to Rohan,had the mental age of a twelve year old.His father was given to alcohol and violence.He believed that his children were wasting money on education while Rohan,a graduate,had been a topper throughout and wanted to do Phd. in his subject.

Coming back to Rohan's appearance at Sahyog,there was nothing in his personality to reveal that he was a transexual.He himself told me about it,adding that he had changed himself to escape ridicule.He had never felt any attraction for girls.About seven years ago he began to idolize a senior in his college and after that his problems multiplied.This boy used to extract a lot of work from him and after that he would make fun of him.Rohan was so aggrieved by this that he still harbored thoughts of taking revenge from him,but at the same time he could not get him out of his mind too.

He consulted two psychiatrists when he felt stress overtaking him and his thoughts veering towards suicide.One of them hypnotized him and then stated that he was a homosexual.This enraged him a lot--it was the first time his fears had been brought out into the open.His problems too,aggravated manifold after that.

Upon further questioning he revealed that when he was young his mother used to dress him in frocks and his father once bought a complete make-up kit for him.There was a murderous glint in his eyes when he said this.I suspect his father must have done this to scorn him.He also made a passing mention of having been molested as a child.

Then he gave me another reason for staying away from girls.Both his sisters had married for love,outside their caste.This resulted in a lot of acrimony in their home as well as in their caste group.He admitted that his sisters would have remained unmarried if they had not taken this step.He did not wish to inflict a similar fate upon some other family;although he was well aware that he too would have to select his own life partner when the time came.

It was as if he was rationalizing this anomaly in his sexual leanings.How far the above factors influenced his sexual orientation is anybody's guess.

In search of his identity,Rohan went to the Naaz Foundation in Delhi.He met many persons and read their literature too, but he did not like all that he saw. Reasearchers affirm that homosexuality is the result of certain biological factors but Rohan was still undecided which way to go.

It was obvious that he was ambivalent about this whole situation.While his hormones pulled him in one direction,fear of social censure held him back.He shied from being labelled a homosexual.Was it possible that a cluster of small influences had steered his life in one direction?Obviously he did not have the answer.But he did want to believe this.

I suggested he could try befriending girls and see how it panned out.After that he would be able to make an informed decision.The last choice would be his.

Rohan did not return after this.I tried to follow up twice but the number had been changed.Much water has flown down the Chambal since then.I wonder what he decided and how his life has shaped up.Happily,I hope.

What do you all think?Which path should/could he have taken? 

Caring for a # Mental Patient

Mental illness causes a lot of suffering to the patient but it is not the patient alone who is affected by it.There are chances of the atmosphere of his home deteriorating and ripple effects being felt by the whole family.Quite a lot of juggling and readjustments have to be made.If the disease has crossed the initial/mild stage then caring for the patient becomes an important necessity.

The do's and don'ts

• The first step of course is to take him for a physical check up.Diseases like Thyroid,Cancer,stroke and many others can also cause depression.Some medicines too can spark mental disorders like anxiety,depression,hallucinations or suicidal thoughts.When all this has been ruled out the physician may refer you to a Mental Health Worker,Psychologist or a Psychiatrist as per need.
• If the patient has been prescribed medicines then make sure he takes them at the right time.Psychiatric medicines can have many negative side effects.If he is unhappy with one medicine you can request the doctor to change it.If by chance the patient decides that he cannot continue the medicines then these should not be stopped voluntarily, all of a sudden.Take your doctor's help in easing them off slowly.
• If you are apprehensive of him committing suicide,do not keep quiet by suppressing your fears-ask him outright.It is best to know and discuss.To be safe,remove all such items which he could use for that purpose from within his reach.
• If the patient has given evidence of self harm then diagnosis ,followed by treatment of the cause of such behavior is essential.Make sure the patient does not shut himself in a room for too long and does not have access to sharp objects.
• Caring for a mental patient is not easy--it is a full time job.You cannot take a day off.You will have to synchronize your siesta with that of the patient.
• Patience is the key tool because you cannot respond in your usual fashion to any stimulus coming from him since he is not his usual self.
• You cannot check,judge or criticize him even if he is being irrational,inconsiderate,ungrateful or downright rude;because doing so could worsen his condition or even spark off a crisis.
• At the same time it is important to wean him off unhealthy ways of thinking and behaving.All your talent in diplomacy will be needed to cajole and motivate him to bring about those changes in his lifestyle.For instance if you want to take him out for a walk it will be better to say 'I have a terrible headache,can you accompany me for a breath of fresh air?';rather than saying 'You should go out for exercise,it is good for you.'
• If he takes umbrage at the slightest or zero provocation,just say 'I am sorry,I did not mean to hurt you.'
• A mental patient may suffer bouts of self pity but telling him to snap out of it or reminding him that numerous people are much worse off than him;is not done.This truth does not help him because he has to live in his own body,with his own devils.
• Mental illness is accompanied by a constellation of physical symptoms which might seem minor,bizarre or even non-existent to an onlooker;but check that impulse to ascribe it to his imagination,because there is definitely something in his body which is producing those symptoms.
• At the domestic level,take care of his diet,personal hygiene and exercise.See that he does not take alcohol or any other harmful drugs.Even smoking and an excess of coffee intake should be avoided.
• Assure the patient that you love him and will always be there for him.Encourage him to share his worries and emotions with you.Do not be judgmental-it will shut him off.Advice too,may not be welcome;wait till he asks for it.Just empathize and be his sounding-board.
• Give him hope,tell him that his disease will not last for ever.Motivate him to be proactive.
• Keep the atmosphere of your home peaceful and affectionate.Enliven it by cracking jokes,highlighting humorous aspects of situations,recalling fond memories and playing peppy music.
• Encourage him to participate in family routines like having his meals with others,watching TV and doing chores around house.
• Take him out for socializing,entertainment and recreation.Help him to pursue a hobby of his choice.
• You may have to act as a liaison between the patient and other agencies like his doctor,banker,teacher and employer etc.

Self care for a caregiver

Looking after a mental patient is a very taxing responsibility.Constant vigil and long hours make it very tiring.Mentally too, you are likely to feel exhausted because you may have to put up with a lot of annoying behavior,simultaneously curbing your own instinct to vent your anger.There is real danger of you falling ill if you do not take proper rest and respite.  

Therefore it is of extreme importance to look after your own needs--whether it be your diet,sleep or your precious me-time.Try to keep your life intact as far  as possible and don't feel guilty about it.Assign part of your duties to other members of your family.In case there is no one else but you and the patient at home,hire someone on a regular basis.But you definitely need time to rejuvenate.Only then will you be able to give your best to someone who desperately needs it.

Self Help for # Major Depression.

The word depression is bandied about casually but there is a world of difference between being sad,upset or worried;and being depressed.The first three moods come and go according to specific challenges or situations but depression is longer lasting and mostly unrelated to external stimuli.This post can help you determine whether you are plain sad or depressed,and whether your depression is minor,moderate or major.

Minor or moderate depression can be cured by psychotherapy or lifestyle changes.Major Depressive Disorder is harder to tackle but even here,as found out by Yale psychiatrists Wexler and Cicchetti in a meta-analysis conducted by them,psychotherapy alone should be the initial choice of treatment.Take a look:---

in a hypothetical cohort of 100 patients with major depression, 29 would recover if given pharmacotherapy alone, 47 would recover if given psychotherapy alone, and 47 would recover if given combined treatment. On the other hand, negative outcome (i.e., dropout or poor response) can be expected in 52 pharmacotherapy patients, 30 psychotherapy patients, and 34 combined patients. This meta-analysis suggests that psychotherapy alone should usually be the initial treatment for depression rather than exposing patients to unnecessary costs and side effects of combined treatment (Antonuccio, 1995 [43]).

Deliberate,conscious,lifestyle changes can also play a significant role in alleviating major depression.It asks for tough measures to be got rid of.The repetitive,depressive thoughts which have been assailing the patient's mind for days on end convert into an unconscious habit;the pattern gets grooved into the brain and becomes difficult to dislodge.In order to get better it is incumbent to change that cycle of thinking and the resultant behavior patterns.

This is easier said than done because the patient is extremely apathetic and not at all inclined to take any action;but it is a notable way out of this tunnel.If you feel that severe depression has you in it's tentacles,then you could try the following routine to free yourself.

In order to break the depressive cycle :----

• Throw off your duvet,be thankful that you can move your limbs and are alive despite the oppressing circumstances.
• Compel yourself to leave the bed.It is only the initial resolve to put your feet on the ground which is most difficult.
• Now make your bed.Your room looks better---no?
• Continue with your daily routine.
• Make a cup of your favorite beverage,sit down and enjoy it with a biscuit or two.
• Put on a smart dress,go to a mirror,smile,and observe how much better you look when you wear a smile.Not only look,but you will also feel better when you smile.
• Walk out of your home and into a garden or a public park.
• Greet those you come across,even if you don't know them.If you greet ten persons today,tomorrow ten or more will greet you.Don't you feel nice when a stranger greets you?Give that joy to others and it will come back to you.
• Watch the world around you-- people,flowers,bushes,grass,sky and birds.
• Talk with whosoever is near you.Yes I know,you do not have anything to convey to anyone but initiate small talk anyway.This site tells you how to do it.
• Return home.
• Relax.You are probably tired after having forced yourself to do all the above.Lie down or sprawl in an easy chair.Close your yes.Mentally go over each part of your body and relax the tense ones.Now consider--do you feel a tad better than you did when you opened your eyes?If yes,then resolve to do it again tomorrow. 

The above measures might seem inconsequential at first glance but the benefits will be very restorative.Most importantly,they come without any ill-effects attached to them.As the sufferer makes them a part of her/his daily routine it becomes easier and easier.

Related posts :---
http://jeeteraho.blogspot.in/2013/05/depression-ease-burden.html

http://jeeteraho.blogspot.in/2013/05/treating-depression.html

Source--

http://psychcentral.com/lib/depression-treatment-psychotherapy-medication-or-both/0001521