An All-time Friend

 These days if you are literate and own a smart phone,there is no dearth of friends-those stemming from social media specially.But how many are truly your friends?Those who care for you and will ease you out of your doldrums?Sadly,very few.Perhaps because everyone is so busy these days.There are important apps to be checked and       deadlines to be faced.That is why if you are in the crux of a sorry state it is best to climb out of it through your own efforts.This becomes difficult when you are in the grip of anxiety.Thughts muddle up and a clear solution vis-a-vis the problem is hard to come by.

However there is an important friend waiting to help you.If you shudder at the onset of a climax,positive thinking will come to your aid.Recall your past succeses and achievements.It was you who did all that.You are the same person today and you can do it again.Positive thinkers have an innate ability to do this but it can be acquired with due practise.

We are all humans and humans can commit a mistake now and then.If you have done some wrong in the past,quit fretting about it.Forgive yourself,don't allow it to flog you.You realize that you were wrong and hence you are wiser today than you were at that time.Lesser chances of committing a mistake again!

Sometimes events occur at their own velocity.Despite best intentions and efforts you may not be able to prevent them.Forgive yoursels.Take such events in your stride and don't flog yourself unnecessarily.Be positive,hope for better events in future.

The benefits of positive thinking are numerous.Tensions decrease and your mental health enriches appreciably.Your physical health too improves,lesser chances of poor sleep or heart trouble.You become resilient,have better coping skills,attract friends and face life with eqanimity.What's more,your self-confidence increases and you develop a fighting mode to overcome your problems.Only your all-time-friend can do this.Adopt it now! 

Ill-effects Of A Guilt-complex

Guilt-complex is a persistent feeling of guilt about a misdemeanour which happened in the past.The person may or may not have been at fault,but the feeling of a lapse or misdeed haunts him strongly.It is so powerful that he is unable to sleep or do any constructive work.

• The Ill-effects-He worries a lot about his act and it's repercussions.Feelings of guilt and shame hound him.He repents what he did.Severe anxiety will not let him sleep or rest.He may have gastric problems or muscle tension too,which will produce new physical symptoms daily.A sense of inadeqacy may impel him to give up his goals and flounder in life.His relationships will be tarnished and his support groups too will dwindle.If this happened in relation to another person he might even suffer from paranoia,a fear that the opponent might take revenge upon him or cause him some other phyical harm
• Causes-Those who are perfectionists find it difficult to overlook even small imperfections.A person who has been brought up in a strict,upright environment sets high standards for his own behaviour.
• Remedy-Curing a guilt complex demands self-compassion and kindness.The sufferer should try to assess the situation rather that blaming his own self endlesly.Was he really at fault?May be yes,maybe not.We humans are not Gods.A fault here or there only asks that it should not be repeated and if possible,amends should be made.A person who follows a very strict code of conduct may unduly blame himmself.He should review the past and gauge if he  really was at fault.Perhaps anyone else would have done what he perforce did.Since he worries a lot about his guilt,he should identify  the triggers and  decide to not blame himself the next time a feeling of guilt surfaces.He should review the past from a new perspective,set more realistic standards for his own conduct and think if he would blame a known dear person as strongly,if he had done what he himself did.What happened in the past cannot be undone,it is best to forgive himself and move forward.Considering all aspects of that situation will help him to be more judicious.It is also   essential to set boundaries for his own behaviour in future and forgive himself if he erred.

Whatever the cause or type of a guilt complex,the fact remains that it is a terrible handicap.It erodes his self-esteem to such an extent that he shies from meeting and talking to others.Rumination about that past deed totally isolates him,inflicting more damage upon his mental health and daily life.He should desist from giving too much importance to any event,review the past in a balanced state of mind and seek professional help  without delay.Balanced judgement and rationality will give him solace.

Dealing With Change

If we can be sure of one thing,it is this-that changes will happen.Whether we like it or not!The changes can be of any kind-good and inspiring or bad and depressing.The good ones require no elucidation,we all imbibe them willingly.But the bad ones need more consideration.

• Fear Of Change-If we confront a change which is not pleasant,or inscrutable to say the least-it leaves us perplexed.We do not like it because it portends something unknown whereas we are comfortable with the way things are at present.We don't want to leave old associations,a comfortable routine and all that we are accustomed to.We lose sleep and spend hours worrying about the future.We are afraid of  all that it might bring in it's wake.Yes,but it  is a falacy to presume that it could be detrimental to our health and happiness.We should keep an open mind about it's repercussions.Because of this fear we  delay coming to terms with that change.
• Accepting a Change- Everything around us is in a constant flux and changes are inevitable.It is no use negating them by burying our heads in sand.When faced with a drastic change think carefully if it is compulsory to accept it.Can we reject or shelve it till a more convenient time?If the circumstances indicate that we should accept it,then we should treat it as a necessary evil so that we can take charge of the situation and chart our course of action.While it is true that a  change  lodges us into an unknown territory,it has often been seen that a change which appears devastating at first turns out to be good for us.
• The Benefits Of Accepting A Change-When it becomes clear that this change has come to stay it is best to become friends with it.Changes usher progress and growth.Indeed even if we face some ill-effects in the short run,it  could be the gateway to a better future.Changes compel us to re-evaluate our goals and aspirations,learn new skills,make new associations and in this way they enlarge our scope.We can then determine the steps to be taken for fulfilling our needs.In this ever-changing world it is impossible to stay in a safe cocoon for ever.That is impossible.It is wiser to try and set our own house in order.Prompt action cuts losses.
• Negative Changes-An ominous change-whether in the sphere of our health,relationships,job or domicile-can turn out to be unsavory.It could shake us to the core,but what can we do?By fighting what has come to stay we will  only exhaust our energy.The sooner we accept it the faster will we progress on the road to recovery and resettlement.The heartburn and damage will be less if we rebuild our life according to it.Even if this change comes with some ill-effects,there could be a few fringe benefits too.Sometimes one has to go with the flow.A change in job or place will add to our friend-list and also enable us to get rid of old irritants and advrsaries.Changes in health are difficult to gulp but once we accept this fact we can start remedial action.A change in relationships is harder to   embrace but it happens precisely because the old relationship had begun to jar.Who knows better luck might be on the way?
• Be Alert To Subtle Changes-The shock due to major changes can be considerably dulled if we keep our antennae finely tuned to the rumblings which precede it.Leaving aside the sudden calamities no change is sudden.An alert observer will see the signals beforehand.A couple may begin to have daily fights instead of occasional bickering,a boss may show his displeasure in various ways.If we notice these changes then we will not be taken by surprise. 
• Adapt To The Change-Once we have made up our mind to live with a new development the next step naturally is to adapt to it as well as possible.Alter your habits,priorities and attitudes wherever necessary.Admittedly this is the most taxing part but it becomes easy if you learn new skills and converse with those who are already there.Build a new chapter of life around this new event.You will then fit comfortably in the new scenario.If there is still any bias about this new happening counteract it with hope and action..

If we wish to prosper and be happy we shall have to synchronize with the changes which are taking place in our life and around us.When circumstances change we too have to change.Otherwise we shall remain a misfit--incompetent and unhappy.

This post is only about the mundane life and related issues.The changes brought about by science and technology are not in my field.

Memories

A nebulous entity inside our mind-or maybe our brain-is mighty powerful.It controls so many fascets of our life which we think are happening due to our own volition,but at the stem is that same entity.All this-without even our knowing it.To cut a long story short-it is nothing but our own memory.As we all know,memory is the ability to retain and recall information.It plays a major role in our lives.It comes unannounced,uninvited,and then spreads it's net over us.

We may not realize,but it does decide whom we like and whom we keep at a distance.In this way it circuscribes our friendships and communities.It also circumscribes our comfort-zones as a result of our past activities,their outcomes and related experiences.Our memory of those experiences decides what to attempt and what to shun.

Another major function of memory is to help us pass time when we are lonely and have nothing to do.At such moments long forgotten/suppressed events or individuals come to the fore.If we recall happy incidents we shall be cheerful,rearing to go,repeat a simiar incident or connect with someone who was a part of that experience.On the other hand if we think about our failures,shocks,traumas or tragedies we shal be morose and woebegone.We must try to conjure those happenings which make us upbeat and positive.I wrote about a similar incident in "Association of Ideas" which signifies the actions of memories.In this way our memory constructs our moods and mind-set.Naturally this also shapes our personality.

Another way in which our memory functions is to help us plan our  future actions-naturally,since we would not like to repeat an error or a failure.That is not all-it also protects us from prospective dangers or mishaps.

Any talk of memory cannot but touch the factor of forgetfulness.Does our brain age as we grow old?Is Dementia inevitable?From a layman's point of view it is not so.The more we use our memory the sharper will it become.Use it as in--learning new skills,connecting with others,talking to them,solving puzzles,reading new articles etc etc.Try what appeals to you and improve your memory.

Here's wishing you good luck!

Coaching Institutes of Kota

I have been a resident of Kota since decades.It used to be a quiet city till 1990 but the advent of coaching institutes after that brought in many changes.It now bustles with the activities of tutors,students and their guardians.I see many students and their guardians walking on the road in front of my home.It is easy to make out from their looks and conversations that they have come here from many other states

Some exude vigour and vitality while some others appear rather serious and worried.Naturally,because the regime is very,very taxing-not everybody can bear it smilingly.There is also a lot of competitiveness which keeps students on edge.

But the saddest part of this whole system is that some of those who find it unbearable,do not return home,but commit suicide.

Another NEET student dies by suicide in Kota, 6th in 2024.According to Hindustan Times Aug 3 

A vital question raises it's head-why do children choose death or self-inflicted torture,instead of returning home?Different answers come to mind-

1-Some join these institutes because their parents were very keen on them doing this course but they have no interest in the subjects being taught.

2-Some others know that their parents have managed with great difficulty ao get hold of the large amount of money needed for their stay in Kota.They cannot face them after their failure to qualify.

3-Their peers and relatives back home will look down upon them if they return without achieving anything.

4-A budding relationship breaks-leaviing them depressed.

The causes might be many more but no matter what the cause-the fact remains that a child's home,however big or small it may be-is like a nest for him.He feels secure and happy there.In Kota he might be confined to a limited space and a different ambiance.The people around him may be friendly,indifferent or even hostile.What sort of a memory-bank will he accumulate during his stay here?Will these years become a benign part of his memories or will it be too torturous to live with?

I think the aspiring doctors and engineers as well as their parents ought to give a second thought to  their plans if they find anythig amiss.There are numerous trades to choose from,if one option fails then another should be tried.Sui cide is no answer!

My readers are welcome to state their views on this subject,it will bebeneficial.

@Anxiety-It's Cause And Elimination

Life is never a straight road.It often takes an unexpected turn or presents unforeseen upheavals.This happens to all of us but while some roll on confidently,a few others become morose and anxious.This can continue for a long spell even if there is no immediate danger ahead.

Anxiety is a feeling of fear,apprehension and worry;out of proportion with actual danger.It is not always toxic.It often precipitates a decision to remove the obstacle which bars our progress.We decide how to overcome that obstacle and lay down a roadmap accordingly.Generally  the tentacles of anxiety dissolve after this decision has been taken.But what if they do not?

Mulling indefinitely and often,over distressing circumstances indicates that the problem lies deeper-in our own psyche-to be exact. Perhaps our way of viewing reality and reaching conclusions is at fault.We might be magnifying the repercussions of an ordinary event or belittling our own ability to deal with it. Such judgements are known as Cognitive Distortions i.e. arriving at wrong surmises about exteral circumstances.They breed uncalled-for stress which could have been avoided if we had rechecked our viewpoints about our life conditions and prospects.

Another cause of undue anxiety is Excessive Emotionalism and lesser use of logic.A bad patch or a downturn will distress anybody,but if we give in to our emotions in the presence of a challenge,then we also muddle our thinking process.Emotions biase us.We fail to find a correct solution to our problem and thus prolong our stress. 

Overthinking is another culprit which can intensify anxiety.It consists of an unending stream of negative,futile thoughts which deter us from taking action against the problem which is giving us the jitters.Overthinking seldom ends on a happy note.

 Introversion too can cause anxiety.If we don't share our worries with anybody,don't go out and meet people,then we store a mamoth amount of fears and worries.Talking releases a lot of stress.In psychology it is known as Catharsis.

"verywellmind" states "Catharsis is a powerful emotional release that, when successful, is accompanied by cognitive insight and positive change."

Then there is Pessimistic thinking which adds to our fears and worries.No matter what the situation,any new event makes us fear that it will end  unfavorably for us.If we were to pay more attention to how to salvage that situation we would be saved a lot of agony.

These are some tendencies whch aggravate anxiety.Knowing them and being on guard against them will certainly help us to become less tense and stressful.