An All-time Friend

 These days if you are literate and own a smart phone,there is no dearth of friends-those stemming from social media specially.But how many are truly your friends?Those who care for you and will ease you out of your doldrums?Sadly,very few.Perhaps because everyone is so busy these days.There are important apps to be checked and       deadlines to be faced.That is why if you are in the crux of a sorry state it is best to climb out of it through your own efforts.This becomes difficult when you are in the grip of anxiety.Thughts muddle up and a clear solution vis-a-vis the problem is hard to come by.

However there is an important friend waiting to help you.If you shudder at the onset of a climax,positive thinking will come to your aid.Recall your past succeses and achievements.It was you who did all that.You are the same person today and you can do it again.Positive thinkers have an innate ability to do this but it can be acquired with due practise.

We are all humans and humans can commit a mistake now and then.If you have done some wrong in the past,quit fretting about it.Forgive yourself,don't allow it to flog you.You realize that you were wrong and hence you are wiser today than you were at that time.Lesser chances of committing a mistake again!

Sometimes events occur at their own velocity.Despite best intentions and efforts you may not be able to prevent them.Forgive yoursels.Take such events in your stride and don't flog yourself unnecessarily.Be positive,hope for better events in future.

The benefits of positive thinking are numerous.Tensions decrease and your mental health enriches appreciably.Your physical health too improves,lesser chances of poor sleep or heart trouble.You become resilient,have better coping skills,attract friends and face life with eqanimity.What's more,your self-confidence increases and you develop a fighting mode to overcome your problems.Only your all-time-friend can do this.Adopt it now! 

#Red Flags Of #Suicidal Students

I live in Kota a,go-to-place,for many aspiring doctors and engineers.Students from many places come here to join the local Coaching Institutes.What pains me immensely is the fact that many of them commit suicide when they feel that they cannot achieve their target.I have written about the possible causs of such incidents in my post about the Coaching Institutes of Kota.

Let us now consider the Red Flags which could indicate that a student is considering suicide--

• The student stops going to his classes when he realizes that he cannot fathom the subject being taught.
• His performance deteriorates.
• He avoids meeting his class mates and chums.
• He does not take part in social or institutional get-togethers.
• He becomes lethargy or sleepy.
• His remarks are often very pessimistic.He may talk of death and what happens after someone dies.
• He may say he has no chance of passing.
• He laments the lack of support from anywhere.
• He becomes violent and irritable.
• he may begin to take drugs or alcohol.
• He has a break-up with his close friend.
• After a lenghty isolation he suddenly appears tp be happy.

The above factors could inicate that a student is about to take the plunge.If someone notices this and talks to him,the impending tragedy can be averted.Hence this post.

Though written about boys,it is equally applicable to girls.

Ill-effects Of A Guilt-complex

Guilt-complex is a persistent feeling of guilt about a misdemeanour which happened in the past.The person may or may not have been at fault,but the feeling of a lapse or misdeed haunts him strongly.It is so powerful that he is unable to sleep or do any constructive work.

• The Ill-effects-He worries a lot about his act and it's repercussions.Feelings of guilt and shame hound him.He repents what he did.Severe anxiety will not let him sleep or rest.He may have gastric problems or muscle tension too,which will produce new physical symptoms daily.A sense of inadeqacy may impel him to give up his goals and flounder in life.His relationships will be tarnished and his support groups too will dwindle.If this happened in relation to another person he might even suffer from paranoia,a fear that the opponent might take revenge upon him or cause him some other phyical harm
• Causes-Those who are perfectionists find it difficult to overlook even small imperfections.A person who has been brought up in a strict,upright environment sets high standards for his own behaviour.
• Remedy-Curing a guilt complex demands self-compassion and kindness.The sufferer should try to assess the situation rather that blaming his own self endlesly.Was he really at fault?May be yes,maybe not.We humans are not Gods.A fault here or there only asks that it should not be repeated and if possible,amends should be made.A person who follows a very strict code of conduct may unduly blame himmself.He should review the past and gauge if he  really was at fault.Perhaps anyone else would have done what he perforce did.Since he worries a lot about his guilt,he should identify  the triggers and  decide to not blame himself the next time a feeling of guilt surfaces.He should review the past from a new perspective,set more realistic standards for his own conduct and think if he would blame a known dear person as strongly,if he had done what he himself did.What happened in the past cannot be undone,it is best to forgive himself and move forward.Considering all aspects of that situation will help him to be more judicious.It is also   essential to set boundaries for his own behaviour in future and forgive himself if he erred.

Whatever the cause or type of a guilt complex,the fact remains that it is a terrible handicap.It erodes his self-esteem to such an extent that he shies from meeting and talking to others.Rumination about that past deed totally isolates him,inflicting more damage upon his mental health and daily life.He should desist from giving too much importance to any event,review the past in a balanced state of mind and seek professional help  without delay.Balanced judgement and rationality will give him solace.

Meditation-It's Benefits

 

Meditation  has been a part of India's spiritual practice since eons.Today's hectic lifestyle and concomitant travails impel many in India and across the seas to try it as a soother or a benefactor.It enables the followers to fathom the pitfalls and intricasies of daily life which goad them.

• Lately science too has taken note of this tendency and one such research came up with the following result-

"Modern diagnostic and imaging techniques, like electroencephalography (EEG) and functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) scans, show that meditation can positively affect your brain and mental health."

By https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/21521-psychosomatic-disorder

In a nutshell, meditation implies sitting straight in a comfortable position and focusing upon  a single object like your breath, heart, the space between your eyes, or a mantra. In the beginning, your mind will be overcome by many thoughts of different kinds.You should merely take it back to the target you have decided to focus upon each time with a smile. It can take many days or weeks to achieve success but the benefits will certainly be there!

The Benefits-

• Meditation calms the mind and eases tensions.When you sit down to meditate, various thoughts will flicker through your mind but when you focus on a single object unrelated to the hassles of daily life, you forget them for a while.You learn to shelve them.The brain can only think about one thing at a time.Focussing on your chosen target enables you to forget your worries, and peace prevails. The feelings of guilt, shame, anger or frustration arising from the past subside, and you are able to fathom the cause of those problems.This is an excellent tool for nixing anxiety.
• It increases the power to concentrate on any one thing. It primes our sense faculties and also helps us to control them. Focusing upon a single object day after day teaches us to concentrate upon the work at hand, which is essential for achieving success in daily life.
• Meditation improves the power of memory.Research at The Massachussets General Hospital in Boston found that regular meditation increases blood flow to the cerebral cortex which controls mental functions like attention,learning,concentration and memory.Find this at -https://www.memory-improvement-tips.com/meditation-and-memory.html

Meditation increases self-awareness. Strange though it may seem, we bumble through life committing the same mistakes, misinterpreting reality and drawing wrong conclusions.When we meditate we become aware of  the quirks in our personality, the deep-seated complexes, irrational prejudices, unfounded fears and unreasonable expectations. Intrusive thoughts which could have been the precursers of a severe emotional problem are nixed. When the labyrinths of our unconscious mind are laid open, we can understand the emotional turmoil which lies at the root cause of our anxiety, and sort it out.

• It promotes the understanding of others. When we become aware of our own fault-lines we feel more attuned to those with whom we had been at cross purpose till now.Meditation confers a largeness of heart-an ability to overlook others' foibles and transgressions, to relate to them on an equal footing.
• It augments our confidence and will-power.It has a miraculous effect upon our self esteem.The sharpening of our mental faculties results in greater confidence and will-power. We feel in control.
• Meditation can off-set many physical ailments like migraine, hypertension, aches and pains, allergies and addictions.WHO says nine out of ten diseases are psychosomatic.When meditation calms the mind and eases anxiety the diseaes too vanish.

Today's lifestyle,with it's countless aspirations and hassles is tailor-made for mental turmoil and restlessness.Meditation is a great tool for easing the mind and gaining  tranquility.

The Tentacles Of Depression

 Anxiety is like a dark cloud.It shadows everything.No harm!Because it often helps us to face challenges and achieve targets too.But it becomes an enemy when it lingers on in the absence of any real danger.That should be discerned because it can shove you into the pit of Depression.Hence it is imperative to recognize the red signals.If you have become asocial,incommunicative,inactive and melancholic,then it should be a wake-up call for you.

Do something about it.Resolve to arrest further detirioration in your mental health.Given below are a few simple tips to help you do this-

1. Do you tend to sleep or lie down long after your usual waking time?Throw off your duvet and get up.
2. Compel yourself to leave the bed and freshen up.
3. Begin the routine which you had before this affliction shackled you.
4. Make a cup of your favorite beverage.Sit down and enjoy it with a biscuit or two.If you live with your family then enjoy it in their company.
5. Put on a smart dress.Go to the mirror,smile and see how much better you look with a smile on your face.
6. Walk out of your home and visit a park.
7. Accost those you meet.
8. Take a brisk walk.
9. Sit down on a bench to relax.Watch the world around you-the people,the trees,the birds,the flowers and the sky.
10. Return home if you feel tired.
11. Lie down or sprawl on an easy-chair.
12. Consider-was it that difficult?Don't you feel better after having done all this?Hasn't the negativity in your mind decreased?
13. If your answer is negative then consider how you can further improve this session tomorrow.What else should you have done?
14. If the answer is positive then resolve to repeat it tomorrow and every day.

This is a  common early morning walk but it has the power to kill the hormones which cause depression and energise you for constructive actions.Be happy,you have taken the first step that distances you from a bout of depression.Keep it up and you will soon be your own healthy, positive self again!

Inoculation Against Mental Disorders?

We all take inoculations against various diseases and they do protect us also.I wish there was  an inocultion against mental disorders too.Then we would be free of anxiety,depression,suicidal thoughts and other such anomalies.But there isn't any such preventive mechanism.Psychiatrists,psychologists and counsellors arrive only after the bug has bitten.

So I began to think how do I protect myself from these evils?Let me share my thoughts with you all-

1. It is not as if God has been especially kind to me.I too have gone through many difficulties,traumas and trgedies.But my best-and most dependable-companion through all those phases has been rationality.If I find myself against a tough situation I automatically begin to speculate how it transpired ,whether I did something wrong or whether it is the doing of an opponent or whether it is merely my luck at work.Am I reading too much into a chance happening or should I take steps to protect myself, what should my rection be?Rational thinking guides me about my response and behaviour.
2. Acceptance-I might be saddled with a relative,neighbour or colleague whom I dislike,or just cannot stand.Or an annoying event may have shed a dark shadow on my personality.I can't oust these people or that event out of my life,so what should I do?I merely accept such factors as a part of life and concentrate on how to make the best of a bad situation.Yeah,I am learning new skills!
3. Gratitude-All is never lost.It is lost only when we take our last breath.If there has been a major climax in my life,I would be disturbed,no doubt, but I would also thank God that so many other factors are still as they were.Ups & downs are a part of life.Even lord Ram had to spend 14 year in woods-taht too after a royal birth.Am I someone special that my life should always follow my dictates?
4. Diversion-We humans are blessed with a special quality-our brains can only function on one particular track at a time.If I am depressed because my boss ignored me while handing out promotions to others,many other similar episodeswill come to the fore.But if I begin to straighten my desk,sort out important documents,throw out the trash then I would have shoved my depression to the background.You can also solve puzzles  or read a book to provide new channels to your brain.Diversion is the best answer.
5. Exercise-No matter how hard we try,tensions will come.Along with them come insomnia,body stiffness and different aches and pains.Anxiety readies the body to fight an enemy,increases the flow of harmful chemicals which play havoc with our body and it's systems.If we do exercise,Yoga or brisk walking then these pernicious chemicals are used up,leavind us calm.Try it.

The above habits have always helped me to handle the problems of life.I hope they will benefit you too!

There Is Hope Only If There Is Life!

 Just like a rainbow,our life too has many shades;radiant and joyous at one time,or gloomy and desolate at another.We try to do our best as far as possible but sometimes it becomes very difficult.Our plans go awry,relationships break,loved ones depart and we are left hurt or disillusioned.

Some people take it in their stride,some others carry on hopefully but there are also those who just wish to throw in the towel and end it all.There has been an alarming increase in the incidents of suicide and also a decrease in the age of suiciders lately.A peson who does this feels that there is no charm left in life.His reservoir of pain tolerance is full to the brim and he cannot live with it any longer-hence the suicide.But what if the pain decreased?Wouldn't life be worth living again?

Therefore the first thing to do is to lessen the pain.It can be done only if that person shares his tormenting thoughts with someone;gives an outlet to that volcano.He should talk to someone who will give him full attention and also respect his privacy-a friend,a relative,a teacher or a colleague.

If there is no such person on his radar then it is time to look for a professional-a counsellor,a psychologist or a psychiatrist.He should not hesitate to ask for help.It does not indicate that he is a weakling or a failure.In fact it indicates that he is wise enough to take a good step at the right time.The spark is there in him yet. 

1. The first thing he should do is,sit at a quiet place and think with his head  rather  than his heart.Which is the most depressing part of the situation?What can he  do about it?
2. If he is too bewildered to arrive at any decision then he should find a good counsellor.
3. He should explain his problem relating all the relevant incidents in detail.
4. He should follow the counsellor's advice fully.
5. Another beneficial activity is starting the day with a healthy routine of Yoga,exercise,walking or jogging.Exercise increases the flow of feel-good chemicals like serotonin,dopamine & endorphins --the last are natural pain killers & mood elevators.This also uses up the excessive stress hormones like adrenaline & cortisol.
6. Along with this he should also chart a scedule of his daily activities,like when to sleep and wake up,when to eat and when to finish his pending chores.Cleaning his cupboard and straightening his room will enable him to forget his troubles.
7. It is also therapeutic to spend time with family &friends .He will be glad to realize that they all care for him.Even if he was somewhat disillusioned with them,he should give them a second chance.Perhaps he misjudged them or they may be regretting their callousness towards him & this initiative will give his family ties  a new lease of life.
8. He should take up a pastime that gives him pleasure.If he recalls what gave him joy  before all this happened he will find happiness & peace of mind again.Unless he tries really hard he will not get out of this rut.
   
9. He should also find out how others cope in similar situations.
10. It is essential to continue his liaison with his counselor /doctor.
    

He should let the closest member of his family know that he was on the brink of suicide so that they will be on guard for him.Remember life is much larger than any misfortune,failure or emotional set-back.Time does heal.The pain will lessen and the sun will shine again.If one door has closed look for other options.Don't be dogmatic about wanting only that which has been denied to you.Be flexible.Look forward,not backwards.

If he does all this he will be fine !!!!!

Coaching Institutes of Kota

I have been a resident of Kota since decades.It used to be a quiet city till 1990 but the advent of coaching institutes after that brought in many changes.It now bustles with the activities of tutors,students and their guardians.I see many students and their guardians walking on the road in front of my home.It is easy to make out from their looks and conversations that they have come here from many other states

Some exude vigour and vitality while some others appear rather serious and worried.Naturally,because the regime is very,very taxing-not everybody can bear it smilingly.There is also a lot of competitiveness which keeps students on edge.

But the saddest part of this whole system is that some of those who find it unbearable,do not return home,but commit suicide.

Another NEET student dies by suicide in Kota, 6th in 2024.According to Hindustan Times Aug 3 

A vital question raises it's head-why do children choose death or self-inflicted torture,instead of returning home?Different answers come to mind-

1-Some join these institutes because their parents were very keen on them doing this course but they have no interest in the subjects being taught.

2-Some others know that their parents have managed with great difficulty ao get hold of the large amount of money needed for their stay in Kota.They cannot face them after their failure to qualify.

3-Their peers and relatives back home will look down upon them if they return without achieving anything.

4-A budding relationship breaks-leaviing them depressed.

The causes might be many more but no matter what the cause-the fact remains that a child's home,however big or small it may be-is like a nest for him.He feels secure and happy there.In Kota he might be confined to a limited space and a different ambiance.The people around him may be friendly,indifferent or even hostile.What sort of a memory-bank will he accumulate during his stay here?Will these years become a benign part of his memories or will it be too torturous to live with?

I think the aspiring doctors and engineers as well as their parents ought to give a second thought to  their plans if they find anythig amiss.There are numerous trades to choose from,if one option fails then another should be tried.Sui cide is no answer!

My readers are welcome to state their views on this subject,it will bebeneficial.

Compassion,Care and Consideration

 We all send felicitations and happy messages to our known ones on special occasions.The senders and receivers,both experince a rush of joy.But after a while this bubbles down like water poured from a height.The challenges,responsibilities and worries of daily life monopolise our time and efforts.This pushes many people back to their solitary,less cared for quarters.Anxiety and loneliness take over.It is difficult for them to take the initiatve to come forward because of a fear that they might be tagged as cumbersome time-wasters.

Can we-those who are not inhibited by such compunctions-take a step forward and help them join the mainstream once more?If we are more concerned about the people around us;those who are not seen at places they used to haunt earlier,a genuine smile,a cogent remark or a concerned query could give them the impetus to get out of their  refuge and talk to us.

If your neighbour is less active than he always was,don't just wonder.Go a step forward and ask if he was well.Or an unusual lack of greeting from someone you are pally  with could be a signal that all was not well in his life.Your concern could give him the fillip to come out with his worries and thus lighten the load on his heart.If you can offer a viable solution to his problems,so much the better.What are friends for?

Sometimes asking a friend about his problem could be regarded as intrusive or derogatory.But his facial expressions,his gait and his general demeanour can reveal whether or not all is well in his life.A couple of positive remarks from your side though,could uplift his mood.

Life,as we all know,is full of ups and downs,achievements and failures,happiness and misery,hope and despair.There are moments in everyone's life when s/he could do with a real hug or a shoulder to cry on.Social media can give theoretical advice but where is that hug or a shoulder?Blessed are those who are surrounded by loving friends and relatives but not everybody has a support-system he or she can rely upon.Under the circumstances those on the periphery or fringe too can be of immense help.

If we see someone lost in his thoughts,unaware of his surroundings, a step forward from our side could uplift his mood.Even a small support from our side could dredge someone from #anxiety.His hope will increase,leading to a new resilience and stamina.

The benefits of your initiative will spread both ways-you too will feel nice after having done your duty as a fellow human being.

The Return of #Anxxiety and #Depression

Personality Traits Which Are a Risk Factor For #Anxiety or #Depressionhttps://jeeteraho.blogspot.com/2022/02/personality-traits-which-are-risk.html

Self-help For Anxiety And Depression

 Experts tell us that Mental Disorders are on the rise.Everyone experiences anxiety at some time or the other but sometimes it deepens into depression or a host of other Mental Disorders.The stigma attached to such maladies prevents people from consulting a professional or even admitting that they too are victims.

Hence they try to tackle it according to their own acumen and will-power.Most people know about aids like exercise,meditation,pranayam and positive thinking which can and do mitigate anxiety.A lesser known asset which can also pitch them on the path to recovery is writing a daily journal-that is recording their thoughts,emotions and activities every day.

Anxietry or depression spin from negative thoughts which lead us to conclude that our life,personality,future prospects and relationships are dismal and nothing can improve them.But writing a diary gives us the space to evaluate our behaviour and thought processes once again,so that we can rectify them if  necessary.

When you write your diary pay special attention to your moods.Also what you did to improve your mood if it was woebegone to begin with.At the end of the day or on the next day,recapitulate whether whatever you did after getting up,dissipated your worries or aggravated them.Mark that which helped you to overcome negative thoughts and vow to do it daily.

Overcoming anxiety is an important part of one's health and wellness but there are so many other responsibilities-which,if attended-will give you a happy,healthy and full life.For example you may be hiding in your room,unnecessarily snubbing your acqaintances or shirking your duties.There are many fronts on which a tense person can go wrong.Naturally this can create negativity or lead to nsavory consequences.Evaluate your performance on such fronts when you write your diary.If you are failing in an important facet  then try to do better the next day.Set your targets and and attempt to remove the hurdles which bar you from doing this.

Despite best efforts crises and calamities do occur.The journal is always there to write about such events and avail catharsis.This will lessen your agony.You can then analyse what went wrong and how to rectify it.Your journal is also a good place to ponder about oncoming challenges and how you should tackle them.

Thus we see that keeping a diary enables clear thinking,reduces anxiety or depression,helps you to overcome your faults,endows  resilience and boosts stamina,resulting in a new ,better you.What a wonderfull gadget to stay well and move forward.

You may also like my blog posts - 

Personality Traits which are Risk

Your self help guide for Eliminating

Cognitive Distortions,Magnification and Maximisation

A Tear-Straight From The Heart

 It would be worth my while to die,

If I could see a tear in your eye.

A token of love fom you at last,

To smoothen all the hurts of past.

 

A touch of sigh,for the days gone by,

A tinge of sorrow,for a different tomorrow.

A bit of regret, to make you fret.

A heartfelt pain?No I hope in vain.

You so cold,so aloof, so serene;

could there be a current of warmth unseen?

Was there a glance which pierced your armour?

And then forever usurped your ardour?

You do well to remain in  supreme disdain,

Of feelings humane,pleasure or pain.

Slowly I find I become one of your kind,

Though embers do glow underneath the rime.

This grip of melancholy now holds me like a vice,

And the vigour of life slowly turns to ice.

This is a crossroad-I have to decide,

Was I born to live or cast like a dice?

Though the swell is past and waters abate,

Why emulate what I fervently hate?

This would surely be the worst kind of treason,

To desert myself in the fall of the season?

Oh God forbid that there should be a day,

When my own tranquility should cause me dismay.

When love's gentle call would no more enthrall

Cause if I gave all I would also loose all?

When timid overtures would no more reach.

The inner space all gone to seed.

Therefore I say God let me die,

PERHAPS I could see a tear in his eye.

#MajorDepression-A True Case History

 This is about Pawan,who came to me for counselling three months ago.I could see at a glance that he was severely depressed.His facial expression,posture,gait,voice-everything proclaimed this to any casual observer.Before starting the session I assured him that according to the norms of us counselors,whatever he told me would not go beyond the walls of my clinic,so that he could rest easy on that score.

He told me he was 60 yrs old,had three sons,and they all lived in a three storied bungalow.He was happily married,and had been an elite performer in his company till a few years ago,though lately it was all becoming too much for him.He felt bowed down with duties and responsibilities.His sleep was very poor and though healthy,he felt very lethargic.He had been on psychiatric medicines since many years.It turned out that he had suffered two episodes of #Depression many years ago.At present He was taking a medicine prescribed by his old doctor but it was not doing him any good.

I asked him what it was,which was troubling him so much.He replied that one of his sons had started construction work in his portion a few days back but he agreed to stop it after the father's  objection.That way,his sons were quite obedient.Besides this he could not state any specific problem which was distressing him.He just felt overworked and incapable of sorting his issues.I asked him to gather his family,reveal his tensions and ask who could do what,to lessen his burden.

I suggested that he should go for a physical check up to rule out any disease which could be the cause of his tensions.I also encouraged him to go for morning walks and do regular exercises.He was asked to be more active during his waking hours,since his official duties were not much to speak of.He replied that he did not have any friends or hobbies so there was nothing for him to do.I told him that he could do small things aroind the house,chit-chat with his family,reveal his worries and ask about their concerns.

He was asked to try his best and report after four days.He did not come after four days but did after two months.He was even more woebegone this time.I recommended a psychiatrist whom I knew as being very competent.Perhaps a change of medicine and approach was needed.

And mere medicine was not enough.In order to get relief he had to change his whole routine and lifestyle.He must interact with those around him,greet people and say a few words to them.Even to the vendors.He should talk about his difficulties to those whom he could trust.Instead of thinking all the time about his own problems he should be more mindful of his surroundings,watch all that was happening around him and take interest in others' lives and problems.Yoga and meditation too,were very good for calming the min.If he started doing all this his track of negative thoughts would be replaced by a better one and his depression would ease. 

He was asked to return after one week.But true to his nature, he did not return after one week.Instead,he came after one month and told me that he felt as if his mind was failing him.He had not consulted the psychiatrist suggested by me.His whole life was in disarray.Uptill now he had striven to earn more and more,without any consideration of it's effect on the whole structure of his and his family's life.The way in which he had expanded his house and let in various tenants,now could not be undone.But it had definitely multiplied his problems.

I asked him to recount the steps he had taken to lessen his anxiety.He replied that he went for swimming in the morning and felt better after that.I explained that physical exercise consumed the harmful chemicals generated through worries and fears,and it was very beneficial for lessening anxiety-he should do more of it. It turned out that he was doing things like clapping his hands or meditating but not reaching out to anyone around him.

I asked him if it was because he felt that his personality had deteriorated and people would look down upon him.He said yes.I told him he was not the only one suffering from anxiety and most people had so much on their minds that they had little time to judge others.His self imposed isolation was doing him more harm than anything else.Those who did not isolate themselves recovered faster.Since his old methods were not showing good results it was time to change them.He was again motivated to go out and connect with others.

I asked him to  clarify his thoughts and come next week.However he did not come.I asked about his wellbeing after one month,but he did not respond.Then I left the onus on him and closed the case.

This Surge in Mental Disorders, And How To Safeguard Yourself

Those were the days when life was simple,families large,bum-chums nearby and domiciles almost permanent.If one was worried about something there was always help at hand :if not in the form of parents,then friends and associates.But all this has been swept away with the sands of time.

Migration to new cities is the norm,aspirations are sky high and competition grim.Real time companions-especially the old tried and tested ones-are fewer,and loneliness is the last straw that sometimes breaks the camel's back.While tensions have rocketed enormously,those who could assuage our perturbed minds are few or far away.

No wonder #mentaldisorders are galloping all over.There is a greater need for support systems than there ever was.Since traditional support systems have dwindled we need to look at alternative sources of help-these are available in the form of psychologists,counselors,psychiatrists and on-line help.But how many of those who suffer from emotional or psychological problems make use of these services?

"NMHS 2015-16 reveals that nearly 15% of Indian adults (those above 18 years) are in need of active interventions for one or more mental health issues;".But few seek professional help if self-help measures fail to give respite.A major obstacle in the way of doing this of course is,stigma,the impression that mental patients are weak and incompetent,and they don't do enough to solve their problems.Since very few people talk of their psychological problems,every sufferer thinks that he or she is the rotten apple and they must not divulge it.This is how the stigma is born and perpetuated.

This kind of thinking prevents people from admitting to a mental disorder and seeking help.If their self help measures do not work, their condition worsens till psychiatric medicines are the only answer.I am not competent to discuss the efficacy or desirability of these medicines but I do believe that it is far better to seek help in the initial stages rather than having to depend upon medicines.This raises an important question-
When to seek help?
This is no doubt a difficult question.Transitory disappointments or griefs sometimes hit hard  but we manage to bounce up again after a certain period.The field of mental health is nebulous and ever changing-especially for mental patients.No two persons suffering from anxiety will have similar worries or fears.They may experience various levels of stress or tranquility even in the same day.
The thumb rule is to check yourself against the following parameters:--

1. Have you become quiet and asocial?
2. Do you feel sad and disinterested most of the time?
3. Do you neglect your daily routine?
4. Do you find it difficult to take decisions?
5. Are even simple tasks too laborious for you?
6. Do you have suicidal thoughts?
7. Do you have poor sleep or sleep too much?
8. Do you have poor appetite or eat too much?
9. Do you have gastric problems and sundry aches and pains?
10. Have you become angry and irritable?

If the answers to most of these questions are 'yes' and this has been going on for more than two months then it is time you took the help of a mental health professional.The choice is between a psychologist,counselor,general practitioner or a psychiatrist.The first two will assist you to think rationally about your problem and delve into to the causes of this imbroglio.You can open your heart to them.They will extend emotional support and also respect your privacy.If they think you need medicines to help you along,they will refer you to a doctor.If you are hesitant about consulting a psychiatrist then even a GP or a family doctor can be of immense help-as he was in my own case.

Suffice it to say that once you observe your daily life has changed drastically because of your mood swings,take immediate steps to improve your mental health and reclaim your life.There can be no health without mental health.

You may also like https://jeeteraho.blogspot.com/2019/02/your-self-help-guide-for-eliminating.html.

https://www.cchr.org/quick-facts/psychiatric-drugs-side-effects.html

Personality Traits Which Are a Risk Factor For #Anxiety or #Depression

#Mental Disorders are on the rise,the most common being  Anxiety and Depression.Unfortunately these are much maligned and nebulous ailments.Many victims suffer in silence and seek no treatment because of their own reticence or the stigma attached to these disorders.The causes vary from environmental,genetic and medical factors to an imbalance in brain chemistry or hormones.

Looking at it from another perspective we can say that certain personality traits too can predispose one to a mental disorder.These traits may not be harmful in themselves but when combined with a serious problem or a critical situation they can generate excessive anxiety.Hence it is best to keep them in check.

• Overthinking Overthinking about any prospect,person,relationship or incident confuses the mind by  generating unreasonable doubts and suspicions which give rise to Anxiety.
• Cognitive Distortions :What's more,overthinking can easily lead to " A cognitive distortion — and there are many — is an exaggerated pattern of thought that’s not based on facts. It consequently leads you to view things more negatively than they really are."They  come in many garbs.Here are a few examples.Filtering, when a person remembers only the negative aspects of an experience,forgetting the good part.Maximization and minimization when he magnifies a problem and minimizes his own ability to solve it.Black and White Thinking,where he would judge even a moderate situation as a bad one because only the perfect one will do. Catastrophic thinking, which denotes  predicting dire outcomes at the onset of any development,the prophecies being negative as well as irrational.Obviously, these habits can become a breeding ground for anxiety.Then we have Overgeneralisation in which we take a single incident to represent the whole cycle. 
•  Introversion :This causes anxiety in many ways.Generally introverts do not like to meet people or talk to them.As a result they do not share their worries or problems with anyone.Catharsis is a tall order for them.They spend a lot of time condemning their own habits and  ruminating about past follies or future challenges.Naturally this increases their anxiety. 
• Pessimism.A pessimist views the world through dark glasses.Every turn of events is accompanied by a fear that it is going to be inimical for him.These fears accumulate and then transform into Anxiety.He even appraises a beneficial change as not so good or just a chance happening.No wonder he finds little  to be happy about.
• Emotionalism versus Rationalism.In the face of a crisis highly emotional people are so overwhelmed by their emotions that finding a solution and working towards it becomes difficult.This prolongs their anxiety.Rationals can better manage their troubles.
• Inferiority Complex is another possible cause of frequent bouts of tension.A person who believes he is not as fit,smart,intelligent or efficient as others around him fails to find peace. 

It is easy to see that one's personality and behavior patterns can either enable one to fight his way out of  troubles or push him into the dark chambers of  a #Mental  Disorder.So many things come in to play.An individual's past life and his rearing matter a lot.If his life till date has been spent in fighting against odds and finding a space for himself,  he might have the resilience and the confidence that he has done it before and he can do it again when things go wrong.On the other hand another misfortune knocking at his door could dishearten someone else completely.He may decide that he is totally exhausted and cannot do it again.

#Mental Strength and a #Positive attitude have a big role to play in  the sphere of mental disorders.Being grateful for what we have and optimistic for what may come in future helps a lot.It is best to remember that whatever happens,happens for the best.

Excerpt taken from PsychCentral.com 

#Hypochondria

Hypochondriasis-the very word signifies a feeling of sickness.It is merely a feeling-mind you-not the real condition.The afflicted person thinks he is suffering from a serious ailment.This fear overshadows his whole life-whether personal,professional or social.

In order to live a fully happy,peaceful and creative life it is essential to get rid of this scourge.So rather than going to the whys and hows which have already been recounted in this post,I shall straightaway jump to 'the how to get rid of it' considerations.

• Since all feelings stem from thoughts it is imperative to control your negative thoughts.The moment you think that a rumbling in your stomach portends the onset of a serious disease stop and consider what basis you have for jumping to this conclusion.Perhaps you are making a mountain of a molehill.
• Get active.If you try to accomplish a task your mind will shift to a different track.That dreadful fear of a serious illness will be supplanted by a healthy thinking process.
• Don't delve into the accounts of various diseases floating on the internet or shared by your acquaintances on the social media.
• Are you given to catastrophic thinking?Recall how many times your similar worries had proven to be false.
• If a dear person had voiced similar complaints,would you have prognosticated the same consequence for him/her,as you do for your own self?
• Before retiring for night write down the complaints which had troubled you during the day.If the symptoms differ from day to day,it means that they do not reflect the presence of any disease but are the consequence of your negative thinking.
• But if a specific symptom irks you every day then it would be better to consul a general practitioner.
• Negative thoughts and a persistent feeling of sickness can be very depressive.Focus on the positive aspects of your life.Recount the ways in which your body is functioning normally and be thankful for it.
• Control self pity.It will leave you lonely and despondent.
• Hypochondriacs tend to consult various doctors till their forebodings are confirmed.Check this urge.Don't indulge in a wild goose chase.

Consult a psychiatrist or a counselor.Share your worries,reveal all that is troubling you and you will definitely feel better and lighter after that.      

 

Major Depression-A Case History

Deepak is 80 yrs old and clinically depressed.He has been unwell for more than a year now.It started with anxiety,excessive quietude,reticence and lethargy.Six months ago this transformed into major depression.Since the last 4 months it has been at its peak.

He spends the whole day lying down with his eyes shut.He barely gets up for his meals for an hour and then it is back to bed again.He will neither talk nor respond to anyone.He has become totally apathetic and docile.Personal hygiene is at its minimum.His appetite and weight have decreased drastically.But he is not bothered about this depreciation in his health or personality.Nothing at all interests him.

He underwent a physical examination and thankfully he was found physically fit.

He and his wife Bina have been our friends for eons.She is a bit of a psychologist.She noted the changes in his personality at the very beginning and tried through various means to extricate him from anxiety but it did not work.Then they consulted their family doctor who gave him a psychiatric medicine.It did not agree with him,he became disoriented and developed fecal incontinence.

He was referred to a psychiatrist whose medicines led him to sleeping round the clock.The psychiatrist eliminated the barbiturate from his medicines.Thankfully the antidepressant agreed with him and there were no adverse effects.After taking the medicine for six months there were small signs of improvement off and on but soon he would revert to his old condition.The doctor,upon being contacted,refused to change the medicine,saying increasing the dose or potency would make him more somnolent.He advised him to gear up and be more active.

This was easier said than done.Deepak was just not interested in taking up any physical or mental activity.Even talking was too much of an effort for him.When cajoled to get up and do something he would say that he did not have the strength to do so--this,when he was physically fit.He had no desire to awaken his old booming blustering self. 

The  worst part was that there was no external problem which could be amended to grant him relief.His family and life conditions were perfect.The cause seemed to be endogenous.Perhaps it was his personality which had rendered him vulnerable to anxiety and depression.He had never shared his emotions with anyone or laughed heartily.His approach to everything had always been negative.Likewise,his reactions.All this might have led to a festering of wounds inside.

After about seven months of medication he showed signs of improvement in small measures.He agreed to go out and sit in the balcony.By and by he was persuaded to take at least 10 minutes' walk every day.It took a long time to entrench this into his routine.Then he started walking in the evening too but this left so many hours of the day to be spent positively,otherwise he was sure to give in to the urge to go and lie down on his bed.But he was not interested in taking up any activity.He refused to participate in an indoor game,read something or watch TV. 

After the passage of another two months he began to watch religious channels on TV and tried to extend his waking hours which finally settled at fourteen.Good progress,but it was extremely slow and transient.Very frustrating for the family members to watch and maintain a hopeful facade.

Talking or meeting outsiders was still difficult for him.It is rather challenging for a mental patient to accost outsiders.After countless months of isolation he cannot suddenly turn outgoing and jovial.Others take it as a cue to stand off.Sad,but this is what mostly happens.The onus to cajole and help him to join the mainstream once again rests solely on the family members.Without their support nothing can be achieved.The patient has to be encouraged to believe that he can and he will get well.He should be helped to take constructive steps one at a time.It is just like a baby learning to walk.He needs all the help he can muster.The journey is long but essential.

Five Habits Which Perpetuate Anxiety

The reason why some people gambol through life despite the ubiquitous ups and downs while others can find nothing to cheer them cannot be ascribed to external factors alone.I have come across many people who have everything going for them:a well established household,upper middle class standard,a loving family,healthy physique and yet they seem bowed down with sorrow and worries.
They will not accost or converse with anyone.If spoken to they will merely reply with a word or two.You will never catch them smiling.Despite living an easy life they always look tired and woebegone.Yes they do have minor physical ailments like aches and pains,gastric disorders or insomnia,but if you ask them whether they have any worries,the answer will certainly be negative.That is because they themselves do not know why they are always so depressed,there is no immediate trigger at work.

Such people are common but you cannot spot them at formal or chance meetings.Only friends and family know that something is nibbling at their hearts.The problem is endogenous-not because of an external cause.The tragedy is,that they could be happier if only they could catch the culprit responsible for their angst and extirpate it from their lives.
That is why it is essential to be aware of those of our own habits which cause anxiety and which we should change in order to achieve better mental health.

Refusal to accept a crucial change

A big change which has now occurred and cannot be reversed has to be accepted.If we obsess about what was,but is now no longer there,we will torment ourselves interminably.Take the example of Deepak who has now retired from work.He just cannot gulp this depreciation in his status and the absence of any opportunity to contribute to his field of work.His job had been the sole focus of his life.Now time hangs heavily on his hands.He feels redundant after this big change in his life.
Similarly,the onset of old age,loss of kin or a serious disease are things which hit hard but cannot be reverted.It is important to accept such changes and alter our lives accordingly.Being grateful for the blessings which we still enjoy and finding new alternatives to fill the gap is the only way to keep depression at bay.
Over thinking
Broadly speaking,doers are happier than thinkers.Over thinking befuddles the latter and pushes their minds into dark worrisome spaces because over thinking rarely ends on a positive note.Cogitating about each and every individual or event can clutter the mind and fill it with worries and fears.When this becomes a second nature it culminates into pervasive anxiety.A much better way of passing the idle moments is to get busy,do something.
Low self-esteem
A person suffering from low self-worth places himself at the lowest rung and therefore does not expect anything good to come his way.What could be more distressing than this?It has been said ad infinitum,we get what we expect.Those who suffer from low self esteem desist from going out,meeting people,making friends and grabbing opportunities of self advancement.They are perturbed by the thoughts of being inferior to,and looked down upon,by other people.All this is tailor made for anxiety or depression. 
Pessimism
Somewhat in the same category are the pessimists.They view life through a grey lens and thus find nothing to cheer them.They will pass off even a good development as a chance happening and nothing to rave about.A small obstacle will be viewed as a huge boulder and a hiccup construed as something ominous.They ignore all the positives of their life and focus only on the darker aspects.Naturally it is hard for them to be happy and tension-free.When thinking of future,they again envisage detrimental happenings.
Self Pity
This is another habit which prolongs anxiety.When we wallow in self pity we tell ourselves that we are the the unhappiest person on earth,life has been cruel to us and there is not a ray of hope on the horizon.We either become surly and reclusive or bore everyone to death with our sob-stories.Slowly the well wishers too avoid us and then we have more reason to be miserable.  

Our engagements with the external world are so time consuming that we get little time to peep inwards,to learn where we are going wrong,in which way we aggravate our anxiety and how we can reduce it.A reappraisal of our temperament,habits and thinking patterns will help us to find more peace and happiness in life.
Finally,the signs of depression and anxiety:

Image from Google Search 

Are You Looking After A #Depressed Family Member ?

This is not about how to care for a mental patient,which I covered comprehensively in an earlier post.It is about you who are caring for one such family member.Only those who look after a depressed kin,know how very taxing it can be.To make matters worse,the improvements are often slow and erratic in coming.You need to pool all your physical,mental and emotional resources to continue this crusade of pulling your dear one out of this morass.

What's more,even though you must be doing a lot to take care of his basic and emotional needs,you may not get any thanks in return.It is common.He is engrossed in a jungle of his own worries and fears;least mindful of the common codes of conduct.He may even accuse you of doing things you could not have dreamt of doing.Don't complain or snap at him.Just say you are sorry and will be more careful in future.He needs compassion,not rebukes or judgments.

He also needs the understanding of others who live with him or come in contact with him.

You will have to act as a buffer between him and those other people.The key to maintaining a harmonious atmosphere in the home and shielding him from abuse or humiliation is in your hands.Convey his limitations to those who are not adequately attuned.It requires a lot of sagacity,patience and tolerance.The love and support of family  are like lifeboats for someone floundering in tempestuous waters.

Your main task is to pull him out of depression.Research informs us that exercise is the best way to combat mental ailments.Exercise,and following a modicum of daily routine every day are excellent antidotes to anxiety and depression.Depression can drain out physical as well as emotional energy therefore you will have to be persuasive and innovative in order to have him moving about again.Cajole him to start with tiny baby steps.Motivate him to introduce a small change in his routine which must have gone haywire after he succumbed to depression.

It could be anything like sitting with the family when they are relaxing and chatting,having meals with them,getting up at a given time,bathing regularly,changing into fresh clothes,straightening his bed etcetera,etcetera. Let him choose at least one action which he can do daily and easily.Once he picks up that habit he can graduate to more difficult tasks.This will increase his self confidence.Goad him to join the mainstream once again,encouraging and praising all the way.Since emotional problems tend to isolate a person,calling over friends and arranging casual get togethers  will provide a refreshing change to both of you.

Doing all this without an iota of thanks in return is not easy.At times you may wonder what you had done to deserve this life but just consider,he is at a much,much worse place than you.You will have to guard against anger,frustration and defeatism in your own self too.So gather all your emotional reserves and carry on.Only you can draw him out of this hole.Forget thanks and gratitude for now.Your rewards will come when you see an improvement in him-no matter how slight.

You are human.Along with emotional forbearance you also need plenty of strength to shuttle between looking after him and tending to other responsibilities.Look after your own health and happiness.Take proper nourishment and enough sleep to conserve your energy.You can synchronize your own siesta with that of the patient.If you feel too tired,consider out-sourcing the tasks which you find too demanding.Take time out to do what you like doing.

Doing all this should hopefully improve his condition but if this does not happen then you will at least have no reason to chastise yourself that you did not do your duty.

It is only for convenience that I have used the male gender.It does not signify anything.

Image taken from google search.