An All-time Friend

 These days if you are literate and own a smart phone,there is no dearth of friends-those stemming from social media specially.But how many are truly your friends?Those who care for you and will ease you out of your doldrums?Sadly,very few.Perhaps because everyone is so busy these days.There are important apps to be checked and       deadlines to be faced.That is why if you are in the crux of a sorry state it is best to climb out of it through your own efforts.This becomes difficult when you are in the grip of anxiety.Thughts muddle up and a clear solution vis-a-vis the problem is hard to come by.

However there is an important friend waiting to help you.If you shudder at the onset of a climax,positive thinking will come to your aid.Recall your past succeses and achievements.It was you who did all that.You are the same person today and you can do it again.Positive thinkers have an innate ability to do this but it can be acquired with due practise.

We are all humans and humans can commit a mistake now and then.If you have done some wrong in the past,quit fretting about it.Forgive yourself,don't allow it to flog you.You realize that you were wrong and hence you are wiser today than you were at that time.Lesser chances of committing a mistake again!

Sometimes events occur at their own velocity.Despite best intentions and efforts you may not be able to prevent them.Forgive yoursels.Take such events in your stride and don't flog yourself unnecessarily.Be positive,hope for better events in future.

The benefits of positive thinking are numerous.Tensions decrease and your mental health enriches appreciably.Your physical health too improves,lesser chances of poor sleep or heart trouble.You become resilient,have better coping skills,attract friends and face life with eqanimity.What's more,your self-confidence increases and you develop a fighting mode to overcome your problems.Only your all-time-friend can do this.Adopt it now! 

Happiness in this whirl-pool of social networking

social-network has many benefits.It keeps us busy and well informed.We come to know about the nuances of the world around us-what is in vouge and what is redundant.

But what does it do to our mind-set?Do we feel inferior,incompetent or isolated in this whirlpool?Does it leave us depressed or elated?This is one query which deserves pondering.After all our progress and achievements depend upon how we feel.

So here is a post about social-networking and happiness.Most of the chats on social media describe the owners' achievements,their special days and the likes or dislikes which they recieve.Viewed from a neutral vantage point,not all chats may be true or authentic.But they do have a lot of impact on our minds.In order to gauge our own status in this milieu let us consider our own behaviour first.

1. Do we believe all the chats on the social-network as being 100% true and leave no space for our own judgement?
2. Comparisons-Do we tend to compare our own status,achievements,friend circle and popularity with those of others?A friend might be good in developing social relationships but I may have some other talent.
3. Are we ignoring real-time relationships and connecting only through  phone?
4. Are we proactive?Do we    face problems as soon as they appear or do we dilly-dally and spend time on the social media to ease our minds?

According to Dalai Lama "Happiness is not something ready-made.It comes from our own actions".So here are a few pointers to guide us all:

Flexibility-Life may not follow the road-map laid down by you.Unforeseen events can pose  problems.Flexibility  alone can keep us sane.Even Lord Ram had to face a down-turn in his youth.He gauged the circumstances and acted accordingly.Ups and downs are a part of life.Those who lose courage after a set-back will not be able to correct their circumstances and find happiness.

Gratefulness=One discord or a negative event is only-THAT-one part of life.It does not eliminate other factors which are still working for you.Be thankful for them and take their help to move forward.

Rmination-Thinking all the time about how happy you were,or how in past everything  took place just the way you wanted it to;is no way to be happy.Obsessing about the negative events only causes misery.Rumination ruins happiness.

Negativity-We meet all kinds of people in life-some may be cheerful and positive while some others may always be obsessed because of their fears and tragedies.Associating with the second kind will overshadow your own cheerfulness.Shun them where possible.

Me-time-In the routine of daily life,find time to follow pursuits which make you happy.

Keeping the above elements in mind will save you from heartache so that you can tread your path and be happy.

Rituals

These days I am more of an observer rather than a doer.Many coaching students and their mothers or grand-mothers live nearby.I see the ladies go to a park in front of my home early morning and conduct various rituals.One comes with a small utensil containing I don't know what, to be laid down at the feet of the God,while another plucks flowers to do the same.There is another one who pours water at the root of a tree-perhaps Peepal.

I believe they do all  this for the sucess,health and long life of their family.That much is obvious.But how effective these rituals are in the house of Lord?This I don't know.Do these small gestures change our destiny?Can they?Are we or aren't we predestined from the very beginning?A famous idiom proclaims-as you sow,so you shall reap;but can such rituals change the outcome of our actions?This question puzzles me.Can any one enlighten me?

Meditation-It's Benefits

 

Meditation  has been a part of India's spiritual practice since eons.Today's hectic lifestyle and concomitant travails impel many in India and across the seas to try it as a soother or a benefactor.It enables the followers to fathom the pitfalls and intricasies of daily life which goad them.

• Lately science too has taken note of this tendency and one such research came up with the following result-

"Modern diagnostic and imaging techniques, like electroencephalography (EEG) and functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) scans, show that meditation can positively affect your brain and mental health."

By https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/21521-psychosomatic-disorder

In a nutshell, meditation implies sitting straight in a comfortable position and focusing upon  a single object like your breath, heart, the space between your eyes, or a mantra. In the beginning, your mind will be overcome by many thoughts of different kinds.You should merely take it back to the target you have decided to focus upon each time with a smile. It can take many days or weeks to achieve success but the benefits will certainly be there!

The Benefits-

• Meditation calms the mind and eases tensions.When you sit down to meditate, various thoughts will flicker through your mind but when you focus on a single object unrelated to the hassles of daily life, you forget them for a while.You learn to shelve them.The brain can only think about one thing at a time.Focussing on your chosen target enables you to forget your worries, and peace prevails. The feelings of guilt, shame, anger or frustration arising from the past subside, and you are able to fathom the cause of those problems.This is an excellent tool for nixing anxiety.
• It increases the power to concentrate on any one thing. It primes our sense faculties and also helps us to control them. Focusing upon a single object day after day teaches us to concentrate upon the work at hand, which is essential for achieving success in daily life.
• Meditation improves the power of memory.Research at The Massachussets General Hospital in Boston found that regular meditation increases blood flow to the cerebral cortex which controls mental functions like attention,learning,concentration and memory.Find this at -https://www.memory-improvement-tips.com/meditation-and-memory.html

Meditation increases self-awareness. Strange though it may seem, we bumble through life committing the same mistakes, misinterpreting reality and drawing wrong conclusions.When we meditate we become aware of  the quirks in our personality, the deep-seated complexes, irrational prejudices, unfounded fears and unreasonable expectations. Intrusive thoughts which could have been the precursers of a severe emotional problem are nixed. When the labyrinths of our unconscious mind are laid open, we can understand the emotional turmoil which lies at the root cause of our anxiety, and sort it out.

• It promotes the understanding of others. When we become aware of our own fault-lines we feel more attuned to those with whom we had been at cross purpose till now.Meditation confers a largeness of heart-an ability to overlook others' foibles and transgressions, to relate to them on an equal footing.
• It augments our confidence and will-power.It has a miraculous effect upon our self esteem.The sharpening of our mental faculties results in greater confidence and will-power. We feel in control.
• Meditation can off-set many physical ailments like migraine, hypertension, aches and pains, allergies and addictions.WHO says nine out of ten diseases are psychosomatic.When meditation calms the mind and eases anxiety the diseaes too vanish.

Today's lifestyle,with it's countless aspirations and hassles is tailor-made for mental turmoil and restlessness.Meditation is a great tool for easing the mind and gaining  tranquility.

The Tentacles Of Depression

 Anxiety is like a dark cloud.It shadows everything.No harm!Because it often helps us to face challenges and achieve targets too.But it becomes an enemy when it lingers on in the absence of any real danger.That should be discerned because it can shove you into the pit of Depression.Hence it is imperative to recognize the red signals.If you have become asocial,incommunicative,inactive and melancholic,then it should be a wake-up call for you.

Do something about it.Resolve to arrest further detirioration in your mental health.Given below are a few simple tips to help you do this-

1. Do you tend to sleep or lie down long after your usual waking time?Throw off your duvet and get up.
2. Compel yourself to leave the bed and freshen up.
3. Begin the routine which you had before this affliction shackled you.
4. Make a cup of your favorite beverage.Sit down and enjoy it with a biscuit or two.If you live with your family then enjoy it in their company.
5. Put on a smart dress.Go to the mirror,smile and see how much better you look with a smile on your face.
6. Walk out of your home and visit a park.
7. Accost those you meet.
8. Take a brisk walk.
9. Sit down on a bench to relax.Watch the world around you-the people,the trees,the birds,the flowers and the sky.
10. Return home if you feel tired.
11. Lie down or sprawl on an easy-chair.
12. Consider-was it that difficult?Don't you feel better after having done all this?Hasn't the negativity in your mind decreased?
13. If your answer is negative then consider how you can further improve this session tomorrow.What else should you have done?
14. If the answer is positive then resolve to repeat it tomorrow and every day.

This is a  common early morning walk but it has the power to kill the hormones which cause depression and energise you for constructive actions.Be happy,you have taken the first step that distances you from a bout of depression.Keep it up and you will soon be your own healthy, positive self again!

There Is Hope Only If There Is Life!

 Just like a rainbow,our life too has many shades;radiant and joyous at one time,or gloomy and desolate at another.We try to do our best as far as possible but sometimes it becomes very difficult.Our plans go awry,relationships break,loved ones depart and we are left hurt or disillusioned.

Some people take it in their stride,some others carry on hopefully but there are also those who just wish to throw in the towel and end it all.There has been an alarming increase in the incidents of suicide and also a decrease in the age of suiciders lately.A peson who does this feels that there is no charm left in life.His reservoir of pain tolerance is full to the brim and he cannot live with it any longer-hence the suicide.But what if the pain decreased?Wouldn't life be worth living again?

Therefore the first thing to do is to lessen the pain.It can be done only if that person shares his tormenting thoughts with someone;gives an outlet to that volcano.He should talk to someone who will give him full attention and also respect his privacy-a friend,a relative,a teacher or a colleague.

If there is no such person on his radar then it is time to look for a professional-a counsellor,a psychologist or a psychiatrist.He should not hesitate to ask for help.It does not indicate that he is a weakling or a failure.In fact it indicates that he is wise enough to take a good step at the right time.The spark is there in him yet. 

1. The first thing he should do is,sit at a quiet place and think with his head  rather  than his heart.Which is the most depressing part of the situation?What can he  do about it?
2. If he is too bewildered to arrive at any decision then he should find a good counsellor.
3. He should explain his problem relating all the relevant incidents in detail.
4. He should follow the counsellor's advice fully.
5. Another beneficial activity is starting the day with a healthy routine of Yoga,exercise,walking or jogging.Exercise increases the flow of feel-good chemicals like serotonin,dopamine & endorphins --the last are natural pain killers & mood elevators.This also uses up the excessive stress hormones like adrenaline & cortisol.
6. Along with this he should also chart a scedule of his daily activities,like when to sleep and wake up,when to eat and when to finish his pending chores.Cleaning his cupboard and straightening his room will enable him to forget his troubles.
7. It is also therapeutic to spend time with family &friends .He will be glad to realize that they all care for him.Even if he was somewhat disillusioned with them,he should give them a second chance.Perhaps he misjudged them or they may be regretting their callousness towards him & this initiative will give his family ties  a new lease of life.
8. He should take up a pastime that gives him pleasure.If he recalls what gave him joy  before all this happened he will find happiness & peace of mind again.Unless he tries really hard he will not get out of this rut.
   
9. He should also find out how others cope in similar situations.
10. It is essential to continue his liaison with his counselor /doctor.
    

He should let the closest member of his family know that he was on the brink of suicide so that they will be on guard for him.Remember life is much larger than any misfortune,failure or emotional set-back.Time does heal.The pain will lessen and the sun will shine again.If one door has closed look for other options.Don't be dogmatic about wanting only that which has been denied to you.Be flexible.Look forward,not backwards.

If he does all this he will be fine !!!!!

Coaching Institutes of Kota

I have been a resident of Kota since decades.It used to be a quiet city till 1990 but the advent of coaching institutes after that brought in many changes.It now bustles with the activities of tutors,students and their guardians.I see many students and their guardians walking on the road in front of my home.It is easy to make out from their looks and conversations that they have come here from many other states

Some exude vigour and vitality while some others appear rather serious and worried.Naturally,because the regime is very,very taxing-not everybody can bear it smilingly.There is also a lot of competitiveness which keeps students on edge.

But the saddest part of this whole system is that some of those who find it unbearable,do not return home,but commit suicide.

Another NEET student dies by suicide in Kota, 6th in 2024.According to Hindustan Times Aug 3 

A vital question raises it's head-why do children choose death or self-inflicted torture,instead of returning home?Different answers come to mind-

1-Some join these institutes because their parents were very keen on them doing this course but they have no interest in the subjects being taught.

2-Some others know that their parents have managed with great difficulty ao get hold of the large amount of money needed for their stay in Kota.They cannot face them after their failure to qualify.

3-Their peers and relatives back home will look down upon them if they return without achieving anything.

4-A budding relationship breaks-leaviing them depressed.

The causes might be many more but no matter what the cause-the fact remains that a child's home,however big or small it may be-is like a nest for him.He feels secure and happy there.In Kota he might be confined to a limited space and a different ambiance.The people around him may be friendly,indifferent or even hostile.What sort of a memory-bank will he accumulate during his stay here?Will these years become a benign part of his memories or will it be too torturous to live with?

I think the aspiring doctors and engineers as well as their parents ought to give a second thought to  their plans if they find anythig amiss.There are numerous trades to choose from,if one option fails then another should be tried.Sui cide is no answer!

My readers are welcome to state their views on this subject,it will bebeneficial.

Compassion,Care and Consideration

 We all send felicitations and happy messages to our known ones on special occasions.The senders and receivers,both experince a rush of joy.But after a while this bubbles down like water poured from a height.The challenges,responsibilities and worries of daily life monopolise our time and efforts.This pushes many people back to their solitary,less cared for quarters.Anxiety and loneliness take over.It is difficult for them to take the initiatve to come forward because of a fear that they might be tagged as cumbersome time-wasters.

Can we-those who are not inhibited by such compunctions-take a step forward and help them join the mainstream once more?If we are more concerned about the people around us;those who are not seen at places they used to haunt earlier,a genuine smile,a cogent remark or a concerned query could give them the impetus to get out of their  refuge and talk to us.

If your neighbour is less active than he always was,don't just wonder.Go a step forward and ask if he was well.Or an unusual lack of greeting from someone you are pally  with could be a signal that all was not well in his life.Your concern could give him the fillip to come out with his worries and thus lighten the load on his heart.If you can offer a viable solution to his problems,so much the better.What are friends for?

Sometimes asking a friend about his problem could be regarded as intrusive or derogatory.But his facial expressions,his gait and his general demeanour can reveal whether or not all is well in his life.A couple of positive remarks from your side though,could uplift his mood.

Life,as we all know,is full of ups and downs,achievements and failures,happiness and misery,hope and despair.There are moments in everyone's life when s/he could do with a real hug or a shoulder to cry on.Social media can give theoretical advice but where is that hug or a shoulder?Blessed are those who are surrounded by loving friends and relatives but not everybody has a support-system he or she can rely upon.Under the circumstances those on the periphery or fringe too can be of immense help.

If we see someone lost in his thoughts,unaware of his surroundings, a step forward from our side could uplift his mood.Even a small support from our side could dredge someone from #anxiety.His hope will increase,leading to a new resilience and stamina.

The benefits of your initiative will spread both ways-you too will feel nice after having done your duty as a fellow human being.

The Return of #Anxxiety and #Depression

Personality Traits Which Are a Risk Factor For #Anxiety or #Depressionhttps://jeeteraho.blogspot.com/2022/02/personality-traits-which-are-risk.html

Self-help For Anxiety And Depression

 Experts tell us that Mental Disorders are on the rise.Everyone experiences anxiety at some time or the other but sometimes it deepens into depression or a host of other Mental Disorders.The stigma attached to such maladies prevents people from consulting a professional or even admitting that they too are victims.

Hence they try to tackle it according to their own acumen and will-power.Most people know about aids like exercise,meditation,pranayam and positive thinking which can and do mitigate anxiety.A lesser known asset which can also pitch them on the path to recovery is writing a daily journal-that is recording their thoughts,emotions and activities every day.

Anxietry or depression spin from negative thoughts which lead us to conclude that our life,personality,future prospects and relationships are dismal and nothing can improve them.But writing a diary gives us the space to evaluate our behaviour and thought processes once again,so that we can rectify them if  necessary.

When you write your diary pay special attention to your moods.Also what you did to improve your mood if it was woebegone to begin with.At the end of the day or on the next day,recapitulate whether whatever you did after getting up,dissipated your worries or aggravated them.Mark that which helped you to overcome negative thoughts and vow to do it daily.

Overcoming anxiety is an important part of one's health and wellness but there are so many other responsibilities-which,if attended-will give you a happy,healthy and full life.For example you may be hiding in your room,unnecessarily snubbing your acqaintances or shirking your duties.There are many fronts on which a tense person can go wrong.Naturally this can create negativity or lead to nsavory consequences.Evaluate your performance on such fronts when you write your diary.If you are failing in an important facet  then try to do better the next day.Set your targets and and attempt to remove the hurdles which bar you from doing this.

Despite best efforts crises and calamities do occur.The journal is always there to write about such events and avail catharsis.This will lessen your agony.You can then analyse what went wrong and how to rectify it.Your journal is also a good place to ponder about oncoming challenges and how you should tackle them.

Thus we see that keeping a diary enables clear thinking,reduces anxiety or depression,helps you to overcome your faults,endows  resilience and boosts stamina,resulting in a new ,better you.What a wonderfull gadget to stay well and move forward.

You may also like my blog posts - 

Personality Traits which are Risk

Your self help guide for Eliminating

Cognitive Distortions,Magnification and Maximisation

A Tear-Straight From The Heart

 It would be worth my while to die,

If I could see a tear in your eye.

A token of love fom you at last,

To smoothen all the hurts of past.

 

A touch of sigh,for the days gone by,

A tinge of sorrow,for a different tomorrow.

A bit of regret, to make you fret.

A heartfelt pain?No I hope in vain.

You so cold,so aloof, so serene;

could there be a current of warmth unseen?

Was there a glance which pierced your armour?

And then forever usurped your ardour?

You do well to remain in  supreme disdain,

Of feelings humane,pleasure or pain.

Slowly I find I become one of your kind,

Though embers do glow underneath the rime.

This grip of melancholy now holds me like a vice,

And the vigour of life slowly turns to ice.

This is a crossroad-I have to decide,

Was I born to live or cast like a dice?

Though the swell is past and waters abate,

Why emulate what I fervently hate?

This would surely be the worst kind of treason,

To desert myself in the fall of the season?

Oh God forbid that there should be a day,

When my own tranquility should cause me dismay.

When love's gentle call would no more enthrall

Cause if I gave all I would also loose all?

When timid overtures would no more reach.

The inner space all gone to seed.

Therefore I say God let me die,

PERHAPS I could see a tear in his eye.

The Clutch Of A Bad Habit

We are creatures of habit.Our habits govern many of our actions and reactions.A newborn baby has no habits-only a couple of instincts-the fear of falling and the need of sustenance.Habits form as days pass,and then these habits shape our personalities.They become so entrenched that even if we realize that a certain habit is going counter productive we very often fail to change it.

Samuel Johnson has aptly stated “The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.” 

If like me,you too are budened with some bad habits,then decide first of all which one is the most detrimental.Like I have this habit of drinking many cups of tea in a day,even though it causes acidity.Therefore I have decided to get rid of it.Or take the case of Rupa-she has this habit of studying at night till near dawn ,and getting up at noon the next day.One day she came to know about the Circadian Rhythm at https://www.sleepfoundation.org/circadian-rhythm, which states that a disrupted Cercadian Rhythm can affect the body's alertness,sleepiness,body temperature physical/mental health and appetite.She also realized that the assimilation of subject matter studied at night was not worth spoiling her sleep for and decided to give up this habit.

Once you have decided to expunge a habit the next step is to Pinpoint the trigger which impels you to follow that habit.I pondered why I drink so many cups and realized that it is because tea gives me the space to relax,or because I am hungry and decide to have a cup of tea rather than eating anything.So fatigue and hunger were my triggers.For Rupa sleepiness and fatigue were the cues.She had to force herself to sit down and study every night even though her body protested against this.

Once the cues have been discerned be alert the next time a cue raises it's head and choose a better response to it rather than giving in to your old habit.For example I relax with a good book or munch a biscuit whenever the yearning for a cup of tea surfaces.You too can choose a better option to replace your bad habit-one which takes you forward and is free of  any ill-effects.

Do this unfailingly for a week and then consider it's effects.Do you feel better and more efficient now than you did before?If the answer is yes then continue to ignore those triggers.

When one habit has been consigned to history decide which one comes next and follow the same procedure.Evaluate how good this decision has proven to be and relax with an easy mind.You will definitely feel better and do better.

As John Dryden said"We first make our habits,and then our habits make us".

#MajorDepression-A True Case History

 This is about Pawan,who came to me for counselling three months ago.I could see at a glance that he was severely depressed.His facial expression,posture,gait,voice-everything proclaimed this to any casual observer.Before starting the session I assured him that according to the norms of us counselors,whatever he told me would not go beyond the walls of my clinic,so that he could rest easy on that score.

He told me he was 60 yrs old,had three sons,and they all lived in a three storied bungalow.He was happily married,and had been an elite performer in his company till a few years ago,though lately it was all becoming too much for him.He felt bowed down with duties and responsibilities.His sleep was very poor and though healthy,he felt very lethargic.He had been on psychiatric medicines since many years.It turned out that he had suffered two episodes of #Depression many years ago.At present He was taking a medicine prescribed by his old doctor but it was not doing him any good.

I asked him what it was,which was troubling him so much.He replied that one of his sons had started construction work in his portion a few days back but he agreed to stop it after the father's  objection.That way,his sons were quite obedient.Besides this he could not state any specific problem which was distressing him.He just felt overworked and incapable of sorting his issues.I asked him to gather his family,reveal his tensions and ask who could do what,to lessen his burden.

I suggested that he should go for a physical check up to rule out any disease which could be the cause of his tensions.I also encouraged him to go for morning walks and do regular exercises.He was asked to be more active during his waking hours,since his official duties were not much to speak of.He replied that he did not have any friends or hobbies so there was nothing for him to do.I told him that he could do small things aroind the house,chit-chat with his family,reveal his worries and ask about their concerns.

He was asked to try his best and report after four days.He did not come after four days but did after two months.He was even more woebegone this time.I recommended a psychiatrist whom I knew as being very competent.Perhaps a change of medicine and approach was needed.

And mere medicine was not enough.In order to get relief he had to change his whole routine and lifestyle.He must interact with those around him,greet people and say a few words to them.Even to the vendors.He should talk about his difficulties to those whom he could trust.Instead of thinking all the time about his own problems he should be more mindful of his surroundings,watch all that was happening around him and take interest in others' lives and problems.Yoga and meditation too,were very good for calming the min.If he started doing all this his track of negative thoughts would be replaced by a better one and his depression would ease. 

He was asked to return after one week.But true to his nature, he did not return after one week.Instead,he came after one month and told me that he felt as if his mind was failing him.He had not consulted the psychiatrist suggested by me.His whole life was in disarray.Uptill now he had striven to earn more and more,without any consideration of it's effect on the whole structure of his and his family's life.The way in which he had expanded his house and let in various tenants,now could not be undone.But it had definitely multiplied his problems.

I asked him to recount the steps he had taken to lessen his anxiety.He replied that he went for swimming in the morning and felt better after that.I explained that physical exercise consumed the harmful chemicals generated through worries and fears,and it was very beneficial for lessening anxiety-he should do more of it. It turned out that he was doing things like clapping his hands or meditating but not reaching out to anyone around him.

I asked him if it was because he felt that his personality had deteriorated and people would look down upon him.He said yes.I told him he was not the only one suffering from anxiety and most people had so much on their minds that they had little time to judge others.His self imposed isolation was doing him more harm than anything else.Those who did not isolate themselves recovered faster.Since his old methods were not showing good results it was time to change them.He was again motivated to go out and connect with others.

I asked him to  clarify his thoughts and come next week.However he did not come.I asked about his wellbeing after one month,but he did not respond.Then I left the onus on him and closed the case.

The Parameters Of #Happiness

 We all desire happiness above everything else but what exactly constitutes happiness?Does it lie in a happy family,a healthy body,a dandy job,a fat bank balance,a beautiful home or lots of fame,prestige and power? Where does it stem from and how does one grab it?Ask anyone and you will get different answers,arising naturally from that person's unfulfilled ambitions,latent desires or envious aspirations.Different people are likely to have different items on top of their lists.

When you reach your targeted space it blossoms into many more must-haves.Landing a cushy job is not enough, you need a splendid home in a high profile locality,replete with all the amenities as soon as possible.

Reaching the much awaited status of  a CEO entails that your status should latch on to the grapevine and bring additional benefits like recognition,publicity, power and privileges.

Thus we see that we cannot stop after we reach one landmark.That feeling of satisfaction at having attained a target is short lived and we begin to hunger for additional benefits.But every acquisition brings with it new responsibilities,chores and worries.Happiness slithers away.As we run this race, the fun and joy of life takes second place.We get scarce time to enjoy what we already own.

Working for your goals,attaining higher targets can go on and on.Ultimately what can give you real happiness is that quality of contentment which will give you happiness at any rung of the ladder.

#Social Anxiety Disorder

 Megha is a young housewife of about forty years old.She has two children and lives in a well-furnished house having all the amenities one could ask for.Her husband is a genial family man and earns well.With all these advantages going for her,one would expect her to be a chirpy,friendly positive girl.But she is just the opposite.You will never catch her smiling or accosting anyone.She takes good care of her health,goes for a morning walk and does yoga and meditation too.Physically,she has a good personality but emotionally-who can say! She never gives anyone the chance to know or befriend her.What could  be the possible cause of this stark contrast between her lifestyle and her demeanor?

It is quite obvious that she is suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder.According to NIMH "Social Anxiety Disorder is a persistent fear of being watched and judged by others.This fear can affect work,school and other daily activities.It can even make it hard to make and keep friends."

But why does this syndrome affect some people so badly that they segregate themselves from those around them and choose to live a lonely friendless life?Where does it stem from?The answers to these queries lie hidden in their minds.

However psychologists do have some pointers.If a child went through adverse experiences,was bullied or targeted repeatedly it could instill in her mind an aversion for meeting others,looking face to face or trusting them.It becomes a permanent feature of her personality.Despite the various ill-effects of this disorder on her life she is unable to shake it off.If only she was to consult a Mental Health professional this fear could be toned down if not eradicated but this same fear prevents her from doing this.

If she does nor want to do this then the next alternative is to take the matter in her own hands.

1. She should introspect calmly and gauge whence this fear erupted.Was it a single incident or a number of them?
2. Is the perpetrator still in her ambit or have the circumstances changed?
3. Is she today as vulnerable as she was then?
4. This code of conduct which she has charted for herself,is it protecting her from anxiety or  aggravating it.
5. Is it not barring her from living a full life,making good use of her potential and going forward.
6. She can take small steps,connect with those she thinks harbor no ill-will toward her,take up tiny excursions in social activities and then evaluate the results.
7. Just as she decided to isolate herself from society,she should now determine who all she can safely interact with and lay down the boundaries too so that she can safely move forward.
8. She should talk about her fears and feelings on the subject to those whom she loves and can trust.

These simple steps will assist her to overcome her inhibitions and become a proactive part of society which is essential for leading a healthy and happy life.  

When Life Goes Hay-wire

No matter how systematic and well organised we are,unforeseen circumstances,traumas and tragedies know no barriers.We all have to face them at some time or the other.Some are overcome while some others refuse to budge.Ultimately one has to adapt to them.Or hanker for the old times despondently. 

Adaption is certainly the better option,but it is more easily said than done.Emotions overwhelm in the presence of a crisis and block remedial actions-thus prolonging suffering .Therefore the first step at such times should be to control emotions and think logically

How?Start with a critical analysis of the given situation--is it possible to undo it or is it here to stay?If latter is the answer,then you will have to find  a good way of living with it.Ready your arsenal.Make a checklist of your strengths and  potentials.Analyse the available options.Do what is needed to lessen the negative impacts of this trauma.Look at the larger picture and be grateful for what still remains.

Are you plagued by guilt that your own actions somehow set off this cavalcade?You probably did what was best under the circumstances.But things intervene and it is not possible to foretell the consequential fall-outs of every action.Certain things have to be accepted as destiny or God's will.   

Destiny has it's own road map. It may have swung your life in a new, unknown direction,but it is possible that some good opportunities or benefits too may be waiting for you on this road.Take heart from this thought and adapt with a positive mindset.

Don't delve into the good old days and detach yourself from the present. It is the present that you have to live in and improve. Go for it. If need be take help from your family and friends .Talk to them.Do not isolate yourself.

As you do all this,things will improve and soon these days too,will become good old days. 

 

Lots of Time But Nothing To Do?

The above title may seem contradictory to many but there ARE segments which are absolutely clueless as to what they should do to kill their waking hours.Nothing invigorates them.There is no goal which they would like to achieve. Every day is a saga of boredom, lassitude and fruitless passage of hours.

No one can be happy with this kind of life.Nor are they.If this persists for weeks or months it will precipitate poor Physical and Mental health. It's not easy to get out of this clutch,but trying consciously and persistently will give good results.The tips given below can help you. 

Planning

As you get up in the morning take time to plan the day's activities.Plan your meal times as well as your sleeping  and siesta times.A time schedule in front of you will compel you to beat lethargy.Select from the suggestions coming next,start with whatever appeals to you most and get cracking.

Occupation 

One must have some kind of occupation to beat lethargy.Try something which you can do easily and which will be useful too.Rummage through your wardrobe.Your current indolence has probably left it in shambles.Pick up the clothes you don't wear,which  have become old and bedraggled.Keep them in a bag to be given away.Arrange the remaining ones according to the season-winter wear and summer wear on separate shelves.Fancy outfits and daily wear too on separate shelves 

Even footwear deserves attention.We usually use a few comfortable shoes and slipons,leaving the rest to gather dust and become stiff and unusable.Why not give the spurious ones to needy persons?

Another task which demands a lot of time is the sorting of old letters,papers and documents.When we feel lazy we leave such things lying here and there.Many obsolete papers come in the way when we try to find an important document.Filing the important papers at proper places and discarding the useless ones will make life so much easier.

Diversion

Did this activity stress you?How about a diversion?Pursue an old hobby in order to relax.Trying a new one which requires mental work like puzzles is also a good idea.Working out a puzzle supresses negative thoughts which often beset us during idle hours.Playing games too is a good exercise for the brain.Another engrossing activity is sketching,drawing or painting.You don't have to be an artist in order to try this.Keep a flower vase in front of you and try to draw it's image.A more strenuous hobby is gardening.It will subsume negative hormones like cortisole and adrenalin,happy and relaxed.

Reaching Out

This is a very fruitful way of passing time.See what your family members are doing.Chat with them.Or get out of your home and accost someone.Ask about his well-being,talk about the weather-anything.Contact someone with whom you have lost touch on phone.

Self-care

Self-care is essential for the maintenance of good health and a becoming personality.To begin with resolve to take nutritious diet at every meal and miss none.Include exercise in your daily routine.It will keep your joints supple and also improve blood circulation.Oil massage also helps.

Diary

At the end of the day recapitulate how you spent your waking hours.Are you improving every day?If your routine was not so good how will you improve it?Also set a target for the next day.A goal will provide the impetus for an enthusiastic start of the next day.

These tips are easy to follow.They will start you on the road to a more active ,healthy and happy life.All the best.

The Golden Mean

We all wish that others should admire us,hold us in high esteem.An upright, likable image is conducive to success and happiness too.But which are the attributes that can help us attain such an image?A clear cut picture in our minds of the things to be done and those to be avoided will surely make things easier.

Great thinkers and philosophers of many religions have advocated the adoption of a golden mean to lead a happy and successful life.In other words avoiding extremes of any kind is the best way to be.

At every step in life we are required to pick options.Other than the common place choices there are some issues which require well thought out decisions.These decisions determine  our personality as well as the course of our lives.

Take the question of Achievement,of chasing tall targets, surpassing everybody on the radar.Work yourself to the bone,shelve rest,obviate all kinds of  diversions and you may one day find that you are so alone at the pinnacle.All that labor has not given you the desired results.

On the other hand,take life easy,go with the flow,avoid challenging tasks and you will one day realize that you have stagnated and not made enough use of your talents and abilities.

Swimming with the tide is easy and comfortable while pushing against the current can be exhausting.But what of the euphoria you feel when you have conquered an opposing force and reached your desired destination?

Making such choices should follow a deep analysis of one's needs and abilities,plus the tendency to avoid extremes.

Take the case of Amiability.Everybody wants to be loved and accepted by others. Close,loving relationships make life livable.In order to sustain them we sometimes give in to unreasonable demands or allow others to encroach upon our territory.But if we make it a habit to give in in order to be liked and accepted,we could end up being trodden all over.  

On the other hand if we religiously nullify others'attempts to dominate us we are likely to be labeled as unfriendly and uncooperative.

Dwelling at any end of the spectrum will besmirch our personality.The golden mean is the best choice.

Forgiveness is another tendency which requires careful thought.Whenever we are deceived by any one a natural reaction is to give tit for tat or plan revenge.But as Gautam Buddha said:When you hold a burning coal in your hand to throw it on someone it is you who get hurt.

Fine,but whom,how often,and for which kind of wrong to forgive?This is a nebulous zone.Going for full throttle vengeance makes us a negative person while forgiving unthinkingly can attract further invasions.Neither extreme is desirable.

Courage is another quality which should not be taken to the extreme.Too much of it will make us foolhardy and too little shall label us as being a coward.

Related to this is the matter of  Self-confidence,neither extreme of which is desirable.

Come to think of it:an extreme of any kind is counter-productive.A sense of balance in our endeavors as well as our reactions will give best results.

Now Where Did I Put My Happiness?

I remember very well when I was young,during my school going years,it used to reside in two places-my home and my school.

Then I grew up.The friends left one by one and horror of horrors-even my parents left for their eternal abode.It was difficult to spy my happiness during that time,but my children and grandchildren filled the gap.

By and by they too got caught up with their lives and I had to look for it at close quarters.Where was it near me?I found it in the rush of kitty parties and socialization.

This was satisfying no doubt,but old age pitched in to obstruct the flow.Old age and the quirks of those we socialized with.Going to parties,communicating with them was no longer pure happiness.It was an amalgam of positive and negative emotions.

Anyhow,I prodded myself to evolve and be more accepting.But where was my happiness?I had misplaced it again.

Intensive introspection revealed that if I wanted it to remain always with me I had to look for it within me,to latch it on to my thoughts and activities-activities which did not require external support.

So friends,I picked up occupations which give me optimum satisfaction and adhered to them.Thankfully I have a plethora of hobbies-things which keep me usefully occupied and also grant a sense of achievement.In the ultimate analysis it is best to be self reliant,to peg your happiness to your own self.The externals dissipate one by one.Keep it where it cannot be stolen.

A Four Fold Path to #Happiness

We all want to be happy.All our activities are designed towards that end.Yet this elusive state of mind sometimes fails to oblige.Scientists say that there is an inbound capacity for happiness in every human being.Our observations too,affirm that some people are always brimming with joy while some others are generally morose and pessimistic.Events which the former would have taken in their stride are sometimes given by latter as the cause of their despondence.

I think our personal attributes-in addition of course to our life experiences- play a major role in deciding whether we are happy or miserable.Let me share with you four habits which,if incorporated,will enable us to maintain a cool state of mind even when things do not go our way.Here goes:---

Adopt a rational attitude towards life: 
Life is never static,it keeps moving-and changing.We are effused with joy one day and down in the dumps the next.When misfortune comes after a good phase it causes a lot of heartache.But we fail to realize that everybody has to go through both kinds of experiences and we are not someone special that we should be spared the thorns and showered with roses.

We can not,and should not expect the good times to last for ever.That would be unreasonable as well as insidious,because what we expect from life,what we think we ought to have been blessed with but are not getting;is enough to leave us disgruntled and unhappy even when things are pretty good by any standard.Reasonable expectations protect us from breaking down at every minor or moderate disappointment.  

Be Flexible:
Life has a mind of its own.It will not follow a script written by you.An ambitious project could bite dust,a new relationship may turn out to be the opposite of what you had expected,a dear one could pass away or a disease may change your lifestyle for ever.Disappointments pop up unannounced and one has to rebuild ones life around them.If a cherished dream fails to actualize replace it with something which has better chances of fructifying,nurture a fresh one.  

Flexibility alone can help you to accept the inevitable and forge a way of adapting to the new scene.Look for the positive aspects of a challenging situation.See how you can use them to your advantage and carry on with hope and enthusiasm.

Curtail Overthinking and Rumination:
Cogitating about each and everything fills the mind with a quagmire of doubts,suspicions,worries and fears:Not a happy condition,you will agree.Overthinking creates problems where none exist.It blocks action and can even spoil your relationships by generating unjustifiable biases about others. 

Ruminating about an existent problem or a recent fiasco is beneficial only to the extent that it assists you to find a solution.If carried on indefinitely,it unleashes a whirlwind of negative emotions which deepen anxiety.If you want to be happy curtail overthinking and rumination.

Practice Gratitude:
There is no denying the fact that some people have little cause for cheer in their lives.It could even be a prolonged phase for some.Happiness would be a tall order for them.But we all have to make the best use of what has been given to us in order to conserve our mental health.One way of doing this is to think of the positive features of our lives.This could be in the form of a good relationship,a roof over our heads,an able body,a sound mind,or that competence to fight against odds and yet keep whole.None of these can be devalued.A feeling of gratitude for the blessings we enjoy prevents the picture from becoming blackish grey.It mitigates anxiety.

We cannot control what life throws at us but we can construct a kind of buffer against those volleys and minimize their ill effects.

Five Habits Which Perpetuate Anxiety

The reason why some people gambol through life despite the ubiquitous ups and downs while others can find nothing to cheer them cannot be ascribed to external factors alone.I have come across many people who have everything going for them:a well established household,upper middle class standard,a loving family,healthy physique and yet they seem bowed down with sorrow and worries.
They will not accost or converse with anyone.If spoken to they will merely reply with a word or two.You will never catch them smiling.Despite living an easy life they always look tired and woebegone.Yes they do have minor physical ailments like aches and pains,gastric disorders or insomnia,but if you ask them whether they have any worries,the answer will certainly be negative.That is because they themselves do not know why they are always so depressed,there is no immediate trigger at work.

Such people are common but you cannot spot them at formal or chance meetings.Only friends and family know that something is nibbling at their hearts.The problem is endogenous-not because of an external cause.The tragedy is,that they could be happier if only they could catch the culprit responsible for their angst and extirpate it from their lives.
That is why it is essential to be aware of those of our own habits which cause anxiety and which we should change in order to achieve better mental health.

Refusal to accept a crucial change

A big change which has now occurred and cannot be reversed has to be accepted.If we obsess about what was,but is now no longer there,we will torment ourselves interminably.Take the example of Deepak who has now retired from work.He just cannot gulp this depreciation in his status and the absence of any opportunity to contribute to his field of work.His job had been the sole focus of his life.Now time hangs heavily on his hands.He feels redundant after this big change in his life.
Similarly,the onset of old age,loss of kin or a serious disease are things which hit hard but cannot be reverted.It is important to accept such changes and alter our lives accordingly.Being grateful for the blessings which we still enjoy and finding new alternatives to fill the gap is the only way to keep depression at bay.
Over thinking
Broadly speaking,doers are happier than thinkers.Over thinking befuddles the latter and pushes their minds into dark worrisome spaces because over thinking rarely ends on a positive note.Cogitating about each and every individual or event can clutter the mind and fill it with worries and fears.When this becomes a second nature it culminates into pervasive anxiety.A much better way of passing the idle moments is to get busy,do something.
Low self-esteem
A person suffering from low self-worth places himself at the lowest rung and therefore does not expect anything good to come his way.What could be more distressing than this?It has been said ad infinitum,we get what we expect.Those who suffer from low self esteem desist from going out,meeting people,making friends and grabbing opportunities of self advancement.They are perturbed by the thoughts of being inferior to,and looked down upon,by other people.All this is tailor made for anxiety or depression. 
Pessimism
Somewhat in the same category are the pessimists.They view life through a grey lens and thus find nothing to cheer them.They will pass off even a good development as a chance happening and nothing to rave about.A small obstacle will be viewed as a huge boulder and a hiccup construed as something ominous.They ignore all the positives of their life and focus only on the darker aspects.Naturally it is hard for them to be happy and tension-free.When thinking of future,they again envisage detrimental happenings.
Self Pity
This is another habit which prolongs anxiety.When we wallow in self pity we tell ourselves that we are the the unhappiest person on earth,life has been cruel to us and there is not a ray of hope on the horizon.We either become surly and reclusive or bore everyone to death with our sob-stories.Slowly the well wishers too avoid us and then we have more reason to be miserable.  

Our engagements with the external world are so time consuming that we get little time to peep inwards,to learn where we are going wrong,in which way we aggravate our anxiety and how we can reduce it.A reappraisal of our temperament,habits and thinking patterns will help us to find more peace and happiness in life.
Finally,the signs of depression and anxiety:

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