When Life Goes Hay-wire

No matter how systematic and well organised we are,unforeseen circumstances,traumas and tragedies know no barriers.We all have to face them at some time or the other.Some are overcome while some others refuse to budge.Ultimately one has to adapt to them.Or hanker for the old times despondently. 

Adaption is certainly the better option,but it is more easily said than done.Emotions overwhelm in the presence of a crisis and block remedial actions-thus prolonging suffering .Therefore the first step at such times should be to control emotions and think logically

How?Start with a critical analysis of the given situation--is it possible to undo it or is it here to stay?If latter is the answer,then you will have to find  a good way of living with it.Ready your arsenal.Make a checklist of your strengths and  potentials.Analyse the available options.Do what is needed to lessen the negative impacts of this trauma.Look at the larger picture and be grateful for what still remains.

Are you plagued by guilt that your own actions somehow set off this cavalcade?You probably did what was best under the circumstances.But things intervene and it is not possible to foretell the consequential fall-outs of every action.Certain things have to be accepted as destiny or God's will.   

Destiny has it's own road map. It may have swung your life in a new, unknown direction,but it is possible that some good opportunities or benefits too may be waiting for you on this road.Take heart from this thought and adapt with a positive mindset.

Don't delve into the good old days and detach yourself from the present. It is the present that you have to live in and improve. Go for it. If need be take help from your family and friends .Talk to them.Do not isolate yourself.

As you do all this,things will improve and soon these days too,will become good old days. 

 

Reality,Denial and Positivity

Yesterday my husband and I got talking about his health.I had been pestering him to get his blood sugar tested but he had been stalling it since many months.Finally when he did get it done he tested positive for Diabetes.He is a very observant person and notices the slightest aberration in his health or the various systems controlling it. He must have noticed that his hunger pangs were increasing by the day just as I did but he brushed off the thought that he was probably Diabetic.What might have been a minor ailment had now come out in full force.

When I chided him for having been in denial for so long he replied that it was also important to negate disturbing thoughts.So the discussion veered to reality versus Positivity.Positivity is no doubt very beneficial but it is also necessary to give serious thought to the various aspects of a negative thought which disturbs your equilibrium:

• Like why does it assail you so often?
• Since how long has this continued?
• Is it grounded in reality?
• And what could transpire if it was true and you continued to ignore it?

Denying the possibility of a disturbing feeling having a genuine cause sometimes blows up into a bigger trouble just as it did in my husband's case.The next time you are disturbed by a worrisome thought consider the following:

• Is it one of your habitual forebodings?
• Could it be the signal of a pernicious worm turning it's head?Something going wrong?
• Can things worsen if you continue to neglect it?
• What are the pros and cons of checking it's veracity?

If your introspection affirms that this negative thought is only because of your tendency to envisage doleful developments and ignoring it will not harm you in any way,you can rest easy and get on with your life.But if this is not the case then you would have attained a safe margin to take prophylactic action against a looming trouble.Both ways,you win.

It is safer to be realistic instead of burying your head in sand in the name of positivity. A brief perusal of recent developments,current circumstances and upcoming events often discloses what could be the cause of your anxiety.Evaluating that element  and deciding your course of action is the best way of coping with it.

Positivity has it's own uses.It inspires hope and surges confidence.You are motivated to fight on and do the best you can.But ignoring reality and postponing a frank look at an imminent danger in the name of positivity does not work.It only worsens the prospects of early resolution. Suppressed thoughts tend to pop up again and again. Positivity gives only temporary respite.

Reality has an inherent force.It will push itself into your life whether you like it or not. Analyzing your thoughts and taking prompt action to safeguard you health and happiness is the best way to be positive. 

The Ebbing Tide

The jabs and jibes
ultimately subside
an ebbing tide
makes one wise

who can give me
sorrow or pain
I only got
what was ordained 

bitterness or rancor
no more pinch
but from future
I sometimes flinch

the road ahead
is not so clear
murky waters
burgeon fears

the future however
was always dim
come what may
I shall win. 

Ten Ways of Terminating #Negative Selftalk

Self-talk is that inner dialogue which constantly passes judgments about situations, events, people and the person himself.While positive self-talk will goad him to forge ahead, do more and be more, negative self-talk will condemn and discourage him. This has many adverse consequences.

Thoughts being the  precursors of action, if your thoughts proclaim that you are no good,you cannot achieve a given target,or you are going to fail a coming test, then you start the battle on the wrong foot.The enthusiasm needed to energize you is missing.Your efforts will be feeble and you are likely to make your premonitions come true. 

This kind of thinking has the power to neutralize your potential.You might miss a golden opportunity if your mind tells you that it is way above your level;thereby losing a chance to notch up your confidence and climb up the ladder.Negative self-talk usurps confidence and kills enthusiasm.It also generates stress and anxiety. 

If you feel that your self-talk is thwarting your progress and leaving  you disconsolate,it is time to take action.

1-Be mindful of your mind's chatter.
Heed any derogatory remarks coming from inside you.Observe how they upset you.

2-Notice the triggers.
Try to decipher the factors which trigger those remarks so that you can obviate them.

3-Accept yourself in totality.
Every person is unique.Even if you are an introvert looking admiringly at gregarious souls, not as good an orator as your best friend, not thundering along in your career as you had aspired to,fighting fits of blues now and then;all this is not entirely your doing.Circumstances and past experiences have made you who you are.Deriding yourself even as you attempt to reach your coveted goals will only derail your efforts. 

4-Unfavorable comparisons.
Unfavorable comparisons with others are often responsible for self condemnation.The social media adds fuel to the fire.Avoid them and see if you feel better.

5-Check the rationality of your self-talk.

Test it against the following parameters :

• Are you making a mountain out of a molehill?Is your shortcoming really as momentous as you think it is?
• Are you filtering out the positives and focusing on one negative aspect of yourself.Looking at the positive aspects of your own persona or the situation at hand will lift your despondence.
• Are you minimizing your skills and maximizing your defects or the gravity of a situation?Take care,because this can give rise to fears and apprehensions.  

6-Don't curse yourself for minor infringements.

Relax!It is only human to falter now and then.This does not obliterate your good qualities.

7-Overcome the compulsion to be perfect.

Perfection is a mirage.A desire to be perfect in everything prompts many to lambaste themselves for every little lapse in work,or every hair out of place.Looks and body- structure are today a major cause of negative thoughts,but the photo-shopped images we see in the media are not always genuine.You don't have to be a sizzling diva in order to be liked.

8-Be very specific about what troubles you.

Saying "I am an absolute idiot,anybody can fool me," is too broad a statement.It courts depression.Say instead,"The vendor gave me rotten apples,next time I will be more careful." This is a more constructive way of looking at what happened.

9-Do not say to yourself what you would not say to a dear friend.

We often label ourselves as ugly,good for nothing,a fat slob,or a dumb duffer.But we are never as harsh with a friend or a sibling.Why not be as courteous to our own selves?

10-Basically,it is poor self esteem which is at the base of negative self-talk.
Remember the positive aspects of your personality.For more tips on improving your self worth read this post.  

Confidence deficit,a distressing episode,a recent or not so recent failure,a chance remark by someone--so many other things too can spur negative self-talk.It is true that negative self-talk can guide us to iron out the quirks in our personalities but more often than not it is an insidious enemy which not only lies but also generates stress and anxiety.When we shift to more positive thinking we can be our own motivator,realize our true potential,and find peace and fulfillment.

Remember:

Image courtesy google search.

Ten Tips For Coping With a # Crisis

We try to fashion a life which has order,progress,harmony and growth;but sometimes it takes a u-turn.A major disruption hits like a bolt from the blue.Critical ventures fail,gainfully employed people become jobless,a robust person is crippled,diseases diminish mind or body,relationships wither,or a dear kin departs.

The aftermath of such incidents is unsettling to say the least.We look frantically for a way to revert back to that earlier state of cheer and fitness,but some changes are irrevocable, and it is impossible to wind back the clock.All we can do is,find a way to minimise collateral damage and start anew.

Major upheavals entail drastic adjustments which are not easy to make.Is there any tool-kit to deal with such crises?The following may help:--

• The very first requirement is to express your agony.Cry,shout,scream,vent your feelings,if that is what you feel like doing.Find a deserted place where you can be yourself.You will feel lighter after you have done this.
• Now calm yourself.Don't panic.Say to yourself that this too shall pass,the pain will diminish and life will become easier.
• Express your feelings to someone who understands you.If noone else,then consult a professional.Don't hesitate to ask for advice.
• Don't dwell on what you have lost,it will aggravate your pain and prolong the status quo.If it comes to that,even the past must have had some elements which were not to your liking;and this turning point could even be beneficial in the long run.Silver lining,you know!
• Check the instinct to react with rash behavior.Many people respond to a crisis by taking recourse to violence,self-harm or suicide.Avoid any kind of addiction-whether it be of food,drugs,or alcohol.  
• Try to maintain your routine as far as possible.Eat well,sleep well.Stifle the urge to just hide under the covers,shutting out all else.
• Hold on to the good things which still remain.If you have a loving family,savor its warmth.Go out,meet friends.Take up the activities which give you pleasure.
• Look up,google those who have gone through a similar trauma,find out how they restructured their lives.
• Plan out how you want to rebuild your life.Set small,attainable goals which will take you towards normalcy.Recount your own strengths and tap other resources which could help you to stand up again.
• Remind yourself of the many blessings which you still enjoy in order to ward off depression.

Some crises definitely are very hard to adjust to,but if we do not accept the reality, modify our thinking and reset our goals,then life becomes a hopeless disarray of haunting memories  and toxic emotions.

On the other hand,when we strive to make a new beginning we become wiser and stronger,better able tolerate any kind of adversity in the future too.Bear with this egregious change because:-- 

Image from google search.

Prevent a Relapse of #Anxiety or #Depression

A cure from Depression or Anxiety Disorders is often brought about by the twin efforts of psychotherapy and medication.It is often a steep up-hill climb,but even after a cure,the danger of a relapse,The Black Dog lurking in the shadows,cannot be ruled out;given the patients susceptibility and the exigencies of life.

The problem is compounded for those who had been on psychiatric medicine for a long time.As they phase it off--under the guidance of a doctor of course--it is necessary to be prepared for the appearance of withdrawal symptoms.These are often similar to those of a relapse,and it is sometimes difficult to differentiate between the two.The withdrawal symptoms are best left to the doctor to manage,but the patient can take some precautions to guard against a relapse.

As with all mental disorders,it is best to nip such an eventuality in the bud.A few simple measures given below can prevent this from happening:--

1-First of all,smother this fear that you are slipping back into a mental disorder.Everyone has low moods now and then,and gets out of them too,as you too shall.You have left the jungle far behind,these bushes and brambles cannot push you back there again.

2-Identify the triggers which bring on the blues and avoid them as far as possible.

3-Don't focus on the many ways in which you find yourself lacking,negative self-talk is never judicious.

4-In order to divert your mind,think about those you associate with-what sort of lives they have and the difficulties which they probably face.Note how they solve their problems.

5-If a specific problem is giving you the jitters,shelve it for a while.You can take it up later when you are in a better frame of mind.

6-Consult a mental health professional if you are unsure of your ability to handle this on your own.

7-Desist from thinking about the future,imagining sorrowful scenarios.Live in the present,nurture it with enthusiasm.

8-If you rue the lack of love,companionship or excitement in your life then think instead,of how you can fill this emptiness.Take prompt action.

9-Treat yourself to a good meal,a nice buy or a much awaited excursion.

10-Don't skip on your daily routine,adhering to it will give you a sense of control and accomplishment.It will also keep you from ruminating,which is what you will likely do if you have more spare time.

11-Wear,clean,well-ironed,trendy clothes;you will feel good if you look good.

12-Go out,meet people,smile at them and talk to them.

Anxiety-prone individuals tend to think too much about minor ailments,routine problems or upcoming challenges.Negative thoughts and concomitant fears plunge them into depression,post which they become asocial and inactive.With so much time on their hands and not many people around to cheer them up,their depression deepens more.

Therefore,whenever you find yourself leaning towards negativity,get busy doing something you enjoy doing or come out of your shell and meet people.These are simple measures but they work.

Want to be # Happier Than You Are?

We often blame our life conditions,destiny,or other people for our dissatisfaction with life.But as we focus on the externals,we fail to peep inside our minds where actually,the genesis of every emotion lies.It is possible to be happier than you are at this moment,in this very situation by modifying your attitudes and your general outlook on life.

Ten simple steps will do the trick.You will find them at my eleventh post on Speakingtree:

http://www.speakingtree.in/blog/happiness-in-hand

The Benefits of Being a # Minimalist

Like everybody else,I too have spent a major part of my life collecting things which caught my fancy,were necessary or were gifted to me.Then came a turning point.My parents,being too old,went to live with my eldest sister and our beloved house had to be sold.But what was to be done with all that furniture and stuff?All three of us sisters had well furnished homes,therefore most of the things just had to be given away.It was very painful for me to even imagine that all the dear things which I had grown up with,were now scattered here and there.

I began to wonder what would happen when it was time for us to depart?I requested my children to take away any of the stuff they fancied.I had a huge pile of crockery,cutlery,utensils,linen and showpieces etc and I told them to shuffle through these things before they had to buy anything of that kind.Some of it I gave to my maid.But I still have cupboards full to the brim.I feel overawed by the heaps of items which crowd my home.There are things which are not currently in use,like books,wristwatches,documents,time-pieces,cameras,cassette tapes and electric appliances.

One day both of us sat down and discarded all our old medical test reports and other useless papers which had accumulated over the years.But this did not make any significant dent in our possessions.I am still racking my brain what next to discard.It is not easy to part with your cherished belongings.

Why did I buy so much?I am not a shopaholic.I merely wanted to have a decent home and provide my children with the basic comforts.None of this stuff is of recent purchase.Some of it was gifted by my kids themselves when they came visiting us after their marriage.So this is how it happened.I have come to the conclusion that I ought not to have bought so many things in the first place.It is best to be a minimalist.A simple way of life can actually be very rewarding.

If this hits home then the tips below will help you to start on this journey.I am well aware that young adults,those who are in the process of setting up their homes have to per force buy a lot of stuff.But this is also the time when one is attracted by every new trend and gizmo in the market.If you keep a few principles in mind,you will not go overboard.

On the way to becoming a minimalist--

1)These days the markets are inundated with new versions of stuff we already have;if possible,stretch what you possess.Kill that temptation to have the latest model.If at all you have to buy it,get rid of the first one-exchange or give it away.I myself use everything till it becomes unusable.

2)Don't go shopping merely to kill time,or because there is a sale on,or because you have money to spare.Trim your shopping lists regularly.

3)Discard duplicates.Do you really need so many wrist watches,mixer-grinders,choppers, mobiles,bags and footwear?

4)Those obsolete,redundant items like cassette players,c.d players,cameras and time pieces etc also deserve to be shunted out. 

5)Then there are trinkets and souvenirs which represent memories from the past.Most of us stick to them but they occupy a lot of space.Keep what is extremely precious to you,which you take out quite often,and discard the rest.

6)The books you have read-- will you ever find the time to read them again?

7)Whenever the urge to buy a new apparel stirs,go through what you already have and see if it can be altered to fall in with the current trend.

8)Whenever you feel the need to buy something look up your inventory,see what will serve your purpose.Innovate,recycle and improvise.These efforts can be very soul-satisfying because you not only desist from adding one more item to your belongings but also use up something which was lying derelict.Find a new use for old things instead of just storing them away.In this way you will create and not consume.

9)Eliminate the social accounts which you do not really need.Turn off the notifications which consume a lot of time but impart little.Also the aps which serve little purpose.

10)Go through your to-do list and cancel what you can do without.

11)Too much of media exposure takes your attention away from what is important to you and your loved ones--snip it too.

The benefits of minimalism

1* First and foremost,minimalism allows you more free time-permission to be your own self.

2*You can relax,you will not feel overwhelmed,irritated or persecuted by the countless tinkles emitted by your gadgets.

3*You can pursue your passions,do what you really enjoy doing.

4*You can give more time to your relationships-which,after all,are what make life livable.

5*You also save the time which you would have spent on shopping,hunting for the latest device.

6*And you save a lot of money.

7*That constant worry about what to do with the old redundant devices which have been replaced with newer ones is no longer there.

8*There is a sense of freedom,of not being tied down,not answerable to every so and so.

9*The house is less cluttered,with more space to move around.You also have more space to store the essential items.It is easier to clean your home.

10*You are doing your bit to minimize the amount of garbage which leaves your home.

11*There is a marked increase in your self esteem.You are  doing your own thing--no longer following the herd.The master of your own choices.


 In a very subtle way,minimalism makes life more simple,enriching and satisfying.Too much of stuff takes away a lot of time.It distracts us from the essentials.We tend to assign excessive importance to material things and neglect the needs of our inner core.Many modern conveniences have clubbed together to make workaholics of us.Instead of allowing us more free time these gimmicks in fact keep us on leash--and occupied.Try to just sit idle in a park now and then,watching children at play,communing with nature.It will refresh you enormously.

Switching from a Despondent Disposition to a Cheerful one :-)

Our disposition controls the way we think,feel and behave.Dictionary.com defines disposition as 'the predominant or prevailing tendency of one's spirits;natural mental and emotional outlook and mood;' or 'characteristic attitude'.Obviously it is of prime importance in determining the direction and quality of our lives.

It is very natural to be disheartened by an adverse event.When a few such events come close together it becomes difficult to be bullish and buoyant.But for some of us it takes very little to push us into the depths of despair,and dejection becomes a dominant quality of our nature.We lose interest in everything,do not converse with family or friends,can't even muster a smile at the best of jokes and give a negative reply to every query or suggestion.

When we believe from the core of our heart that nothing good will ever happen to us,we give up constructive efforts and are so engrossed in malaise that we fail to notice promising openings or dismiss them as mere chimeras.Even if we pursue a lead,our defeatist attitude prevents us from going all out for success.It is as if our unconscious mind wants to prove us right.And lo,the prophecy is fulfilled.As a result,our belief in the hopelessness of our condition is reinforced and we become even more apathetic. 

A despondent temperament is injurious.It vitiates our personal,social and professional life.As if that was not enough,it also ruins our physical and mental health.There are bound to be valid reasons behind such a temperament but these blocks can be overcome and we can change our attitude through deliberate and persistent efforts.If you feel that you too can do with more enthusiasm in your nature then read on,here are some tips to take you there :--

                               Self-talk

Your self-talk is your constant companion and therefore the biggest controller of your moods.Consciously,regularly,appreciate and encourage yourself,applaud your past victories and affirm that you can earn more plaudits.Weaknesses?Everybody has them.It is in your hands to climb over them or hold them up as insurmountable barriers.
                              Conversations
Whenever you meet someone,talk about the good things which are happening around you.Appreciate the goodness in the other person.Never ever crib about what is wrong in your work place,society or neighborhood.It does not serve any purpose.It will only add to the blackness of your mood.If you make an effort you will be able to find many things you can be happy about.Talk about those.

In a similar vein,your response to a 'How are you?' should be a chirpy 'Good'.Those who start off on a litany of their woes,deepen their anxiety,worsen their mood and are subsequently shunned by others.Fake it and you will make it.

Friends

Associate with those who are optimistic and progressive.Their enthusiasm will motivate you to shed your ennui,view the future with hope and take positive steps to improve your lot.

Stimulants

The stuff you read,the songs you listen to,the movies and shows you watch;all these determine your mood.A downcast person automatically chooses the diversions which mirror his state of mind but this is the exact opposite of what he should be doing.When you go to a dark room you switch on the light;you do not draw the curtains and make it pitch dark.Watch comedy shows.Laughter they say,is the best medicine.

Life becomes much more pleasant and satisfying when we switch over to a cheerful disposition.Life being LIFE,there are occasions when it is impossible to retain one's composure.Even the toughest will find it hard to be calm in the face of certain circumstances.Tragedies and traumas are hard to get over and everybody has his or her own way of coming to terms with such events.But it is also essential to make sure that dejection does not become a permanent state of mind.If we keep the faith and look to the future with hope,the rest of the journey becomes easy and more satisfying.

Let me give you some tips for instant tranquility:--

http://jeeteraho.blogspot.in/2014/03/mantras-for-instant-tranquillity.html

#Repetitive Failures

There are three kinds of people in this world.One,who always succeed in whatever they take up;two,who get mixed results;and three,to whom failure clings like a faithful shadow.It is not once,twice or five times that this happens;it is more like their trademark--the same results every time.Obviously it is the third kind who badly need a break.

A boy seeking employment is rejected repeatedly,a worker fails to get any promotion year after year,a young lady exits an unhappy relationship only to fall for the wrong guy again and again and a young man has been spurned so many times that he has lost all hopes of finding a life partner.The setting and the stories differ but the ending is the same--futile efforts,wasted energy and a truck-load of disappointments.

Certainly they would all like to change the tenor of their lives if they knew how.They have become set in their ways.Their way of handling life situations,their choices and responses--all stem from their motives,biases,beliefs,values,inhibitions and hidden complexes.They fail to realize that there could be a fault-line in their own behavior and unless and until they change;their life too,will not change.This escapes their notice because like many of us,they believe that they are punching all the right buttons and the fault lies elsewhere.

If you too have been experiencing repeated failures,know that the tide will not turn on it's own.You will have to reinvent your strategies.

Corrective measures

1--Stop blaming others.As long as you do this you cannot get to the root cause which is responsible for your failures.

2--Own up responsibility.Since you are the common factor in a number of goof-ups it follows that you might be at fault.

3--Undertake a retrospective analysis of your recent debacles.Where did you go wrong?Which is that trait that always lands you at failure's door?Do you choose your targets wisely?Do you have the requisite skills for what you want to accomplish?Are your strategies clear and unambiguous?When facing a challenging situation,do you take time to consider the pros and cons or do you react instinctively?Do you have sufficient confidence?Are you a pessimist who does not give his all to any venture?
When you explore your mind for the answers to these questions you will most probably realize what it is that you should do differently in order to court success.

4--Chalk out a program of self improvement.Take concrete steps to iron out the wrinkles in your behavior.Be more realistic and pragmatic in your approach.Upgrade your soft skills and also the technical know-how of your field.

All this talk about failure does not imply that failure per se is evil or demeaning.In fact it is the first step on the road to success.But a history of recurring failures definitely calls for honest introspection followed by remedial measures.

Looking at it from a spiritual angle I would say that all the obstacles and set-backs which block our way have been positioned there to teach us lessons.Just as we look for an alternative route when we confront a dead end on road;so also in life!If our existing thinking and behaving patterns fail to make an impact then it is time to revise,refurbish them.

If you are not happy with the way your life is shaping up then instead of cursing your luck,going on a pity-party or blaming xyz for your failures,it will be more beneficial to look back and find out where you faltered.Nailing that errant factor and removing it from your life will open up a new vista of success and fulfillment.

You may also like:--

http://jeeteraho.blogspot.in/2011/11/history-repeats-it-self.html 

10 Ways of Sprucing up Your Personality

Have you ever met someone whose awesome personality left you wishing,you too,were equally impressive and outstanding?A dissatisfaction with our personality is not a rare feeling.In fact many of us would like to have a little more charisma,a little more appeal and a lot more influence.If you too,belong to this category then read on;this post is for you.Here are some suggestions on how you can wow all those who come you across.
Brush up the externals
The most obvious way of sprucing up your personality of course is,to take a critical look at your appearance and improve those aspects which need correction.I have covered the various aspects of a perfect personality in this post therefore I will not repeat it here. 
Stock up on your confidence
All impressive persons ooze confidence.Be like them.Look people in the eye,have an erect posture and don't shirk from meeting people or attending gatherings or taking initiatives.Don't disclose your weaknesses and do not pass self deprecatory comments.If you want help for improving your confidence level,look up this post.
Build up your enthusiasm quotient
Think of a lackluster personality and what comes to your mind?A limpid,passive person.If you want to impress others you will have to cultivate enthusiasm--a zest for life.Take an active interest in the goings on around you and participate--this is what catches everybody's eyes.
Keep an open mind
Nobody likes constricted,biased mindsets.What impresses most is an open mind free from prejudices and willing to consider new ideas.Opposing views and even criticism do not raise the hackles of a distinguished personality.You can learn a lot from them.
Master the art of conversation
How do you connect with others?With your words,in addition to your behavior of course!A person who knows what to say to whom,and when;stands head and shoulders above all others.If you can connect as easily with an infant ,as with an octogenarian,know how to cheer up a sick individual,or encourage someone struggling against hardships;it is a good start.Take a genuine interest in the person in front of you and pick up the topics which are likely to enthuse him. 
But in order to build up an effective dialogue you should also keep abreast of the times and know the latest developments which could impact the average person. 
By the way,it is equally important to be a good listener.Nobody likes those who go jabbering on and on,showing off their knowledge.
Learn to appreciate
I am sure like me,you too,remember fondly all those who appreciated you.Appreciation is an art which does not come easily to all but it is essential to learn this technique if you want to leave a mark.Whenever you like a quality in someone make sure that you say it out aloud.But desist from flattery or false ingratiation.
Be helpful
Those who helped us when we needed it linger on in our memories.This help need not be financial or in any other concrete form.Offering emotional support,empathizing with someone in distress too,is very significant.It will raise your esteem in others' eyes.
Develop leadership qualities
If you do not have this expertise observe the leaders you admire and try to inculcate the qualities which have attracted you towards them.Skills like making strategies,planning action,inspiring people,solving problems and working as part of a team will prove very useful whether you employ them in professional,social or family settings.
Give respect to others
No matter how well placed,intelligent and powerful you are,if you do not respect others no one will look kindly at you.Give to others the same consideration and regard,you expect for yourself;irrespective of their social status.
Respect the law
Follow the laws,rules and regulations of the place where you live and work.Accept  the social mores and try to abide by them.This will generate a lot of respect and recognition for you.

An impressive personality is not merely a tool for gaining respect and recognition.It is a magic formula which will bring about lots of positive changes in your life.You will win plenty of friends and well wishers.New growth opportunities will open up for you.Your relationships will blossom like never before.The good vibes emanating from others will fill your heart with joy and contentment.

Start now !

#Smile your way to Good Health :)

Today I sat wondering what pulls me towards a stranger,and the answer was not long in coming--a smile!Definitely!It makes for instant connectivity.The only condition is that it should be friendly and not sarcastic.

We have often heard that smiling and laughing promotes health and happiness but before writing this piece I wanted to find out if there were any scientific reasons behind this belief.And lo,was I surprised?Here are some facts for you :---

• Smiling reduces stress and anxiety.The movement of facial muscles sends a message to brain which releases larger amounts of endorphins,dopamine and serotonin--all feel good chemicals which make us happy.In this way it uplifts our mood.
• These endorphins also subdue pain.
• Smiling curtails the release of cortisol which causes anxiety.
• It boosts immunity by increasing the production of white blood cells.
• It lowers the blood pressure and heart rate.
• It is contagious.Seeing a person smile activates an area of brain which controls facial muscles and that person smiles in response.In this way it fosters all round well-being.
• Even fake smiles or laughter produce these benefits.

Have you noticed a smile makes even an ordinary face look beautiful?And raving beauties too,look better when they smile rather than when their expression is neutral. 

A smile can open the gates to new friendships.Your smile conveys to the viewer that you like that person and are happy to see him.This automatically conditions him favorably towards you.His returning smile means that he too likes you and wants to be friends with you.

Smile more often if you are lonely.Some will return your smile and some won't.Approximately 50% return a smile.Even if someone does not do the expected,it does not mean he does not like you.It merely indicates that he has other issues on his mind.But the smiles which come bouncing back to you will definitely make you feel more a part of your milieu.

A smile is a valuable asset when you go to a party or meeting where you do not know anyone.Just smile when you enter the venue.Someone or the other will take it up from there and you will no longer feel like a fish out of water.

A person bowed down with worry forgets to smile and feels isolated.When you smile at such a person he is forced to come out of his shell.Your smile assures him that someone at least,cares for him and is willing to hold his hand.This small gesture of yours can pull him out of his misery.

A smile conveys many messages.It announces to the world that you are easygoing and not cantankerous;approachable,and not haughty;confident and not timorous.

A smile can also rescue you from an uncomfortable situation or nip an ugly scene in the bud.Imagine a scene where someone is ranting at you.Perhaps you annoyed him in some way or he is merely in a foul temper.Give him a smile and things will soon be back to normal.

As adults we get embroiled in daily tussles and forget to smile--an act we had mastered without being taught as infants.But making deliberate,conscious efforts to do this will give us profuse returns--in terms of health,happiness,popularity and career advancement too.

But a caution is sorely needed here--do not smile your way into a dangerous situation.There are plenty of crooks in this world.Take care that you do not smile at the wrong persons or allow yourself to be misled by a false smile.

Did I obliterate all that i have written above?No,just be cautious.

How I Buffer My Moods.

Life can be very tough--even for an old woman like me.There are many responsibilities to fulfill,relationships to conserve,physical and mental health to maintain and the house to look after.Doing all this keeps me very busy and I often feel overburdened with work.In order to accomplish all this and yet remain sane,I think a nice mood is the first requisite.It is a magical tool as well as a staunch support.

As I look back down the years I realize that unconsciously I have developed certain habits and characteristics which help me to keep my cool.Let me share them with you.

First of all I want to admit that I am hyper by nature.I react strongly to anything which I think is not proper or fair--even if it has nothing to do with me.But at the same time I abhor unpleasantness and friction.Maybe this dichotomy enables me to maintain a balance.

I think the most important factor which helps me to remain in a good mood is, avoiding altercations.If the issue at hand is not significant --only a difference of opinion--I do not contradict the other person or push my own views down his/her throat.
If something important is at stake I will do what I can to mend the situation but I see scant sense in launching into a hot debate.
There are times when people don't behave nicely.If this happens once or twice it can be ignored but repeated offences are hard to tolerate.When this happens,I avoid rather than confront that person. 

Criticism can be very annoying.I take pride in being efficient and am generally averse to criticism.But even then,if I have erred I have no qualms about admitting my mistake.
In case of baseless criticism I give vague replies like O.K,maybe,if you say so, or perhaps.I see no point in reiterating that I was right and the other person was merely nit-picking.

It is not possible to get along with everybody we come across.Associating with rude,insensitive,intrusive,selfish and scheming persons disturbs me no end,therefore I steer clear of them.I am happier this way.
But yes,when it comes to close relationships it is not possible to do so.What I do is,refrain from accusations or retaliations and try my best to focus on that person's positive aspects.'Even a dead clock shows the right time twice a day.'

We all feel flustered when required to tackle a challenging task outside our comfort zones.This happens very often with me --living in this tech-crazy world that I do.I have seen that if I procrastinate then my mind is filled with a vague uneasiness hovering over me like an eagle above a prey.Therefore I don't spend hours wondering how I will tackle that job,how taxing it is going to be and whether I will be able to pull it off or not.I get started immediately so that the eagle flies away,I know where I stand and I am at peace again.Sometimes this practice enriches my self confidence and sometimes it is like--vroom,bang,down to earth :(

Very often--more often than I relish--the to-do list stretches from here to eternity,dampening my spirits.I undertake the essential items and shelve the rest for the next day.Of course the task which is essential and difficult,takes the first priority.I have yet to learn to ask for help.

One thing which really gets my goat is clutter.My surroundings have to be neat and well organised.Here again an oxymoronish tendency spoils the scene.I am a maniac for recycling,upcycling and hoarding odds and ends,so that there is very little which can be thrown out.This keeps my store room full up to the gills and me,busy like a bee.This is ingrained in me and cannot be ousted so I just make sure that the living space is neat and tidy--a place for everything and everything in it's place.

Unforeseen events,tragedies and traumas strike us out of the blue--life happens.But even at such junctures I try to push my emotions to the background and energize the grey matter.It enables me to keep the larger picture in view and get on with life.

When it comes to day-to-day hassles,glitches and disappointments-I consciously zero in upon the lighter side of the situation.There always is one.I am drawn to humor like iron to magnet.It has often protected me from sadness and depression.

Much though I like to be with family and friends,I must have solitude too.My precious me-time helps me to relax and rejuvenate.Reading,writing,music,sudoku and sewing give me pleasure.

When I am really tense I pick up a duster and zoom around my house dusting,cleaning and arranging.My worries fly out the window along with the dust.It is very therapeutic,believe me.

Well,I do all this to keep myself in good temper.I am sure there must be many more ways of safeguarding nice moods.Let me know yours.