An All-time Friend

 These days if you are literate and own a smart phone,there is no dearth of friends-those stemming from social media specially.But how many are truly your friends?Those who care for you and will ease you out of your doldrums?Sadly,very few.Perhaps because everyone is so busy these days.There are important apps to be checked and       deadlines to be faced.That is why if you are in the crux of a sorry state it is best to climb out of it through your own efforts.This becomes difficult when you are in the grip of anxiety.Thughts muddle up and a clear solution vis-a-vis the problem is hard to come by.

However there is an important friend waiting to help you.If you shudder at the onset of a climax,positive thinking will come to your aid.Recall your past succeses and achievements.It was you who did all that.You are the same person today and you can do it again.Positive thinkers have an innate ability to do this but it can be acquired with due practise.

We are all humans and humans can commit a mistake now and then.If you have done some wrong in the past,quit fretting about it.Forgive yourself,don't allow it to flog you.You realize that you were wrong and hence you are wiser today than you were at that time.Lesser chances of committing a mistake again!

Sometimes events occur at their own velocity.Despite best intentions and efforts you may not be able to prevent them.Forgive yoursels.Take such events in your stride and don't flog yourself unnecessarily.Be positive,hope for better events in future.

The benefits of positive thinking are numerous.Tensions decrease and your mental health enriches appreciably.Your physical health too improves,lesser chances of poor sleep or heart trouble.You become resilient,have better coping skills,attract friends and face life with eqanimity.What's more,your self-confidence increases and you develop a fighting mode to overcome your problems.Only your all-time-friend can do this.Adopt it now! 

Rituals

These days I am more of an observer rather than a doer.Many coaching students and their mothers or grand-mothers live nearby.I see the ladies go to a park in front of my home early morning and conduct various rituals.One comes with a small utensil containing I don't know what, to be laid down at the feet of the God,while another plucks flowers to do the same.There is another one who pours water at the root of a tree-perhaps Peepal.

I believe they do all  this for the sucess,health and long life of their family.That much is obvious.But how effective these rituals are in the house of Lord?This I don't know.Do these small gestures change our destiny?Can they?Are we or aren't we predestined from the very beginning?A famous idiom proclaims-as you sow,so you shall reap;but can such rituals change the outcome of our actions?This question puzzles me.Can any one enlighten me?

#Red Flags Of #Suicidal Students

I live in Kota a,go-to-place,for many aspiring doctors and engineers.Students from many places come here to join the local Coaching Institutes.What pains me immensely is the fact that many of them commit suicide when they feel that they cannot achieve their target.I have written about the possible causs of such incidents in my post about the Coaching Institutes of Kota.

Let us now consider the Red Flags which could indicate that a student is considering suicide--

• The student stops going to his classes when he realizes that he cannot fathom the subject being taught.
• His performance deteriorates.
• He avoids meeting his class mates and chums.
• He does not take part in social or institutional get-togethers.
• He becomes lethargy or sleepy.
• His remarks are often very pessimistic.He may talk of death and what happens after someone dies.
• He may say he has no chance of passing.
• He laments the lack of support from anywhere.
• He becomes violent and irritable.
• he may begin to take drugs or alcohol.
• He has a break-up with his close friend.
• After a lenghty isolation he suddenly appears tp be happy.

The above factors could inicate that a student is about to take the plunge.If someone notices this and talks to him,the impending tragedy can be averted.Hence this post.

Though written about boys,it is equally applicable to girls.

Ill-effects Of A Guilt-complex

Guilt-complex is a persistent feeling of guilt about a misdemeanour which happened in the past.The person may or may not have been at fault,but the feeling of a lapse or misdeed haunts him strongly.It is so powerful that he is unable to sleep or do any constructive work.

• The Ill-effects-He worries a lot about his act and it's repercussions.Feelings of guilt and shame hound him.He repents what he did.Severe anxiety will not let him sleep or rest.He may have gastric problems or muscle tension too,which will produce new physical symptoms daily.A sense of inadeqacy may impel him to give up his goals and flounder in life.His relationships will be tarnished and his support groups too will dwindle.If this happened in relation to another person he might even suffer from paranoia,a fear that the opponent might take revenge upon him or cause him some other phyical harm
• Causes-Those who are perfectionists find it difficult to overlook even small imperfections.A person who has been brought up in a strict,upright environment sets high standards for his own behaviour.
• Remedy-Curing a guilt complex demands self-compassion and kindness.The sufferer should try to assess the situation rather that blaming his own self endlesly.Was he really at fault?May be yes,maybe not.We humans are not Gods.A fault here or there only asks that it should not be repeated and if possible,amends should be made.A person who follows a very strict code of conduct may unduly blame himmself.He should review the past and gauge if he  really was at fault.Perhaps anyone else would have done what he perforce did.Since he worries a lot about his guilt,he should identify  the triggers and  decide to not blame himself the next time a feeling of guilt surfaces.He should review the past from a new perspective,set more realistic standards for his own conduct and think if he would blame a known dear person as strongly,if he had done what he himself did.What happened in the past cannot be undone,it is best to forgive himself and move forward.Considering all aspects of that situation will help him to be more judicious.It is also   essential to set boundaries for his own behaviour in future and forgive himself if he erred.

Whatever the cause or type of a guilt complex,the fact remains that it is a terrible handicap.It erodes his self-esteem to such an extent that he shies from meeting and talking to others.Rumination about that past deed totally isolates him,inflicting more damage upon his mental health and daily life.He should desist from giving too much importance to any event,review the past in a balanced state of mind and seek professional help  without delay.Balanced judgement and rationality will give him solace.

Dealing With Change

If we can be sure of one thing,it is this-that changes will happen.Whether we like it or not!The changes can be of any kind-good and inspiring or bad and depressing.The good ones require no elucidation,we all imbibe them willingly.But the bad ones need more consideration.

• Fear Of Change-If we confront a change which is not pleasant,or inscrutable to say the least-it leaves us perplexed.We do not like it because it portends something unknown whereas we are comfortable with the way things are at present.We don't want to leave old associations,a comfortable routine and all that we are accustomed to.We lose sleep and spend hours worrying about the future.We are afraid of  all that it might bring in it's wake.Yes,but it  is a falacy to presume that it could be detrimental to our health and happiness.We should keep an open mind about it's repercussions.Because of this fear we  delay coming to terms with that change.
• Accepting a Change- Everything around us is in a constant flux and changes are inevitable.It is no use negating them by burying our heads in sand.When faced with a drastic change think carefully if it is compulsory to accept it.Can we reject or shelve it till a more convenient time?If the circumstances indicate that we should accept it,then we should treat it as a necessary evil so that we can take charge of the situation and chart our course of action.While it is true that a  change  lodges us into an unknown territory,it has often been seen that a change which appears devastating at first turns out to be good for us.
• The Benefits Of Accepting A Change-When it becomes clear that this change has come to stay it is best to become friends with it.Changes usher progress and growth.Indeed even if we face some ill-effects in the short run,it  could be the gateway to a better future.Changes compel us to re-evaluate our goals and aspirations,learn new skills,make new associations and in this way they enlarge our scope.We can then determine the steps to be taken for fulfilling our needs.In this ever-changing world it is impossible to stay in a safe cocoon for ever.That is impossible.It is wiser to try and set our own house in order.Prompt action cuts losses.
• Negative Changes-An ominous change-whether in the sphere of our health,relationships,job or domicile-can turn out to be unsavory.It could shake us to the core,but what can we do?By fighting what has come to stay we will  only exhaust our energy.The sooner we accept it the faster will we progress on the road to recovery and resettlement.The heartburn and damage will be less if we rebuild our life according to it.Even if this change comes with some ill-effects,there could be a few fringe benefits too.Sometimes one has to go with the flow.A change in job or place will add to our friend-list and also enable us to get rid of old irritants and advrsaries.Changes in health are difficult to gulp but once we accept this fact we can start remedial action.A change in relationships is harder to   embrace but it happens precisely because the old relationship had begun to jar.Who knows better luck might be on the way?
• Be Alert To Subtle Changes-The shock due to major changes can be considerably dulled if we keep our antennae finely tuned to the rumblings which precede it.Leaving aside the sudden calamities no change is sudden.An alert observer will see the signals beforehand.A couple may begin to have daily fights instead of occasional bickering,a boss may show his displeasure in various ways.If we notice these changes then we will not be taken by surprise. 
• Adapt To The Change-Once we have made up our mind to live with a new development the next step naturally is to adapt to it as well as possible.Alter your habits,priorities and attitudes wherever necessary.Admittedly this is the most taxing part but it becomes easy if you learn new skills and converse with those who are already there.Build a new chapter of life around this new event.You will then fit comfortably in the new scenario.If there is still any bias about this new happening counteract it with hope and action..

If we wish to prosper and be happy we shall have to synchronize with the changes which are taking place in our life and around us.When circumstances change we too have to change.Otherwise we shall remain a misfit--incompetent and unhappy.

This post is only about the mundane life and related issues.The changes brought about by science and technology are not in my field.

Memories

A nebulous entity inside our mind-or maybe our brain-is mighty powerful.It controls so many fascets of our life which we think are happening due to our own volition,but at the stem is that same entity.All this-without even our knowing it.To cut a long story short-it is nothing but our own memory.As we all know,memory is the ability to retain and recall information.It plays a major role in our lives.It comes unannounced,uninvited,and then spreads it's net over us.

We may not realize,but it does decide whom we like and whom we keep at a distance.In this way it circuscribes our friendships and communities.It also circumscribes our comfort-zones as a result of our past activities,their outcomes and related experiences.Our memory of those experiences decides what to attempt and what to shun.

Another major function of memory is to help us pass time when we are lonely and have nothing to do.At such moments long forgotten/suppressed events or individuals come to the fore.If we recall happy incidents we shall be cheerful,rearing to go,repeat a simiar incident or connect with someone who was a part of that experience.On the other hand if we think about our failures,shocks,traumas or tragedies we shal be morose and woebegone.We must try to conjure those happenings which make us upbeat and positive.I wrote about a similar incident in "Association of Ideas" which signifies the actions of memories.In this way our memory constructs our moods and mind-set.Naturally this also shapes our personality.

Another way in which our memory functions is to help us plan our  future actions-naturally,since we would not like to repeat an error or a failure.That is not all-it also protects us from prospective dangers or mishaps.

Any talk of memory cannot but touch the factor of forgetfulness.Does our brain age as we grow old?Is Dementia inevitable?From a layman's point of view it is not so.The more we use our memory the sharper will it become.Use it as in--learning new skills,connecting with others,talking to them,solving puzzles,reading new articles etc etc.Try what appeals to you and improve your memory.

Here's wishing you good luck!

The Tentacles Of Depression

 Anxiety is like a dark cloud.It shadows everything.No harm!Because it often helps us to face challenges and achieve targets too.But it becomes an enemy when it lingers on in the absence of any real danger.That should be discerned because it can shove you into the pit of Depression.Hence it is imperative to recognize the red signals.If you have become asocial,incommunicative,inactive and melancholic,then it should be a wake-up call for you.

Do something about it.Resolve to arrest further detirioration in your mental health.Given below are a few simple tips to help you do this-

1. Do you tend to sleep or lie down long after your usual waking time?Throw off your duvet and get up.
2. Compel yourself to leave the bed and freshen up.
3. Begin the routine which you had before this affliction shackled you.
4. Make a cup of your favorite beverage.Sit down and enjoy it with a biscuit or two.If you live with your family then enjoy it in their company.
5. Put on a smart dress.Go to the mirror,smile and see how much better you look with a smile on your face.
6. Walk out of your home and visit a park.
7. Accost those you meet.
8. Take a brisk walk.
9. Sit down on a bench to relax.Watch the world around you-the people,the trees,the birds,the flowers and the sky.
10. Return home if you feel tired.
11. Lie down or sprawl on an easy-chair.
12. Consider-was it that difficult?Don't you feel better after having done all this?Hasn't the negativity in your mind decreased?
13. If your answer is negative then consider how you can further improve this session tomorrow.What else should you have done?
14. If the answer is positive then resolve to repeat it tomorrow and every day.

This is a  common early morning walk but it has the power to kill the hormones which cause depression and energise you for constructive actions.Be happy,you have taken the first step that distances you from a bout of depression.Keep it up and you will soon be your own healthy, positive self again!

Inoculation Against Mental Disorders?

We all take inoculations against various diseases and they do protect us also.I wish there was  an inocultion against mental disorders too.Then we would be free of anxiety,depression,suicidal thoughts and other such anomalies.But there isn't any such preventive mechanism.Psychiatrists,psychologists and counsellors arrive only after the bug has bitten.

So I began to think how do I protect myself from these evils?Let me share my thoughts with you all-

1. It is not as if God has been especially kind to me.I too have gone through many difficulties,traumas and trgedies.But my best-and most dependable-companion through all those phases has been rationality.If I find myself against a tough situation I automatically begin to speculate how it transpired ,whether I did something wrong or whether it is the doing of an opponent or whether it is merely my luck at work.Am I reading too much into a chance happening or should I take steps to protect myself, what should my rection be?Rational thinking guides me about my response and behaviour.
2. Acceptance-I might be saddled with a relative,neighbour or colleague whom I dislike,or just cannot stand.Or an annoying event may have shed a dark shadow on my personality.I can't oust these people or that event out of my life,so what should I do?I merely accept such factors as a part of life and concentrate on how to make the best of a bad situation.Yeah,I am learning new skills!
3. Gratitude-All is never lost.It is lost only when we take our last breath.If there has been a major climax in my life,I would be disturbed,no doubt, but I would also thank God that so many other factors are still as they were.Ups & downs are a part of life.Even lord Ram had to spend 14 year in woods-taht too after a royal birth.Am I someone special that my life should always follow my dictates?
4. Diversion-We humans are blessed with a special quality-our brains can only function on one particular track at a time.If I am depressed because my boss ignored me while handing out promotions to others,many other similar episodeswill come to the fore.But if I begin to straighten my desk,sort out important documents,throw out the trash then I would have shoved my depression to the background.You can also solve puzzles  or read a book to provide new channels to your brain.Diversion is the best answer.
5. Exercise-No matter how hard we try,tensions will come.Along with them come insomnia,body stiffness and different aches and pains.Anxiety readies the body to fight an enemy,increases the flow of harmful chemicals which play havoc with our body and it's systems.If we do exercise,Yoga or brisk walking then these pernicious chemicals are used up,leavind us calm.Try it.

The above habits have always helped me to handle the problems of life.I hope they will benefit you too!

There Is Hope Only If There Is Life!

 Just like a rainbow,our life too has many shades;radiant and joyous at one time,or gloomy and desolate at another.We try to do our best as far as possible but sometimes it becomes very difficult.Our plans go awry,relationships break,loved ones depart and we are left hurt or disillusioned.

Some people take it in their stride,some others carry on hopefully but there are also those who just wish to throw in the towel and end it all.There has been an alarming increase in the incidents of suicide and also a decrease in the age of suiciders lately.A peson who does this feels that there is no charm left in life.His reservoir of pain tolerance is full to the brim and he cannot live with it any longer-hence the suicide.But what if the pain decreased?Wouldn't life be worth living again?

Therefore the first thing to do is to lessen the pain.It can be done only if that person shares his tormenting thoughts with someone;gives an outlet to that volcano.He should talk to someone who will give him full attention and also respect his privacy-a friend,a relative,a teacher or a colleague.

If there is no such person on his radar then it is time to look for a professional-a counsellor,a psychologist or a psychiatrist.He should not hesitate to ask for help.It does not indicate that he is a weakling or a failure.In fact it indicates that he is wise enough to take a good step at the right time.The spark is there in him yet. 

1. The first thing he should do is,sit at a quiet place and think with his head  rather  than his heart.Which is the most depressing part of the situation?What can he  do about it?
2. If he is too bewildered to arrive at any decision then he should find a good counsellor.
3. He should explain his problem relating all the relevant incidents in detail.
4. He should follow the counsellor's advice fully.
5. Another beneficial activity is starting the day with a healthy routine of Yoga,exercise,walking or jogging.Exercise increases the flow of feel-good chemicals like serotonin,dopamine & endorphins --the last are natural pain killers & mood elevators.This also uses up the excessive stress hormones like adrenaline & cortisol.
6. Along with this he should also chart a scedule of his daily activities,like when to sleep and wake up,when to eat and when to finish his pending chores.Cleaning his cupboard and straightening his room will enable him to forget his troubles.
7. It is also therapeutic to spend time with family &friends .He will be glad to realize that they all care for him.Even if he was somewhat disillusioned with them,he should give them a second chance.Perhaps he misjudged them or they may be regretting their callousness towards him & this initiative will give his family ties  a new lease of life.
8. He should take up a pastime that gives him pleasure.If he recalls what gave him joy  before all this happened he will find happiness & peace of mind again.Unless he tries really hard he will not get out of this rut.
   
9. He should also find out how others cope in similar situations.
10. It is essential to continue his liaison with his counselor /doctor.
    

He should let the closest member of his family know that he was on the brink of suicide so that they will be on guard for him.Remember life is much larger than any misfortune,failure or emotional set-back.Time does heal.The pain will lessen and the sun will shine again.If one door has closed look for other options.Don't be dogmatic about wanting only that which has been denied to you.Be flexible.Look forward,not backwards.

If he does all this he will be fine !!!!!

Coaching Institutes of Kota

I have been a resident of Kota since decades.It used to be a quiet city till 1990 but the advent of coaching institutes after that brought in many changes.It now bustles with the activities of tutors,students and their guardians.I see many students and their guardians walking on the road in front of my home.It is easy to make out from their looks and conversations that they have come here from many other states

Some exude vigour and vitality while some others appear rather serious and worried.Naturally,because the regime is very,very taxing-not everybody can bear it smilingly.There is also a lot of competitiveness which keeps students on edge.

But the saddest part of this whole system is that some of those who find it unbearable,do not return home,but commit suicide.

Another NEET student dies by suicide in Kota, 6th in 2024.According to Hindustan Times Aug 3 

A vital question raises it's head-why do children choose death or self-inflicted torture,instead of returning home?Different answers come to mind-

1-Some join these institutes because their parents were very keen on them doing this course but they have no interest in the subjects being taught.

2-Some others know that their parents have managed with great difficulty ao get hold of the large amount of money needed for their stay in Kota.They cannot face them after their failure to qualify.

3-Their peers and relatives back home will look down upon them if they return without achieving anything.

4-A budding relationship breaks-leaviing them depressed.

The causes might be many more but no matter what the cause-the fact remains that a child's home,however big or small it may be-is like a nest for him.He feels secure and happy there.In Kota he might be confined to a limited space and a different ambiance.The people around him may be friendly,indifferent or even hostile.What sort of a memory-bank will he accumulate during his stay here?Will these years become a benign part of his memories or will it be too torturous to live with?

I think the aspiring doctors and engineers as well as their parents ought to give a second thought to  their plans if they find anythig amiss.There are numerous trades to choose from,if one option fails then another should be tried.Sui cide is no answer!

My readers are welcome to state their views on this subject,it will bebeneficial.

@Anxiety-It's Cause And Elimination

Life is never a straight road.It often takes an unexpected turn or presents unforeseen upheavals.This happens to all of us but while some roll on confidently,a few others become morose and anxious.This can continue for a long spell even if there is no immediate danger ahead.

Anxiety is a feeling of fear,apprehension and worry;out of proportion with actual danger.It is not always toxic.It often precipitates a decision to remove the obstacle which bars our progress.We decide how to overcome that obstacle and lay down a roadmap accordingly.Generally  the tentacles of anxiety dissolve after this decision has been taken.But what if they do not?

Mulling indefinitely and often,over distressing circumstances indicates that the problem lies deeper-in our own psyche-to be exact. Perhaps our way of viewing reality and reaching conclusions is at fault.We might be magnifying the repercussions of an ordinary event or belittling our own ability to deal with it. Such judgements are known as Cognitive Distortions i.e. arriving at wrong surmises about exteral circumstances.They breed uncalled-for stress which could have been avoided if we had rechecked our viewpoints about our life conditions and prospects.

Another cause of undue anxiety is Excessive Emotionalism and lesser use of logic.A bad patch or a downturn will distress anybody,but if we give in to our emotions in the presence of a challenge,then we also muddle our thinking process.Emotions biase us.We fail to find a correct solution to our problem and thus prolong our stress. 

Overthinking is another culprit which can intensify anxiety.It consists of an unending stream of negative,futile thoughts which deter us from taking action against the problem which is giving us the jitters.Overthinking seldom ends on a happy note.

 Introversion too can cause anxiety.If we don't share our worries with anybody,don't go out and meet people,then we store a mamoth amount of fears and worries.Talking releases a lot of stress.In psychology it is known as Catharsis.

"verywellmind" states "Catharsis is a powerful emotional release that, when successful, is accompanied by cognitive insight and positive change."

Then there is Pessimistic thinking which adds to our fears and worries.No matter what the situation,any new event makes us fear that it will end  unfavorably for us.If we were to pay more attention to how to salvage that situation we would be saved a lot of agony.

These are some tendencies whch aggravate anxiety.Knowing them and being on guard against them will certainly help us to become less tense and stressful.

Compassion,Care and Consideration

 We all send felicitations and happy messages to our known ones on special occasions.The senders and receivers,both experince a rush of joy.But after a while this bubbles down like water poured from a height.The challenges,responsibilities and worries of daily life monopolise our time and efforts.This pushes many people back to their solitary,less cared for quarters.Anxiety and loneliness take over.It is difficult for them to take the initiatve to come forward because of a fear that they might be tagged as cumbersome time-wasters.

Can we-those who are not inhibited by such compunctions-take a step forward and help them join the mainstream once more?If we are more concerned about the people around us;those who are not seen at places they used to haunt earlier,a genuine smile,a cogent remark or a concerned query could give them the impetus to get out of their  refuge and talk to us.

If your neighbour is less active than he always was,don't just wonder.Go a step forward and ask if he was well.Or an unusual lack of greeting from someone you are pally  with could be a signal that all was not well in his life.Your concern could give him the fillip to come out with his worries and thus lighten the load on his heart.If you can offer a viable solution to his problems,so much the better.What are friends for?

Sometimes asking a friend about his problem could be regarded as intrusive or derogatory.But his facial expressions,his gait and his general demeanour can reveal whether or not all is well in his life.A couple of positive remarks from your side though,could uplift his mood.

Life,as we all know,is full of ups and downs,achievements and failures,happiness and misery,hope and despair.There are moments in everyone's life when s/he could do with a real hug or a shoulder to cry on.Social media can give theoretical advice but where is that hug or a shoulder?Blessed are those who are surrounded by loving friends and relatives but not everybody has a support-system he or she can rely upon.Under the circumstances those on the periphery or fringe too can be of immense help.

If we see someone lost in his thoughts,unaware of his surroundings, a step forward from our side could uplift his mood.Even a small support from our side could dredge someone from #anxiety.His hope will increase,leading to a new resilience and stamina.

The benefits of your initiative will spread both ways-you too will feel nice after having done your duty as a fellow human being.

The Return of #Anxxiety and #Depression

Personality Traits Which Are a Risk Factor For #Anxiety or #Depressionhttps://jeeteraho.blogspot.com/2022/02/personality-traits-which-are-risk.html

Self-help For Anxiety And Depression

 Experts tell us that Mental Disorders are on the rise.Everyone experiences anxiety at some time or the other but sometimes it deepens into depression or a host of other Mental Disorders.The stigma attached to such maladies prevents people from consulting a professional or even admitting that they too are victims.

Hence they try to tackle it according to their own acumen and will-power.Most people know about aids like exercise,meditation,pranayam and positive thinking which can and do mitigate anxiety.A lesser known asset which can also pitch them on the path to recovery is writing a daily journal-that is recording their thoughts,emotions and activities every day.

Anxietry or depression spin from negative thoughts which lead us to conclude that our life,personality,future prospects and relationships are dismal and nothing can improve them.But writing a diary gives us the space to evaluate our behaviour and thought processes once again,so that we can rectify them if  necessary.

When you write your diary pay special attention to your moods.Also what you did to improve your mood if it was woebegone to begin with.At the end of the day or on the next day,recapitulate whether whatever you did after getting up,dissipated your worries or aggravated them.Mark that which helped you to overcome negative thoughts and vow to do it daily.

Overcoming anxiety is an important part of one's health and wellness but there are so many other responsibilities-which,if attended-will give you a happy,healthy and full life.For example you may be hiding in your room,unnecessarily snubbing your acqaintances or shirking your duties.There are many fronts on which a tense person can go wrong.Naturally this can create negativity or lead to nsavory consequences.Evaluate your performance on such fronts when you write your diary.If you are failing in an important facet  then try to do better the next day.Set your targets and and attempt to remove the hurdles which bar you from doing this.

Despite best efforts crises and calamities do occur.The journal is always there to write about such events and avail catharsis.This will lessen your agony.You can then analyse what went wrong and how to rectify it.Your journal is also a good place to ponder about oncoming challenges and how you should tackle them.

Thus we see that keeping a diary enables clear thinking,reduces anxiety or depression,helps you to overcome your faults,endows  resilience and boosts stamina,resulting in a new ,better you.What a wonderfull gadget to stay well and move forward.

You may also like my blog posts - 

Personality Traits which are Risk

Your self help guide for Eliminating

Cognitive Distortions,Magnification and Maximisation

The Clutch Of A Bad Habit

We are creatures of habit.Our habits govern many of our actions and reactions.A newborn baby has no habits-only a couple of instincts-the fear of falling and the need of sustenance.Habits form as days pass,and then these habits shape our personalities.They become so entrenched that even if we realize that a certain habit is going counter productive we very often fail to change it.

Samuel Johnson has aptly stated “The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.” 

If like me,you too are budened with some bad habits,then decide first of all which one is the most detrimental.Like I have this habit of drinking many cups of tea in a day,even though it causes acidity.Therefore I have decided to get rid of it.Or take the case of Rupa-she has this habit of studying at night till near dawn ,and getting up at noon the next day.One day she came to know about the Circadian Rhythm at https://www.sleepfoundation.org/circadian-rhythm, which states that a disrupted Cercadian Rhythm can affect the body's alertness,sleepiness,body temperature physical/mental health and appetite.She also realized that the assimilation of subject matter studied at night was not worth spoiling her sleep for and decided to give up this habit.

Once you have decided to expunge a habit the next step is to Pinpoint the trigger which impels you to follow that habit.I pondered why I drink so many cups and realized that it is because tea gives me the space to relax,or because I am hungry and decide to have a cup of tea rather than eating anything.So fatigue and hunger were my triggers.For Rupa sleepiness and fatigue were the cues.She had to force herself to sit down and study every night even though her body protested against this.

Once the cues have been discerned be alert the next time a cue raises it's head and choose a better response to it rather than giving in to your old habit.For example I relax with a good book or munch a biscuit whenever the yearning for a cup of tea surfaces.You too can choose a better option to replace your bad habit-one which takes you forward and is free of  any ill-effects.

Do this unfailingly for a week and then consider it's effects.Do you feel better and more efficient now than you did before?If the answer is yes then continue to ignore those triggers.

When one habit has been consigned to history decide which one comes next and follow the same procedure.Evaluate how good this decision has proven to be and relax with an easy mind.You will definitely feel better and do better.

As John Dryden said"We first make our habits,and then our habits make us".

#MajorDepression-A True Case History

 This is about Pawan,who came to me for counselling three months ago.I could see at a glance that he was severely depressed.His facial expression,posture,gait,voice-everything proclaimed this to any casual observer.Before starting the session I assured him that according to the norms of us counselors,whatever he told me would not go beyond the walls of my clinic,so that he could rest easy on that score.

He told me he was 60 yrs old,had three sons,and they all lived in a three storied bungalow.He was happily married,and had been an elite performer in his company till a few years ago,though lately it was all becoming too much for him.He felt bowed down with duties and responsibilities.His sleep was very poor and though healthy,he felt very lethargic.He had been on psychiatric medicines since many years.It turned out that he had suffered two episodes of #Depression many years ago.At present He was taking a medicine prescribed by his old doctor but it was not doing him any good.

I asked him what it was,which was troubling him so much.He replied that one of his sons had started construction work in his portion a few days back but he agreed to stop it after the father's  objection.That way,his sons were quite obedient.Besides this he could not state any specific problem which was distressing him.He just felt overworked and incapable of sorting his issues.I asked him to gather his family,reveal his tensions and ask who could do what,to lessen his burden.

I suggested that he should go for a physical check up to rule out any disease which could be the cause of his tensions.I also encouraged him to go for morning walks and do regular exercises.He was asked to be more active during his waking hours,since his official duties were not much to speak of.He replied that he did not have any friends or hobbies so there was nothing for him to do.I told him that he could do small things aroind the house,chit-chat with his family,reveal his worries and ask about their concerns.

He was asked to try his best and report after four days.He did not come after four days but did after two months.He was even more woebegone this time.I recommended a psychiatrist whom I knew as being very competent.Perhaps a change of medicine and approach was needed.

And mere medicine was not enough.In order to get relief he had to change his whole routine and lifestyle.He must interact with those around him,greet people and say a few words to them.Even to the vendors.He should talk about his difficulties to those whom he could trust.Instead of thinking all the time about his own problems he should be more mindful of his surroundings,watch all that was happening around him and take interest in others' lives and problems.Yoga and meditation too,were very good for calming the min.If he started doing all this his track of negative thoughts would be replaced by a better one and his depression would ease. 

He was asked to return after one week.But true to his nature, he did not return after one week.Instead,he came after one month and told me that he felt as if his mind was failing him.He had not consulted the psychiatrist suggested by me.His whole life was in disarray.Uptill now he had striven to earn more and more,without any consideration of it's effect on the whole structure of his and his family's life.The way in which he had expanded his house and let in various tenants,now could not be undone.But it had definitely multiplied his problems.

I asked him to recount the steps he had taken to lessen his anxiety.He replied that he went for swimming in the morning and felt better after that.I explained that physical exercise consumed the harmful chemicals generated through worries and fears,and it was very beneficial for lessening anxiety-he should do more of it. It turned out that he was doing things like clapping his hands or meditating but not reaching out to anyone around him.

I asked him if it was because he felt that his personality had deteriorated and people would look down upon him.He said yes.I told him he was not the only one suffering from anxiety and most people had so much on their minds that they had little time to judge others.His self imposed isolation was doing him more harm than anything else.Those who did not isolate themselves recovered faster.Since his old methods were not showing good results it was time to change them.He was again motivated to go out and connect with others.

I asked him to  clarify his thoughts and come next week.However he did not come.I asked about his wellbeing after one month,but he did not respond.Then I left the onus on him and closed the case.

The Parameters Of #Happiness

 We all desire happiness above everything else but what exactly constitutes happiness?Does it lie in a happy family,a healthy body,a dandy job,a fat bank balance,a beautiful home or lots of fame,prestige and power? Where does it stem from and how does one grab it?Ask anyone and you will get different answers,arising naturally from that person's unfulfilled ambitions,latent desires or envious aspirations.Different people are likely to have different items on top of their lists.

When you reach your targeted space it blossoms into many more must-haves.Landing a cushy job is not enough, you need a splendid home in a high profile locality,replete with all the amenities as soon as possible.

Reaching the much awaited status of  a CEO entails that your status should latch on to the grapevine and bring additional benefits like recognition,publicity, power and privileges.

Thus we see that we cannot stop after we reach one landmark.That feeling of satisfaction at having attained a target is short lived and we begin to hunger for additional benefits.But every acquisition brings with it new responsibilities,chores and worries.Happiness slithers away.As we run this race, the fun and joy of life takes second place.We get scarce time to enjoy what we already own.

Working for your goals,attaining higher targets can go on and on.Ultimately what can give you real happiness is that quality of contentment which will give you happiness at any rung of the ladder.

#Social Anxiety Disorder

 Megha is a young housewife of about forty years old.She has two children and lives in a well-furnished house having all the amenities one could ask for.Her husband is a genial family man and earns well.With all these advantages going for her,one would expect her to be a chirpy,friendly positive girl.But she is just the opposite.You will never catch her smiling or accosting anyone.She takes good care of her health,goes for a morning walk and does yoga and meditation too.Physically,she has a good personality but emotionally-who can say! She never gives anyone the chance to know or befriend her.What could  be the possible cause of this stark contrast between her lifestyle and her demeanor?

It is quite obvious that she is suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder.According to NIMH "Social Anxiety Disorder is a persistent fear of being watched and judged by others.This fear can affect work,school and other daily activities.It can even make it hard to make and keep friends."

But why does this syndrome affect some people so badly that they segregate themselves from those around them and choose to live a lonely friendless life?Where does it stem from?The answers to these queries lie hidden in their minds.

However psychologists do have some pointers.If a child went through adverse experiences,was bullied or targeted repeatedly it could instill in her mind an aversion for meeting others,looking face to face or trusting them.It becomes a permanent feature of her personality.Despite the various ill-effects of this disorder on her life she is unable to shake it off.If only she was to consult a Mental Health professional this fear could be toned down if not eradicated but this same fear prevents her from doing this.

If she does nor want to do this then the next alternative is to take the matter in her own hands.

1. She should introspect calmly and gauge whence this fear erupted.Was it a single incident or a number of them?
2. Is the perpetrator still in her ambit or have the circumstances changed?
3. Is she today as vulnerable as she was then?
4. This code of conduct which she has charted for herself,is it protecting her from anxiety or  aggravating it.
5. Is it not barring her from living a full life,making good use of her potential and going forward.
6. She can take small steps,connect with those she thinks harbor no ill-will toward her,take up tiny excursions in social activities and then evaluate the results.
7. Just as she decided to isolate herself from society,she should now determine who all she can safely interact with and lay down the boundaries too so that she can safely move forward.
8. She should talk about her fears and feelings on the subject to those whom she loves and can trust.

These simple steps will assist her to overcome her inhibitions and become a proactive part of society which is essential for leading a healthy and happy life.  

When Life Goes Hay-wire

No matter how systematic and well organised we are,unforeseen circumstances,traumas and tragedies know no barriers.We all have to face them at some time or the other.Some are overcome while some others refuse to budge.Ultimately one has to adapt to them.Or hanker for the old times despondently. 

Adaption is certainly the better option,but it is more easily said than done.Emotions overwhelm in the presence of a crisis and block remedial actions-thus prolonging suffering .Therefore the first step at such times should be to control emotions and think logically

How?Start with a critical analysis of the given situation--is it possible to undo it or is it here to stay?If latter is the answer,then you will have to find  a good way of living with it.Ready your arsenal.Make a checklist of your strengths and  potentials.Analyse the available options.Do what is needed to lessen the negative impacts of this trauma.Look at the larger picture and be grateful for what still remains.

Are you plagued by guilt that your own actions somehow set off this cavalcade?You probably did what was best under the circumstances.But things intervene and it is not possible to foretell the consequential fall-outs of every action.Certain things have to be accepted as destiny or God's will.   

Destiny has it's own road map. It may have swung your life in a new, unknown direction,but it is possible that some good opportunities or benefits too may be waiting for you on this road.Take heart from this thought and adapt with a positive mindset.

Don't delve into the good old days and detach yourself from the present. It is the present that you have to live in and improve. Go for it. If need be take help from your family and friends .Talk to them.Do not isolate yourself.

As you do all this,things will improve and soon these days too,will become good old days. 

 

Lots of Time But Nothing To Do?

The above title may seem contradictory to many but there ARE segments which are absolutely clueless as to what they should do to kill their waking hours.Nothing invigorates them.There is no goal which they would like to achieve. Every day is a saga of boredom, lassitude and fruitless passage of hours.

No one can be happy with this kind of life.Nor are they.If this persists for weeks or months it will precipitate poor Physical and Mental health. It's not easy to get out of this clutch,but trying consciously and persistently will give good results.The tips given below can help you. 

Planning

As you get up in the morning take time to plan the day's activities.Plan your meal times as well as your sleeping  and siesta times.A time schedule in front of you will compel you to beat lethargy.Select from the suggestions coming next,start with whatever appeals to you most and get cracking.

Occupation 

One must have some kind of occupation to beat lethargy.Try something which you can do easily and which will be useful too.Rummage through your wardrobe.Your current indolence has probably left it in shambles.Pick up the clothes you don't wear,which  have become old and bedraggled.Keep them in a bag to be given away.Arrange the remaining ones according to the season-winter wear and summer wear on separate shelves.Fancy outfits and daily wear too on separate shelves 

Even footwear deserves attention.We usually use a few comfortable shoes and slipons,leaving the rest to gather dust and become stiff and unusable.Why not give the spurious ones to needy persons?

Another task which demands a lot of time is the sorting of old letters,papers and documents.When we feel lazy we leave such things lying here and there.Many obsolete papers come in the way when we try to find an important document.Filing the important papers at proper places and discarding the useless ones will make life so much easier.

Diversion

Did this activity stress you?How about a diversion?Pursue an old hobby in order to relax.Trying a new one which requires mental work like puzzles is also a good idea.Working out a puzzle supresses negative thoughts which often beset us during idle hours.Playing games too is a good exercise for the brain.Another engrossing activity is sketching,drawing or painting.You don't have to be an artist in order to try this.Keep a flower vase in front of you and try to draw it's image.A more strenuous hobby is gardening.It will subsume negative hormones like cortisole and adrenalin,happy and relaxed.

Reaching Out

This is a very fruitful way of passing time.See what your family members are doing.Chat with them.Or get out of your home and accost someone.Ask about his well-being,talk about the weather-anything.Contact someone with whom you have lost touch on phone.

Self-care

Self-care is essential for the maintenance of good health and a becoming personality.To begin with resolve to take nutritious diet at every meal and miss none.Include exercise in your daily routine.It will keep your joints supple and also improve blood circulation.Oil massage also helps.

Diary

At the end of the day recapitulate how you spent your waking hours.Are you improving every day?If your routine was not so good how will you improve it?Also set a target for the next day.A goal will provide the impetus for an enthusiastic start of the next day.

These tips are easy to follow.They will start you on the road to a more active ,healthy and happy life.All the best.

This Surge in Mental Disorders, And How To Safeguard Yourself

Those were the days when life was simple,families large,bum-chums nearby and domiciles almost permanent.If one was worried about something there was always help at hand :if not in the form of parents,then friends and associates.But all this has been swept away with the sands of time.

Migration to new cities is the norm,aspirations are sky high and competition grim.Real time companions-especially the old tried and tested ones-are fewer,and loneliness is the last straw that sometimes breaks the camel's back.While tensions have rocketed enormously,those who could assuage our perturbed minds are few or far away.

No wonder #mentaldisorders are galloping all over.There is a greater need for support systems than there ever was.Since traditional support systems have dwindled we need to look at alternative sources of help-these are available in the form of psychologists,counselors,psychiatrists and on-line help.But how many of those who suffer from emotional or psychological problems make use of these services?

"NMHS 2015-16 reveals that nearly 15% of Indian adults (those above 18 years) are in need of active interventions for one or more mental health issues;".But few seek professional help if self-help measures fail to give respite.A major obstacle in the way of doing this of course is,stigma,the impression that mental patients are weak and incompetent,and they don't do enough to solve their problems.Since very few people talk of their psychological problems,every sufferer thinks that he or she is the rotten apple and they must not divulge it.This is how the stigma is born and perpetuated.

This kind of thinking prevents people from admitting to a mental disorder and seeking help.If their self help measures do not work, their condition worsens till psychiatric medicines are the only answer.I am not competent to discuss the efficacy or desirability of these medicines but I do believe that it is far better to seek help in the initial stages rather than having to depend upon medicines.This raises an important question-
When to seek help?
This is no doubt a difficult question.Transitory disappointments or griefs sometimes hit hard  but we manage to bounce up again after a certain period.The field of mental health is nebulous and ever changing-especially for mental patients.No two persons suffering from anxiety will have similar worries or fears.They may experience various levels of stress or tranquility even in the same day.
The thumb rule is to check yourself against the following parameters:--

1. Have you become quiet and asocial?
2. Do you feel sad and disinterested most of the time?
3. Do you neglect your daily routine?
4. Do you find it difficult to take decisions?
5. Are even simple tasks too laborious for you?
6. Do you have suicidal thoughts?
7. Do you have poor sleep or sleep too much?
8. Do you have poor appetite or eat too much?
9. Do you have gastric problems and sundry aches and pains?
10. Have you become angry and irritable?

If the answers to most of these questions are 'yes' and this has been going on for more than two months then it is time you took the help of a mental health professional.The choice is between a psychologist,counselor,general practitioner or a psychiatrist.The first two will assist you to think rationally about your problem and delve into to the causes of this imbroglio.You can open your heart to them.They will extend emotional support and also respect your privacy.If they think you need medicines to help you along,they will refer you to a doctor.If you are hesitant about consulting a psychiatrist then even a GP or a family doctor can be of immense help-as he was in my own case.

Suffice it to say that once you observe your daily life has changed drastically because of your mood swings,take immediate steps to improve your mental health and reclaim your life.There can be no health without mental health.

You may also like https://jeeteraho.blogspot.com/2019/02/your-self-help-guide-for-eliminating.html.

https://www.cchr.org/quick-facts/psychiatric-drugs-side-effects.html