A Tear-Straight From The Heart

 It would be worth my while to die,

If I could see a tear in your eye.

A token of love fom you at last,

To smoothen all the hurts of past.

 

A touch of sigh,for the days gone by,

A tinge of sorrow,for a different tomorrow.

A bit of regret, to make you fret.

A heartfelt pain?No I hope in vain.

You so cold,so aloof, so serene;

could there be a current of warmth unseen?

Was there a glance which pierced your armour?

And then forever usurped your ardour?

You do well to remain in  supreme disdain,

Of feelings humane,pleasure or pain.

Slowly I find I become one of your kind,

Though embers do glow underneath the rime.

This grip of melancholy now holds me like a vice,

And the vigour of life slowly turns to ice.

This is a crossroad-I have to decide,

Was I born to live or cast like a dice?

Though the swell is past and waters abate,

Why emulate what I fervently hate?

This would surely be the worst kind of treason,

To desert myself in the fall of the season?

Oh God forbid that there should be a day,

When my own tranquility should cause me dismay.

When love's gentle call would no more enthrall

Cause if I gave all I would also loose all?

When timid overtures would no more reach.

The inner space all gone to seed.

Therefore I say God let me die,

PERHAPS I could see a tear in his eye.

#Social Anxiety Disorder

 Megha is a young housewife of about forty years old.She has two children and lives in a well-furnished house having all the amenities one could ask for.Her husband is a genial family man and earns well.With all these advantages going for her,one would expect her to be a chirpy,friendly positive girl.But she is just the opposite.You will never catch her smiling or accosting anyone.She takes good care of her health,goes for a morning walk and does yoga and meditation too.Physically,she has a good personality but emotionally-who can say! She never gives anyone the chance to know or befriend her.What could  be the possible cause of this stark contrast between her lifestyle and her demeanor?

It is quite obvious that she is suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder.According to NIMH "Social Anxiety Disorder is a persistent fear of being watched and judged by others.This fear can affect work,school and other daily activities.It can even make it hard to make and keep friends."

But why does this syndrome affect some people so badly that they segregate themselves from those around them and choose to live a lonely friendless life?Where does it stem from?The answers to these queries lie hidden in their minds.

However psychologists do have some pointers.If a child went through adverse experiences,was bullied or targeted repeatedly it could instill in her mind an aversion for meeting others,looking face to face or trusting them.It becomes a permanent feature of her personality.Despite the various ill-effects of this disorder on her life she is unable to shake it off.If only she was to consult a Mental Health professional this fear could be toned down if not eradicated but this same fear prevents her from doing this.

If she does nor want to do this then the next alternative is to take the matter in her own hands.

1. She should introspect calmly and gauge whence this fear erupted.Was it a single incident or a number of them?
2. Is the perpetrator still in her ambit or have the circumstances changed?
3. Is she today as vulnerable as she was then?
4. This code of conduct which she has charted for herself,is it protecting her from anxiety or  aggravating it.
5. Is it not barring her from living a full life,making good use of her potential and going forward.
6. She can take small steps,connect with those she thinks harbor no ill-will toward her,take up tiny excursions in social activities and then evaluate the results.
7. Just as she decided to isolate herself from society,she should now determine who all she can safely interact with and lay down the boundaries too so that she can safely move forward.
8. She should talk about her fears and feelings on the subject to those whom she loves and can trust.

These simple steps will assist her to overcome her inhibitions and become a proactive part of society which is essential for leading a healthy and happy life.  

Seven Tips For Dealing With An Acrimonious Kin

We come across people of various kinds during this sojourn called life.We try to shake off those who are acrimonious,inimical or downright offensive,but what if such a person-friend,relative or colleague-cannot be avoided and the relationship cannot be terminated?Such people do crop up sometimes and they ruin our peace of mind.I think the only alternative left for safeguarding our own serenity is to modify our own behavior so that these encounters do not cross the line of decency-at least from our side,and preferably from both sides.

The other day I was feeling very sad because of the behavior of one such person(let me call her P )and a plethora of inconsiderate, rude and aggressive acts on her part came rushing to my mind.It made me cry.I gave vent to tears to cleanse my mind and sat down with an excellent cup of tea to divert myself.After a while the tsunami of hurt sentiments subsided and I became my rational self once again.

Why was I so anguished?This was not the first time that it had happened.All those ghosts from the past testified to it.P was the same old person and I too was the same old Indu.If I had taken it in the past I could take it in the future too.In fact I should have been immune to it by now because what cannot be cured has to be endured.In order to manage such an imbroglio more smoothly next time,I decided to write a rule-book for such occasions.Here goes:-

1. Perhaps P's behavior stems from her own insecurity or a well concealed inferiority complex which compels her to belittle me so that she can feel superior.
2. Maybe she is annoyed about her life conditions and I just happened to cross her path at a touchy moment.
3. I must not inflame the situation by giving a sharp retort.A brief neutral remark should be enough.
4. When ever possible I shall introduce a touch of humor to lighten the ambiance,taking care not to instigate her in any way.
5. I should allow time to pass before encountering her again so that both of us have recovered our composure by then.
6. It is important to recall the instances when she has been helpful to me.After all she does mean something to me,or I would have broken the tie long back.
7. I will also stiffen my back ,analyse if I have in any way encouraged/allowed her to encroach my space.

I strongly believe that our life is a learning process.Even such individuals serve a very useful purpose:they stimulate us to grow,to learn,to acquire new skills and evolve;as I have done--become more tolerant and empathetic after associating with her.So the next time you come across a vituperative person,don't fret and fume;be thankful that s/he is helping you to evolve,become a better person. 

Feeling Edgy?Avoid this...

No matter how well adjusted or balanced we are,there are times when we feel so agitated that we wish to be left alone to sit and mope.It is not a bad idea too.Sitting quietly,away from the hum-drum of life enables us to thrash out our problems,find solutions and gain control over our emotions.The last bit-gaining control over emotions,is extremely important because if the mind is swirling with pain,rage,hostility,jealousy or remorse we cannot behave normally or choose the best course of action.

What to do When anxiety becomes too overpowering has been discussed many a times in this blog,but this post is about what not to do when you are feeling low.The pointers given below will save you from doing anything you could regret later:

• Avoid company to eliminate the chances of sniping at others or simply cutting them off.
• It is natural to misunderstand others when you are feeling sad or touchy.Even simple remarks can be construed as jibes.Someone's attempt to give you space or respect your privacy can be taken as neglect or avoidance.Therefore don't make hasty judgments when you are at the end of your tether,you are likely to form erroneous opinions about people and events.This will naturally impair your relationships.
• If you are feeling mad at someone curb the instinct to blurt out your feelings without wasting any time.You may repent it after you have had time to reconstruct that incident.A better option would be to analyse the genesis of that fiasco.
• Don't make any hasty decisions when you are totally pooped out.Wait till you are more balanced before chalking out your next course of action.Emotions tend to cloud reason.
• Avoid rash actions which could endanger you, like rash driving,suicidal attempts,substance abuse or binge eating.The last two only give temporary respite and do not mend the situation.Going out and having it out with an adversary too is not a good idea.
• If possible,postpone  tasks which are too taxing and not urgent.
• Sit down at a secluded place and focus on your problem.Try to pinpoint why you are so perturbed.Is the matter really that grave or are you making a mountain of a molehill?

Living through a taxing phase is difficult enough without us aggravating it through impulsive,irrational behavior.Therefore it is best to avoid social interactions and major decisions when one is in the throes of inner turmoil.Allowing time to pass promotes clarity and sagacity.Then is the right time to take corrective action and move forward.

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