Tuesday, August 25, 2015

How to Decrease The # Tensions in your life

Mental health is very important.I will go so far as to say that it is more important than physical health because even a physical disease is tolerated better if you are otherwise content and well adjusted.

However,we all know how difficult it is to stay cool and balanced in these stressful times.There is no dearth of challenges,obstacles,disappointments and frustrations.But the onus to find peace rests totally upon us.We cannot do away with the external stressors but we can definitely modify our own behavior in such a way that fewer tensions rankle us.wIn order to do this:

*Tone down your expectations,from life as well as      people.
*Do not swim against the current.
*Ease up on perfectionism.
*Stop comparing yourself with others.
*Stop people pleasing.
*Don't be oversensitive.
*Let bygones be bygones.
*Infuse humor in tough situations.
*Always focus on the positives,even when the scene is drab.
*Never relinquish faith and hope.

It is not possible to change the world.Unforeseen events frazzle us.Sometimes we even fail to control the outcome of our own actions.By adopting a positive attitude and clearing the cobwebs in our mind,we can reduce our tensions.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

A simple # Cure for Anxiety--# Journaling

A patient of anxiety is often advised to keep a journal but few take it up because it does not come naturally to many,and also because the benefits of keeping a journal are not enunciated in detail.But keeping a diary is very effective in curing anxiety and Hypochondria.It is a therapy which does not cost money and has no side effects too.I myself have seen the benefits accruing from journaling and would like to share them with you.

For best results,keep a separate diary for your mental health concerns and enter the details at the end of the day.These are the facts which should be entered daily:--

  1. A list of the anxious thoughts experienced during the day.
  2. The physical symptoms which troubled you.
  3. The time when distress was at it's peak.
  4. The possible triggers.
  5. What did you do to get rid of the stressors?
  6. What did you do to feel better?
  7. Did you feel better or worse than yesterday?

After a week of starting, review the past entries and evaluate them on the following grounds:--
  1. Are your fears decreasing or increasing?
  2. What about the physical complaints?Were they the same all through the week or did they keep shifting?
  3. Can you see a pattern in your worries?What usually triggers them?
  4. Were you able to eliminate those triggers?
  5. Which steps did you take to feel better?
  6. Did your efforts show positive results?If not,then what else can you try?
  7. How many of your fears were unfounded in reality?
  8. Did any worst case scenario actualize?

When you write down your daily experiences you are better able to recognize the negative thoughts which produce painful emotions and lead to maladaptive behavior.You will realize that the worries which were driving you nuts a week ago are no longer so frightening.This will motivate you to exercise greater self control and assimilate effective coping skills.

A hypochondriac too can benefit immensely by reviewing a week's entries.He will realize that the back pain which was tormenting him on day one gave way to gastric troubles after two days and then it was a sore throat which petrified him with thoughts of a throat cancer.He can actually read in his own words that his complaints vanish without any medication and therefore,he cannot be suffering from a severe illness.

Keeping a diary introduces an element of regularity in
your schedule.It also helps you to gain a better perspective of your condition.It clarifies your thoughts.You understand what your main problem is and can then prioritize the corrective measures accordingly.You get to recognize the triggers and learn ways of controlling them.Putting down your thoughts,recording your agony,also reduces stress.

A recap of your journal will tell you as no one else can;whether you have done anything to improve your condition or not.If it tells you that you have not been able to make any progress then that is a red flag for you to consult a specialist.If however,you find yourself improving,then rejoice;it means that your stress management skills have improved and you are finally in control of your life.

For some practical tips for curing anxiety you may read 

Image courtesy google.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

#Repetitive Failures

There are three kinds of people in this world.One,who always succeed in whatever they take up;two,who get mixed results;and three,to whom failure clings like a faithful shadow.It is not once,twice or five times that this happens;it is more like their trademark--the same results every time.Obviously it is the third kind who badly need a break.

A boy seeking employment is rejected repeatedly,a worker fails to get any promotion year after year,a young lady exits an unhappy relationship only to fall for the wrong guy again and again and a young man has been spurned so many times that he has lost all hopes of finding a life partner.The setting and the stories differ but the ending is the same--futile efforts,wasted energy and a truck-load of disappointments.

Certainly they would all like to change the tenor of their lives if they knew how.They have become set in their ways.Their way of handling life situations,their choices and responses--all stem from their motives,biases,beliefs,values,inhibitions and hidden complexes.They fail to realize that there could be a fault-line in their own behavior and unless and until they change;their life too,will not change.This escapes their notice because like many of us,they believe that they are punching all the right buttons and the fault lies elsewhere.

If you too have been experiencing repeated failures,know that the tide will not turn on it's own.You will have to reinvent your strategies.

Corrective measures
1--Stop blaming others.As long as you do this you cannot get to the root cause which is responsible for your failures.

2--Own up responsibility.Since you are the common factor in a number of goof-ups it follows that you might be at fault.

3--Undertake a retrospective analysis of your recent debacles.Where did you go wrong?Which is that trait that always lands you at failure's door?Do you choose your targets wisely?Do you have the requisite skills for what you want to accomplish?Are your strategies clear and unambiguous?When facing a challenging situation,do you take time to consider the pros and cons or do you react instinctively?Do you have sufficient confidence?Are you a pessimist who does not give his all to any venture?
When you explore your mind for the answers to these questions you will most probably realize what it is that you should do differently in order to court success.

4--Chalk out a program of self improvement.Take concrete steps to iron out the wrinkles in your behavior.Be more realistic and pragmatic in your approach.Upgrade your soft skills and also the technical know-how of your field.

All this talk about failure does not imply that failure per se is evil or demeaning.In fact it is the first step on the road to success.But a history of recurring failures definitely calls for honest introspection followed by remedial measures.

Looking at it from a spiritual angle I would say that all the obstacles and set-backs which block our way have been positioned there to teach us lessons.Just as we look for an alternative route when we confront a dead end on road;so also in life!If our existing thinking and behaving patterns fail to make an impact then it is time to revise,refurbish them.

If you are not happy with the way your life is shaping up then instead of cursing your luck,going on a pity-party or blaming xyz for your failures,it will be more beneficial to look back and find out where you faltered.Nailing that errant factor and removing it from your life will open up a new vista of success and fulfillment.

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Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Get Rid of That # Inferiority Complex

Inferiority Complex,as we all know, is a feeling of being inadequate or not up to the mark.It is responsible for a lot of anguish and dissatisfaction with life.It manifests itself in different persons in different ways.If one person lives out his life as an underachiever believing himself to be incapable of attaining lofty targets another may overcompensate by doing just that in order to prove his worth.A third may become asocial and reticent,while the fourth may resort to aggression;controlling others to establish his supremacy.It is only in the second case that it has a positive consequence but even there, a feeling of inferiority will continue to niggle that person.
The causes
An inferiority complex is often caused by early childhood experiences like being criticized,compared,bullied,or called names.Social discrimination on the basis of a handicap,physical weakness,caste,creed,color or socioeconomic status can also give rise to feelings of inferiority.

A new entrant in this litany of causative factors is the social media,with it's focus on beauty,attraction,perfection,achievement,success and wealth.Day in and day out we are bombarded with airbrushed images of celebrities and social idols which make many of us feel dowdy,plain losers.Updates of friends purportedly having storybook lifestyles also generate feelings of lagging behind.Then there is cyber bullying which can injure a person to the core.

The harmful effects
A feeling of inferiority can be very pernicious,it can vitiate every aspect of a person's life.

When a person feels he is not intelligent,competent or able enough, he evades difficult/challenging situations which could in fact,have augmented his confidence.

A person who has low self-worth behaves as if he is of no consequence and others too rate him accordingly, so that he is actually consigned to the lower rungs.

He is seen as an easy target by predators who may leach upon him to serve their own ends.

He is likely to attract others like himself,who will further intensify his complex and demoralize him with their doleful talks and behavior.

His self-limiting beliefs prevent him from asking for his dues, so that he does not get the rewards which are his right.This further disheartens him.

Inferiority complex causes unhappiness,we all know;but it can also engender mental disorders.
The cure
If any of the above rings a bell with you,take immediate steps to overcome your feelings of inferiority.It is not difficult to do so,only a genuine desire and concerted efforts are all that is needed.

Start by going to the origin of this complex.Who was it that repeatedly made you feel inferior?

Was it your parents?Perhaps they had no knowledge of good parenting or they had too much on their plates.People make mistakes.Do not take their pronouncements as golden truths.

If it is your teachers or peers who picked upon you, they were certainly not good specimens of humanity and their actions need to be derided,not accepted as being the offshoots of your inferiority.

If it is your socioeconomic background which makes you feel below par then take a look at the origins of our late ex-president Dr Abdul Kalam the missile man.A beginning is only a beginning-you can go anywhere from that.If he could do it so can you.

If some other handicap holds you back then there is only one way to banish it--rise above it by being proficient in whatever you do.

If you feel miserable because of your physique or physical features,a lot of improvement can be brought about by being tidy and well groomed.Your worth is tied up to your inner qualities.Just consider-do you cherish your loved ones because of their looks or their values?Appearances are not everything.Would you prefer to spend your time with a loving,considerate but plain looking friend or a smart,beautiful but callous one?

Before taking any further steps to overcome your feelings of inferiority pinpoint exactly what you think is missing in your personality.Is it good looks,wealth,social graces,status,intelligence or competence which you secretly yearn for but do not possess?Take up that one aspect which,if improved,will make you happier; and begin to work on it.There is always room for improvement.Even your intellectual abilities can be sharpened by playing brain games or doing meditation.

We usually focus upon one flaw and then enlarge it to cover the whole of our being,forgetting our assets.If you bemoan the absence of a particular quality,concentrate on your strong point and enhance it till everything else fades into oblivion.Maybe you are a good singer but not attractive to look at,but if you polish this talent nobody will even notice your looks, as is the case with Lata mangeshkar.

It is mainly your self-talk which determines your self esteem.Train your mind to warn you the moment you pass derogatory judgments about yourself and replace them with constructive,positive thoughts.

Another way of improving your self image is to associate with only those who understand,appreciate and care for you.Relinquish those who try to belittle you.

And lastly,sharpen your observational skills when you are in company.Notice how those whom you hold in high esteem also have weak points,they also falter.The only difference is that they are easygoing while you are on tenterhooks because of this fixation that you are inferior to others.

Stop comparing yourself to others.It is this which is the root cause of feelings of low self worth.There is not one of us who will not be found wanting in some quality or the other,if he were to compare himself with others.

Those who have a poor self image only notice others'good points and not their weaknesses;while they magnify their own drawbacks.These self limiting beliefs hinder our evolution and fulfill that prophecy of being inferior.No matter where you stand in social hierarchy,you have a definite place and unique gifts.Instead of lamenting about your drawbacks,do something about them and appreciate what God has blessed you with.

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Images courtesy google.