Friday, January 21, 2011


Updated on 13-9-18
A cursory survey of all successful people will reveal that they had one quality in common--self-confidence.This asset can multiply your chances of success and it's lack will prevent you from realizing your full potential.Self-confidence not only facilitates success,it also decides how others view you.The thoughts & actions of a confident person always carry an element of credibility,which boosts his image & status. 

A person's self confidence stems from his self esteem.Self esteem itself depends on how those around you judge you & how successful you have been in your ventures so far.Ironically,while low self esteem impedes success,failure depletes it further.It is a vicious circle.The good news is that this chain can be broken.You need to make systematic efforts in order to do this.Here is some help:--

Make an inventory of your positive traits. It is not essential that you be an Adonis or a  Venus. Perhaps you have a good height, or a proportionate body, or a sweet voice.Or you may be good at sports,music,computers or personal relationships. Maybe you have a sharp mind & the ability to judge people.Are you sympathetic,courteous,cooperative and gentle?The list could go on and on.Just put down your positive attributes on a paper & you will see that you are not such a dud after all.While you are at it;also recapitulate all your achievements to date.A person lacking self confidence usually brushes his feats under the carpet;labeling them as chance happenings. Focus on them whenever you feel unsure of yourself.

Now think seriously-what has been holding you back till now?Go and look at yourself in the mirror right now.Do you carry yourself erect?Can you meet people in the eye,or are you always trying to avoid the lime-light and merge into the background?Is your speech clear and lucid?Are you self-evasive and apologetic in your comments?The answers to these questions will tell you where improvement is most needed.

Now that your body-language has been taken care of;It is time to address your self-talk.It is essential to remember that out of the many conversations that we initiate, those that are addressed to ourselves are the most crucial.They decide whether we will be confident or limp, achievers or losers.Desist from injurious self-talk.Do not undermine your skills,talents and achievements.

Now sit down and think,what is it which you always wanted to do but did not have the courage to try? I am not talking of gigantic ambitions here, but an average down to earth dream. Let us say you always wanted to play the drums but felt shy in expressing your desire to anyone. O.K!The time has come now to take action. There must be some musician or a hobby class or a musical society in your city. If not, then look up the papers or advertise for one. Find a teacher and go attend the classes. Before you know it you will be so involved in this activity that you will forget you ever thought yourself incapable of learning it. You will make new friends and this too will boost your morale. No longer will you be able to say honestly -even to yourself- that you are good for nothing.Just track some basic unfulfilled desires and work on them.

When one target has been achieved go for the second one. Plan out your schedule, set out a dead-line and then start. Sit down ,think hard and take your own decisions. Don't run here & there asking for advice. Ignore if someone gives you unasked advice.Some people have this habit of throwing a spanner in the works. Avoid them. Use your own resources as far as possible. A target accomplished totally on your own steam will be more satisfying.

Show yourself the same consideration that you show to others--thump your back,congratulate your self and celebrate your success. Aren't you happy that you have achieved two targets on your own? Continue in the same vein and you will feel a surge of confidence like never before.

 After you have attained 2,3,4, such targets you are ready for bigger game. Earlier you must have been very cautious and circumspect in your approach because you were not sure of yourself. But the time has come now to open up a bit ,to take calculated risks and to venture into new terrains. Success in a tough enterprise will give a never-before boost to your feelings of self-worth.

 But be prepared for setbacks too.When you try something new and difficult there are even chances of it going wrong.Take it as a lesson for the future.Obstacles or setbacks should make you better not bitter. Nobody succeeds every time . Remember YOU ARE THE SAME PERSON IN FAILURE AS YOU WERE IN SUCCESS. So the question of slumping back after a failure does not arise. People don't fail; they just quit.

Make sure that your ventures are in accordance with your principles & values because if you do anything against your grain it is sure to nibble at your confidence.Never go against your own value system.

As you advance on the path of self-improvement take care of your appearance. Discard old,worn-out,shabby clothes and get yourself a new image. Join a smart club,learn some new skills,keep up with the times and make new friends. Let your achievements be known in a decent,non-offensive manner,in case people did not notice.It would be a good idea to let them know that you are no longer the self-effacing person you used to be. Here's wishing you all the best!

If you want more tips to augment your self worth and improve yourself here are two links :--


Thursday, January 13, 2011

Fighting # Failure

Updated on 23rd June 2017

Urban society today lays a lot of emphasis on success.A well-to do person who is successful in his vocation is recognized as the perfect role model--one worthy of respect & admiration.And what are the indications of success?Why,a huge bank balance,a swanky car,a designer home in an exclusive locality,membership of upscale clubs----ah well,you get my point.!!Some are truly successful in the above sense.They are the privileged children of lady luck;some others stand at the other end of the spectrum-they struggle hard to make both ends meet.

In between these two extremes are many strata.A laborer's son will consider himself prosperous if he earns enough to feed his family & save a little bit for a rainy day while a business tycoon's offspring will curse himself for being a failure if he cannot rise above the post of a manager.A person's achievements in the context of his milieu,to a certain extent decide whether he will consider himself a success & be happy or deride himself for being a failure.

But in these days of high connectivity the aspirations of so many have rocketed sky high and everyone is under pressure to perform beyond his capacity or aptitude.What happens to a person who has failed?A feeling of inferiority and worthlessness engulfs many such persons.No wonder emotional problems and mental disorders are on the rise.In order to avert this possibility the following facts should be kept in mind :--

(1)Even if you have failed a couple of times or more,it does not mean that you shall be a loser all your life. Provided you don't lose heart-these very failures will tell you what to avoid in order to succeed next time. Learn from your failures,listen to constructive criticism & don't repeat your mistakes.

(2)Failure does not mean that you are not good enough or you don't have the wherewithal to succeed. We all function much below our optimum potential.According to Einstein an average person uses only 20% of his brain. So give it all you have and success will be yours.Start with an optimistic mind-set so that your hormones too,energize your efforts.A defeatist attitude  constricts vision and dampens the spirit.

(3)When a person rues his failures, it is not only his own incompetence that is the cause of his sorrow. He sees successful people around him and concludes that they are cleverer,smarter or more intelligent than him. He forgets that he is viewing them at this stage of their life when they have arrived. Who knows how long they struggled, how many obstacles they overcame and how many setbacks they had to face, before they arrived at this spot? Not only this ,he also closes his eyes on those who are not so successful.Very unreasonably he gives himself the lowest marks.

(4)A person who is aggrieved because of his failures often curses his luck for having been saddled with umpteen inadequacies and problems.He thinks everyone else is much better placed than him.This fallacy stems from a very subjective view-point. Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches. 

(5) If you want to get out of your trough be more realistic and practical. Setbacks and problems will come.One has to take them in one's stride. Do not set very high standards for yourself initially.Start by aiming at small targets.When you have gained confidence by achieving them,go for bigger ones. By and by increase the bar. Striving for betterment & not being daunted by obstacles should be the motto. But remember -not everyone can be at the top.If you look at those who are above you,you will always be disheartened.Compete only with your own past performance.

(6) Setting targets & striving to reach them can be very stressful at times. Try to savour the small pleasures of life. Be near to,and connect with your loved ones. Spend quality time with them.Also,take out time to be with yourself--not to ruminate about your failures--but to enjoy a pastime or a hobby which you enjoy. This will decrease your stress.When you achieve a target,give yourself a treat-just as you would  to a favorite kin or friend.

(7) Take help from a specialist and also upgrade your skill-set if necessary.

(8) A person who feels inadequate or inferior due to his failures often worries about his public image.But people have hectic schedules and they don't have much time for others. Besides, public memory is very short. So do not be diffident or self-conscious. Go all out for your goal once again. You owe it to yourself and also to those who care for you ,look up to you and are dependent upon you. 

(9)Adopt a healthy lifestyle and steer clear of  substance abuse.

(10)Lastly there are many facets to a life.Focus upon those which are satisfactory.Be grateful for all that you hold dear.We all get a mixed deal.Nobody is a total failure.The qualities which you possess might be absent in the celebrities you admire.A failure is never final,it does not define who you are.

Pic courtesy google.