Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Personalities--5 : The Super Smart Genius

Some time back a young couple and their three year old kid came to live in my neighborhood.From the very first day the girl--call her Ria--impressed me immensely.She was smart and intelligent--but that is no rarity (even i am,yes seriously!).What won me over was her friendly outgoing nature.Despite the obvious age gap she befriended me immediately.Was I impressed--I who take a decade to strike up a friendship!I secretly decided to learn some tricks from her.Let me take you on a trip down my memory lane to share those tricks in case you too,need to burnish your friend-making skills.I am sure you will come out enriched.

First and foremost-come to first name terms as soon as possible.If the other person is much older than you then choose between aunty,dadi (granny),or nani(granny again)--whatever catches your fancy.I was aunty to Ria and dadi to the kiddo.You must try this mantra-it guarantees instant success.

That done,she invited me to her home to show how she had done up the house.She asked my advice and came up with many family details--even secrets (well,I am like that only,everybody confides in me ).

Next day she came up to sit and chat with me as if she liked nothing better than interacting with an old lady.She was never tongue-tied or short of things to say.This became a daily routine.She would saunter into the rooms and admire my taste.

Next on agenda--'come aunty see what I made for lunch today.Taste this,I make it like this etc etc'.Then a dish of something prepared by her arrives at my door.Now I too am obliged to flaunt my non-existent culinary skills.What to do?Such a sweet girl--I cannot disappoint her.

In between all this Rup (the kid) climbs up the stairs and asks me"Dadi can I come over?"I am floored,reminded of my own grandchildren.I welcome him with open arms and try to entertain him.This becomes a daily routine.Rup,all freshly bathed,comes over because as Ria told me,he has taken to us like his own grand parents whom he misses sorely.So we both-I and my better half-- gear up to entertain Rup,skipping our daily routines while she attends to her household chores.No,she does not have a job outside her home.

Then Rup joins a play school.Every day before taking him there Ria brings him over to say 'Bye' to us.How endearing and thoughtful of her!These two have infused a lot of cheer into our dull routine.Upon coming back from play school Rup again comes up to share with us all that he did in school.

This goes on for many days till we begin to feel tired and used.So one day we are forced to turn him back.Ria as I said before,is extremely smart.She shifts her focus upon another neighbor who had earlier not merited a single glance from her.Rup is introduced to them and he goes there to play with their children who are considerably older than him.He has found three new sisters!

Rup is a sweet kid and truly fond of us as we are of him--although entertaining him for long hours does wear us down.Whenever he sees us sitting out he wants to come over but he is yanked away.We also miss the daily'Good Morning aunty' and Good Morning uncle',but what to do;our popularity has dwindled to it's nadir.It finally dawns on us that it was not our pristine goodness which had drawn Ria to us!!!!

So tell me,how do you like these tricks and skills ?

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Zodiac Sign Pisces

Pisces is a complex water sign ruled by Jupiter and Neptune.Pisceans are highly sensitive,emotional and imaginative beings.Kind and compassionate,they are popular because of their gentle,unassuming natures.They live in a mental world rather than the real one and rely more upon their feelings and intuition than actual facts.However their hunches and premonitions are often correct-they are sometimes even endowed with a sixth sense.

That is why they can sense any change in the atmosphere  or other persons.They are very impressionable and the environment affects them deeply.The upside is that they can adapt to new situations but the downside is that if they are thrown into unsavory company they are capable of  absorbing those attributes too.They are rather mysterious and hide many secrets in their bosom.Another interesting fact about them is their predilection for the occult and the paranormal.

Pisceans' preoccupation with mental faculties makes them highly sensitive and indecisive.Their good intentions may not be translated into action because they are impractical and somewhat lazy.There is also the danger of being absorbed in self pity,day dreams and escapism.They make good authors,poets and musicians.

The weak spots of a piscean are his feet,liver and lymphatic glands.
As with any other sign,a lot depends upon the individual's horoscope-hence the variations in character and personality.You can read about other signs at this site.

Image courtesy google.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Adultery,When The Damage Has Been Done--3

This post is the last of the series.If you have not read the two previous post you may like to start from here.
The old definition of adultery has become defunct since the advent of telephone sex,sexting,facebook romance and porn.It now boils down to how much you both think is morally right and how much is admissible to your spouse.Even open marriages have invaded the scene but this does not discount the fact that when a mate cheats the results can be disastrous.The day this perfidy is revealed is no less explosive than the eruption of a volcano.Accusations,denials,excuses,threats and angry retorts are flung back and forth.

After all has been said and heard the cheated mate sits down to decide-what next?If the villain of the piece refuses to reform and if the aggrieved person has a support system to fall back upon;there may be only two options open--to either show her/him the door or walk out the door.

But what if the libertine promises to not repeat his/her mistakes?Then the spouse has to decide whether s/he can forgive and make a fresh beginning.So many variables influence this decision--whether adultery was a one off mistake or a habit,whether they have kids,how long they have been married,what was the rapport like before this happened,how much love & respect still remains between the two and if this is the only fly in the ointment.

A cheated spouse should remember that the pain is at it's peak at the time of disclosure but it will come down eventually and slowly things will begin to settle down.On the other hand if you are thinking of separation or divorce, make sure that the new life you choose will be better than this one.
You should not jump from the frying pan into the fire.

Initially of course you can be forgiven for calling your spouse the worst possible worm in the g****r,but if you decide to swallow this episode as a bitter pill and save your home from breaking,then take care to suppress your vocabulary of derogatory terms.The culprit must already be feeling sheepish, don't humiliate him/her any further.You are in pain because your trust has been  trampled upon,but s/he too must be feeling guilty.It is better to bury the past and focus upon mending your relations.Give it time because there will be many glitches in reconnecting once again.Both of you will be reminded of what had come in between you but as time passes this deceit will be overshadowed by other,pleasanter experiences and you will hopefully recapture the old magic.

Forgiving is not easy but nursing your blisters,keeping them raw is painful and futile.Of course you would want to know with whom and how many times your partner two-timed you but beyond this,avoid going into the gory details.The less you know,the better for your sanity.If you decide to resume your married life once again it will be wise to lay down certain conditions:----

* You have the right to check his/her cell phone and emails.
* Your spouse will not rave or rant when you ask where s/he went and why   s/he is so late.
* All financial dealings will be transparent and above board.
* Both of you can decide upon a course of action if this should    happen  again.
While the cheat was in an illicit relationship s/he must have        withdrawn many rights,privileges and facilities from you,these  should be returned forthwith.
* S/he will not take out his frustration at having to tow the line by picking up other issues in order to put you down.  

It depends upon the individual involved whether all these efforts will keep him in check or not but if honest efforts can save a family from breaking it is worth a trial.

Image courtesy google.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Adultery,Safeguard Your Marriage---2

Nothing happens all of a sudden and before adultery too, there are signs of discord and dissatisfaction.If and when a couple feels that their marriage is tottering it is time to have a heart-to-heart talk;the focus being,not on incrimination,but an endeavour to find out where things went wrong and what should be done about it.Ask your partner what s/he would like you to change and also say what displeases you --but in even tones.This is more effective than banging stuff and shouting.

No one likes anybody to attempt their make-over but when it is done voluntarily it is more effective and permanent.Therefore listen to your partner's stray,indirect comments,perceive what he likes or dislikes,and adjust accordingly.You may dislike certain traits in your spouse but don't expect a drastic makeover.Also,do not humiliate him/her because of it.Give more,expect less if you want a long lasting marriage.

A lot of adjustment may be needed in the sphere of sex.Unless your spouse demands something which is abhorrent to you,try and take care of his/her needs.Also say what you desire and enjoy.

In some marriages love grows with time,but respect for the partner should be there from the beginning.If you do not respect your mate you are ,in fact,driving him/her in the arms of someone who does.

Man or woman,both stray because the third person appreciates them,makes them feel good,likable and attractive.In order to avoid this happening,fulfill this need of your spouse.When s/he gets it at home s/he will not look outside.Just a small example to illustrate my point--suppose you both have decked up for a party.Your significant other is looking ravishing,smart or debonair.You notice this but keep quiet.At the party if you meet a well dressed friend you will surely compliment him/her.Why not your spouse?

Everybody is in hot pursuit of a flourishing career today.Some have no compunctions about using sex to further their ends.Beware of such persons--they will use you as a ladder, not caring if your family has been ravaged in the process.

After a few years of marriage the charm wears off and monotony sets in.Obviate this by springing a surprise now and then;expressing your love for your partner and exploring new fields which will enthuse both of you.

Surprises (when they are pleasant of course!) are good but it is equally important to have well-established routines--somewhat like the trade mark of your family.Build up a life which satisfies your family's needs and which they would not like to live without.Establish certain traditions which they anticipate and enjoy-whether it is a weekly outing,dining out,holidaying,or playing,praying and exercising together.If you are unable to take a vacation from work explore the interesting places in your own city on a Sunday, as if you are a tourist there.Common recreational activities hold a family together and bestow lasting happy memories which come to aid when one feels lonely or despondent.Also form core groups with common friends.

The whole motive is to increase together-times and decrease time spent alone.Individual activities in spare time-like both doing their own thing in separate rooms,using their gadgets in privacy tend to create a distance between the two so that when the need arises to share thoughts,express emotions and ask advice,an invisible wall looms up.The gap widens and finally one of them looks for empathy and companionship outside marriage.

Mutual bonding of the couple as well as with the children helps to cement family ties.If there is respect for other members of the extended families--ahem,the in-laws-- that too checks a person from straying.

After all adaptations have been attempted,and some attained,a few or more abrasive elements could still mar a conjugal relationship.A habitually reticent or hassled wife or husband may fail to boost a partner's ego while a colleague does it amazingly.But before crossing the line s/he ought to recognise all other things which the other person is doing right.S/he could very well lose all that, plus the peace of his/her heart and home if s/he transgresses the agreed boundaries.The shame and guilt when his kids come to know of it as well as the adverse effects this could have on them should be enough to deter him.

The sensations emanating from an illicit relationship may be very satisfying for a narcissist but wait till the newness wears off and complications set in.Therefore it is best to conserve what you have and spend your energies in perpetuating that rather than giving in to carnal impulses.