The agony of a # transexual--All Facts,no Fiction

Nature's cruelty is indecipherable.Why does it install a girl's psyche in a boy's body?The tormented soul is torn between two opposing forces.It is not the individual's fault that he was born with certain atypical characteristics but he has to face the disadvantages nevertheless.

This is what happened to Rohan,a 27 year old boy who was the youngest of four siblings--two boys and two girls.His father,an employee of Indian Railways was seldom at home and the mother,according to Rohan,had the mental age of a twelve year old.His father was given to alcohol and violence.He believed that his children were wasting money on education while Rohan,a graduate,had been a topper throughout and wanted to do Phd. in his subject.

Coming back to Rohan's appearance at Sahyog,there was nothing in his personality to reveal that he was a transexual.He himself told me about it,adding that he had changed himself to escape ridicule.He had never felt any attraction for girls.About seven years ago he began to idolize a senior in his college and after that his problems multiplied.This boy used to extract a lot of work from him and after that he would make fun of him.Rohan was so aggrieved by this that he still harbored thoughts of taking revenge from him,but at the same time he could not get him out of his mind too.

He consulted two psychiatrists when he felt stress overtaking him and his thoughts veering towards suicide.One of them hypnotized him and then stated that he was a homosexual.This enraged him a lot--it was the first time his fears had been brought out into the open.His problems too,aggravated manifold after that.

Upon further questioning he revealed that when he was young his mother used to dress him in frocks and his father once bought a complete make-up kit for him.There was a murderous glint in his eyes when he said this.I suspect his father must have done this to scorn him.He also made a passing mention of having been molested as a child.

Then he gave me another reason for staying away from girls.Both his sisters had married for love,outside their caste.This resulted in a lot of acrimony in their home as well as in their caste group.He admitted that his sisters would have remained unmarried if they had not taken this step.He did not wish to inflict a similar fate upon some other family;although he was well aware that he too would have to select his own life partner when the time came.

It was as if he was rationalizing this anomaly in his sexual leanings.How far the above factors influenced his sexual orientation is anybody's guess.

In search of his identity,Rohan went to the Naaz Foundation in Delhi.He met many persons and read their literature too, but he did not like all that he saw. Reasearchers affirm that homosexuality is the result of certain biological factors but Rohan was still undecided which way to go.

It was obvious that he was ambivalent about this whole situation.While his hormones pulled him in one direction,fear of social censure held him back.He shied from being labelled a homosexual.Was it possible that a cluster of small influences had steered his life in one direction?Obviously he did not have the answer.But he did want to believe this.

I suggested he could try befriending girls and see how it panned out.After that he would be able to make an informed decision.The last choice would be his.

Rohan did not return after this.I tried to follow up twice but the number had been changed.Much water has flown down the Chambal since then.I wonder what he decided and how his life has shaped up.Happily,I hope.

What do you all think?Which path should/could he have taken?