Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Cognitive Distortion-Personalization

Personalization is a very common thought disorder.It denotes assuming blame for things not under one's control,holding oneself responsible for others' behavior and interpreting their actions as being directed at oneself even when this is not the case.This kind of thinking produces unwarranted stress and tension. 

When someone holds himself responsible for any blunder,mishap or tragedy which was not his fault,he invokes unnecessary guilt,shame and remorse.Suppose an innocuous remark by someone sets off a heated debate amongst friends and he blames himself for having brought a friendly reunion to a bitter end,he is unjustifiably castigating himself by personalizing the debacle.

Personalization also causes discord and hostility.When a casual remark by an acquaintance is taken personally by someone,it leads to a thaw in the relationship.Taking another example,if a person beset by personal problems passes by a friend without registering his presence,the latter promptly concludes that he is miffed with him.Now he spends hours wondering why that person is annoyed with him and what he had done to deserve such treatment.When they next meet,he gives him the cold shoulder in order to get even,and kaput goes a promising relationship!All this,without any substance.

Many of us fall in this trap some time or the other,but when this becomes a regular pattern it generates rancor,spoils relationships and vitiates the ambience.Of course nobody would choose to do all this knowingly,but our insecurities distort our perception of reality.A person who is unsure of himself and has poor self esteem is more likely to personalize things.

Sustained efforts are needed to get rid of this tendency.Here are some tips:--

Whenever an agonizing thought clouds your mind check its veracity;ascertain if it is fact or fiction.Be more logical and less impetuous while drawing conclusions about everyday happenings.

For longer lasting benefits,strengthen your self esteem and be confident of your value systems and abilities so that you do not hold yourself responsible for everything that goes wrong.You will feel significantly relieved when you have gotten rid of this thought disorder.

14 comments :

  1. This the best suggestion...For longer lasting benefits,strengthen your self esteem and be confident of your value systems and abilities.

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    1. Thank-you Renu,Iam glad you liked it.

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  2. Like always a very important aspect dealt very rationally!

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  3. I see a bit of myself in nearly all your posts :-)

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    1. OMG,you make me laugh.I refuse to believe you :).

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  4. Thats where spirituality helps i think... Believing that we are all playing our parts in a drama directed by the universe and that things had to happen no matter what

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    1. Jaish here I will have to strike a discordant note though I do not like to do it.
      According to me we cannot let things happen to us without taking proactive measures to improve our lot.Life is essentially about evolving,becoming better every day.Don't you think so?

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  5. once we follow this certainly we will be more attractive in any relationship....
    A thought provoking post... :)

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  6. Thanks,Irfanuddin very happy to read this

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  7. A nice post and very nice blog.
    Regarding the last but one paragraph ("Whenever an agonizing thought clouds.."
    Sometimes, when i think abt the past negative events which occurred long ago i dont remember properly, i suddenly recall a thought from those times which i really dont know if i really thought that way that time in the past or not.But i feel like I thought that time too and makes me feel bad thinking why i thought so. How to check the veracity? if I am remembering now means, it must have been true that i thought abt it before also,right? or is it possible that this is the thought occurring now bcos of thinking too much abt that past .could it be just an imagination?. I know i have to let it go but still worries me sometimes.Appreciate if u can throw some light. you can also mail me if u think its out of context here.

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    1. Krishna whenever you want to check the veracity of a thought think of a person whom you hold in high esteem,then decide if he too would have reached the conclusion you did.You will get the answer.
      But this holds for recent happenings.For things which happened long ago,I think you should just let them be.Today it does not matter whether you had that thought or you are just imagining it.Either way,it does not matter now.
      Look at a river,the water goes gushing on,it does not stay put or come back.Let your thoughts too,be like that.
      You can mail me indu.sahyog@gmail.com

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Thanks for reading my post.I hope you liked it :).