#Self Esteem

Stated in simple terms--self esteem is the opinion you have of yourself--your worthiness,strengths,defects & the dignity which you think you deserve from others.A healthy self esteem is a potent weapon which will assist you to meet life's challenges & come out on top.But a deviation from it does not augur well for the person.Broadly speaking,self esteem could be of three kinds:
1) Healthy
2) High
3) Low

Healthy Self Esteem
A person having healthy self esteem is fully aware of his caliber & weaknesses.He is confident of his ability to solve any problem which may obstruct his path.Difficulties or failures do not stump him.He springs back with new hope & strategies.He abides by his principles & knows that he commands respect.Even disregard or disrespect from someone will influence him only momentarily because he has firm faith in his own merit.He can bounce back after a down-fall.He enjoys strong & rewarding relationships,because he gives equal respect to others.

High Self Esteem
This person thinks the world of himself.You could call him a narcissist.He holds an exaggerated view of his personality,his charm,his abilities & his importance on this globe.He cannot tolerate criticism.Since he always overestimates his own acumen & ability,he often falls flat on his face but the blame will always be laid at someone else's door.He is likely to face many disillusionments in life but you won't catch him admitting it.Since he looks down upon others,he fails to forge strong relationships.

Low Self Esteem
As a child grows up, some of his acts are appreciated by the people around him,while some others are rejected as being bad,immoral or distasteful.The child forms an image of himself on basis of these approvals & chidings--this is his self image.Simultaneously he also constructs a picture of how he is expected to be--this is the ideal image.If there is a lot of discrepancy between the two, low self esteem will result.The parents may not always be right--they may  be too strict,uptight,prudish or even unlawful & selfish.But the ideal image grasped by the kid stays with him,as does his dejection at not meeting the norms.The child's self image could relate to his appearance,intelligence,attitudes,emotions,abilities,strengths,faults & his perceptions.

If his inferiority complex is related to his appearance then steps can be taken to rectify the drawbacks wherever possible.For example one could get into shape,take care to be neat & clean & dress appropriately.

This is easy.But changes are challenging when you are required to modify your personality traits & habits learnt over the years.Self image is a very nebulous concept--so many vague,fluctuating thoughts & perceptions coalsce to compose it.Each & every demeaning thought has to be handled & set right.It becomes doubly taxing if you base your self concept upon others' reactions or responses.The other person may not necessarily be a positive human.He may have his own reasons for pulling you down.If you construct your image according to others' reactions or responses to you, then you can never be at peace.It is essential to replace old coping strategies with new ones in order to attain a healthy self esteem.Here are some suggestions:

1) Learn to put your own self ahead of others & say adieu to people pleasing.Take care that you do not become obnoxious in the process!

2) Get rid of your favorite hobby--criticizing yourself for every mistake.Even the well known high achievers made plenty of mistakes before they succeeded.

3) Do not be hyper sensitive to others' criticism.

4) The fear of making mistakes may hold you back from trying anything new or difficult,but how will you achieve something remarkable if you desist from trying?Go for it,and if you fail,go again!

5) Forsake those feelings of guilt which you nurse in your heart.After all, you did not start a world war did you?

6) Whenever you come face-to-face with a crisis or a tough choice,cogitate over all the pros & cons and then take your  own decision.You took all factors into consideration;therefore there is no need to be apprehensive or fearful of the outcome.

7) Do not ask others for advice.

8) Rely on your own resources as far as possible.If it is essential to ask for help do it without being obsequious.

9) Never allow anyone to discourage you.

10) Take care that no one manipulates or uses you.You were unsure & vulnerable till now & this must have given people wrong ideas.Put an end to this trend.

Improving upon the psychological aspects of a bad self concept is fine but it is only half the battle won if you dislike certain facets of your personality which are mainly responsible for your low self esteem.Of course none of us is perfect but if something is eating at your self confidence it ought to be removed.Unless & until you get rid of the elements which drag you down,you cannot hope to achieve a healthy self image.Therefore:

1) If you find that you are not well informed about the happenings in the world & hence cannot join in a discussion;take steps to rectify this.

2) In case you are not doing well at your job,upgrade your skills & knowledge.

3) If you feel alone & left out of groups & gatherings,make conscious efforts to meet people half way--or full way if need be.After all you are the one who needs companionship.

4) Do you admire a particular quality in someone?It could be a simple thing like being punctual,following a healthy routine or vocalizing your thoughts.Cultivate this habit so that you feel better about yourself.

5)Last but not the least--indulge in activities you consider respectable if you want to earn your own respect.If you are straight & honest in your dealings nobody can shake your faith in yourself.

When you are happy in your skin, self doubt & pessimism will give way to a cheerful outlook,attracting people to this new you.Old ties will improve & new ones will be formed.Freedom from self-imposed restrictions will open up a new vista for greater achievements because:

"If we did all the things we are capable of doing,we would literally astound ourselves"Thomas A Edison.

Zodiac Sign Cancer

It must have been a Cancer who first developed the concept of home and family because this tribe is exceedingly attached to both.Guys if you are looking for a home-maker,a loving partner & a sensitive human being, go look for a cancer.She will make a cozy harmonious nest for you.Something of a martyr-she is capable of sidelining her own desires for the sake of her family.She is a die-hard romantic & very emotional.She will conserve every little bit of memorabilia---give her a huge cabinet to store them.Loyal,patient,tenacious & dependable--what more could a guy want?

But wait!This is a water sign,ruled by moon.Moon's phases can be predicted,but not the cancer's moods.They are changeable like a chameleon.The slightest slight from you & she could go into one of her moods.Sometimes it is impossible to fathom why she is so gloomy at a given moment,because her feelings need not always be grounded in reality--she lives a lot in her mind.By the way cancer means crab in Greek!

Hard on the outside,but tender underneath?Actually she is very thin-skinned & highly impressionable.You can well imagine the outcome.Her kin will have to work hard to ken her moods.

Let us look at the brighter side.This timid,conservative angel has a heart of gold.It beats not only for her family,but for anyone in distress.She is a fine friend to have--and keep.The glitzy scene of parties does not charm her as much as a quiet evening at home with family & close friends.Just as water takes on the shape of a container,she can adapt to changed circumstances.She is happy when near water.

The problematic areas of her health are generally connected to chest,arms & tummy or digestive system.
The pics are courtesy google search & text courtesy Richard Sterling.

Are You a #People Pleaser ?

A people pleaser is a person who gives preference to others' needs & comforts at the cost of his own.He will go against his own inclinations & plans to agree with others or comply with their expectations;not once,twice or thrice, but almost always.

So tell me-are you a people pleaser?Are you scared to contradict anyone?Do you think that you will lose that person's friendship & approval if you do so?Do you say 'yes' even when you want to say 'no'?Are you always cautious that what you say or do should not annoy anyone?When faced with a situation,do you weigh the different options in terms of how, those you know are going to take it?It could be a simple matter of getting a new hair cut,trying on a new apparel,joining a hobby class or vocalizing what you feel about a topic under discussion.The situations could vary in a thousand ways but your overriding concern does not.You only do what you think will gain you others' approval because you think that if you please them ,then only will they like you.To some extent we all do this now & then,but here i am talking of those who are hooked up on others' appreciation & endorsement to such an extent that they feel insignificant without it.

A little clarification about what i am trying to say.Those who spread happiness with their words & deeds are certainly worthy of praise.But when we turn into chronic people-pleasers we expose ourselves to unhealthy outcomes.People can easily manipulate & exploit us.Our anxiety levels increase or decrease according to how they treat us.If someone gives us a perfunctory response we fret what it was that we did wrong.We are convinced of our worthiness only  if it is validated by others.What's more,since our responses are only aimed at concurring with others,people could think of us as fickle & our propensity to bend before others could label us as doormats.


I have been through this phase & faced all the ramifications.I think it stemmed from a basic lack of self worth.I did not think that I would be liked or approved of, if I simply let myself be me & acted natural.On one hand there was this urge to please those who I thought mattered,while on the other, I also tried to ape them.I believed this would fetch me recognition,make me popular & push me up a few notches in society.I did not like myself but I was aching to be liked by others.

But obsessive people-pleasing is detrimental to our growth & evolution.It is one thing to imbibe qualities which we admire in others & make them a part of our  personality, but another to put up a facade in order to be liked by them.Pretense of any kind is not only tiring,but also a latent form of deception.By hiding our real selves we block people from getting to know our real beings--our likes & dislikes,aspirations,priorities,values,ideals,pet hates and  insecurities.If people do not get to know our real selves,how are they going to appreciate or love us?

We have a certain mode of thinking & behaving wired into us.It has been subtly attuned to our life conditions & needs.We grow & adapt as time passes but it ought to be according to our requirements & not fashioned after others' doings & expectations.In our hurry to be socially accepted,we could be tempted to skip over our principles,responsibilities & liabilities too.The dangers of such a folly increase manifold when teens or youth succumb to peer pressure & step into blind alleys.This sort of people-pleasing is indeed the worst kind because young impressionable minds could unknowingly jeopardize their whole lives by getting into injurious habits.Therefore--

Not only young,even we adults quite often tend to follow the herd in order to be accepted by that group.Being seen at the right places,with the right people,doing the right things is a way of living for many of us.We forget that in this way we are killing our individuality.The discerning would conclude that we lack originality,depth of character & courage of our convictions.We also miss out on an opportunity to strike upon our chosen path & win accolades for our own beliefs & initiatives.

Some guide-lines to break this habit

*Learn to say 'No' without being rude.It won't do to go off on a tangent & become too contrary.

*If you are asked for a favor about which you don't feel right but you cannot say an outright 'No',then ask for some time to think about it.This will convey the message gently.

*Do not lose sight of others' wishes too.Obviously you cannot have your own way in group activities-you have to go by the consensus.
As far as the boss is concerned,he is always right.

*In order to come out of the shell of excessive congeniality it is also important to say your say.No one will be offended unless you say it belligerently.It is even possible that hearing your views, some quiet souls out there might come out in your support.

*And remember you too have acumen.You could very well come out with a solution to a problem or a significant insight about a topic under discussion.Therefore don't just nod your head & say yes.

*As you become more vocal those who thrive on sycophancy or flattery can be expected to distance themselves from you, but is that a loss?

*Giving up people pleasing will enable you to recognize your true friends & supporters.The opportunistic manipulators would have flown away.

*Life will become less complicated & stress levels will decrease when you begin to function from your true self.

*As you begin to take a stand & become more self confident,you reduce the chances of being abused or manipulated.

*The best outcome of breaking the shackles of people pleasing is a leap in the quantum of self esteem.When we show signs of spunk & originality then we will get real recognition which will augment our self worth.

*As you become aware of your intrinsic value, your self confidence too,is sure to increase.This will give you real happiness as compared to the rewards you got from people pleasing.

We all have a touch of the people pleaser in us but when carried to the extreme,it becomes counter productive.We revel in the appreciation extended to us,but the moment it is withdrawn we fall flat on our face.How to find out if we are just a normally congenial person or a people pleaser?Here is some help--Check this site for some interesting insights on this subject.It also has a teaser to help you decide whether you are a people pleaser or not.