Friday, March 22, 2013

A family falling apart--part one.

This is a true case history .It shows how events disrupt a family's cohesion.Is it possible to unite that family once again?Read on to find out.
This happened in the year 2004.A highly agitated man of about 60 yrs entered my office.His left hand was bandaged because of a deep gash--self-harm or an accident resulting from emotional turbulence;i did not know at that time.But i could see that he was at the end of his tether & needed time to compose himself.His hand was shaking so badly that he could barely manage to pour out a glass of water for himself.


His tension ebbed slowly & then he began to tell me about himself.Let's call him Ajay. He had retired from a class one officer's post three years ago.He had a large family--five daughters & one son.Two daughters were married & the third--she was no more.Nine months ago,five days before her wedding,her in-laws demanded a car from them.She poor girl,could not bear this affront      and committed suicide. Ajay had already given them two & a half lacs at the time of engagement.

According to Ajay this was the flash point--all of them were naturally upset.They became irritable & fights began to erupt at the smallest provocation.

Then,there were monetary problems too.They had two decent houses,one car & four two-wheelers.Ajay was also getting a pension of Rs10,000 per month.But all this was not enough for them.All of them wanted to continue their old life style & refused to trim their demands.They had stopped talking to Ajay & they were all on one side while he was all alone.

He was also worried about his son,who had slipped badly in studies & failed thrice in 12th class.He was under the influence of a set of rich kids.

All these factors had taken a huge toll from him & he wept copiously as he narrated the above facts to me.His wife acted as a mediator for the children.She was educated,smart & popular.When i expressed a desire to meet her he was extremely reluctant to do so.I counselled him suitably & called him again after two weeks.But i could not understand how a tragedy in the family in fact segregated them instead of bringing them together.

31 comments :

  1. Irrespective of the number of members in the family mutual understanding and support is very very important rt?

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  2. Sometimes these kind of things just happen, eh? Humans are so complex.

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    1. Yes TF,humans are complex as well as weak,as you will find out.

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  3. Sometimes tragedy sets off a blame-game instead of commiseration. In these materialistic times, sometimes siblings start warring about who is getting how much out of the family property. It all depends on the sort of people they are.

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    1. It is sad that materialistic aims should sunder blood ties.
      Some of the traits are innate & some spin off from the sanskaars they get.

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  4. I also can't get that. Really. I believe that a tragedy brings a family closer together and not fall apart. I am at a loss of words here.

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    1. You are right,the answer lies elsewhere.

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  5. I feli myself asking the same question in the end. How can a tragedy like that severe the ties in place of strengthening them! Having come from a joint family, I have sensed this transition of time, now relationships have become too delicate, Everybody tries to dredge something out of the relationships rather than contributing, which is so essential to bind a family.

    Waiting for the next part...

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  6. Your last sentence is bang on target....looking back at our life span we can see this change gaining grounds.
    Love n hugs.

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  7. This man shows a strange streak in his character that is not often seen in Indian men. Emotional and financial stress can truly create frictions and tragedies..alas!!
    Waiting to read the next part, Indu.:))

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  8. Panchali he is strange because he belongs to that rare tribe who go to a counselor for a family feud,&also allow their emotions to be visible.He was really overcome by his family's scorn & neglect.

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  9. i might have accepted this version,if guardian was dead.guardian himself is a problem here.his brought-up of children and his approach towards life brought him all these miseries.if you are a educated government official,why do ya go for an arranged marriage involving dowry.why can't he educate their children better and let them chose their partner and help them in perceiving their partner as guardian.i think he is a corrupt official.

    when a person walks into psychiatry clinic,psychiatrists generally try to solve issues without touching the root cause coz it hurts patient ego.how anyone can solve these kinda issues without being frank and honest about his personal life.one can counsel superficially to make patient or client happy,but it never finds permanent solution.

    his brought-up and his presence din't instill values in family so people without character can't be united during misery,people will become selfish and show their true colors.

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    1. mohan you have a sharp insight.You are right on almost all points.You have been astute even without knowing all details.

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    2. well indu,you are very much older than me(am 24).in case if you don't like my comments,you are free to speak your mind and i won't get hurt.

      my dad was honest government official and i took family responsibilities at the age of 13 after my dad expired though am youngest of 5 children.i know what it takes to make family prosperous in tough situations.

      when you lose guardian,a family is like a school classroom without teacher,lots of noise and quarrel without discipline.someone has to take up responsibility of teacher in his absence to keep things calm and productive.

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    3. Mohan when you read the second part you will know that i was in fact applauding you--how you had hit the nail on the head.
      The comment page is all about sharing views & reactions & even if you disagree i value your comments--they add to my knowledge too.Moreover i am not given to satire or taunts,i mean only what i say.
      Your input about your background increases my respect for you manifold,carry on on this splendid road to growth & evolution.

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  10. Sometimes when things go wrong, it is like falling dominos. It can turn really ugly unless someone stops the fall.

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    1. What a perfect analogy you have given amit!

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  11. I feel pity for the guy and the family..even I am surprised how the tragedy broke the family instead of bringing them together. I think mainly because finances are playing a key role and as the head of the family, he lost the grip on it in the process of survival and meeting everyone's needs..I wish that all of them sit together and talk and sort out things..but in reality, it isn't that easy to budge in...sigh!!!

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    1. It is shattering for a family to come apart like this.Definitely they needed to catch the bull by the horns.

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  12. Deep Anguish ,

    I hope people read this article and understand togetherness and unity is real finance for getting satisfaction and not getting away far.

    Travel India

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    1. Oh yes ,no doubt about it,thank you for this nugget!

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  13. I think, how we react to situations also depends on our upbringing. Right values can strengthen the same bonds that wrong values tear apart, at the time of a tragedy.

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  14. Very interesting...look forward to reading the next part(S).
    Six kids in these times is a foolishness though especially on an educated person's part:(

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  15. So sad but this is how real life is -- so unpredictable!

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  16. That's a sad story Indu ji

    But this has become so common these days ---people take foe granted the comforts provided to them ---and always take the sacrifices of others as their matter of right
    its a sad plight for the provider.

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  17. How very sad. I feel sorry for the girl, she felt so miserable and ended her life.

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    1. Yes,she was too emotional & vulnerable .

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Thanks for reading my post.I hope you liked it :).