Saturday, September 3, 2011

Fifteen danger signals which indicate a cooling of affection

A strong,sincere & abiding romantic relationship is the dream & need of every adult.Those who have the support of such a relationship can easily overcome the various pitfalls & tragedies of life because it is like a cocoon into which they escape to get succor & recoup their energies. True love boosts a person's self-esteem & self-confidence. It is like a sounding board which gives caution & advice at appropriate times. But the exigencies of modern life are tailor-made to create havoc even in such relationships. Hectic schedules & cut-throat competition lead to physical & emotional burnout ;making couples irritating,irritable & insensitive. Add to this cauldron a pinch of selfishness, a dash of ego , a handful of ambition ; & you will soon be sparring with your spouse. Despite best intentions things can go out of hand & lead to a parting of ways, even if you both regret it later on. To avoid such an outcome we should be more mindful of our behavior with our partner & be on the lookout for warning signals which indicate that we are slowly drifting apart. Given below are ten such
                                               WARNING SIGNALS
1) Either of the two often begins to come home later than usual.
2) Even when they are home together ,they spend less time in each other's company.
3) Even if they are sitting together there is little conversation between them. If one starts a conversation the other ends it abruptly. 
4) They get angry when asked a simple question about their activities or whereabouts.
5) They avoid sharing their problems with each other.
6) They begin to criticize each other over minor issues which had hitherto been acceptable.
7) There is decreased concern for the other person's comfort & happiness.Selfishness rules.
8) Rather,there is contempt for the other person's feelings & beliefs.Disrespect too is often present.
9) Often ,a spouse is the last person to know of his/her partner's future plans & ambitions.
10)  Silence reigns & even squabbles become infrequent.
11) Important issues are swept under the carpet-there is marked disinterest in solving problems.
12) They are no longer keen on going together for outings,shopping sprees or holidays etc.
13) One of them becomes extraordinarily conscious of his/her appearance;or more moody & happy than usual.
14) If one partner probes the reason for the other's moodiness s/he gets a cryptic reply.
15) Last but not the least-physical intimacy has decreased substantially. 

It is not difficult to start a marriage on a pleasant footing-everybody does it .But in order to have a long lasting,sustaining & satisfying marriage ,one has to fire on all cylinders.The first requisite is to thrash out certain issues at the outset,so that friction later on, can be avoided.However,no matter how careful one is;after a few years of togetherness the newness of a relationship wears off.There is a decrease in the urge & urgency to please,impress & remain attractive in the partner's eyes.Both begin to take each other for granted.A rut sets in.At this point, if the couple recognizes the danger signals & takes steps to bridge the chasm, the relationship can be saved. We put in a lot of energy into building our careers & maintaining a network of working relationships, but when it comes to the home & hearth we tend to become negligent. But it is at home that real happiness lies. Truly has it been said that we hurt most, those we love most. It is therefore essential that a couple nurture their relationship & maintain a healthy work-life-balance because a stitch in time saves nine.The link given above tells us how to rejuvenate our marriage.It is a beautiful piece,therefore i have written nothing to that effect.

Here is to happy bonding & a supremely happy married life !!!!!!!!!







8 comments :

  1. Mmm! Indu! Very well said. Am surprised by the coincidence of my having just written a short story for 'Blo-A-ton' to be put up tomorrow on this very subject and, now, finding your post!!

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    1. Suresh thanx for visiting...yes such things do surprise us..i was similarly taken aback when i wrote a post on child sexual abuse,& the topic was being taken up by Amir.

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  2. your blog is a treasure chest of wisdom, indu. this post is direct and simple, and can save families a lot of trouble. however, i am not entirely certain that if affections are cooling, there is a need to warm them up. affections cool because there are intrinsic incompatibilities between people. as a couple, you either need to acknowledge and accept those incompatibilities and still go forward, or part ways. my reason for saying this is that if i look at some of the more successful and lasting marriages around me, i find that perhaps all fifteen of the danger signals are there all the time, both acknowledge it and even joke about it, and there is no insecurity about the relationship. though this is an older post, would appreciate your inputs on this, maybe in a new update. apologies for lower case. keyboard trouble.

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  3. Subho your words mean a lot,& your thoughts about the reality of long-standing marriages also made me chuckle;well there is no denying the ruts that come up,but it does help to be aware & take corrective steps-------if only we would !!!

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  4. There is so much to learn from this post, irrespective of age. Thank you so much Ma'm, very thoughtful of you for choosing such a sensitive topic to write on.

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    1. Akshay so nice of you to give me this heartening comment.

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  5. Great post Indu..:-)Your writing is a magic..:-)

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  6. Nagini the same is true for your paintings-just love them.

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