Wednesday, September 25, 2013

A # Marriage On The Rocks--second & last part

Rajesh came at the appointed time along with his brother Prakash.He also brought a photograph of Sita for me to see.She seemed a nice girl and both of them agreed that this was so.But when i asked Rajesh about the relationship between them,he curtly termed it as 'useless'.At the same time he denied the occurrence of any major fights between them.All the statements uttered by him seemed at odds.He was full of venom for her whole family,which,according to him,was characterless--save Sita of course.
After some more talk he disclosed voluntarily that Sita's uncle had cast aspersions upon his relationship with Rupa.Prakash was quick to deny this-the relationship i mean.He was in fact full of sympathy for his wife because she had been very ill since the last three years.She vomited whatever she took in.The doctors had proclaimed that there was no disease but the problem persisted.It struck me that the span of her illness coincided with Rajesh's married life.Was she trying to purge herself of some guilt?I don't know,maybe a psychiatrist can throw better light on this syndrome.

In any discord it is vital to give a hearing to both sides but Sita's father refused to come.His only stand was that Sita will not go back to Rajesh.When i talked to Sita she told me that Rajesh had tried to kill her and he would do so again.Therfore she will not go back.She clammed up when i asked her why he had done this.Probably she valued her privacy.

After a few days Prakash and Rupa came to Sahyog and i told them what had transpired.They admitted that Rajesh was hot headed and capable of hitting his wife.But he was willing to give in writing that henceforth he would not hit her.I suggested that he should personally go and convince them.

Another two days went by before Prakash told me that his brother was scared of going to his in-laws'place but he would meet Sita at my office.I tried to fix up an appointment but every time i called Sita's, her youngest sister would pick up the phone and tell me that no one was at home.Obviously they had washed their hands of the whole affair.

Rupa rang me up to ask about the progress and i told her the facts.She had heard from somewhere that now Sita was willing to come back.They were thinking of roping in her maternal uncle to be the mediator.Rupa was very anxious to bring Sita back because this whole episode had injured their reputation terribly.

After this exchange Rupa and co.also quieted down.Their phone number had been temporarily suspended so that they were completely cut off.

A few questions loomed up in my mind.Why had they let matters come to this stage?Did they not see any misconduct or maltreatment going on in the house?Was it because Sita was a 'good girl' that her tolerance was tested to the limit?What was the truth in the whole imbroglio?Who all were to be blamed for this whole fracas?Was Sita right in refusing to go back?

Do let me have your views esteemed readers.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

A Marriage on the Rocks-All Facts,no Fiction

Rupa,a young woman of 32 yrs,came to Sahyog for a problem raging in her joint family consisting of her F.I.L,M.I.L,her husband Prakash,she herself,their two children,two younger brothers of her husband and the middle brother Rajesh's wife Sita.Though not very educated,Rupa was highly competent & self assured--one who will take charge of any situation.

The problem concerned Rajesh and Sita, who had been married for three years.Both of them were Hr.Sec.Rupa told me that Sita was a very good girl and things went smoothly for 2 yrs,interspersed with minor disagreements which are common to all couples.They had one child and another was on the way.One fine day Sita came to Rupa and told her that she was going back to her paternal home and she went away without taking anything with her.They tried to get her back but she refused point blank.Her parents supported her fully.Rupa and her family were mystified about this behavior of hers.They could not guess why she had done this and what she wanted.

Sita came from a poor family-all of them used to make paper bags at home to make ends meet.She had four sisters,two of whom were married but living with the parents only.Now Sita too,had joined them, but her parents took no steps to resolve the conflict.They had given Rs 20,000 to the boy's family at the time of marriage.Rupa and co. offered to return this sum in order to ease their situation but they declined the offer.Contrary to the general trend,they did not initiate any legal case against Rajesh or his family for torture or dowry demands.

I was perplexed by the whole scene.Firstly it was very unusual for a D.IL to approach a counselor for a rift between her B.IL and his wife when he himself,his elder brother and his parents-all were available.Looking at their family background and the prevalent culture,this was very off-beat.

Secondly,without any demand from Sita's side,they offered to return the dowry amount .Why?

Sita's behavior,as that of her parents,was no less enigmatic--no violent accusations or attempts at rapprochement.

However i put aside all my doubts and decided to proceed further.Perhaps all answers lay in the womb of the next sessions.The next logical thing was to talk to Rajesh.I asked Rupa to send him over the next day.

To be continued

Friday, September 13, 2013

Voyager One Leaves Solar System

This is truly an epoch making event.BBC News confirms that Voyager one which was launched 36 years ago to study the outer planets Jupiter,Saturn,Uranus and Neptune;has gone beyond it's original task and entered inter-stellar space.It is believed that this happened around 25th August 2012.It is so far from earth that signals sent by it take 17 hrs to reach earth.
This is the first man made object to leave the solar system.Although it is now out of the solar system,it can still feel the sun's pull.It will take nearly 40,000 years to approach another star even though it is moving at a speed of 45km/s and it will orbit around the center of our galaxy with all it's stars for billions of years.In 1990, when Voyager looked back to earth it was seen as a blue dot 

In terms of size earth may not be so earth-shaking,but look at what a stupendous achievement earthlings have made. Marvelous!
For more related news you can check this site.

Pics courtesy google. 

Monday, September 9, 2013

Preventing Suicides

Why does a human being kill himself?It must be a very tough decision.A lot of courage,sorrow,anguish,disillusionment,hopelessness and helplessness must go to consolidate it.A veritable whirlpool of worry,misery & loneliness can suck out the will to live.
While it is true that some people commit suicide on the spur of the moment driven by an extreme emotion,most suicides are pre-meditated and pre-planned.It is not as if the pain or distress suffered by the suicidal is unique--many others must have lived through similar situations--but the person who opts for suicide finds it impossible to go on.What is it that differentiates the one from the other and how can we prevent suicides?

Let us start from the very beginning.If we give proper love and protection to a child when it is born,help him to blossom in a healthy environment,nurture in him a healthy self-esteem,do not cosset him unduly, and impose valid restrictions upon unreasonable whims or wayward tendencies;then it is very likely that he will grow up to be a responsible adult,capable of tolerating any adversity or misfortune which might befall him.

On the other hand if we rush around fulfilling his slightest wish, he will not be able to take refusals or disappointments in his stride.Every child,as he grows up,should be gently exposed to the truth that obstacles and down turns are also a part of life.

Every parent wants his child to excel and be a high achiever but it is a folly to burden him with unrealistic expectations, or ridicule him for a lapse or a failure.He should be assured of his family's unconditional love & support even if he is a mediocre.

If everyone had a family or at least caring friends the world would have been a much happier place,but sadly,this is not the case.There are many lonesome souls bowed down with the weight of mental/physical illness or personal/worldly problems,trying their best to stave off killing themselves as long as they can.Who will care for them?Counselors' desks at schools,colleges and work places can change the picture.You and I too,can do our bit by extending a helping hand when we see someone staggering.

One who is entrenched in a net-work of loving relationships has better chances of weathering a storm.It is not the quantum of sorrow which drives a person to the wall,but the lack of any redeeming feature in a bleak landscape.A shoulder to cry on,a parent,spouse or a sibling to boost morale,a friend to hold hand,a professional to counsel or merely act as a sounding board--these are the factors which can turn the tide in favor of life.

September 10 being the World Suicide Prevention Day i give the following links to bring other aspects of this pressing problem on the same page:--

Images courtesy google.