Tuesday, August 2, 2016

The Far-reaching Consequences of a Dysfunctional Family.

Parul was a twenty-two-year-old,well employed unmarried,graduate girl when she came to me for counseling.She had various problems.Her personal life was a mess and her past too had been no better.Her parents divorced when she was in the sixth standard.Both mother and father lived in other cities.Her elder sister belonged to low middle class.Only her brother,who lived in a metro,was doing well.

When she was still a child,a man with whom her mother lived tried to molest her.She left that city as soon as she got a job in Kota.So far,so good.

Here,she got entangled with a boy who was doing a small time job-nothing much to speak of.She developed an intimate relationship with him and went twice for an abortion.

He used to   fleece her for money and gifts.Hungry as she was,for a sense of belonging and recognition;she used to give in to his demands.Then he began to two-time her.So she asked him to return her money and stuff.In response,he became violent,as did his brother and cohorts.Overcome by despair,she took sleeping pills and Celphos.Her friend took her to the hospital and she recovered.

It was after this episode,that she came to me.Despite all this,she wanted to marry him because one,she believed that no one would marry her because of her parents' divorce;and two,because he belonged to her caste.She was determined to marry him even if it meant hell for her,such was her desperation to get married.Her parents were not at all bothered about what was happening in her life.

Her boyfriend too had a murky background.His mother had committed suicide and his father had two wives.Both he and his brother were henchmen of small-time politicians.

I tried to make her see the fallacy of her decision and the logic behind it but she was unmoved.It appeared that her questionable lifestyle had left her with little self-respect.She was convinced that she would not get a better option than what she now had.After a few days,she told me that she had patched up with him again.

12 comments :

  1. Poor girl. I pity her. What else can you if she does not take your advice.

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    1. Yes SG,she is paying for her parents'discord.

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  2. Oh .. love can be blind..

    my good luck to her

    Bikram's

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    1. Good to hear from you Bikram,thanks.

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  3. Was it love, lack of self-esteem or a sense of insecurity without a man by her side, fostered by society?

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    1. Suresh I am puzzled by her motives.She lived through her parents' vitriolic relationship.Then she was molested by her mother's second partner and then abused and betrayed by her boyfriend.What's more,she held a government job which deals with law and protection from crime;still she chose this kind of life.

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  4. Such childhood scars cloud perceptions about all men and goodness. Hope she opens up and let's it all out in order to heal.

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    1. Very true Alka. It appeared as if she could not think straight.

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  5. SO young to have gone through so much. A dysfunctional family and childhood really can set the tone for ones adult life. I'm sorry and hope she finds a way to see her own value and set herself on a strong and good course for her life.

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  6. What a pity. I think, it's also a shame to our society, even after 70 years of independence, an educated girl with sufficient wherewithal thinks marriage as her ultimate goal. Even when the marriage is a hellhole for her! A dysfunctional family with a tortured childhood is definitely responsible, but so is the mind set of the society which has made her think in this way... :-(

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    1. A very astute observation Mani.cultural influences run deep.

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Thanks for reading my post.I hope you liked it :).