Worry

Life would be sheer bliss if there were no worries to weigh us down.But this is neither possible nor desirable because worries warn us of looming dangers,stimulate action and aid problem solving.But if carried to the extreme,this habit can result in insomnia,fears,debility,inaction,panic and nervous breakdowns.Those who have a proclivity for excessive thinking,imagination,perfection or lack confidence in their abilities can end up as habitual worriers.Most of them know that this habit is injurious and unrealistic but there are also some who believe it protects them from dangers.If you wish to be rid of it you should first convince yourself that it is unproductive and you shall be better off without it.

Whenever you catch yourself worrying about something,consider the following posers:--

*If you are worrying about something which happened in the past--can you redo the it by worrying yourself to bits?

*Is the problem real or imaginary--stemming from your fears or past experiences?

"My life has been full of terrible misfortunes,most of which never happened"Michel de Montaigne.

*Does it's severity match the quantum of your worry?You are not catastrophizing,are you?

*A small event breeds a slew of dire consequences--are you not making irrational,unrealistic predictions?

*If this matter is not relevant to your life today why not avoid it?

*If it is in your interest to fight the problem, do you think worrying about it will do the trick?

*Does worrying about an imminent difficulty armor you or deplete your fighting spirit?

*There are problems which can be solved with positive thinking and determination;but there are also some--like natural disasters or accidents--which cannot be predicted.These have to be tackled when we come face-to-face with them.No amount of worry can protect us from them.

*Coming to problems which can be solved--why not spin your anxieties into an action plan to be rid of the nuisance?

"You can't wring your hands and roll up your sleeves at the same time"Pat Schroeder.

*Do you have the requisite caliber and resources to tackle your problem?

*If not,then find out the most suitable agency which can help you out, instead of just worrying about it.

*If yes, then lay down the various steps you should take to solve your problem.Take them up one by one.

*If the worse comes to worst,a rush of adrenalin empowers us to fight the danger.Don't minimize your ability and maximize the difficulty.

I am sure many worriers must often have posed these questions to themselves many a times but failed to shake off this habit.It is possible that what really gnaws at their insides is a deep seated emotional turmoil which their subconscious mind does not allow to come up and all this worrying is only a camouflage for it.Only the person concerned can explore his psyche or take help, to reach the crux of the problem.Until this is done real peace will be evasive.

Your personality also plays a major role in precipitating worries.Don't always be on your toes to please everyone,to be perfect,or to be ready for any eventuality.Relax,take it easy.Shun kill-joys and find time for some entertainment.

Train your mind to warn you whenever you slip into the worry mode,pinch yourself hard and change tracks.You can also ask your dear ones to check you when they see you going into a trance.Do some relaxation exercises like meditation or yoga.

A person who worries too much tends to also worry about matters which are not his direct concern.These could extend from social,cultural and political issues to existential questions.Life is not a roller-coaster ride for anyone today and we shall be happier if we did not add additional burden to our minds.It is necessary to filter out anxieties which do not relate directly to us.

Make a note of the time slots in which you have intense worrying sessions.Find out an absorbing activity to fill those time slots.When the body is inactive the worry worm becomes active.

If you are a believer then there should be absolutely no cause for worry because He will take care of you;and if you are not, then have faith in your own abilities.

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Innocence---Trampled, An Unfinished Story.

This happened in 1968.I had been appointed as Case Worker at Children's Home for Girls run by the Directorate of Social Welfare at Tihar Jail campus Delhi, after I passed out from Delhi School Of Social Work.As the name connotes,it housed girls in need of shelter.

There must have been innumerable girls over there but I can recollect only one.Let me call her Komal (delicate),for she was daintiness personified.What drew my attention to her was her innocent face,body structure and also her nature.A fair pretty round face which still comes to my mind.She was barely 13-14 yrs of age,very quiet and reserved.I did not see her mingling with other girls.But i was puzzled by her physique--she was plump in an odd way.I thought perhaps her puppy fat was still lingering on and dismissed the matter.

After a few days i was asked to take Komal to a hospital for her check-up.I took out her case file to familiarize myself with her problem and what I read there took my breath away.She belonged to another city.There she had a friend whose father ran a shop in front of their home.One day she went to their house and asked the fellow if her friend was home.He confirmed she was and asked her to go in.The poor mite did not suspect what awaited her.As she went in that scoundrel closed the shop and went in.Obviously no one was home.You can guess what followed.

After this fiendish act he threatened her to keep quiet or else he would kill her family.The poor thing kept quiet.She had barely taken the first step on the journey from childhood to woman-hood.For a few months her mother had no cause to suspect that anything was amiss and when the whole thing tumbled out it was too late for an abortion.So she was sent to this Home for her delivery.

Soon after our visit to the hospital I got an offer from AIIMS and left that job--I was there for only a few weeks in fact but Komal darts into my thoughts time and again.I wonder how her delivery went,what happened to the baby and most importantly--what became of Komal.Did she live a normal carefree life like others of her age?Has she been able to bury the past?She must be above sixty yrs today-how has her life shaped up?Where is her baby,what became of it?Does she think of it sometimes?I am sure it must have been admitted to an orphanage--living a motherless,homeless life for no fault of it's own.

These crimes have became rampant today.In those days child sexual abuse ,if it existed-as it must have done-was not talked of publicly.Today this danger looms large in every parent's mind.The least we can do is to establish a healthy relationship with our children so that they confide in us and ask for our guidance whenever they feel the need.When children enter the teens they begin to view parents' concern as an invasion of their privacy so that it becomes difficult to strike a balance between safeguarding them and allowing them freedom at the same time.Parents tread on thin ice since they would not like to be dismissed as helicopter parents.It is indeed a very challenging task!

Take a look at this site too.

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Mantras For Instant Tranquillity

Have you ever felt like gnashing your teeth and ticking off someone,all the while knowing that it will be disastrous to do so?Or felt like pulping the frenemy who showed you down in a meeting?Perhaps the thought of taking 'sanyas' crossed your mind when the fruit of your sweat and tears was dumped like trash?Or decided that there was no charm left in life after a personal tragedy suddenly confronted you? 

It is definitely hard to retain your calm in the face of adverse happenings when a whole smorgasbord of extreme emotions are knocking at your door to topple your equilibrium.More than the unwelcome event,it is unhealthy,instinctual reactions which create havoc because they deflect your focus from corrective actions to just letting off steam and showing them (whoever the villains of the piece may be!).If only you keep cool and think rationally, collateral damage can be easily avoided.Over the years i have collected a glossary of certain assuaging one-liners which allow me to cool down without creating a ruckus.Let me share them with you:---

A dear person has an annoying habit--He is like that only!
Someone is rude or hostile--Let it be!
Despite best efforts,you fail--Better luck next time!
A demanding life situation--Oh well,it can't be helped!
A major setback--It happens!
A disease or handicap--Am I someone special!
A personal tragedy--Is it the end of the world?No,a lot remains!
Break-up with a soul mate--Perhaps it is for the better !
A downturn in life--Stars shine only in the dark!
Suggested by Rio De La--Who cares?

Personally speaking whenever I am tempted to look up at the sky and ask 'Why me?' I tell myself 'Why not me ?'. I am sure you too must have your own pet mantras.How about sharing them with me?

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