Violent Ends to Intimate or Personal Relationships

These days more and more intimate/personal relationships are meeting a splattering end.When romance dissipates or is spurned,or infidelity (actual or perceived),strains a relationship;violence sometimes comes rushing in.Why?I guess there must be as many reasons as there are instances,but the bottomline is,that we are very short on tolerance.We cannot take 'no' for an answer.


I wonder  where this kind of reaction stems from.Is it because of a desperation to find a mate by any means?

A colossal lack of self-esteem?A nagging fear that if this proposal is refused,another one won't be coming?

Or is it due to a mammoth ego which cannot bear a rebuttal or the hint of deceit?

Perhaps those who resort to violence had a very gruesome past and know no other way of reacting to rejection.

Or it could be due to the rush of anger,an inability to control oneself during a barrage of emotions.

Or else the culprit modelled himself/herself on violent,aggressive members of his/her family.

Alcohol and drugs too can result in poor coping skills ending in violence in face of denial.

Then there are certain psychological conditions like narcissism,antisocial personality disorder,psychopathy or brain damage,which predispose a person to aggression or violence.


Whatever be the reason,it is imperative to be able to spot the red flags early in the day.If you are in a new alliance try to find out about that person's antecedents like where his homeplace is,how long he has been living at the current address,where his family is,what kind of friends he has,and what happened to his earlier relationships,if any.

Everybody is on perfect behavior in the initial stages of a relationship but as time passes and familiarity increases,some danger signals become apparent.Therefore be vigilant.Watch that person's body-language for any clues--the clenched fists,a grim jaw,narrow eyes,a hostile expression,an abrupt full stop during a conversation--it could be anything.Body-language precedes incriminations,insults or physical and verbal abuse.Shouting and swearing could denote the first rungs of violent behavior.Possessiveness,jealousy,excessive interrogation also spell danger.

Psychopaths especially are known for their charming ways.They are adroit manipulators and can easily fool someone.They have scant regard for others emotions and no compunctions in spilling blood.


If you have some doubt about anyones intentions please confide in someone.Maintain a safe distance if you do not want to break off just yet.Avoid going to lonesome places and keep a pepper spray handy.

If you find yourself in the company of an agitated,aggressive,intoxicated person don't turn your back towards him.Allow him to vent out his aggression through speech.Don't interrupt him and don't argue.Keep an escape route open.See if a nearby object can help you to shield yourself from the attacker.

However,it is best to steer clear of any precarious situation as soon as possible and take the help of suitable authorities.

You may also like :--

Marital Abuse--The Deadly Tie
http://jeeteraho.blogspot.in/2012/09/a-deadly-tie.html

Image and links courtesy Google search :)

So, Are You Emotional or Logical ?

Some of us-ie,those who are predominantly rational or emotional,will answer this question in a jiffy,but many others will have to think hard in order to find the answer.Most of us possess these two characteristics in varying proportions;except the psychopaths who have bare traces of emotion,and the profoundly mentally retarded who have very little intellectual ability.

The logicians pride themselves on their ability to find their way out of a complex maze.Of any kind.They can assess the pros and cons of any situation and arrive at quick decisions.So much so,that they are rarely caught on the wrong foot.They can easily espy deceit or treachery.

Logic is a very handy tool no doubt,especially when someone is in the midst of an emotional turmoil or a challenging situation.But those who are hard core rationalists need to  be a little more empathetic.This will make their personalities more appealing and wholesome. 

What of the highly emotional people?They are gentle,kind,empathetic,tactful,caring,passionate and more perceptive of others' emotions.They are the ones who will give you emotional support when you need it.

They find it difficult to make decisions,and their inner dialogue intensifies when important issues are at stake.But they often follow their heart's diktat even if their rationality pulls them in the opposite direction.Given their vulnerability,they are more susceptible to disappointments and mental disorders.

The HSP find rationalists hard and uncaring,while the rationalists fail to understand the workings of an 'emotional brain'.It is generally believed that rationality and emotionality are mutually exclusive-that one cannot be rational if one is too emotional,and that,the profoundly logical have few emotions.But recent research informs us that though it is hard to be logical when you are too emotional,you cannot be rational if you are not emotional.

The neurobiologist Francisco Damasio points out that rationality depends upon a deeper system of regulation that consists largely of emotions and feelings. Emotion can disrupt reasoning in certain circumstances, but without emotion there is no reasoning at all. “Traditional cognitive models don’t understand that reduction in emotion may constitute an equally important source of irrational behavior,” Damasio claims.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/fred-kofman/you-cant-be-rational-if-y_b_8517098.html

The ideal situation would be to have a perfect balance between the two.I am sure by now some of you must be wondering where you stand in this duality.So here is a quick test to help you decide:--
Emotional Rational Test-Brain Entertainment

PS:-I think before I look forward to reading your replies to the question posed above,I should divulge what the test revealed about me.I am supposed to be 62% rational and I need to inculcate more emotions in myself.No wonder I have often wondered if my children found me too harsh :(.

How,Not to Double Our Troubles

If there is one thing we cannot control in life,it is upcoming situations which suddenly erupt.It is a given that health problems and unfortunate events too,will crop up from time to time.The way we tackle them determines whether or not we will double our troubles.Any untoward event or a trial on the horizon does give us the jitters,but it is in our own hands to panic or sustain our composure.

Recently I had to undergo an eye surgery.This was going to be my first experience under the doctor's knife.We asked our family doctor to recommend the best clinic and went there.The doctor who first examined me cautioned me that I should not expect full recovery,it might be only 20%.

We went to another clinic for a second opinion.This one is very well known for its various achievements,it is all over the local newspapers.They assured me of good recovery.But I did not like that place--it was more like a mercenary establishment.Their package too,contained hidden charges while the first one was all upfront and honest.

So we went to the first one.At least they had been honest with me and our GP too had recomended them.I chose the first possible day to be operated upon because I wanted to minimize the period which might have been claimed by the heebie-jeebies.

Opthalmic procedures require you to sit for long periods with your eyes closed.I had to undergo many such sessions.Those who have read my earlier posts know that I don't like to sit idle,twiddling my thumbs.So I devoted such times to meditation.It was very calming.

The preliminary investigations and the running of my home kept me busy.But when the day dawned I could sense butterflies in my stomach.I concentrated solely upon how bright and shiny the world will look after the operation.I also reminded myself that since I had taken all necessary precautions,there was no need to panic.

The operation was slotted at 8pm.Throwing myself into all kinds of chores kept me busy till that time.I went along with my BH and son and that was that.Now I am back fully satisfied,happier and healthier than I ever was.

Suppose I had searched the internet for what could possibly go wrong,or the percentage of failures,I would have given a free run to the worry-horses.Cyberchondria or the tendency to search the internet for the outcome of every disease can easily turn us into a hypochondriac.It is true that the internet does come handy when the problem is opaque or we are skeptic of the treatment being meted to us,but half knowledge or too much of knowledge too, can sometimes be counter productive.

At the end of the day I would say that anything which has the possibility of keeping us on tenterhooks should be dealt with at the soonest.Staying active,refraining from imagining the worst,having faith in a decision taken after due consideration,and the support of our loved ones makes it easier to sail through a rough patch.