A Four Fold Path to #Happiness

We all want to be happy.All our activities are designed towards that end.Yet this elusive state of mind sometimes fails to oblige.Scientists say that there is an inbound capacity for happiness in every human being.Our observations too,affirm that some people are always brimming with joy while some others are generally morose and pessimistic.Events which the former would have taken in their stride are sometimes given by latter as the cause of their despondence.

I think our personal attributes-in addition of course to our life experiences- play a major role in deciding whether we are happy or miserable.Let me share with you four habits which,if incorporated,will enable us to maintain a cool state of mind even when things do not go our way.Here goes:---

Adopt a rational attitude towards life: 
Life is never static,it keeps moving-and changing.We are effused with joy one day and down in the dumps the next.When misfortune comes after a good phase it causes a lot of heartache.But we fail to realize that everybody has to go through both kinds of experiences and we are not someone special that we should be spared the thorns and showered with roses.

We can not,and should not expect the good times to last for ever.That would be unreasonable as well as insidious,because what we expect from life,what we think we ought to have been blessed with but are not getting;is enough to leave us disgruntled and unhappy even when things are pretty good by any standard.Reasonable expectations protect us from breaking down at every minor or moderate disappointment.  

Be Flexible:
Life has a mind of its own.It will not follow a script written by you.An ambitious project could bite dust,a new relationship may turn out to be the opposite of what you had expected,a dear one could pass away or a disease may change your lifestyle for ever.Disappointments pop up unannounced and one has to rebuild ones life around them.If a cherished dream fails to actualize replace it with something which has better chances of fructifying,nurture a fresh one.  

Flexibility alone can help you to accept the inevitable and forge a way of adapting to the new scene.Look for the positive aspects of a challenging situation.See how you can use them to your advantage and carry on with hope and enthusiasm.

Curtail Overthinking and Rumination:
Cogitating about each and everything fills the mind with a quagmire of doubts,suspicions,worries and fears:Not a happy condition,you will agree.Overthinking creates problems where none exist.It blocks action and can even spoil your relationships by generating unjustifiable biases about others. 

Ruminating about an existent problem or a recent fiasco is beneficial only to the extent that it assists you to find a solution.If carried on indefinitely,it unleashes a whirlwind of negative emotions which deepen anxiety.If you want to be happy curtail overthinking and rumination.

Practice Gratitude:
There is no denying the fact that some people have little cause for cheer in their lives.It could even be a prolonged phase for some.Happiness would be a tall order for them.But we all have to make the best use of what has been given to us in order to conserve our mental health.One way of doing this is to think of the positive features of our lives.This could be in the form of a good relationship,a roof over our heads,an able body,a sound mind,or that competence to fight against odds and yet keep whole.None of these can be devalued.A feeling of gratitude for the blessings we enjoy prevents the picture from becoming blackish grey.It mitigates anxiety.

We cannot control what life throws at us but we can construct a kind of buffer against those volleys and minimize their ill effects.

The Ebbing Tide

The jabs and jibes
ultimately subside
an ebbing tide
makes one wise

who can give me
sorrow or pain
I only got
what was ordained 

bitterness or rancor
no more pinch
but from future
I sometimes flinch

the road ahead
is not so clear
murky waters
burgeon fears

the future however
was always dim
come what may
I shall win. 

Seven Tips For Dealing With An Acrimonious Kin

We come across people of various kinds during this sojourn called life.We try to shake off those who are acrimonious,inimical or downright offensive,but what if such a person-friend,relative or colleague-cannot be avoided and the relationship cannot be terminated?Such people do crop up sometimes and they ruin our peace of mind.I think the only alternative left for safeguarding our own serenity is to modify our own behavior so that these encounters do not cross the line of decency-at least from our side,and preferably from both sides.

The other day I was feeling very sad because of the behavior of one such person(let me call her P )and a plethora of inconsiderate, rude and aggressive acts on her part came rushing to my mind.It made me cry.I gave vent to tears to cleanse my mind and sat down with an excellent cup of tea to divert myself.After a while the tsunami of hurt sentiments subsided and I became my rational self once again.

Why was I so anguished?This was not the first time that it had happened.All those ghosts from the past testified to it.P was the same old person and I too was the same old Indu.If I had taken it in the past I could take it in the future too.In fact I should have been immune to it by now because what cannot be cured has to be endured.In order to manage such an imbroglio more smoothly next time,I decided to write a rule-book for such occasions.Here goes:-

1. Perhaps P's behavior stems from her own insecurity or a well concealed inferiority complex which compels her to belittle me so that she can feel superior.
2. Maybe she is annoyed about her life conditions and I just happened to cross her path at a touchy moment.
3. I must not inflame the situation by giving a sharp retort.A brief neutral remark should be enough.
4. When ever possible I shall introduce a touch of humor to lighten the ambiance,taking care not to instigate her in any way.
5. I should allow time to pass before encountering her again so that both of us have recovered our composure by then.
6. It is important to recall the instances when she has been helpful to me.After all she does mean something to me,or I would have broken the tie long back.
7. I will also stiffen my back ,analyse if I have in any way encouraged/allowed her to encroach my space.

I strongly believe that our life is a learning process.Even such individuals serve a very useful purpose:they stimulate us to grow,to learn,to acquire new skills and evolve;as I have done--become more tolerant and empathetic after associating with her.So the next time you come across a vituperative person,don't fret and fume;be thankful that s/he is helping you to evolve,become a better person.