Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Secure # Relationships--A Treasure to Treasure !


What makes one person happy,confident & optimistic;while another is sad and dissatisfied with life?To a large extent,I think it is our relationships which determine this.On one hand healthy relationships encourage & energize us to do well in life;while on the other,even when we face difficulties,it is our relationships which sustain us--giving us the stamina & motivation to carry on & try harder.

What if the relationships of a person are wonky but on the strength of his grit & caliber he manages to achieve a respectable position in his career and society?You cannot fail to notice such a man.There will be a frown on his face,and a bitter cynical attitude towards life.Our ties determine to a large extent,whether we are humane or robotic.Most likely,success would not have brought happiness for him.

There is no doubt that most of us would love to possess many warm relationships, but we often fall short of our aspirations.What are the requisites of a sound relationship?Well,there are many,and we can easily incorporate at least some of them to enrich our lives.

I think the most basic requirement of any relationship is honesty.Fidelity & fairness follow.A person who is genuine,not at all artificial,neither a hypocrite nor a sycophant;attracts admiration and respect.Whatever ties he has will be strong & enduring.

We are all drawn to a person who gives us due respect.If you want to connect with people,give them the feeling that you value their thoughts,feelings & opinions.

Respect is intellectual;it is essential,but it is not enough.Empathy is what truly binds us together.If you can identify yourself with someone's suffering then you have probably won over a friend for yourself.

I have observed that those who enjoy strong,warm relationships are very helpful by nature.They do not shrink from offering assistance where needed.

It is equally important to remember your friends' celebratory occasions & show your pleasure at their happiness.When i think of my family or friends,the one person who always springs to my mind is the one who never fails to wish me on my birth-day or other festivals.It takes very little to make a call or send an sms but it gives a lot in return--the presence of a staunch friend in your life.

You may be honest,courteous,empathetic & helpful,but do you know who will score over you?Why!The one who goes the extra mile.This pays rich dividends in any context-whether it be family or work.I remember with affection,a friend who gave me her silent,unobtrusive company when i was going through a difficult patch,and unasked by me or even known to me,she tried to make things easy for me.I shared my worries with her.
There is another who rang me up to find out if i had reached my home safely because i had left her house in inclement weather.

I have another friend(?)who tattles about all & sundry whenever we meet.I know very well that she wouldn't be saying anything positive about me behind my back.I rank this relationship the lowest of all.Trust is the most important constituent of any relationship.

When ties are strong & intimate,it is normal to share private concerns & seek advice but beware of prying.It can create a chasm in a flourishing relationship.

We could try our utmost to avoid stepping on anyone's toes but an occasional lapse cannot be ruled out.Similarly with others.At such occasions it is best to forgive and forget.Breaking ties is simple but forging them takes time.It is necessary to take care that our ego does not come in-between.

When we try to be good & useful to others we also evolve & become better human beings in addition to forming dependable relationships which act like a buffer against storms.They form a support system upon which we can lean when we feel weak or distressed.Either way,it is our gain.



Pics courtesy google.

46 comments :

  1. Thank you ali-do you mind if i shorten your name thus?

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  2. Sticking to the basic morals helps, be it in relationship or anywhere else.

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  3. nice commandments for a good relationship...that extra mile goes a long way..

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    1. thank you Renu for your concurrence.

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  4. Nice post Indu. I feel, In this world if we have one relationship which doesn't involve ego , that's sufficient for life.

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    1. Ranjana i know what you wanted to say--that ego-less relationships are hard to come by,but....you are satisfied by very little....

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  5. Be Good,Do Good..Its Simple..Very Nicely Written.. :-)

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    1. Yes this is the best principle to live by,thanks for your thumbs up.

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  6. Indu to forgive and forget is utmost important i Feel.. it enhances the longivity of relationships and trust and honesty are the pillars of strong relationship ! above all we should be helpful when asked for not forceful to help or guide. People may love us for our friendship or brotherhood but equally may feel irritated when we give unwanted counselling or be over-concerned !! Self Respect and Respecting identity and ideologies of others is also important , i believe !
    Wonderful points dear.. loved your views !!

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    1. Yes very well said--jabardasti poking your nose & giving unasked advice can be very irritating.Thank you mysay for adding to the meaning of this post.

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  7. A whole lifetime may be spent together and yet we fail to understand each other. Nice read, i liked you take in this issue.

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    1. i am glad indrani you liked my post-so nice of you.

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  8. Stellar post as usual.

    No wo/man is an island - we all need love, understanding and empathy to surivive

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    1. This praise coming from a writer of YOUR stature Purba---it has made my day.Thanks a million!

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  9. A treasure to treasure indeed...this great post I mean!

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    1. Thank you Amitjee-you are very kind.

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  10. Very well written article Indu..:-)

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    1. Thank you Nagini for this sweet comment.

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  11. True Indu ji
    it is best to forgive and forget.because Breaking ties is simple but forging them takes time. relationships are too precious to let ego come in and spoil and frankly even if things go sore I don' want to be responsible to break them I want to have the satisfaction of having tried my bit to save them ,

    thanks for giving us the chance to ponder over such important issues

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  12. Rajni your attitude towards this issue is very commendable--i wish i was more like you..because i am rather hasty in breaking off;though i try to control my tendency.After reading your views i will be even more patient.
    Thanks for this.

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  13. those who enjoy strong, warm relationships are very helpful by nature..... this is something I too observed. And you come across such people something like 1 in 10.

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    1. Haddock welcome to jeeteraho.You are right about this-a helpful nature automatically inspires good will.

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  14. There is one thing I'd like to add Indu. Most of us spoil relationships because we fail to establish realistic expectations from the other person.

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    1. Thanks for adding this Suresh-perhaps this happens because we are so besotted with our own needs that we fail to understand what the other person is looking for.

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  15. Great post once again, Indu. Yes, trust and honesty are probably the two key elements essential in a successful relationship. Trying to maintain cordial relations can be an everlasting battle for the ones who are fake!! Lies...mind games severe trust n relationships.
    And when relationships get stressed or tense, they are the worst to endure...so best is to let them go... But, I still strongly feel that no relationship is a waste of time — ever — no matter how it ends!! :)
    I must have missed a few posts, Indu...shall come over and read them shortly. Have been a bit irregular in blogging. Lazy...being lazy. Sigh!

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    1. Panchali thanks for your erudite replies always-it does not matter if you do not have time to read everything here but your coming is always like a breath of fresh air.

      Yes every relationship does leave, if not fulfillment,then a valuable lesson.

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  16. Trusting someone at face value is a big drawback and I have paid the price many a time for doing it. But finding such friends and relationships who support and treasure you is indeed a wonderful thing, one which can make you smile and walk with a bounce. I feel blessed on this score.

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    1. I love to see you here Zephyr & your comments induce further thinking.
      It is indeed tough to assess people's motives because those who harbor ulterior motives hide them very well.
      I am very happy that you have many positive relationships to elate you.

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  17. More than the relationship a person is, with friends , family etc, what matters is one's outlook in life. That determines what kind of a person he is and what kind of a person he becomes.

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  18. Ah relationships is my favorite topic. And what can one say, it is a complex subject. Two people bring their upbringing, behavior and expectations into a relationship. Sometimes, we begin to take each other for granted, at other times become over possessive. There are so many facets. A nice post.

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    1. Yes so MANY facets and as you say,our upbringing influences how we relate to a large extent.
      Thank you Rachna !

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  19. How true. Relationships are so important to our being, the world just behaves as we behave with them. The echo of good manners and kind and warm words goes a long way in fostering healthy relationships and building strong bonds. Each word of this post rings true in living a good life.

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    1. Love to read your inputs Arti-they are so meaningful.
      I too believe that good manners make for a congenial atmosphere.

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  20. A delight to read this insightful post Indu!Best relationships are forged when there are no expectations and perhaps for this reason the childhood friends withstand the test of time most:)

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    1. I am so glad you liked this post.Yes nothing can beat childhood friends--when all concerned were straight & candid.

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  21. relationships are based on three factors dependence,opportunism and selfishness.people are honest and affectionate based on these factors.if these three factors are not reason for a relationship,then you hardly find honesty and genuineness among people.well its a fact known to all and people don't like to talk it in open about this real genuineness.

    if people are really honest and genuine,you don't find so much misery,restlessness and crime in this world.

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    1. Hi rohan ,i am glad you are still reading my blog.Yes of course,honesty & sincerity are lacking in many relationships.Thanks for visiting.

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  22. I was going through my old blog postings and clicked on your comment and came to your blog. This touches strings for me. Thank you.

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    1. Thanks for coming over Cassie Jo,you are welcome.I am glad you found this helpful.

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