Tuesday, April 7, 2015

The agony of a # transexual--All Facts,no Fiction

Nature's cruelty is indecipherable.Why does it install a girl's psyche in a boy's body?The tormented soul is torn between two opposing forces.It is not the individual's fault that he was born with certain atypical characteristics but he has to face the disadvantages nevertheless.

This is what happened to Rohan,a 27 year old boy who was the youngest of four siblings--two boys and two girls.His father,an employee of Indian Railways was seldom at home and the mother,according to Rohan,had the mental age of a twelve year old.His father was given to alcohol and violence.He believed that his children were wasting money on education while Rohan,a graduate,had been a topper throughout and wanted to do Phd. in his subject.

Coming back to Rohan's appearance at Sahyog,there was nothing in his personality to reveal that he was a transexual.He himself told me about it,adding that he had changed himself to escape ridicule.He had never felt any attraction for girls.About seven years ago he began to idolize a senior in his college and after that his problems multiplied.This boy used to extract a lot of work from him and after that he would make fun of him.Rohan was so aggrieved by this that he still harbored thoughts of taking revenge from him,but at the same time he could not get him out of his mind too.

He consulted two psychiatrists when he felt stress overtaking him and his thoughts veering towards suicide.One of them hypnotized him and then stated that he was a homosexual.This enraged him a lot--it was the first time his fears had been brought out into the open.His problems too,aggravated manifold after that.

Upon further questioning he revealed that when he was young his mother used to dress him in frocks and his father once bought a complete make-up kit for him.There was a murderous glint in his eyes when he said this.I suspect his father must have done this to scorn him.He also made a passing mention of having been molested as a child.

Then he gave me another reason for staying away from girls.Both his sisters had married for love,outside their caste.This resulted in a lot of acrimony in their home as well as in their caste group.He admitted that his sisters would have remained unmarried if they had not taken this step.He did not wish to inflict a similar fate upon some other family;although he was well aware that he too would have to select his own life partner when the time came.

It was as if he was rationalizing this anomaly in his sexual leanings.How far the above factors influenced his sexual orientation is anybody's guess.

In search of his identity,Rohan went to the Naaz Foundation in Delhi.He met many persons and read their literature too, but he did not like all that he saw. Reasearchers affirm that homosexuality is the result of certain biological factors but Rohan was still undecided which way to go.

It was obvious that he was ambivalent about this whole situation.While his hormones pulled him in one direction,fear of social censure held him back.He shied from being labelled a homosexual.Was it possible that a cluster of small influences had steered his life in one direction?Obviously he did not have the answer.But he did want to believe this.

I suggested he could try befriending girls and see how it panned out.After that he would be able to make an informed decision.The last choice would be his.

Rohan did not return after this.I tried to follow up twice but the number had been changed.Much water has flown down the Chambal since then.I wonder what he decided and how his life has shaped up.Happily,I hope.

What do you all think?Which path should/could he have taken? 

16 comments :

  1. Hope he found some peace whatever be the decision

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  2. Any path he would have taken would be nothing but trouble for him. Had he dared to choose to live life his way, the society is not going to accept him for sure. Had he chosen to be a guy and marry a girl, it's even more misery. Unfortunately, our society has not developed so much to accept transgenders yet.Hope he is happy and safe.

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    1. You said it Latha,both ways,i see little comfort for him.The first choice would have demanded a cloak of secrecy but such things do emerge and attract social censure.The second one--misery for both.

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  3. He should have chosen the path that brought peace to his otherwise depressed self, Indu. I have 4 friends - real close friends who are fighting this dilemma day in and day out. They have so much to think about - the pressures of family, society, peers. It's a difficult life is all I can say of you succumb to pressures of all kinds.
    Great post, thanks for sharing...

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    1. Very true,many pressures inhibit us from choosing what we want in life.

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  4. THAT's a tough life to live. I just hope that he stayed true to what HE himself wanted to do. Either way, yes, he would be facing pain - if he were truly transsexual - but if he were transsexual and had married a women, it is not only he who would be suffering.

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    1. Very tough indeed.Nature should not give a skewed beginning to any child.

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  5. Conflict...dilemma...torn between options...poor soul!
    My sympathies for Rohan and alike..

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    1. Yes Amit ji,it is an awful fate;i doubt if anyone would choose it in the absence of biological compulsions.

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  6. very difficult choice..and bodes a very difficult life for ordinary people...hope he is at peace and doing what he wants without hurting anybody else..

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    1. Yes,i it is indeed very difficult.

      Btw Renu every time i go to your blog i get warning of a malicious URL.Is it free of the virus now?
      Lots of love.

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  7. A real tough life ! not only because they have to choose but the process of choosing itself must be so painful...
    I can not even imagine the pressure these people must be having .. Just wish that what you suggest at the end work out fine for Rohan.
    But in his case his family environment (specially the role of Father ) and then that Senior are responsible for his plight .. My heart goes out for Him ... may he find peace and content somehow .

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    1. Kokila the father and the senior were inconsiderate of course,but the real problem lay in his gender contradictions.
      All we can do is,not ridicule them if we come across them.

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  8. Yes Induji ---they do have a traumatic life because why society? even their near and dear ones fail to sympathise with them . I had once read an interview and that was when i understood the mental trauma these people have to face --they are unsure and ashamed of themselves and that is where all the problem arises.

    There is only one solution to all ills of society SYMPATHY and understanding ----which again is something impossible to expect . like they say jaake pair na phati biwayee wo kya jaane peer parayee .

    thanks
    love and hugs

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    1. It is because of these hardships and suffering,that i think it must be because of biological causes.There is a lot of shame involved but this is such a private matter that most can't even share it with others.As you say,they need our understanding and sympathy.
      Love n hugs.

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