Tuesday, October 6, 2015

The Good,Bad,Better and Best Half !

The Good Times

The first flush of marriage is good.For most
everybody.Both are at their rosy,syrupy best.Even the extended families can be recognized by the overflowing milk of human kindness.Best clothes,best manners,best behavior;what more could a couple want?Each vies with the other to please and be pleasant.
The Bad Half
Like all good things,this phase comes to an end.The polish begins to wear off.Hidden kinks emerge.They see each other in their true colors.Why do you climb the bed with dirty feet?Change your socks PLEASE!Hang out your towel to dry.You have burnt the vegetable today and yesterday you burnt my toast.Your chapaties are so stiff.My mom is such a fantastic cook,you should learn from her.You can go back to HER !

This is the general refrain after the incubation period ends.The disease is at it's vilest.Expectations crash down to the Down Under.Dreams wither and tempers flicker.A power struggle ensues.Each tries to gain control by playing the blame card.And then there are attempts to fashion the other person according to one's own specifications.If you can live through this phase,your ties are as good as cemented.
The Better Half
Ting tong!The apple of your eye arrives.There is a lot of flurry.A new bond is created.Self obsession gives way to a common obsession.Both sides give in a bit.Can't scream or bang doors when the baby is sleeping--can you?There are more important issues to be taken care of.The childish games of one-up-man-ship are relegated to the background or deferred to a more convenient time(which never arrives).A slip here or a lapse there is ignored.Good old adaptation has made it's entry.Both can truthfully refer to the hitherto ogre as their better half.
The Best Half
Ting tong!Another baby?After twenty years?Nah,this is middle age knocking at your door.The birdie has flown the nest.The original combatants are again face to face.Now what?More sparks?Nah!The heart is heavy with a hollow feeling.There is no inclination to fight.Both try to reorganize their lives once again around each other.

 Soon one or both of them retire.Even more of togetherness.Will we see some fireworks now?It has been so long.But no,there is little energy left for a proper ding-dong.I think both have resigned themselves to their differences.And some of them have even been erased to meet at the equator.There is very little impetus to gain the upper hand.

 Meanwhile old age slips in without knocking.Infirmity
or disease of one rattles the other.There is a lot of concern,empathy,caring and finally,genuine,unadulterated love.But unfortunately,this is not the proper age to say 'I love you.'

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32 comments :

  1. T F CarthickOctober 06, 2015 10:17 AM

    Hm...Interesting analysis

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  2. IndraniOctober 06, 2015 1:36 PM

    Yes, life slips by!
    Good read. :)

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  3. C SureshOctober 06, 2015 4:40 PM

    That probably is the best age to say "I love you" - old age I mean :)

    There is this interesting definition of marriage that I read somewhere - "Marriage is the process of finding out what sort of person your spouse would have preferred to marry" :)

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    Replies
    1. indu chhibberOctober 06, 2015 5:42 PM

      Yes,the passing years can teach that.
      Thanks Suresh.

      Delete
  4. Rajni SinhaOctober 06, 2015 9:18 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. UnknownOctober 06, 2015 10:27 PM

    Thanks for showing the true picture of a married life.

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  6. Rajni SinhaOctober 07, 2015 2:22 PM

    what a an absolutely beautiful autobiographical post Indu ji and biographical for all married couples too every word is so near the truth -----but one thing let me tell you Indu ji though this may not be the proper age to say "I love you" ---but lets make use of the fact that we have the advantage of new modern methods of communications and lets make use of the various emoticons which say so much in so little and are more effective too ------and I am not talking without experience :)

    I love you :) :)

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  7. indu chhibberOctober 07, 2015 2:27 PM

    Thank you so much Rajni for your support and suggestion.I will try it on you.Here goes :) :) :) :) :)

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  8. Jayashree SrivatsanOctober 07, 2015 2:30 PM

    Very sweet post Indu... But I think after all this is when one will truly understand "I love you "and it's meaning

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  9. BikramOctober 08, 2015 9:43 PM

    lovely .... loved it mam...

    Bikram's

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    Replies
    1. indu chhibberOctober 09, 2015 7:14 AM

      I am happy you loved it Bikram--have a splendid day.

      Delete
  10. UnknownOctober 08, 2015 9:55 PM

    Well-written!

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  11. RenuOctober 09, 2015 12:01 PM

    I am now at the best half stage:) and really loving it...Having gone througth the trial and tribulations of family life., financial hiccups, inlaws problem and all...today i find it the best period of my life...not too late to say I love u:):)...The only thing I miss is that today I cant wear anything and everything in jwellery and clothes...

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    1. indu chhibberOctober 10, 2015 7:17 AM

      You said it Renu--these are the best times of our lives--easy life,less acrimony.Forget the last part,it is not THAT important.
      Renu is there a virus in your blog ?Every time i click it i get a warning of malicious URL.

      Delete
  12. ZephyrOctober 09, 2015 8:41 PM

    That was a sweet post and I agree with it completely. But sometimes the transition is not seamless. the couple goes at it with hammer and tongs again after the kids have left home but soon finds it futile and with the absence of the lubricant of children, settle down to an easy companionship, finding comfort in each other and of course, love :)

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    Replies
    1. indu chhibberOctober 10, 2015 7:21 AM

      You have hit it on the head Zephyr.Kids are not only a lubricant,they also keep their mother involved in so many things that once they move out the couple comes face to face with much more togetherness than earlier.Plus the retirement.But age also teaches us tolerance and patience,so it settles down after a while.
      Love n hugs.

      Delete
  13. Amit AgarwalOctober 12, 2015 4:11 PM

    poori zindagi ka falsafaa aapne kitni khoobsurti se mahaz chand lines mein bayaan kar diya, Indu ma'am! bahut sundar:)

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    Replies
    1. indu chhibberOctober 13, 2015 10:49 AM

      Thanks a lot Amit ji.Nice to know you agree with it.

      Delete
  14. Ankita October 12, 2015 10:17 PM

    hahah this post made me smile all the while :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. lavina agarwalOctober 13, 2015 11:50 AM

    Loved reading it induji..you covered the various stages between couples such beautifully !

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  16. ColleenOctober 16, 2015 12:13 AM

    This was really beautiful writing, I liked it and I think it is often true but it also made me a little bit sad. :) How much time lost focused on so many other things. But what potential the journey of marriage holds...:)

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    1. ColleenOctober 16, 2015 12:15 AM

      I hope you don't read that critically, it isn't meant to be. I just mean in general we spend a lot of time on things I bet later we wish we could take back and give instead to those we love. I feel this already. :)

      Delete
    2. indu chhibberOctober 16, 2015 7:48 AM

      Well marriage is like that.A LOT of time has to be spent in knowing your partner and accepting whatever you have got or not got.That is essential-only after that can we live together in peaceful harmony.
      If a partner spends many years seething inwards,it helps to sort out emotions and smoothens the road ahead.
      I am glad you liked this post Colleen,i like this interaction with you.Have a nice day.

      Delete
  17. tripathiOctober 19, 2015 4:00 AM

    Superb.
    ..blessings
    Keep it up 👆...my dear

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    Replies
    1. indu chhibberOctober 19, 2015 7:22 AM

      Tripathi welcome aboard.Thanks a lot for this fulsome praise.

      Delete

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