Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Violent Ends to Intimate or Personal Relationships

These days more and more intimate/personal relationships are meeting a splattering end.When romance dissipates or is spurned,or infidelity (actual or perceived),strains a relationship;violence sometimes comes rushing in.Why?I guess there must be as many reasons as there are instances,but the bottomline is,that we are very short on tolerance.We cannot take 'no' for an answer.


I wonder  where this kind of reaction stems from.Is it because of a desperation to find a mate by any means?

A colossal lack of self-esteem?A nagging fear that if this proposal is refused,another one won't be coming?

Or is it due to a mammoth ego which cannot bear a rebuttal or the hint of deceit?

Perhaps those who resort to violence had a very gruesome past and know no other way of reacting to rejection.

Or it could be due to the rush of anger,an inability to control oneself during a barrage of emotions.


Or else the culprit modelled himself/herself on violent,aggressive members of his/her family.

Alcohol and drugs too can result in poor coping skills ending in violence in face of denial.

Then there are certain psychological conditions like narcissism,antisocial personality disorder,psychopathy or brain damage,which predispose a person to aggression or violence.


Whatever be the reason,it is imperative to be able to spot the red flags early in the day.If you are in a new alliance try to find out about that person's antecedents like where his homeplace is,how long he has been living at the current address,where his family is,what kind of friends he has,and what happened to his earlier relationships,if any.

Everybody is on perfect behavior in the initial stages of a relationship but as time passes and familiarity increases,some danger signals become apparent.Therefore be vigilant.Watch that person's body-language for any clues--the clenched fists,a grim jaw,narrow eyes,a hostile expression,an abrupt full stop during a conversation--it could be anything.Body-language precedes incriminations,insults or physical and verbal abuse.Shouting and swearing could denote the first rungs of violent behavior.Possessiveness,jealousy,excessive interrogation also spell danger.

Psychopaths especially are known for their charming ways.They are adroit manipulators and can easily fool someone.They have scant regard for others emotions and no compunctions in spilling blood.


If you have some doubt about anyones intentions please confide in someone.Maintain a safe distance if you do not want to break off just yet.Avoid going to lonesome places and keep a pepper spray handy.

If you find yourself in the company of an agitated,aggressive,intoxicated person don't turn your back towards him.Allow him to vent out his aggression through speech.Don't interrupt him and don't argue.Keep an escape route open.See if a nearby object can help you to shield yourself from the attacker.

However,it is best to steer clear of any precarious situation as soon as possible and take the help of suitable authorities.

You may also like :--

Marital Abuse--The Deadly Tie
http://jeeteraho.blogspot.in/2012/09/a-deadly-tie.html

Image and links courtesy Google search :)


16 comments :

  1. This is a well thought out write up Induji. It is not hidden anymore that many suffer in violent relationships. So this essay is relevant no less. Great points of advice.

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  2. helpful tips and a very well written post.

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    1. Very nice of you to say this,i am glad you liked it.

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  3. A detailed post on such aggressive behavior of people in relationships. I feel there is social conditioning, misplace ego, a murky past and psychological reasons for that.

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    1. Thanks for giving your opinion Vishal,every POV counts.

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  4. I am not sure, but one of the factors could be that we treat relationships as an escape. We use that person to fill our inner loneliness and vacuum. Slowly our whole life and identity settles around that person. So, when that person leaves, we are left nowhere.

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    1. A very deeply analysed response--thanks for this.And welcome to jeeteraho.I was pleased to see you here.

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  5. A thoughtful post and a a good read.

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  6. Boy... it is scary even to imagine such situations. I can only try to imagine people who face such situations. As usual, you have written it so thoughtfully detailing the psychology behind and also providing very relevant and helpful tips to handle such situations. Excellent as usual.

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    1. Yes Raj,it must be awful to be saddled with such a person.Your kind words are very encouraging.

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  7. The irony is that whenever people fall in love, they become too forgiving and almost blind to other person,s faults .

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    1. Precisely,you have voiced my sentiments Renu.Thanks.

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Thanks for reading my post.I hope you liked it :).