Monday, March 14, 2011


As we go through life we have to face a wide spectrum of developments--some pleasant,some not so pleasant & some others downright painful. We take positive events in our stride-in fact as a matter of right; but negative happenings sometimes shake us to the core. Loss of job,home,wealth,status,respect & reputation are all very painful experiences no doubt--but these can be regained again after due efforts. However loss of a relationship can be very traumatic & sometimes irreversible.When this is due to the death of a loved one there is not much one can do save come to terms with the event. But what about a break-up in a romantic relationship ? It causes a lot of anguish when one person opts out whilst the other is not ready for it . We often hear of such a person going into depression or committing suicide. A jilted lover or a divorced spouse sometimes takes it so hard that his/her whole life after the event becomes a sorry saga of a promising life wasted away.

 This is a major cause of depression in the lives of youth today. Therefore it is imperative to avoid such break-ups wherever possible. Obviously when two persons have been in a relationship for some time there must have been an initial attraction between them. As they got to know each other better one of them realized that the other was not suited to his needs & decided to break off ,whilst the other wanted the relationship to progress. No wonder he was shattered by the suddenness of this catastrophe. The question is could such a situation have been averted ? Was one of them too hasty in breaking up, or the other negligent of his partner's needs ?Perhaps if they had been more perceptive of each other's needs this heartache could have been avoided. 

A spouse or lover who has been jilted does try to mend the relationship but sometimes it is not possible to revive it.It is best to give it up as a lost cause & look to the future.However it is imperative to avoid the pit-falls which led to the break up.

*Take a breather,put your affairs in order,lay down your priorities,attend to the matters you have been neglecting so far because of this emotional upheaval.For achieving all this & more,you can take help from this link.

*When you meet a person you feel like connecting with,make sure that he is unattached elsewhere. He is not two-timing you is he? Can you vouch for his sincerity?

*Try to find out if he is befriending you because he is on the rebound from a broken tie. This is a shaky base for a long-standing relationship.

*Two persons might be attracted by the outward trappings of each other's personality but their nature & temperaments might be entirely unsuited to each other. It would be better if they were to think about this in the initial stages of their friendship itself, so that a wrong partnership could be avoided. For example if both of them have a quick temper then they will always be at loggerheads. If one loves partying while the other is a confirmed home-bird,or one is fiercely independent while the other is over-possessive; then also there will be problems. Therefore it is important that their temperaments should jell & not repel. 

* O.K! So both of you are genuinely attracted & temperamentally suited to each other. What next? I mean what is the goal of your relationship? Are both of you progressing towards the same destination ? What if one of you wants marriage & the other is against it ? Do you have the same views on sex or live-in relationships? It's true that you cannot very well ask such questions on the first or the second or the third date. But keep your involvement minimum till you are satisfied on all counts.

* So you have found a suitable partner & are sooo happy to connect with him. The first flush of love has engulfed you & both of you are on your best behaviors. Most probably your partner is eager to fulfill your smallest wish. Fine! But be careful. Look after his needs too. It shouldn't be one-way traffic. Take note of his likes & dislikes & be considerate. Give some, take some. A perfect matching of fancies & aspirations is not possible. Love blossoms when both go half-way to meet the other. This will lay a foundation for a strong relationship like it did in this case.

* When two persons become intimate they get to know minute details about each other's personal habits,mannerisms,standards of hygiene etc. This can easily lead to criticism & discord.One needs to exercise a lot of restraint & tact on such issues. Be careful not to hurt the other person's feelings. Guard against a holier-than-thou attitude because it will certainly lead to friction.

* These issues assume great importance when a couple marries. Extra efforts are needed to adjust with one another. Remember that nobody is perfect. If you are disenchanted with your spouse & wish to have another try at finding a perfect partner you may be disillusioned once again. Your happiness as a couple depends upon how well you can adapt. Be magnanimous & you may even begin to love his idiosyncrasies. Idyllic love stories are rare in real life. Let good enough be good enough. Appreciate what you have & work together to enhance it.You will find joy in your relationship as a couple did in this case !!!!!



  1. How true! Reminded me of my post 'Agony Aunt' for the Sony contest.

  2. Another great piece, doc! Thank you!

  3. One can learn and benefit so much from your posts - they are full of practical wisdom and sound advice and insight that is somewhat blurred in today's fast paced world. Thank you very much for sharing.

    1. Arti i hope i deserve all the praise which you have lavished upon me.The impetus comes from comments like yours!Thank you.

  4. great post ! but the prob is however logically you try to think there are every chances of making a mistake when you feel you've met your supposedly Mr right !

    1. Could it be that emotions take over at such times?Or maybe those we are up against,hide their true selves very smoothly?
      The upside is that such episodes leave lessons learnt.


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