Wednesday, December 8, 2010

How to make Friends and Banish Loneliness

Updated on 12th June 20!7
We all need friends.No restrictions--the more the merrier!A friend is virtually a protection against loneliness, despair,sorrow ,failure, and enemies too.Imagine the plight of those who are deprived of this blessing.They secretly wish they had more friends but do not know how to go about it.The remedy lies in their own hands because we ourselves are the biggest hurdle in the way of making friends. This is a harsh truth. If you wish to change the reality then you need to accept this fact and carry on from there.Here are some tips to help you along :--

(1)CHANGE YOUR MINDSET. Do not be suspicious and wary of others. Start by having faith in the goodness of mankind and trusting people.If you are distrustful of others this attitude will be conveyed through your behavior and keep people at a distance. Learn to open up. Share your thoughts and feelings with others.

(2)APPEARANCE. While your attitude sends out subtle signals, your appearance is very much visible and tangible.Dress according to the occasion. You don't have to be la-di-da ,but do take care of your hygiene, neatness and smartness.  Physical features,height, weight,girth,hair & complexion don't matter to others, they count only because they hold you back-- spoiling your chances.

(3)EXPRESSIONS.Your expressions go a long way towards attracting people or keeping them at bay. Sure you will not consciously scowl at people when you go out, but the inner worries and conflicts do show up on your face and convey a red signal.Practice smiling before a mirror till  you achieve a good smile which is not half hearted or timid but 100% genuine. 

(4)BODY LANGUAGE.If you have been rather a recluse till now you will definitely feel awkward when you first set out to make friends.This will show in your mannerisms and others may conclude that you want to be left alone;but you do not want this to happen.Therefore look people in the eye,greet those you know and approach those who are new to you--giving your own introduction.Don't stand in a corner waiting for someone to come to your rescue.You want to make friends so you should take the lead.

(5)BEHAVIOR.Take interest in people. Try to develop sympathy & affection for them. Show concern for the happenings in their lives. Be considerate and punctual.If you have proved yourself to be reliable to someone then  you have made a friend for life. Offer help where it is needed and similarly,do not hesitate to ask for help if you need it. This will convince others that you have faith in them and value their advice. Even if you have a difference of opinion or a grouse which has to be vocalised,be tactful about it.

(6)KEEP ABREAST OF TIMES.You must have seen that people flock to interesting persons in all parties. You may not have the wherewithal  to be the soul of a party but you don't have to be a mouse either .Brush up on current affairs,introduce an interesting remark here and there and learn to bring up topics that interest those around you.If you are viewed as interesting company people would like to associate with you in future.Be a good listener but not a dumb one. 

(7)APPRECIATION.Who doesn't like approval & approbation? Pay compliments where they are due. Don't be stingy in praise--but be genuine at the same time.Everybody has some admirable qualities--appreciate those. Remember how warm & happy you feel when someone pays you a compliment? 

(8)Make it a habit to take up on an acquaintance whom you have recently met & liked.We often come across people at parties or meetings whom we like and who we wish were our friends.Well don't stop at that--contact that person at the soonest,fix up a meeting,follow with him/her an interest you both share,invite him/her to your home,say frankly that you clicked with him/her & would like to know him/her better.I am sure nobody will be able to refuse such a frank,spontaneous approach straight from the heart.

(9)Steal your friends' friends.I read this somewhere and I liked this a lot so I am repeating it.It is a good idea and should be easy too.

(10)Join hobby groups or activities which interest you--you are sure to meet like-minded persons there.

I know what many of you must be thinking. It is easy to put all this on paper but difficult to put into practice. I agree with you . For a person who has been clammed up till now, all these initiatives will seem like insurmountable hurdles. Relax ! You don't have to go full throttle the very first day. Slowly master these techniques one by one. When you let down your guard against other people you will be able to bring about other changes too. If you are snubbed in your advance just think back what went wrong but don't give up. Maybe the other person was not in a good mood. It reflects upon his temperament rather than your self-worth.

So friend, what are you waiting for? Get started and gather a host of friends around you!

If you liked this post you may like to read this one too--


  1. Lovely post mam !
    really we must trust others to an extent and after all we are social animals :)
    a smile over a troubled neighbor will change things softer !

    1. Yes Deepak,unless & until we trust,true kinship cannot develope.

  2. very helpful post again. first point is probably the most important one.

  3. U r right about that, esp because the happenings around us make us very skeptical.One needs to make an effort to believe in goodness & sincerity.

  4. this post reminded me of the very famous book How to Make Friends and Win People by ...ummm...who was it? Norman Vincent Peale? I forgot the author's name....had read it devotedly in high school but never after's been ages

    you've managed to cover so many points in just one post.

    by the way Indu, pls don't mind but just wanted to say that the pink font made it a bit harder on the eyes to read the post.

  5. Thanx Sujatha for stopping by,& also telling me about what irks a reader...i am glad you liked it enough to be reminded of Norman Vincent Peale----in fact i am pleased as punch.


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